coffinclownery

[coffinclownery]

Thinking about this scene where Ashley went on a date only to be a no-show. It's not dramatic or traumatic or tense. It's not a groundbreaking moment, nothing big is revealed. It's quiet and reflective.

We just spent the previous minute with Andrew going into Girl Dad Mode about to rescue his oh-so-innocent sister daughter from the guy with the douchiest hat in the world, only for that fantasy to be dashed by Ashley not following expectations. She ditched the guy before the date even started. She only agreed to it because her "friends" (she put friends in quotes) talk about boys all the time. She's not sad because her feelings were hurt, or that she feels guilty for ditching. She's sad because...I don't think she even knows why.

It also goes against a lot of presumptions about Ashley shared around. Folks imagined that if other guys have been interested a few thing would happen:

1 - Andrew would immediately put up a barrier before they even had a chance as the "protective" older brother/dad figure. This part's absolutely true, but here we see a scenario where Ashley didn't need to be protected. This goes completely against how Andrew often views Ashley as both defenseless and unable to make her own decisions without screwing up, especially in their current predicament where Ashley's hanging with the yarn ball demon.

2 - Ashley isn't interested in other men or anyone else for that matter, only Andrew, so she'd just off highhandedly refuse anyone else's pursuits or not even register them flirting. While she wasn't interested in the boy himself, she was genuinely trying to impress her friends by going out with one. And it didn't involve Andrew at all.

I think we forget that before the pandemic Ashley did try to be with other people. While Andrew wants to be liked by others for convenience and maintaining normalcy, Ashley wanted to be liked because she's lonely. She doesn't necessarily like them, but she prefers being with them over being alone.

We see Renee in Andrew's nightmares and flashbacks constantly telling him that he's all Ashley has, that no one else will care for Ashley like he does, and how this warped Andrew's feelings into only being able to love Ashley. But in this scene I think we see how this affected Ashley's own mindset. Because just as Andrew was told no one would care for her except him, so was Ashley. And this lead to her being unable to truly connect with anyone else, just like him. She tried to go on a date to impress her friends, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She didn't care enough, and it upsets her.

While Andrew fought back against the feeling he could only ever be with Ashley tooth and nail due to his lovesickness, I think Ashley had already quietly accepted that she can't truly connect with anyone other than Andrew by this point. She just kept trying to have friends because she was aware she couldn't be with him all the time.

And then her so-called friends abandoned her to starve just like her parents, and Andrew was the only one left. Renee said that Andrew's the only one who could care for Ashley, and the world proved her right.

I don't know, unfortunately my brains currently frying in a heat wave so I feel like I'm not fully articulating why this scene is so impactful. So here's the baton, discuss how you saw this scene.

[coffinclownery]

You know now that I think about it since Yarn Ball probably doesn’t have human memories he only knows the concept of “brother” from Ashley. Which is………….something.

[coffinclownery]

Souls and Morality

First off I really like how souls work in tcoaal. Before episode 3 there was the assumption that the darker the soul the more evil you are, that it was objective. But no! Morality is subjective! There's no single definition for what makes a good or bad person! Sure there's some moral obligations and lines to not cross that we generally agree on, (like, say, blackmail, death threats and harassment, desecrating corpses, slaughtering, sacrificing to demons, killings your parents, killing a child/children, smooching your sibling on the mouth, attempting to kill your sibling, cannibalism-) but there's no one set of morals that is objective and correct. It is up to each person to have their own set of morals to follow. By making it so that only the individual's morality affects their soul it's not a simple indicator of how objectively evil they are, and is instead another avenue to study a character and how they view themselves.

That being said since learning that a soul's purity is affected by one's own sense of morals I think some have taken that to mean it's also affected by one's self-esteem, meaning that Ashley is a Tar Soul because she thinks she's evil AND she hates herself. And while it's true her self-loathing could relate to seeing herself as evil, I think self-hatred is more of a byproduct than a cause. Self-hatred can be a symptom of seeing oneself as evil, but it's not a guarantee. Seeing yourself as evil doesn't always mean hating yourself.

An example of this is Surgeon, the other potential Tar Soul. As shown in the vision at the bar the man is shamelessly evil, unafraid to admit his interest in surgery is neither about monetary gain nor for the general good of mankind, but entirely for his own gratification. And while we don't see much of him what we do see is a man who isn't seeped in self-hatred for his evil nature. He's perfectly content being a rotten bastard and I almost respect him for it.

So instead of focusing on the self-esteem aspect, let's focus on exactly how one's morality affects the soul. Here's my interpretation of things:

Morality is about fitting a standard of acceptable behavior. It's the idea the you have to do A, B and C to be a good person and avoid doing D, E and F to not be a bad person. Moral standards are often set or learned systemically, but in regards to souls the only morals that matter are the ones set for yourself. My argument is that in order for a soul to become tainted, the person has to break or fail their own moral standards. It's not simply about how evil you think you are, it's about the downward slop of how many of your own morals you have left to maintain.

Untainted Souls

Let's start with the untainted soul we feed the yarn ball. It was one of the wardens that guarded the siblings' apartment under the guise of "quarantine." We know the warden was aware residents were being starved and not only didn't do anything for them, but actively prevented them from getting help. All the while playing favorites because one of the residents was hot. How can this man think he's morally just? How is he untainted?

It might be because his standards of morality are conveniently set in a way where he doesn't have to be bothered by what he does. After all he's not the one in charge. He's just doing a job. Following orders. And it's not like he's killing the residents directly. They'll die in their apartments anyway! And besides if he doesn't work here someone else will. Hey at least he's not kicking dogs! And so on and so on.

This is how people who do objectively rotten things justify themselves. "I didn't start it, I'm just doing my job, it would've happened even if I wasn't there." Morality here is not about being a good person, it is just something to be shaped and twisted in a convenient manner so that you can continue doing horrible things and still sleep at night.

So for a soul to remain untainted the person has to

Have a set of morals.

Be able to follow that set of morals.

Grime Souls

But not everyone has the capability of shaping their morals so conveniently. Some people never grow out of the morals disciplined into them as kids by the adults in their life. And then told they're always failing to meet up to those morals. Over and over again, until it's ingrained in their mind that they're a failure. A disappointment.

That's where our primary Grime Soul stood at in the flashback start of Decay. The one moral he was taught by his mom was to take care of his sister.

No wait, "take care" is too generous. "Pacify" is the more appropriate word here. Renee wanted her son to pacify her daughter so she'd never have to hear her, see her, think about her or be around her in any capacity. Feed her so she shuts up. Play with her so she doesn't break stuff. Keep an eye on her so she doesn't run off and cause trouble. Just don't let her embarrass Mom. She didn't just parentify her son, she wanted him to be her daughter's handler.

But of course Andy couldn't do that. He was a kid himself! He was still under the bold assumption that he could have a life of his own that wasn't watching over Leyley like she's an untrained dog. So he'd be distracted by such frivolities as "homework" and "studying." Not to mention the constant household chores he was made to do. So he was always one step behind. Look, Leyley threw a tantrum because he didn't keep an eye on her, what a bad brother!

All this to say that the reason little Andy became a Grime Soul was because he failed to fit the moral standard ingrained in him by his mom. If being an Untainted Soul means believing they follow their morals, a Grime Soul means believing they are failing to follow said morals. And what's ironic is that if his dad put any effort in his kids' lives he probably would have been able to share a similar experience disappointing his own family.

It wouldn't be a stretch to suggest that Douglas's dad was always putting him down and making him feel worthless since childhood. Douglas might've always felt like a failure in his house. Then he meets Renee, and his soul is literally purified around her. Because unlike with her son Renee always puts Douglas's wellbeing first and encouraging him.

When Douglas is alone, his morals are affected by his father's expectations that he could never meet.

But when Renee's with him, his morals are shaped by her view of him. And if Renee follows any moral, it's that Douglas will always be a good man no matter what he does or doesn't do. It'd almost be sweet if Renee wasn't doing the polar opposite with her son.

So be a Grime Soul a person

Has a set of morals

Fail to follow those morals

Later Andy began naturally prioritizing Leyley without pressure from his mom. In fact he only started caring about Leyley. So if he stopped caring about meeting his mom's expectations, then that means he can start seeing himself as an alright person right-?

oh

...

Tar Souls To-Be

Well let's save Andrew's downward spiral for another post and move onto tar souls to-be like Renee. As we see in the time capsule, Renee already thought she had a pitch-black heart as a teen.

This is going into speculation, but my theory is that a tar soul to-be is someone who has not only failed the morals they believe, but have begun breaking those morals. I don't mean to say a belief in morals implies that a person agrees with them or wants to follow them. Just that they believe that those morals are what makes a good or bad person. I don't think Renee gives a shit about being a good person. She's aware there's morals she's supposed to follow and in lieu of failing them denies them.

I think the biggest moral she's aware of yet refuses to follow is "care about others." She doesn't care about anyone except herself and Douglas. She was born the same way as Andrew, someone who never liked anyone. That's why meeting Douglas was so impactful. And that might be why she never hatched. Because for as rotten a person she is she at least has one person who sees the good in her.

Too bad Leyley didn't have anyone who saw the good in her. Not the mom and dad who ignore her most days, not the brother forced to take care of her, and especially not herself. If there was one moral she learned, it was this; "Leyley is always bad." Leyley would be bad no matter what. So instead of passively failing morality Leyley actively broke rules. Any moral she was taught by her teachers and brother she refused, because if she's a bad thing anyway what does it matter? If she followed morality, if she behaved like a good little family pet, the best she could hope for is be ignored. She learned from an early age the only way to get attention is to break things, and that attention was more important to her than whatever moral integrity she had left.

Tar Soul

What's really interesting about Ashley is that she wasn't always a Tar Soul. Lord Unknown noted that the little lady hatched into one sometime between before killing Nina and after entering high school, but we don't have a clear evidence of when this hatching happened. For now there's two onscreen possibilities. One when the siblings realized Nina was dead, and when Leyley broke the blood oath.

Gosh which one affected her more do you think...? To be fair I think Ashley's more affected by Nina's death than she realizes, but as far as morality goes her death just confirmed what Leyley already believed: Leyley is bad. Her killing someone and cursing a teacher out are all on the same level of "bad" to her so its whatever.

But that oath? That oath was meant to ensure Andy stays. It was the first time Andy honestly said she had a permanent place in his heart, moldy and rotten as it is, so long as she promised to keep quiet. It was the first and only rule she learned was important. She wasn't scared of the consequences, but she wanted the assurance. Leyley was bad, but she had one moral to keep.

But she couldn't even keep that. Her need for attention ingrained in her overcame that one secret she was supposed to keep. She's broken many promises before, but those didn't matter. She broke those on purpose because they weren't important to her. This one mattered, because it was for her and Andy to stay together. And she broke it without even thinking.

Leyley was not just bad. Leyley was evil.

To hatch into a Tar Soul a person has to break all of their morals completely. Alternatively to hatch into a Tar Soul a person has to break their most important moral, one that can't be recovered. Either way once a soul's hatched the person believes they are fundamentally, irrevocably, and irredeemably evil, and it would take A LOT to change that.

A side affect of this could be self-hatred, but as stated at the beginning I don't think its a guarantee. In fact I don't think Ashley hates herself because she's a bad person, but because she's never feels like she's enough to keep Andrew. She's not pretty enough, she's not smart enough, her brother cares more about appearances, no one likes her. She believes she's unlovable in part because she's evil, but she hates herself because of feeling unlovable and not the evil part...am I making sense? I'm not sure I'm making sense.

Anyways what being a Tar Soul means to present Ashley is that she has no morals. None. She's already broken the one rule that mattered, and there's no going back. She can't be redeemed, nor does she wish for it. She's let go of all morality willingly now. And because of this she's capable of anything. Anything. There's not a question of whether it's right or wrong, whether she should do this or should not do that. It's entirely about what she wants to do or what she needs to do.

This is evident from the very first episode. When witnessing the neighbor's "death" her first thought was "I don't want to be stuck listening to the neighbor's music until I die." Then when seeing the body up close her next thought was "I'm hungry." The only moral justifications she gives are for Andrew's sake. She didn't need any to start chopping, and none to stop her. All that mattered was that she and Andrew were starving, and the body was full of meat.

It's how she's completely fine with having sex the way she did in Shots. (Yes, I know. I know what it is she did, and I don't think it's necessary to say it.) What morals were there to stop her? Taboos? Consent? Even wanting it? Meaningless! She doesn't care about society or appearances, she knew Andrew wanted her that way (though she doesn't know why) she knows Andrew's capable of killing/leaving her (which in her mind might as well be the same thing) and the only thing she could think of to stop him from finishing her off after beating her was oat cookies. This was about survival. The body was full of meat, and they were starving.

Mind you this also goes the other way around, especially with Andrew. For all her complaining and whining about how she's treated, she never once argues she doesn't deserve it, nor that it's somehow morally wrong. Part of this could be low self-esteem issues, that in some ways she thinks she deserves all that's coming to her, but I think it also goes along with how she sees morality; it's never about what's right or wrong, but what she does or doesn't want to happen.

It didn't upset her that she was hit because it was wrong to hit people. What upset her was that it proved he'd never be Andy, who'd never do such a thing. Afterwards she even joked about it like it was nothing, only really reflecting on it in Cliffhanger.

It wasn't wrong of Andrew to try to kill her. Even as she was being chased down she never argued why it'd be wrong to kill, just that he shouldn't want to kill her. What really hurt was that by trying to kill her it proved to her he wanted her gone from his life. What she thought kept Andrew stuck with her, the trinket, has been proved to not matter to him

It wasn't even wrong of Andrew to beat her black and blue. It just hurts. She didn't even think to say it'd be wrong to kill her, only that she could make oat cookies. And again, she makes light of it afterwards.

And clearly Ashley doesn't see anything wrong with how Andrew wants her, so long as its wanting her in some way, so long she can use it as a means to keep him. His consent doesn't matter, and neither does hers. He can do what he wants, no matter how deplorable, so long as he stays with her.

Bottom line is as a Tar Soul Ashley will neither use morality to justify or rationalize her actions, nor will she use morality to argue against how she's treated.

And as a final point, I think she wants Andrew to disregard morality this way too. Not just to further tie them together, but because of what she said to him back when they were teens. They don't really matter, so they should be able to do whatever they want.

tl:dr what effects the souls is the morals they set/learned and how they react to them. Untainted souls remain untainted so as they follow their morals, Grime souls become grime when they fail to follow their morals, Tar souls to-be break their morals, and when all morals are broken or one particular moral is broken a soul hatched into a Tar soul.

Next big post is going to be a continuation of this one that'll discuss Andrew's soul situation in more detail, since...hoo boy. It's a lot.

[coffinclownery]

Working on a post about how souls and morality works in tcoaal and it just hit me mid-typing that Renee was probably born the same way Andrew was. They don’t like anyone except for one person. Only difference is Andrew at least made an attempt to like others while Renee made none. She doesn’t even consider people’s names in her head except for Douglas if you look at the visions.

Like mother like son I guess.

[coffinclownery]

Hot Take Ashley Noticed Andrew Being Horny Weird Around Her

I think Ashley knows about the peeping. It would explain why she assumes the worst of Andrew. I made a post before about how Ashley seems to believe the "men think of sex every 5 seconds" myth regarding Andrew, not realizing how Andrew's focus is on her specifically. I think her realizing Andrew's horny around her doesn't disprove anything I said. Because to her this would actually prove her point. That he's so horny that he'd even lust after his sister, but is too much of a coward to actually say it to her face. And because Andrew never fully explains how down bad he is for her, Ashley's left to assume that Andrew's just that desperate for sex and nothing else. And whenever she tried to explore being more romantic she's pushed away, further cementing that its just lust.

Like the time when they were teens, and Ashley wondered if they could be different. She wasn't fully onboard with being gross together, but she was curious about being a couple. Something different. But then Andrew pushed her away and never explained why he was uncomfortable, so the only conclusion Ashley could come to was that Andrew didn't see her that way. Then in the year and change they don't talk she notices him getting horny, so she's only left to assume that it must just be her body he's interested in, despite already being in a relationship with Julia. He just wanted her body but not be in a "real" relationship like he was with Julia, which I think also contributed to how pissed she was when they became "official." Even without doing anything, it's hard to imagine her not feeling used this way. And also becoming "official" signified the potential to get married, leaving Ashley behind.

Which is exactly what Andrew was planning, running off without even trying to talk it out with her!

There's also the "mishap" on the couch in shots, when after the shotgun she takes the initiative to kiss Andrew back.

She never gave herself the opportunity to explore her own view of sex, but I do think that she genuinely likes being affectionate to Andrew and him being affectionate to her, even when they definitely cross the line. She likes hugs, cuddles and sometimes even the "mishaps," maybe because in those moments she can feel like she's actually loved. The last time she was really happy was joking around on their parents couch and biting him. But once again, Andrew pushes her away, saying she's bad at it.

In the splat ending she admits it hurts when Andrew doesn't think she likes them.

And in the Shots and Such ending she gives up on the soft affectionate side of their relationship altogether, only using her body as a means to an end and even resenting the one time she almost enjoyed it.

Andrew complains about not having boundaries with Ashley, but the sick joke is he never gave Ashley boundaries either. Her privacy was invaded by him without explanation. She was used as an object of desire the way Ashley used "Andy" as a safe object. One of the many reasons Ashley prefers "Andy" is that he would be with her without expecting anything, but "Andrew" has the wants of a man which threatens to separate him from her.

It's also why she's so confused in the cliffhanger route. Andrew gives her "promises" and is affectionate, yet isn't interested in bartering for affection or using her body. It almost shakes that deep-seated view she has of Andrew.

...Then of course Andrew fucks it up right before they separate. And now Ashley's left with the Entity's words about him betraying her until he either returns or she goes looking for him.

Also fun fact, Andrew never says "I love you" back to Ashley. Not once. Because if he did his real feelings for her might leak out. You could say Ashley's similar in that most of her "I love yous" are for Andy, but unlike Andrew I think she extends what she considers "love" to Andrew too, in a different way.

Anyway tl:dr Ashley's assumption of Andrew being horny all the time was possibly contributed to the fact that Andrew kept failing to hide his horniness around her. At this point it'd be healthier for Andrew to just ask Ashley out. Go out to the movies? Have a candlelight dinner with a couple limbs and some wine? Go stargazing? I heard someone had a really good pick-up line to use during stargazing.

[coffinclownery]

No, Leyley Was Not Evil, She Was Just a Kid

I was going to be like "If you thought Leyley was an irredeemable devil as a child you probably just hate kids" but I'll be a little more lenient and say you probably either never interacted a lot with kids nor have had to work with kids. Fair enough. But like you're still wrong and I'm going to explain why.

The first part of Decay was an hourlong flashback showing why Andrew hates Leyley, and as a child how easy it was to view her as the evil thing that's ruining his life. And don't get me wrong, Leyley was an absolute brat. She's rude, she's pushy, she throws tantrums, she has no filter, and she has no qualms breaking things.

But from an outside perspective, especially from someone who's worked with kids like this? She's just being a normal kid. None of this surprises or disturbs me. Her attitude and actions made perfect sense. Like yeah when kids are left to their own devices and made to watch each other, when all the adults in their lives want nothing to do with them, this is going to be the result.

If you don't give them the attention they need and the only way they get it is to break things, they are going to break things. And because Andy initially only bothered with Leyley when she breaks things, she learned this is the only way to get and keep his attention.

And this mindset that Andrew will only give her attention when she breaks things is why she continuously pushes Andrew's buttons present day. She never grew out of this belief, which is why it's hard for her to grow out of Leyley.

And reminder, the reason this happened is due to the parents. This was not Leyley's fault, it was the parents who pushed Leyley onto Andy. And I also don't blame Andy for not understanding that as a kid. Later as an adult Andrew does realize that it was his mom who caused this to happen, but it doesn't remove the resentment he festered for Leyley for so long.

On another note I think it was nice how despite this burden put on Andy that made it hard to like Leyley, there's still glimpses of them getting along. Andy defending Leyley from the teacher, them chatting and laughing about getting baked into one of grandma's pies. It really showed that in spite of everything they could have gotten along as normal siblings would, if only things hadn't been screwed up from the start.

It also shows that despite hating Leyley, Andy was still only ever happy with her in the flashback. During that whole sequence not once was he happy interacting with anyone except those few times with Leyley. The only times he acted happy with anyone else was because it was just that: an act to avoid discomfort or trouble.

When the main source of your misery is also the main source of your happiness...yeah no wonder things went so bad.

[coffinclownery]

I see the demons as lawyers and investment bankers.

They are pretty powerful but not omnipotent. They can stack the deck in their favor but dont control fate.

They have their little workers harvest souls for them as raw power and capital.

If given the chance the demon will abuse the shit out of the terms and agreements against ashley.

Likewise ashley is all too happy to partake in asysmmetrical soul arbitrage to make herself stronger. Hurting others for her own personal gain and power. The entire system relies on exploiting the weak and leveraging power over others.

“Lord unknown” is probably an entity thats been doing this for a very long time. Hes clearly the strongest and most influencial one, and little demon seems to be an aspiring player.

TLDR;

Ashley is an overworked unpaid intern at a new startup. Employee of the month back to back soul reaper for her new boss.

And theyre trying to dethrone Lord Unknown for dominance or just fuel 3Eyes’s soul addiction while he furthers his interests. He might even be grooming her as a potential business partner. Theyre captialists :3

Legit when the demon was explaining how summons work to Ashley I immediately thought of those scamming groups who prey on the elderly. Like the demon picks the easiest summons and then Ashley's scams them out of their souls lol. And hey even in the version where she's the demon's eternal servant she still gets plenty of tips in the wallets of her victims. And she doesn't even need to pay taxes for them!

Yeah the new shady startup where she gathers souls is what the demon wants on the surface, but we don't know yet what it needs so many souls for. It's adding a lot to its portfolio but its end goal is still a mystery. Honestly I'm not sure the Entity's aware of Lord Unknown, though it would be interesting if they did have a connection.

But given Lord Unknown's current interactions I feel like aside from his interest in Tar Souls he has different goals/interests in mind. When we meet him at the Deep Dive he's already so powerful that most humans can't summon him to the demon world, so clearly he doesn't need more souls. And when he first met Andrew as a kid it felt like he only agreed to the deal little Andy accidentally made to eat vegetables out of bemusement. He was bored and was interested in seeing what the little grime soul could do more than he was at how to use him.

I'll definitely post more about Lord Unknown and how he foils with the little yarn ball later...maybe. Eventually. I have a lot of posts lined up...

[coffinclownery]

Why Ashley Gets Along with the Entity and What it Might Want

There's a delightful irony to the fact that the only person Ashley seems to even somewhat get along with that's not Andrew is a literal demon. And when you see the interactions between them throughout the routes it makes sense.

For one Ashley doesn't have a fear reaction that would tell her to run the other way. It's been stated that Ashley isn't afraid of Andrew, but I think it's more accurate to say that she's not afraid of anything except for one specific thing. Being separated from Andrew. She can take on anything else so long as Andrew stays. Even after being almost killed and beaten up by Andrew she is more afraid of his absence than the clear danger he presents to her. Even when it comes to dying, its not the death that scares her (though she clearly doesn't want to die and would rather not thanks) it's the idea of death permanently separating her from Andrew.

All this to say unless the Entity threatens to unglue her and Andrew Ashley sees nothing wrong with hanging with it. It's only in the scenes where it says that Andrew could betray her in Cliffhanger and when it threatens to kill Andrew in Shots that Ashley's ever afraid, because in both cases it threatens to permanently split them apart.

So that's why she's unbothered by the Entity, now let's move on to why they actually get along. That being deals. The deals the Entity makes are, at least on the surface, clear-cut and precise. It wants A in exchange for B, simple and easy to follow.

There's no vague request for conceptual shit like Andrew demands. Respect? Boundaries? Even if she would agree to those things, she has no fucking clue what that means or how to implement things like that, because she never had to learn those concepts and frankly doesn't even respect herself or her own boundaries. Not to mention to her things like respect and boundaries might feel like excuses for Andrew to get away from her, the one thing she's afraid of so like, no thanks. There's also the issue of Andrew himself never specifying what he really wants from her, because to do so would reveal how down bad he is. Even if Ashley somehow learns respect, it was never going to be enough for Andrew in the first place. But that's for another post. Moving on!

With the Entity she doesn't feel the need to "play games" with it to get the needed reaction. What it wants and what it provides in exchange appear obvious and solid. She doesn't need to perform a specific way to get what she wants, she just needs to do simple exchanges. It's the same with the puzzles in the world. It initially frustrated her, but once she understood that she just needs to do A to get to B the same way deals work it was easy to follow. When she understands the rules of the game she thrives.

And while the Entity isn't the best conversationalist, it also doesn't pass judgement on Ashley's crassness. It doesn't belittle her or question her intelligence like Andrew always does even when they get along. The only time it went, "girl why?" was the period blood summoning, which Ashley simply laughs off. It doesn't seem to care but it does appear to listen to her quietly when she complains. It often doesn't have a response (or maybe it's more accurate to say it doesn't know how to respond most of the time) but it also doesn't cut her off. It even sometimes acts genuinely curious about Ashley, asking about why she's so attached to "the brother" and if she's in the right headspace to do business.

Like when Ashley was first complaining about Andrew in the Realm Between, the Entity lets her finish before continuing its offer. And then later in the parents' basement it makes note of the brother, showing that despite not seeming to care it was paying attention to what she said. How it treats Andrew is also affected by Ashley's response. It wasn't just that Andrew's a Grime Soul that made the Entity so dismissive of him, it was how Ashley introduced him.

She says she doesn't know why she keeps him around, which is why the Entity is later confused at why she wants him around anyway. Even after the vision of her dying at his hand and especially in Shots where she was literally almost killed by him.

Then in Shots when she ends up as his eternal servant and is the most agitated with her, it still lets her stay with Andrew in the Human Realm. There's no reason for the Entity to not keep her trapped in the Demon Realm regardless of how she feels, or even let Andrew leave instead of killing him after he freed all the souls. And yet it does. While also being suuuuper petty about it lol.

"HuRrY uP aNd DuMp HiS aSs, TaR sOul"

This isn't to say it's doing things out of kindness. A lot of what the Entity does seems to be more about what's most convenient while conserving its energy. It's how it treats summoning, where its very calculating on which summons are worth the cost, and it's how it treats the souls it takes, allowing them to hang out in a nice playground so they don't fade too fast. And this extends to its treatment of Ashley. It may want her obedience and for her to dump her brother in Decay, and could push for this harder, but the effort it would take for her to cooperate just wouldn't seem worth it. It's not worth fighting her over it.

It goes in line with one of the first things we learn about demons too.

But also Ashley doesn't care as much about the Entity's reasons more than what it provides. That's why it's impossible for Andrew to convince her it's up to something. She doesn't care! What matters is that the demon gave her the trinket and an isolated place to stay, things that she believes ensures Andrew stays with her.

The certainty of keeping Andrew with the leverage of a trinket to prevent troubles and a place he can't escape her outweighs any price she pays to the Entity. So long as the Entity doesn't separate Andrew from her Ashley will consider the Entity a pal. She gets what she wants and it get what it wants, win win!

...............this friendship might be shaken up depending on how Ashley reacts when Andrew's not there after waking up. I think the Entity might be able to spin it by insinuating Andrew's himself agreed to doing the "cooperating" to go back to the human realm and leave her, which would punt the blame onto Andrew. But it's going to be difficult threading the needle.

So why is the Entity, which as stated before prefers to conserve its energy and only take deals worthwhile, putting so much time and effort in Ashley? Let's explore what this evil little ball of yarn's end goal could be.

Main Course Ashley?

I'm just getting this one out of the way. One of the main predictions that seems to go around is the Entity wanting to eat Ashley's soul and is preparing her for that. While that would fit the whole cannibalism stuff and would match how the Entity treats its souls as free-range livestock, I just don't think this one's that likely.

For one it seems like the only souls the Entity wants to consume are Untainted souls. It calls both the Grime and Tar To-Be souls "useless" when it's given either to snack on. So instead of Tar Souls being the best to eat they might actually be the least edible.

And for two we have the interactions between Ashley and the Entity in Shots & Such. Ashley in her panic told it to stop Andrew from attacking in exchange for "anything." We've seen how this usually works out with the very first summoning in Episode 1.

Offering the demon "anything" gives it free reign to take whatever it wants with no restrictions. Usually that leads to it just flat-out taking the person's soul. But when offered "anything" from Ashley the Entity instead makes her it's eternal servant.

Forever being the key word here. Whatever it's planning for Ashley, it requires her being alive. Or at leave with her soul intact.

As a bonus there's also the terms it set with Andrew before he left.

Clearly the Entity never intended for Andrew to find all five wandering souls and return, but it still agreed to Ashley being in the realm, safe and sound. If it was planning on snacking it wouldn't have agreed to the terms easily.

But "safe and sound" doesn't have to mean "untouched and unchanged" which leads us to...

Ashley Joining the Demon Club?

The other popular theory and the one I agree with most is that the Entity wants Ashley to become a demon.

In Cliffhanger it made a point of explaining its reasoning for choosing which summons to pursue, and lets Ashley sift through the summons herself. It very much felt like it was teaching Ashley how to take souls as a demon would.

During the vision in Episode 2 Ashley said a soul looked cute and the Entity was like "you mean tasty?" It really felt like it was suggesting something to Ashley when it said that, though it could be that as a demon it didn't understand what "cute" meant. Either way I think it wants Ashley to snack on some souls, which is why he's gathering so many. She's a growing demon to-be she needs the nutrients.

To become an Entity probably requires a lot of souls, but depending on the method it might somehow have to involve another Entity spending energy. After all according to the Entity in order for humans to enter the demon world without dying they need to be summoned. Meaning when it was still a human another being had to have summoned it there.

There's also the chance that Ashley's being affected by just interacting with the demon, using the trinket, and/or being in the demon realm and realm in-between and vice versa. In the first troubles ahead vision there's only the red eyes surrounding it.

But then every vision after recharging the trinket includes eyes colored similar to hers.

HMMMMMM......

So yeah my bet is on Ashley becoming a demon. The real question to me is the why. Why does the Entity want another Entity? Here's the options I'm putting down before I mercifully let you go.

Powerful Ally - It might not want to eat Ashley, but there may be a benefit to having a powerful being under your wing. I think this is actually the baseline possibility with Shots in mind, since in that route it plans on keeping Ashley as a servant after she Ascends. I'm also just guessing that newly formed Entities are a lot stronger than veteran Entities like the yarn ball, since they haven't spent any of their energy yet. (Would piss off Andrew because its supposed to be just him and her like they promised. The demon is NOT INVITED!)

Inheritance - There's also the chance it wants to "raise" Ashley to inherit its realm. Perhaps there's a cycle of Entities in the Demon Realm who pass on their demon genes before running out of energy. Because yeah, demon is smol which indicates its used up a lot of its energy already, and while it could consume the many souls in the playground its choosing to only partake for visions and travel fees. Who knows, maybe when Ashley ascends she'll eat the yarn ball, thus completing the inheritance. (The idea of someone else "raising" Ashley would piss off Andrew to no end because she's his problem and no anyone else's)

Fusing - Another interesting idea is if entities can fuse together like cells. That way Ashley's still technically unharmed and uneaten but the Entity combines with her and would be able to siphon her power. Think angler fish, where the tiny male permanently latches onto the much larger female and acts as a parasite stealing nutrients. And in the Shots scenario the Entity would probably have most control of the "body" as Ashley's already its servant (I can't even begin to describe how pissed Andrew would be with this one even without servitude involved like not to curse but my god-)

Loneliness? - Okay like Ashley casually suggests maybe the demon just wants friends in reaction to Andrew's suspicion and its very clear we're supposed to roll our eyes at this like Andrew does...but wouldn't it be funny if she was right? The little yarn ball, alone with it's toy car that no longer moves, plants that it cares for, souls it lets roam around and play instead of consuming...it might state its doing what it does for convenience and utility, but it might also be for something it can't quite remember. That once human need for companionship. It could be like Ashley, someone who on the surface is plain evil, but beneath that is someone just desperate to not be alone...................................Nah probably not. I am interested in seeing a scenario where the yarn ball wants to be what Andrew is to Ashley, or to even be taken care of the way Andrew cares for Ashley, but I fully expect the author to ruthlessly pour cold water over this idea next episode. (...but I mean if it DOES somehow turn out to be true you know how Andrew's going to react already don't you?)

Now I'm leaving out the predictions to what the demon's plans could be that involve Andrew, since in most of Decay Andrew is seen as a nuisance at best and a direct danger to Ashley at worst. The only time the demon seems interested in Andrew is in the Leyley Wins ending, when he becomes harmless to Ashley and is unable to interfere with whatever it wants to do. I'll talk about what the demon could want with Andrew involved in a another post (I've been saying that a lot huh.) Until then, toodles!

[coffinclownery]

Decay Surprises

As promised, here's some of the things that surprised me in Decay Part 1.

Bad Boy Andrew Era - That phonecall scene had me screaming. Andrew's not just bad he was baaaaaaad. He was the bad boy he thought Leyley would grow to like back when they were kids. He was the bad boy the church ladies warn you not to let near your grandaughters. He was the bad boy dark romance booktokers WISH they could write. Did you feel the static in the air during that scene? Because I sure did. Like...wow. Don't want him anywhere near me but like I get the appeal. I think if I was ten years younger and straight & cis and also not a monster-loving freak I'd be in real troublllllle.

Lovesick Andrew Era - I'll be frank before the preview with the chibi siblings talking about the things they could possibly do in Decay I didn't think sex would would be involved at all. And even after that preview I thought Andrew would be too engrossed in his hatred for Leyley that he wouldn't have time to be lovesick over Ashley. But not only did he have time to be lovesick, we had an entire Andrew Deep Dive where we learn just how utterly desperate he is for her. After playing all of Decay Part 1 it actually makes a lot of sense for this to be explored in this route. Because part of the reason why Andrew hates Leyley has to do with his lovesickness for Ashley. Leyley's the baby sister he was forced to parent, and being reminded of that clashes with his attraction to Ashley. The feeling when you can't get down with someone you're into because they don't love you the same way you love them. And also you raised them. And they're your sister. What a struggle huh?

Drunk Garbage Andrew Era - Honestly Ashley's actions and attitude didn't surprise me in Shots. She acted as she always was when desperate to keep Andrew around, catty and angry and needy and capable of doing anything without morals. But with Andrew even I didn't expect this level of loser energy radiating off of him. Hard to make smoking look cool when you're also wasted on booze. Total opposite of Bad Boy Andrew who's fun and makes you want to go "Oooooh did you see what he diiiiiid~" Garbage Andrew makes you want to toss him out like the trash he keeps forgetting to take out.

Wait, Where's Ashley Era??? - Surprised how focused we were on Andrew, but it makes sense? The scene of when the siblings are cutting their parents' bodies is focused on Andrew's emotions in the Decay split, and given how people have always been more forgiving of Andrew's bull than Ashley's it makes sense to start with the route more focused on his POV. I think that's what the author meant in the Q&A when they said in order to achieve true CHAOS and MAYHEM we needed to address the underlying decay first. All these reveals are as important to us as the audience as it is for the characters. Still, not having Ashley's POV in the forefront as often leaves us with only Andrew's impression of her mainly. All of her actions, malicious or not, are being siphoned though Andrew's very warped feelings, and I think it's led some folks to forget how biased Andrew's being and take him at his word. Like people forgetting that Ashley was not in fact born evil and made to ruin Andrew's life. Shocker!

More Development on the Parents - I both hate them more and also like them...? So in a sense they're in the same circle as their kids now. Terrible, terrible, unforgivable, flawed, sad, hurt people.

Ashley has a Job? - Ashley was never wanted/expected of anything the way Andrew is, but now she has the demon who wants to work with her and also wants her specifically for something. Sure we're not certain what it wants exactly (definitely nothing good Andrew's valid not to trust the evil yarn ball) but it's still giving Ashley things she never got before. Responsibilities, a steady job, a place she vibes with and maybe even feel like she belongs, a friend (?). She's actually in a place where she doesn't need Andrew for her basic necessities, which is one of the reasons Andrew assumes she clings to him.

Demon Therapist Clicking his Pen - It's so funny how chill Lord Unknown is. Is he helping Andrew with his emotions out of goodwill? Absofuckinglutely not. He's the same as the Entity in that he's helping out of self-interest, he just does it in his own way. He's able to act more "human" than the Entity, probably because his power gives him a lot of experience with human emotions. He might mean it when he says he wants to be friends and believes they could help each other, but that doesn't mean his help will be what Andrew truly needs. Still, he gave Andrew part of what he needed (someone aside from Ashley to be open about his feelings) the way the Entity gave Ashley something she needed. There's a lot to speculate about Lord Unknown, but I'll set that aside for a later post.

Mr. President, a 2nd Child has been killed - The internet has had a devastating affect on my sense of humor. Why? Why was this the first thing that popped into my head when this happened? Anyway this is another thing that in hindsight shouldn't have surprised me. It really shows that for all his claims of normalcy he truly never had a moral backbone in the first place.

Being Sweet to Each Other? In THIS economy!? - I'm pleasantly surprised we still had sweet endearing moments between our terrible two. They really felt like gasps for air needed when a lot of this episode felt like drowning. For all the awful, awful things they do to the world and each other what draws me in is the sweetness. Even if it's almost impossible, I want to imagine they're still capable of being good to each other, even if they're bad people.

.............Wait, it's a romance!!??? in THIS ECONOMY????? - Another thing I probably shoulda clocked from the moment the author mentioned that this game was geared toward woman interested in gothic romance. I think the mention of romance, specifically gothic romance, really makes things click together and make sense. I now know what kind of story the author's trying to write. But dammit I'm already in boiling water at this point so what the hell. Still think the healthiest thing would be if they...didn't do an incest? Having their own full lives before doing an incest at least? But being at your healthiest doesn't always mean being at your happiest, and a lot of the damage has already been done. So lets just wait and see how this terrible horrible no good romance story goes shall we?

Next few posts are going to be predictions for Decay Part 2 and beyond, though I don't think they'll all fit in one post, so here, surprise poll be upon ye!!!

[coffinclownery]

Pre-Decay Predictions: Which Came True and Which Didn't

Thought I'd talk about what predictions I had before playing Decay and how that stacked up to what was there. Some things I was wrong about, other things...I wish I was wrong about.

Prediction 1 - Decay would have Ashley and Andrew be their worst to each to other.

My thought after Episode 2 was that in Decay the people Andrew and Ashley hurt the most would be each other, while in Burial the people Andrew and Ashley hurt the most would be everyone else around them. So far this this predictions seems to have been proven correct, at least on Decay's side. I do not know how the siblings could get any lower with each other than what was done in Shots and Such. I had vague predictions of what their lowest point would be, but it was nothing compared to the visceral nightmare the author cooked up for us. Meanwhile the body count was relatively low. Sure there's the campers and the off-screen officers, but the only kill that kinda mattered any was the child because that was a real oopsie-whoopsie on Andrew's part, and the camper roasting because that triggered both of the bad endings. But at the end of the day most of the impact and hurt was focused on the siblings. Plus after the campers Andrew stopped getting involved in any deaths altogether. Except when he, you know...kills Ashley in a dead-end.

I still believe in Burial we're going to get a lot more bloody. There's still going to be drama between the siblings, but given Burial Andrew's more relaxed attitude I feel like he might be up to more violence. In Shots and Such Andrew wasn't interested in killing Julia to appease Ashley...but in Burial he might. Not to make things better between the siblings, but just because Ashley wants to and he doesn't mind doing it. In fact there's a part of me that thinks Ashley of all people is going to start contemplating her actions. Not out of guilt for anyone else obviously, but for how she's changed Andrew. But that's for another post, let's go back to prediction stuff.

Prediction 2 - Andrew is the Most Dangerous Thing Around Ashley

I have always thought this, even without considering the vision. I had a feeling Andrew could be violent to Ashley since almost choking her in Episode 1, and when he imagined jumping the balcony together to be romantic. Ashley needs Andrew, but she's also in the most danger with Andrew around. Because Andrew both hates Ashley and not only loves her but is also in love with her, which is a really fucking dangerous combination. The result is what we got in Shots and Such, which again was even worse than what I imagined. Frankly I'd say even the demon's a safer bet than Andrew.

Prediction 3 - Andrew Attempting to Leave Ashley

Happened in Shots and Such. It went about as well as I thought it would, with Andrew being in a position to leave and yet can't, because no matter how much he hates Ashley he needs her just as much.

Predictions 4 - Ashley Attempting to Leave Andrew

I assumed Ashley would be a lot more weary around Andrew for fear of getting cleaved. And in a way she is, but most of the time its by being more volatile and reactive to things. She doesn't want to wait for the other shoe to drop, so she tries to take control the only way she knows how, by being Leyley. She doesn't think to ever escape though. Even in Splat after everything she went through she'd rather die with Andrew than leave him.

BUT I still think it could happen in Burial or Cliffhanger for various reasons. Burial I'll talk about later but in Cliffhanger I think Ashley might be manipulated into thinking Andrew abandoned her because he's not there when she wakes up. When thinking of a scenario I always imagined Ashley wouldn't be able to escape Andrew the way Andrew could escape Ashley, because Ashley's just so much more dependent on Andrew for basic needs than he is. But in cliffhanger we actually have a scenario where Ashley can live on her own, with a steady job, a decent place to stay and a friend(?) to chat with. So while I'm not sure Ashley's going to even consider leaving Andrew behind, it would be interesting if she did. The opportunity's there. Speaking of friend(?)

Prediction 5 - Andrew Rivalry

This was honestly a prediction for Burial so I'm surprised it happened here, but anyways. It's been hinted before that Andrew could be just as possessive of Ashley as she is of him, but with Andrew this has always been cushioned between concerns for her safety. Like, with Andrew the girls around him are like...normal girls, but with Ashley it's like.

The warden who leered at her during deliveries

The cultist neighbor they later ate

The dude dubbed "douchebag" during high school

A call girl ad and message parlor job offer.

A literal demon.

So compared to Ashley his protectiveness most times come off as reasonable. But in Decay this veneer of protectiveness is stripped away by the reveal that Andrew does, in fact, want to go to town with his sister. And for the first time in both routes Ashley has someone other than him that she actually gets along with. In Cliffhanger he's still mainly being protective, but notably he demands that Ashley stays glued to him at the demon's house the same way he screamed out of the blue in Episode 1, when Ashley suggested getting pregnant with the cultist as a joke.

In the Leyley Wins ending he notes that Ashley uses he/him pronouns for the demon, and at the end he's stuck at the house while Ashley always leaves with the demon. Andy's stuck being a toy for Leyley, while the demon gets to be with Ashley when she acts as the adult of the house.

And in Shots? It's pure petty jealousy. The demon appears to have two things of the three things Andrew always wanted from Ashley, which is her obedience and respect. Third is, well, you know. Part of what triggered this route is Ashley shooting Andrew in the vision, and him taking that to mean Ashley would be willing to leave him. Not upset at the shooting itself, it was the implication of leaving him that stuck out. That even though he's stuck with her and blames her for ruining his life she could just go and cling onto someone else without a second thought. Ungrateful and not loyal to him at all is what she is! And the worst part is like with the Andy ending Andrew can't do shit about Ashley being with the demon in Shots and Such because hey it pays the bills.

This dude is getting jealous at an evil ball of yarn c'mon now.

Prediction 6 - Sex would NOT fix things

I was completely right about this. It went so bad. Guys? Guys it went so so bad. So so so bad. I'm not happy about how right I was it went so bad. I wasn't that excited for it to happen in the first place, not because of the obvious reasons but because it would go BAD. And it DID. In fact it went WAY worse than what I could imagine, which is saying something. There's been a lot of takes on what happened here already so I don't think I can really contribute much more, so let's move on.

Prediction 7 - Julia Dies

After everything that happened at least SOMEONE was able to escape this nightmare duo...at least in this route. I was really impressed at her characterization, she has a lot more substance than I expected, even with Andrew's dismissive view of her.

Prediction 8 - The Breakup Was Andrew's Fault

Also glad we got more details on her and Andrew's relationship, where's it made abundantly clear that it was almost entirely because of Andrew's actions. Julia did not break up with Andrew because of Ashley, she broke up with Andrew because of Andrew.

Pure cinema.

Prediction 9 - Andrew projecting Ashley onto Julia

Anyone who paid attention to the scene in Episode 2 with Julia been KNEW he was doing this when he asked her to put up her hair. This episode removed the subtlety entirely and smacks you upside the head for thinking otherwise. It's actually super impressive how excellent the writing is while also shaking you violently and yelling "ANDREW IS A FREAK!!!!!" at the top of its lungs.

That's all the predictions I remember having before Decay Part 1 released. I kinda wish I wrote down more predictions beforehand since my memory's not that great. Next two posts I'll talk about what surprised me in Decay and then my current predictions for the rest of the game. Toodles!

[coffinclownery]

I cannot believe how right I was about this take btw.

I like that Decay’s going to have multiple route that’s not just killing each other and really interested to see what’s in store for us, but I worry folks are going to be too excited at the comment chibi Ashley made. I think it’s going to be a “would you rather acknowledge our toxic dynamic and work to improve it OR would you rather give the motel staff a mess to clean up and deteriorate our relationship even further?” I don’t think it going to be both. Not in this route anyway.

[coffinclownery]

Before episode 3 I was racking my brain about why when Leyley initially tried to blackmail Andy her condition was that no ones allowed to like him anymore.

Not that he can’t like anyone, but that nobody else can like him.

Before Decay I thought it had to do with Leyley’s understanding of herself. She’s always been bad, and because she’s bad nobody likes her. And since Andy killed a girl he’s bad now too, so now nobody can like him either. Leyleys trying to make Andy into a bad person to form an unbreakable connection with them. If they’re both bad and aren’t liked by anybody, that means they can only be with each other and no one else.

Then in Decay this scene’s recontextualized. Leyley didn’t say Andy can’t like anyone because she already is aware that Andy never liked anyone in the first place. Including her, she assumes he only likes her a tiny amount compared to others, but not enough to assure he’ll stay if he had the choice to leave.

I think even now Ashley thinks this. She believes she is hated by default, and because of that she can’t accept when Andrew says he loves her or makes promises for her no matter how many times he tries. Because she knows Andrew doesn’t like anyone and is a good liar. But she needs love, she needs assurance, so even though she thinks Andrew’s incapable of loving her she demands it anyway.

[coffinclownery]

Imagining during the Andrew Deep Dive segment at the end of cliffhanger Lord Unknown furiously clicking his pen jotting down notes.

[coffinclownery]

So I finished episode 3………………………………wow.

I took a long time getting around to it because when I wait for something I’m attached to for so long expectations get unreasonably high, to the point where I’m terrified when it finally releases. So I needed time to cool down on it before getting back to it.

It’s a good thing I did because if I played episode 3 right away I would have dropped dead on my floor for my cat to eat.

Here’s some spoiler-free opinions. After this I’ll tag any spoiler posts with tcoaal spoilers if you too need to wait a little so you don’t have a literal heart attack while playing.

First off the author made it abundantly clear that there would be a cliffhanger, and shocker! There is an erupt end to one of the routes in the game that made me go >:o

BUT depending on what you chose during the vision in Episode 2 the roads taken become drastically different, leading to multiple endings. The one leading to the cliffhanger happens Ashley doesn’t shoot Andrew.

If it was just the cliffhanger road I probably wouldn’t have minded waiting a little longer, but with the other road being a solid conclusion on its own with multiple endings I’m glad this released as is. I’m incredibly amazed by how much work’s been put into each path. It’s no wonder it took so long.

The cgs, artwork and writing is incredible. Many of the background pieces are gorgeous. The mood is RANK in this one but there’s still parts that made me laugh out loud. And cry. And scream. This episodes fantastic.

That being said, there’s one…no two caveats I have. One is that there’s too many puzzles that interrupt the story, and two is that I feel like there should be a skip-read button for the dialogue, where it only skips already read stuff.

Because there’s multiple branches that require you to make choices and could be things you missed hours and puzzles ago, making it hard to manage. With how solid the paths are, going for just one is satisfying, but for replayability purposes I think most puzzles should be skipped altogether and a skip-read button implemented.

But aside from that this episode was great. I’m going to be haunted by it for a long time until the next one.

[coffinclownery]

Okay so so many topics I want to talk about with Clinical Trial but also I’m finally getting around to playing chapter three of tcoaal (going to replay it from the beginning) so how about this here’s a weeklong poll where you can choose which topic interests you the most.

[coffinclownery]

Things I Like about Clinical Trial and How it Differentiates itself from Other Indie Horror Games

This is an addition to my CT Impressions post, and there will be spoilers after the cut. After this any post I make will be tagged "clinical trial spoilers" so you can avoid spoiling yourself on a 3-4hr game. Before going under the cut here's less spoilery reasons I like this game.

Art: The artstyle of the sprites and CGs are nice and while soft carries a lot of impact. There's a ton of different sprites at play during dialogue that really gives life to the characters. If you decide to go for a second run it's interesting to notice what expressions (or lack thereof) are at play. The creator also had another person draw the art for Angel, making their artstyle more unique to the game artwork.

Dialogue Pacing: Something interesting about the dialogue that I can't recall being used to this effect before is the pacing of the lines. Lines aren't always displays at the same pace. There's pauses between words, there's points where the dialogue box is left empty, there's stuttering. It's makes it easy to imagine how the characters are talking in a really interesting way, and it makes watching playthroughs enjoyable. Even players who don't have a lot of experience reading out loud are able to capture the characters a lot easier thanks to how the dialogue works.

Characterization: To be as spoiler-free as I possibly can here, the two main characters are well-written. They have their own internal lives that's shown both on screen and by what's purposely not shown. By the end of the game you have a pretty clear understanding of who these characters are and what dynamics are at play between them. Some argued that the 11 o' clock plot twists were out of left field, but if you replay it you might notice a lot of hints to how it got to that point.

As I said in my impressions post I don't think this was a perfect game, but it's still an experience that's hard to dismiss. I've watched videos, played it multiple times, stepped away from it awhile to see if I'm just overthinking it, but no matter what I do the impact this game left me with remains the same.

But to really drive home why this game's so interesting and why it's so different from a lot of other indie horrors out there I'll need to get into spoilers, so going under the cut now.

Do you have ADHD?: I feel like this became a siren call to people with ADHD and undiagnosed ADHD. Everything from Angel's little quirks to how it effects their ability to live day-to-day is so familiar to anyone who likely has this condition, to the point that it's scary. And even with how much ADHD affects Angel they still have a solid personality and character. Whenever a character is written intentionally with a certain condition there's a risk of the character just becoming a checklist of symptoms, but this avoids that while still giving us the impact of the condition.

Mental Illness: This game is stunningly aware that the characters need therapy. That's kind of a meme with a lot of stories, that things would've resolved a lot easier if the characters had therapy, chuck this villain into a therapy clinic...but no in this case that's blatantly the answer here. Regardless of how you feel about the characters it is so abundantly clear that they need help...and the tragedy is that neither are able to receive it, either through lack of access or fear of repercussions. There's no one solution here that can save these characters.

Their name is Angel: Along with mental illness, what isolates Angel is their queerness, during a time when online queer spaces weren't as prevalent, and especially spaces for nonbinary people. I'm nonbinary myself (which is another thing that makes this game way too familiar to me) and during the era the game's placed in I didn't have the words to really understand what I was. It was lonely. Angel's connection to animals comes from not knowing how exactly to define themselves, only understanding that they can't fit the standards expected from them. And when the only person who accepts you as you are is your stalker and a murderer...I can understand why they would still accept him.

No Meta: Don't get me wrong, I'm cool with meta games, but I think what sets this game apart is the reason for a character's actions...okay it's Lee, I'm talking about Lee here. The reasons for Lee's actions have nothing to do with meta. I feel like there's a lot of characters who fit the same niche as Lee that don't have reasons for their horrible actions beyond meta. Prime example being Doki Doki Literature Club, which I think was a huge influence to latter games. The horror stems from it being a meta game, which has the risk of taking away from the character's actually personality outside of meta-influence. Here there's no risk that Lee's actions can be excused by meta.

Realism: In addition to there being no meta-narrative there's also nothing in the game that reaches parody or fantasy. The unfortunate thing is everything in this games setting is fairly accurate to both the time it's set in and today. The horror is in the mundane, in how systems fail people, which leads them to take drastic measures out of desperation and form unhealthy bonds because of loneliness. The reason this game resonates is probably in part because a lot of people have also been failed by these same systems, and I've seen a lot of accounts of people ended up in similar relationships as the main characters out of loneliness.

Regular-Ass Dude: With the game being set in the realm of the realistic, can we talk about Lee? I saw a post that was like "You wouldn't like him if he was hot," and I did a double take because like...what...? He's hot???? Like physically????? I feel like I'm out of the loop on who's conventionally attractive these days. Because to me an important part of how Lee works is that he's not conventionally attractive, nor is he conventionally ugly. He looks like just a regular-ass dude you'd meet at a doctor's office. His appearance and flat affect becomes a mask to make him appear "normal" on the surface, which throws Angel and the players off the scent of how much of a freak he actually is from Week 1. Because of his surface level normalcy we miss the signs, possibly even right up to the shrine discovery.

Lee's Actual Appeal: His attractiveness only shows when he opens up, sharing his little wallet schedule with terrible writing, complaining about the medical system that fails his patients, his shrimp talk. When he has Angel in his place he actively tries to make them happy and comfortable instead of taking advantage of the situation. It's what makes the discoveries such a gut-punch. There's genuine effort in making Lee so likable and making his and Angel's dynamic work, and then that dynamic gets challenged. The disappointment I felt from seeing the shrine really felt like the disappointment I'd feel when a friend or family member messes up. Because I like them and I wanted them to do better. And then the body's discovered and I'm like "C'mon Lee you you could have least buried him first before inviting guests!"

The Other Regular-Ass Dude: Brandon's also regular-ass dude, but unlike Lee who's only a regular dude on the surface, Brandon's a regular ass to his core. It's what makes him such a loser in the basement. He's not an ugly mustache-twirling villain, he's a decent-looking dude in his early twenties who never had to learn what "consent" truly meant. He genuinely cannot fathom that he's done anything wrong, which is both mortifying and kinda sad. There are thousands of dudes on the internet who still think like Brandon, who still think anything goes so long as the other person doesn't say no out loud. Brandon is not the exception, he is the standard. He's part of the horror of the mundane.

Clinical Murder: Speaking of Brandon I think my favorite scene has to be the basement, where Lee reveals what he believed the basement is for and what he did. Fun as it would be I'm very glad the creator didn't make Lee a typical slasher villain. He's not openly conniving or cruel, he's cynical and very detailed in his violence. His matter-of-fact attitude clashes well with the delusions and fears that brought him to that point. When describing what he was going to do he's cold, casual and uses the same flat affect as he did when describing the testing done to Angel. You could almost say he was...clinical about it. HAH! HAHA!!!

Okay I think I'm past the limit where anyone will tolerate my word vomit so I'll stop here for the day.

[coffinclownery]

Clinical Trial Impressions

Firstestly before spoiling the whole game here's my tl:dr

Unfortunately I think this is a great game. Like sorry, there's a lot of care and thought that's been put into this game that makes it difficult for me to dismiss it as simply a "barely disguised fetish" kind of game. There's a lot of details from the character-writing to the art to even the ways the dialogue works that's just...good. This is unfortunate because it means that instead of easily dismissing this and moving on with my life I'm left thinking about this game weeks after watching playthroughs and playing it myself. Lot of thoughts have been provoked out of me.

Is it perfect? No. There's things that definitely could have been changed and/or expanded upon. And I don't think it's for everyone. While nothing is shown or told in graphic detail there's things that happen to the characters that can be triggering because of how well-written it is and the events preceding it. And while I argue the endings both make sense for the most part I don't blame you for not vibing with them.

So yeah, need to stop checking out playthroughs from manlybadasshero because he keeps finding games to Haunt me and I don't appreciate it. I recommend playing it if you feel comfortable with the content warnings. It is a free game so the worst thing that can happen is that you'll be Haunted like I am without spending a dime.

The content warnings on the itchio page does not cover everything, so I'll put my list below under the cut before going into more spoilery opinions. A lot of the content warnings come from what happens at the last hour, so it's going to spoil you.

Content Warnings: Needles, Pixelated Gore, Mentions of SA, Mentions of Familial Abuse, Mental Health Struggles related to ADHD symptoms and trauma responses, Taxidermy, Stalking and Surveillance, Obsession, Theft of personal items, Mentions of Suicide, On-screen depiction of suicide in one ending.

If you think I missed any let me know. Now here's more spoilery opinions below the gif.

Hey here's a scorching hot take.

Stalking...

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...

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Is bad.

Thank you thank you I'll take my Nobel prize now.

This is still at the end of the day a free 3-4hr game, mainly made by one person. So I'm not going to dock points or demand an imaginary refund when I say it felt like there could have been more or things could have been slightly different. As a lot of folks mentioned this game starts at a nice slowburn but then things go at a breakneck pace right at the end. I myself think the pace is pretty good up until the big reveal. After that I think things get a little wonky.

I still think they have all the bones in the right place (which can't be said for Brandon huehuehue.) Both Lee's obsession with Angel and what he ultimately did for them needed to be revealed, and it makes sense that the shrine was revealed first. Because let's be honest here, in the realm of fiction killing a bastard is not that controversial. And here they made the bastard as unlikable as possible, where even the man about to kill him is uncomfortable touching him. Like he was such an unrepentant pathetic loser that it almost became comical. So if we discovered the body in the basement first I think it would have been very easy to go "good job!" and not really digest what else is going on here.

So having the shrine first is important, because it is an affront to Angel themself. He stole their jacket! He did something to it without their consent! Angel already went through a horrendous event, and now here's somebody they placed their trust in using them in another way. And even without the jacket it's creepy to collect someone else's body mass like hair or blood from tissues. It's up to Angel whether they can accept this, but it doesn't remove the fact that this is still A Crime done to Angel. It's what shaped why the murder was actually sorta bad? It's not the morality of it all, it's the repercussions Angel themselves might face because of what Lee's obsession led to.

So it's important for the shrine to be seen first so we know who we're dealing with. We might be cool with a bastard dying slowly in a dug-out basement (again in the realm of fiction blah blah blah) but not cool with someone stalking, stealing personal items, deifying someone and then no matter how unintentional incriminating someone for murder by not even cleaning up before inviting guests. Even if we somehow predicted this twist this is the creator's way of going "are you SURE you want to get down with this dude?" and I can respect that. Like yeah no Lee is unarguably a freak and ultimately you need to choose if you're cool with that before finding the body.

And I think the endings fit well enough. It's easy for folks to deem End 1 as the Bad Ending and End 2 as the Good Ending. And that fits if you think of Lee being the main character. Because he's ultimately the one who gets punished in End 1 for what he did to Angel. It's certainly his Bad Ending if he's rejected by the person he deified and obsessed over first and only later fell in love with. Things might have been easier for Angel if they cooperated with Lee, and it does look bleak if you believed everything Lee said. But that's the path Angel chose to take and I think the open-endedness of it is good. Neither us nor Angel know what'll happen when they leave, but that won't stop Angel from moving forward. No matter how bleak it is Angel still has a future, while Lee denied his.

And End 2 works as well, because it's still Angel making that choice to accept both his freak and his body count. Angel's the one who gets to choose what happens at that moment, with full* knowledge of what Lee's done. They're the one choosing to help cover up a murder, and they're the one who choosing to move in with Lee afterwards. Because Lee wasn't going to make Angel stay, he just needed Angel to cooperate so Angel themselves doesn't get into trouble. And even if they might live happily for awhile, I think the music at the end of End 2 hints at an eerie feeling. There's still a chance things can go very wrong down the line.

*Except maybe the jacket if you don't check the washing machine. I feel like that should have been discovered at the shrine before the choice.*

Although with End 2 I don't blame people for calling it the "canon" ending giving it has a more detailed cutscene. And if you look at the creator's game profiles you can tell they clearly care for the two as a couple, but they note anything they post that's not in the game is not canon so...there's that.

I still think the pacing could have been a little but different. Between the discovery of the shrine and the discovery of a basement there was a brief cooldown that I think messes with the tone. If the only two endings are going to be Accepting both discoveries or Rejecting both, I feel like this cooldown should be removed altogether. Have Lee only catch up with Angel after they discovered everything, then they can slowly digest wtf is happening and make a decision. Or make the gap between the shrine and the body wider.

I also feel like some of the dialogue could have been resorted. I think all the dialogue is important, and I'm against removing stuff that'd make Lee less of a freak (you cannot put the freak back inside the bottle once its out im sorry) but the order in which things are said felt a little off. It didn't cross my mind that Angel could be implicated until its stated after the choice to Accept or Reject, which is a weird priority when faced with a Body.

I feel like either:

A: The choice should have been about accepting or rejecting that Lee committed a murder first and foremost. The dialogue can stay roughly the same in the Reject, when Lee is trying to find a way to remain in Angel's life, but in Accept have Angel more blatantly offer to help cover up the murder themselves, since in this version Angel's priority is wanting to stay with Lee.

Or

B: Angel should have had more time to process the body on the ground and come to the realization that they'd be a main suspect before Lee arrives, hear what Lee did and what steps he's already taken to avoid suspicion, and then make the choice. That way the choice is more focused on whether Angel cooperates with Lee or not.

Either way I also think in the Accept version of events there should have been a re-establishment of Angel's feelings. Like after Angel says they'd have to move of they stay will Lee have Lee go "wait, you still want to stay with me?"

Also, maybe in the Reject ending, have Angel call Adri. In week 5 Adri could have offered her number or Angel asked for theirs and let that be a Chekov's gun. You can still have Angel not receive messages (because Angel probably went awol on everything after what happened to them, so Adri assumed they weren't interested and gave up contacting) and make Angel choose to reach out to Adri. Angel refused Lee's help, so they're going to find help themselves. Would also give Adri's presence a more obvious purpose.

...But again this is a free game written by one person, so I'm not going to judge the creator too harshly for not doing things perfectly in a way that'd satisfy this specific stranger on the webs. Any of these changes would inevitability require more lines, more time, more programming, and maybe even more art be put into the game. Ultimately the creator put what was absolutely necessary for the story to work, which is what mattered.

This is all just me conjecturing on a remake in 5 years called Clinical Trial Ultra Mega Deluxe Remix 1.5 Medical Grade Edition you know?

I need to run errands so I'll be generous and let you be on your way here. On the next post I'll talk about the details I liked in this game and how it differentiates itself from other horror games featuring questionable and datable stalker killers.