cod-with-boobs

[cod-with-boobs]

turned the podcast guys into cookies because miss them

they came out so horribly i love them

[cod-with-boobs]

god made a mistake giving me access to free audio editing tools

[cod-with-boobs]

every single person on our planet has at least one fictional character that will make them install fortnite

[cod-with-boobs]

Spoilers are inevitably going to be coming soon so make sure you have your tags ready for it if you want to avoid them lol

[cod-with-boobs]

Hi! People with Chris Dunne profile pictures, did someone tell you you're really fucking cool today? No? Okay then here it is: you're really fucking cool.

[cod-with-boobs]

[cod-with-boobs]

🤗 i dont like this emoji. this is not a hug to me. this is someone doing condescending jazz hands in my general direction when i am in need of affection. not comforting.

🫂 i love this emoji. this is a hug. we are hugging and its nice. and as a special bonus they appear to be my old friends from the msn messenger logo? very comforting.

[cod-with-boobs]

I know that some British people take umbrage at Americans calling the Great British Bake Off relaxing, but it's just because GBBO is such a different kind of stressful from American baking shows.

American baking shows will be called something like "Cupcake Knife Fight", there's horror movie lighting everywhere and dramatic stings every 5 seconds. All of the contestants are shit talking each other and fist fighting over the one single deep fryer provided by production. It will show the judges all whispering to each other at their super villain table overlooking the whole kitchen, and one will be like, "Oh my god. Everyone look at Brenda right now. She's straight tanking it." And it will cut to Brenda, who is running around covered in flour and crying and also bleeding for some reason. Then you get a clip from an interview with one of the contestants, and they're like, "I really need to win this. Without this award money, I'm gonna need to close my restaurant, sell my dad, and live out of my car. AGAIN." Then the giant digital doomsday clock overhead lets out a horrid klaxon, the judges tell half of them that their cupcakes taste disgusting, and one of them gets eliminated and sent to walk down the dramatically-lit shame hallway never to be seen again.

Meanwhile GBBO is in a lovely, brightly colored tent, there are delightful and friendly hosts/jesters there to keep everyone entertained, and all of the B Roll is of like... a bumblebee going into a flower, or a lamb running in a field. And yes, there will be moments where someone will mess up their timing or something, and they'll be looking at their bake through the oven door like, "oh gosh I don't think this will rise in time!" Then they stand up to find Paul Hollywood directly behind them ominously. His creepy whitewalker eyes will glow white, and he'll say something like "the 12th of June. 2035. Drowning." And his eyes will go back to normal and he'll walk away. Then the baker gives a playful grimace to the camera and says "that didnt sound great, did it?". Cut to a sweet looking older woman sipping tea on a stool and she says "oo I do hope that Prue enjoys the taste of my sugary, sticky baps!". Then, at the end, someone gets a gold star for doing good, and the loser of the episode gets in the middle of a giant group hug. You see all of them at the end of the series at a giant carnival with their families and the post credits informs you that all of the contestants have become a Partridge Family-style traveling band and stayed friends forever.

[cod-with-boobs]

The ability to turn reblogs off has really added a new dimension to shitty posts

[cod-with-boobs]

chris dunne............when new litwtc...........

[cod-with-boobs]

got to attend the ww preshow in rochester!

[cod-with-boobs]

guys. i really like you. it's nice to be on this dashboard together

[cod-with-boobs]

quit your job. you need to spend more time making posts that are a little too honest and personal & potentially embarassing yourself on tumblr

[cod-with-boobs]

If I walk into a Subway and ask them to make me a grilled cheese, do you think they’d do it?

[cod-with-boobs]

“Spoink bounces around on its tail. The shock of its bouncing makes its heart pump. As a result, this Pokémon cannot afford to stop bouncing - if it stops, its heart will stop.”

[cod-with-boobs]

exactly what i said :)

according to will, matt berger can just puke if you ask him to

one of my favorite things about looking at any pictures of the tapeworms is how completely normal matt berger looks. like, will is will, mike bottiglieri is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen, mario conte is a tatted up benevolent forest imp, vater boris is mysterious and vaguely ominous, and matt is just. there. straight faced, in a t-shirt. the platonic ideal of A Guy.

like-

it looks like someone plucked him off the subway and handed him a saxophone. it’s fascinating.

[cod-with-boobs]