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my brain is literally being ruled by griddlehark and caitvi it makes me insane

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Once and a while I see a piece of tlt fanart where harrow is really wrapped around gideon and I love that a lot. I drew myself a little bit of it as a treat today:

and then got carried away

I was way too ambitious with these poses for drawing with pen and some shitty whiteout tape

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i have started reading the locked tomb and it's kinda eating at my brain

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i miss yapping on here so bad </3

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― Simone de Beauvoir, from Diary of a Philosophy Student

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it is november, and yesterday it felt like it was supposed to be snowing. in boston, november used a winter month, not a fall month. it is supposed to be chilly; rarely capping over 45F. it is a sweater-and-jacket month. it is a "maybe a scarf too" month. in my childhood, november meant blizzards and sleet.

it did not snow. tomorrow the weather predicts a high of 76.

i have spent so many years of my life studying the longterm possibilities of climate change - the culmination of capitalism wreaking havoc on the bodies of people, animals, plants - but every so often i am still shocked by something small and personal.

in a hundred years, when someone goes outside in boston - will they know the feeling of "snow in the air"?

i know it's a learned feeling, a sensation that maybe only longterm experience can teach. a few years ago, i was walking with my friend who had just moved up from the south. i said it smells like snow and she gave me this look like - what the fuck. i said it feels like snow too, which didn't help. she looked up to the bright blue sky and then back at me and then back at the sky. 12 hours later, we had 3 inches. you can just tell if it's going to snow.

except i can't tell, anymore. i stand outside in a tee shirt and watch my dog dance around a lake. we're in a drought and the skin of the water has peeled back twenty meters. the lake is tamed, quiet, puddlelike and sour. my pokemon go app warns there's a weather condition in my area.

my dog gets too hot from running and sits in the water and i want to laugh about his long frame and how awkwardly he sits - and i can't. some simian part of my brain is scratching the walls. it was supposed to snow. it was supposed to snow, but now it's warm instead.

during the last full solar eclipse, the dogs and the birds and the crickets went crazy under utter darkness. we laughed at them then, promising it will all be okay in a moment. but some part of me is still locked in that long night: some animal sensation.

something is wrong, my body says. i can't afford eggs or rent. i go outside to watch a sunset and listen to birdsong. i don't bring a jacket. allergies are killing me this season, allergies i didn't have as a kid. everyone comments that halloween has started to feel strange, offkilter. that it's hard having "holiday cheer." my body thinks it's april, and then it thinks we're in september, and then june.

something is terribly wrong, she whispers. go outside. it is supposed to be snowing.

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girl exorcism

get ur hair trimmed

get ur nails done

go grocery shopping (god is concealed somewhere between the aisles)

sit on a swing under the spring sun

STUDY !!!!!

it’s not that deep

work out

watch a movie (or documentary)

read a fucking book

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so none of u want to eat me alive ? Boring

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meeting Vi VS leaving Vi

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i may be back. obsessed with arcane and caitvi. again.

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you called me cerebral - i didn’t know what you meant

know i do, would it have killed you to call me pretty,

instead?

brando - lucy dacus

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I remember julien said in an interview somewhere that she used to go to the skatepark a lot and she only knew one trick but she could do it 13 times in a row and they called it the baker's dozen

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Lucy Dacus Lucy Lucy beloved I’m begging you please

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lucy dacus, august 10th 2022 at the agora theatre in columbus, ohio for the here and there festival.

photo credit: me

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you know its bad when you cant write about it in your journal