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work has been so hectic !! i'm getting around to replies and will have everything queued for friday <3 thank u all for being patient w me much luvvv

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REBLOG IF IT'S OKAY FOR ME TO BOTHER YOU IF YOU'RE MY MUTUAL

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☆ Put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. It's time to spread positivity!!!! ☆

☆☆☆☆☆

im Love u <3

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Helen Oyeyemi, from White is for Witching

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― Joan Didion, Blue Nights

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when the apology is returned, conrad can feel his features soften and relax. the death of their mother was a heavy burden for both of them to bear, but they didn't have to navigate through the pain alone. at least, not as alone as they'd felt. conrad had felt like he was doing his brother a favor, and keeping his word to his mother, by looking out for jeremiah in the best way that he knew how to. leaving him alone meant staying away from complicating his life, and his relationship with belly.

be it for his own selfish reasoning, conrad couldn't bring himself to be around the two of them just yet. the wounds were still too fresh. he'd felt as though he lost everything that he'd ever loved, everything that he ever touched turned cold and black and withered away. he couldn't get out of his own way enough to stop ruining everything. at least that's how he felt most of the time. "you don't have to apologize," he offers, but he appreciates it more than he can allow himself to admit.

there's an empty aching in his chest when jeremiah tells him that he feels like a piece of himself is missing in the absence of conrad. he couldn't quite figure out how to tell him that he felt the same, so he doesn't. only silently nods on his end of the phone call, teeth digging into his bottom lip to distract from emotions that pool in his throat. he wants to cry, wants to break down and apologize for all of it. go back to the start and do things over. but he can't, so he won't allow himself the release. "yeah, i.. i'd like that, jere. i was thinking about heading to cousins soon for a weekend away from all this shit at school. just not in the right headspace, you know?"

The thought of their mom being so upset that they'd let their relationship fall apart made Jeremiah a lot more emotional than he probably should be. She was his rock, though, so even in dream form Susannah had a deep impact on what he felt and what he thought as important. The apology surprised him, but only mildly. Jere had been planning on being the first to do so. . . that hadn't happened. "I'm sorry too." His voice was soft, but he meant what he'd said. Staying silent for a moment, he let Conrad talk, let him say what he needed to get off of his chest. "I'm not better off without you and it's also on me that I made you feel that way." Partially, at least. It wasn't like HE'D done much convincing otherwise. "Things are pretty shitty without you, man. It just feel like a piece of me is missing when I can't text you what happened to me in a day. Maybe we can - - - meet up? Just us."

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The Summer I Turned Pretty || 2.07

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You still love her, Con. Admit it.

The Summer I Turned Pretty || 2.08

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The Summer I Turned Pretty || 2.02

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June Gehringer, “EARTH IS AN ANAGRAM FOR HEART, U FUCKING IDIOTS”

[Text ID: “I don’t want to talk about it. / I want to lie in what little grass remains / and try to fit your heart inside of mine.”]

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“I need to stop fantasizing about running away to some other life, and start figuring out the one I have.”

— Holly Black

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Thank you for seeing me as good and whole when the world made me feel like I was bad and broken.

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conrad always secretly hated the way that things had gone down between the two of them. they were brothers, supposed to be, anyway. brothers fought, but never like this. never because of their love for someone else. as much as conrad loved belly, he would do anything for jeremiah. in trying to help, he'd done more harm and pushed his brother away when he should've been stepping up. a bitter laugh sounds from his lips when jeremiah tells him he wouldn't make him sleep in the car. conrad would have gotten a hotel room nearby if it'd been too much trouble, or if he would've intruded.

"yeah," he agrees, nodding his head, "me too." it was like a nightmare that he couldn't wake up from. the only person who understood, really understood, was someone that felt like a stranger most days. "she wouldn't have let it go on this long. probably would've sat us both down and hugged us until we apologized to each other. and meant it.. mom used to fight all of our battles for us, even the ones against each other. .. fuck, i don't know how to do this without her, jere."

Part of growing up was growing apart, but this was not a normal case of that. Jeremiah and Conrad had been torn apart at one of the most vulnerable times in each of their lives and it felt as if they'd both been thrown to the wolves. Each went their separate ways and it felt like a nightmare that wouldn't come to a close, until tonight. Something felt DIFFERENT. "I'm not gonna make you sleep in your car." That was cold and Jeremiah was so fucking TIRED of being frigid. Glancing back to his brother, he gave him an inquisitive look. "I'm fine. . ." He trailed off. "I've been seeing her everywhere, in everything lately." The younger brother admitted. "She would be really pissed at us for doing what we did." He was well aware of this. "- - - I'm really glad you came, Con."

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— Jeanette Winterson, from “Gut Symmetries.”

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@everloves

— Warsan Shire

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“There are some feelings you will never find words for; you will learn to name them after the ones who gave them to you.”

— Maza Dohta

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― Franz Kafka, Blue Octavo Notebooks