coliverxxx

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And almost all of them are M/E rated. 🥲

I’m reading their fics and I go from “holy sh*t, that’s so hot” to “oh my god, what is wrong with me, why am I even shipping them” to “i’m so sorry, Lord, forgive me for my sins” and I just know Lord is like: “😒, child, if you’re gonna apologize, at least stop reading already!!!”

BUT I CAN’T BECAUSE THEY’RE SO MEANT TO BE SO HELP ME G— 😭

I have never shipped siblings this hard before. 🫠

My jaw dropped when I saw that there were 1700+ (!!!) fanfics for Osamu/Atsumu on AO3. I mean I'm not familiar with the fandom at all, but I never knew about this ship being so popular.

[coliverxxx]

As a multishipper, I do love Juntae (GoTae) and I feel like Baekjin (whatever Baekjin and Baku’s ship name is) deserves more understanding, but all this is true. (I cannot ship Sieun/Suho with anyone else. They are made only for each other and that is a fact.)

the suhosieun & bakugotak parallels are actually insane if you think about it

maybe it's just me projecting because they're my favourite pairs from the show but there are just too many similarities to brush it off as coincidence!!

1. soulmates to the grave: suho & sieun. baku & gotak. suho & sieun are each other's best friends & soulmates. baku & gotak are the same for each other. they protect each other, they bicker, they laugh together. baku sleeps at gotak's place when he has a fight with his dad.

2. guardian angels: suho has always been the protector. baku is the protector of the whole school. they’re both the unspoken shields of their best friends, always showing up when things go sideways.

3. crippling guilt: sieun’s greatest wound is suho getting hurt because of him. and baku's greatest wound is gotak getting hurt because of him. they both carry the unbearable weight of believing it’s their fault. even if it wasn't.

4. the obsessive third wheels: beomseok's fixation on suho. baekjin’s twisted obsession with baku. they're the reasons suho & gotak actually got hurt.

5. the combat athletes: suho the boxer. gotak the taekwondo prodigy. both reduced to tragedy after a fight. suho ends up in a coma. gotak is forced to quit his taekwondo career.

6. they don’t want to fight—but they will: suho and baku both hate violence. suho's always asking people to stop when the fights get too serious. and baku has a no-fighting policy for eunjang. but when it’s for their friends? they will. suho's calm shatters. baku’s restraint burns. and they fight.

7. crossing the line for love: suho breaking youngbin’s hand because he hurt sieun’s. baku almost choking someone to death with his bare hands because they laid a finger on gotak. when it's them getting hurt, suho & baku — who never the cross the line — actually end up crossing the line.

8. "he only exists for him": jihoon saying “gotak exists because baku exists.” the director saying “suho solely exists for sieun.”

9. their weaknesses: baekjin uses gotak to manipulate baku into joining the union & threatening to harm suho to torment sieun. everyone knows where the soft spot is.

10. the colors say it all: suho & baku often seen wearing red. sieun & gotak usually in greys & blues.

so like, please get on the bakugotak agenda, because they're literally suhosieun adjacent.

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I do a read over depending on my mood how many times, just to check if there are any horrendous typo. My mind is the plot hole so I don’t really check for that anymore. Then, I post.

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I am not quite ready for this pain, op. How dare you.

i don't think we're ready to talk about the reality of suho's life after waking up

i know we’re all overjoyed to have suho back, but i don’t think we’ve talked enough about the trauma and maladjustment he’s going to face post-coma. like—this boy hasn’t used his body in two years. his legs are going to feel foreign. his balance, stamina, even the act of walking up stairs, it’s all going to overwhelm him. he’ll get frustrated trying to open a jar, drop something, and just break down. and what’s worse is the emotional weight that comes with it.

everyone around him has moved forward. sieun has new friends. they’re seniors now, talking about college, about leaving. and suho? he’s stuck two grades behind. that would mess with him. he’d feel left behind, lost. he’ll get jealous of the bond sieun shares with the others, even if he doesn’t want to be. he’ll cling to sieun like a lifeline, terrified when he’s not around, throwing a tantrum after finding an acceptance letter for sieun from a foreign university.

he'd flinch at loud noises & get triggered when fights break out. he'll snap at his grandma for fussing over him, then immediately crumble with guilt, because it used to be him taking care of her, not the other way around. he used to be strong, cheerful, the protector, and now he feels like a burden. and worst of all, he hates himself for it. hates that sieun, who once relied on him, now has to see him like this—a shell of who he used to be.

and sieun? he’d be shattered. watching his guardian angel struggle, the person who once pulled him out of the darkness now drowning in his own. but he’d stay. he’d hold suho through the breakdowns, reassure him through the jealousy, quietly adjust to the mood swings, and never make him feel like too much, even when it is. because sieun loves him too much.

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Suho is really strong because I would have fainted if Sieun smiled to me like that.

what is it? you craved it.

weak hero class 1.04

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op, you really didn’t have to hurt me this much but it’s okay. we live for this. and since whc3 hasn’t been announced yet, i will take every shse content.

what you deduced can’t be far from truth. because according to the director himself, suho’s entire existence is for sieun. so if he cannot hear sieun, if he thought sieun had stopped visiting him and had moved on altogether, he didn’t have any motivation to woke up. until sieun visited him (inside his hospital room) and apologized.

i haven't read the webtoon, so forgive me if this has been answered already, but i can't help but to wonder how cognizant suho was during his coma. was it spent in a dream (like sieun) or was he somewhat aware of his surroundings? some comatose patients are able to hear everything, while some don't at all.

following that fact, is it possible he might've heard the words that sieun said to him. suho, im sorry im late

something that hadn't occurred to me until now is that these are the first words he says to suho, at least on screen. everything else has been sent by text, while sieun remains sat outside of suho's room. its very possible that sieun hasn't actually sat by his bedside since the end of last season. given that during his coma sieun finally faces and begins to move past his guilt around what happened between him, suho, and bomseok (through the boxing ring dream sequence), i think its possible he hadn't previously been able to face suho.

we know from episode 7 that sieun needed to decide to wake up. while, obviously, suho was stuck in a comatose state for much much longer and fell into his coma from much harsher injuries, is it possible that suho had to make the same decision? that he had to decide to live, just as sieun did?

is there any way that up until that moment when sieun tearfully apologizes in episode 7, suho believed that sieun had stopped visiting? that he'd moved on, moved away, leaving him behind

because if suho made the decision to wake up after hearing sieun apologize (specifically) for being late, i might really lose it.

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Sieun was probably the first person who ever asked Suho if it’s hard working three jobs as a high school student, which was why Suho looked so surprised and was taken aback when Sieun asked him that. Which was also why Suho was also the first person who received Sieun’s full and genuine smile because he was also the first one who told Sieun that his eyes, his face and even the way he talk was sweet and warmhearted.

Some couples have first kiss. But my boys have these. Let me just cry for a mo. They deserve so much better.

👀

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I think if we downplay Suho and Sieun’s relationship as mere “bromance” or even “romance”, they’re not going to give it the justice it deserves because it’s those and MORE.

You don’t intervene on one particular classmate’s bullying while letting it happen on your other classmates simply because you want to be friends with him. You don’t fight literal criminals with each other simply because you’re friends. You don’t boil seaweed soup for his birthday when you didn’t even experience that simply because you have a crush on him. You don’t bring yourself to actual life and death situation just because you like him. And you don’t go into coma while hurting back everyone who hurts your “friend” and while your “friend” is in coma, you don’t almost kill everyone who did it to him after your finals, simply because you like each other as more than friends.

For me, Suho and Sieun’s relationship is about what they are willing to do for each other and those are not exactly what you can just define under what a friend can do for a friend or what a lover can do for a lover. It’s literally what Suho (Sieun) can do for Sieun (Suho). And that can’t be concluded to a simple “bromance” or even “romance”.

it’s genuinely wild how often weak hero gets reduced to "bromance,” like the story is just about a particularly intense friendship and not something far more complicated, far more intimate. this isn't just shippers projecting. this isn't just wishful thinking. you don’t need the director and cast members repeatedly claiming that suho and sieun are each other's first love to interpret that on your own. the narrative already tells you—quietly, devastatingly, and with absolute clarity.

the queer subtext isn’t subtle. it’s not hidden in glances or throwaway lines. it’s built into the structure of their relationship, in every decision they make. suho knew beomseok had tampered with his bike. that wasn’t just bullying; it was a premeditated act of violence. he knew what kind of danger he was walking into when he went to the ring, and he went anyway. alone. outnumbered. no illusions. he knew he could die. but he went. because they hurt sieun. because sieun got hurt for him.

that’s their language. not confession, but action. not sentiment, but sacrifice. die for each other. kill for each other.

and sieun, who had always been defined by his discipline, his detachment, his spotless academic record? he lets himself spiral. he got expelled. stopped eating. stopped sleeping. stopped going to cram school. when he found out suho was in critical condition, he froze in the middle of the street and didn’t move, even with a car speeding toward him. as if life without suho wasn’t a life worth returning to.

he came back from a coma asking for suho, looking for him. suho was already in one because of him. they revolve around each other like twin stars caught in gravity’s pull—self-destructive, unstoppable, and impossibly close. love doesn’t always look like romance, but that doesn’t make it less real. or less queer.

so no, it’s not just a bromance. and if that’s all you see—if you can watch all of that and not feel the weight of what’s being said without words? then i'm sorry, but you’ve missed the entire point.

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I want to rewrite them as normal high school students, no one is unloved and untaken care for. Sieun is still on top of his class, smart. Suho is still the strongest. Sieun is mostly bothered by Suho’s confidence while Suho is intrigued by Sieun’s strictness with himself and his studies. So it’s become Suho’s goal to add color to Sieun’s gray life. He starts pestering Sieun to join clubs, to join him for lunch, to join him in karaoke after cram school. And surprisingly, Sieun lets Suho take him away little by little from his ordinary life. Soon, there are billiard afternoons, riding the city with Suho’s motorcycle and eating samgyeopsal for dinner after Sieun’s cram school. They become friends and while Suho teaches Sieun to let loose, Sieun teaches Suho to focus. He tutors Suho with English because Sieun learns that Suho is actually great with Math and doesn’t need tutoring there. Sieun just needs to help Suho focus so he can actually study. They look at different universities together, looking for one that has both their preferred courses. Anyone who sees them will mistake them for a couple except them. But maybe because they have always known and that words are not needed between them. Sieun just brings breakfast for Suho because he is always running late in the morning and can’t eat at home and Suho just carries Sieun’s bag and things for Sieun whenever they will change classrooms. It’s the gesture and the way they look at each other. Then, after their graduation, Suho grabs Sieun’s hand. Sieun is not surprised. He intertwines their hands together because he knows even without words. They know.

This kind of makes me cry, how they missed a lot of things in their youth because the world has been a bit more cruel to them since they were kids, because they deserve a lot better. They’re just kids, ffs.

i will always mourn their wasted youths.

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I always wondered what suho would have done if sieun were the one who fell into a coma :(

in my opinion, anon, if sieun ended up in a coma, suho wouldn’t fall apart the same way sieun did. he wouldn’t send desperate texts begging for him to wake, nor would he break down visiting with grief in his eyes. he wouldn't stop eating, he wouldn't lose sleep. no, suho’s way is different.

he’d show up every day like clockwork, sliding into sieun's hospital room with a kind of casualness that almost feels like denial. he’d drop his bag, pull up a chair, and start talking—about the cafeteria food, the ridiculous homework, some customer at his delivery job? things he used to talk to sieun about. things that kept the world tethered.

“you're still not talking to me? rude,” he’d say with a mock-annoyed voice, though no one’s there to hear it.

he’d fill the silence with his voice, like they were just hanging out; suho yapping, sieun quiet — their usual dynamic. like nothing’s broken. maybe he’d bring snacks, or games, or books sieun liked, but mostly, he’d just be present. no tears. no desperate pleas. just steady, stubborn presence.

because for suho, absence probably wouldn't be about waiting for a miracle. it’d be about holding the space where sieun used to be, refusing to let it vanish.

HOWEVER, the other side of suho? the side that wants revenge? what would he do? he wouldn’t lose control like sieun did. there’d be no blood trails, no shattered windows, no violent echoes through the halls. no screams, no raging outbursts, no expulsion letters from school. because suho doesn’t erupt like sieun.

think about the last time sieun got hurt? suho didn’t rage. he didn’t scream or flip desks or smash a dumbbell on a foot or stab pens into arms. he gathered names like pieces on a chessboard, lining them up on a rooftop like a teacher calling roll. then he broke them — one by one — methodically, like ticking off errands. when it was done, he took a photo. less of a threat, more of a proof. and sent it to beomseok with one cold line: answer the phone or i’ll kill your friends.

he learned that youngbin hurt sieun’s hand, so suho found him, pinned him down, and crushed his fingers underfoot—not with anger, not with haste, but with a casual quietness, like putting out a cigarette. like procedure.

so if sieun were taken from him — if sieun were lying in a hospital bed, unconscious and unreachable — suho wouldn’t collapse. he’d organize.

a car sliding off a road in the rain. a bottle of pills emptied too suddenly. a missing poster curled at the corners, fluttering on a telephone pole. there would be no pattern. no evidence. just absence. and suho would still be at school—on time, composed, making eye contact in the hallway. like everything's normal.

because this wouldn’t be revenge. it would be removal.

sieun fights like something cornered: raw, furious, desperate to be seen. suho cuts like frostbite. he's silent and precise. by the time you notice, it’s already done.

suho would always say "let's not cross the line," but he would, for sieun. and the most insane part is that suho wouldn’t even think he crossed a line. he’d believe there was no line left to cross.

because sieun was the line.

without him, there’s only silence. and a ledger of names waiting to be crossed out.

[coliverxxx]

I had initially thought what made him last out like that was because Gotak accused him of killing Suho. So it wasn’t for himself that he lashed out. It was still for Suho. 🥺

Just wanted to point out something about the fight scene between Sieun and Gotak.

Sieun losing his mind here wasn’t just because Gotak was taunting him for “killing” Suho. Gotak actually calls Suho “병신,” which is considered a derogatory term in Korea for a disabled person. He also calls him “식물,” which literally translates to “plant” or vegetable right afterwards.

Sieun’s anger comes from Gotak disrespecting Suho. Hearing someone insult the one person he cares for and loves so deeply hurts far more than the rumors surrounding him at school. He wants to protect Suho and his honor even while he is gone.

In the picture above, it’s as if he is thinking, “How dare you say his name?”

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Suho is an entirely different category than “friends”. He’s not family, brother, best friend, boyfriend, lover, husband, spouse, etc. There’s no category sufficient to label Suho. For Sieun, it’s just Suho. Suho is Suho.

This is even worse than “are they lovers? worse.”

- I have to go. - To those friends?

Weak Hero Class 2 (2025)

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This healed me (in some way) after the last chapter ;-;

Here’s a quick thread I posted over on my Twitter:

I like to think that Eren also visits Levi. He’ll perch up on Levi’s window sill and watch as his old captain enjoys his cup of tea. Levi would eventually notice the weird ass bird that always seems to visit him weekly. He might be half blind but he’s not oblivious.

Eren would return to find that Levi has set up a little house for him on a tree branch that overlooks the window. It’s full of seed and a perfect place to rest in between his journeys from each of his old friends.

I think eventually Eren would grow tired of watching Levi from afar and would start pecking at the window like the obnoxious brat he still is. Levi would sigh because he didn’t sign up to take care of some crazy winged animal. But regardless, he would open the window.

Eren would fly in and rest calmly on his shoulder. Maybe he’d coo and try his best to let Levi know that he was sorry but most of all that he was happy that Levi was finally able to settle down and live a normal life even if he couldn’t be in it the way he truly wanted to.

[coliverxxx]

so I know i’m late (but this is about karasuno vs. inarizaki and there will be lots of spoilers so if you’re even later than me and don’t like to be spoiled and please don’t because it’s a really, really great play you shouldn’t be spoiled with, please stop reading now at this point because i’m not going to hold back with my feels here and i swear there’ll be lots of spoilers) but i can’t shut up about the last set of karasuno vs. inarizaki. i’ve already watched the episodes twice in one sitting, discussed it to my mother who doesn’t know anything about haikyuu!!, and kept talking about it over dinner even though i’m literally the only one talking (and this is from a person who doesn’t talk much, even with family). i can’t get over the great plays from between teams, the perseverance and determination and the glow ups of the players (i.e., tanaka? tanaka took that leap. he did. also, noya? when inarizaki almost won that relay and the set and the game? and the ball’s dropping and i was like dareka, dareka, dareka!!! and our guardian appeared! and will i ever forget about our boy, shoyo? oh my god, i can’t even begin with our boy sunshine. and literally every other player in this game. even the members of inarizaki. um, suna and kita? miya twins? oh my god. how do you choose just one favorite player.), and the respect of the players to their teammates even though they’re still shitty about saying it our loud or even admitting it to themselves (i.e., hinata’s very, very beautiful receive and kageyama’s acknowledgement even though he wouldn’t admit it later on, and kageyama saying no to tanaka who wanted him not to toss the ball too much to him because he believes tanaka can do more, and tsuki blocking but expecting hinata to follow up behind him and hinata acknowledging how good of a blocker tsuki is. like they’re not even just half of the moments and it just makes you feel warm like you’ve watched them grow, and practically you have, and you’re just so proud of them for what they’ve become as individuals, and as teammates, and a team as a whole), and the sporstmanship between teams. my goodness. one of the reasons why haikyuu!! is very, very enjoyable is because you don’t need to hate anyone. everyone is doing their best plays and while i want karasuno to win all the way, i acknowledge the other teams, too, and karasuno does, too. the acknowledgement and the recognition and the respect of both teams, and the other teams that are watching them, they make you realize why sports people do sports and you begin to wonder if you can do that, too. that’s what this anime has done for me and these two episodes have further proved to me this anime is doing and i love it. i love it.

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I love them so much 🥺

I told you to stop treating me like a kid.

[coliverxxx]

"Maybe more people would understand me in hell" is just... plain sad. To think that he could never be understood in heaven, or here, that he would rather burn in hell for all eternity just so he could be undestood.

You were the one who told me to live in the moment.

[coliverxxx]

Titanic - Johnny/OC story

Summary: Johnny has never worked with someone who has said two pick-up lines on him in thirty minutes after they met him while working until her.

Pairings: Johnny x OC or Johnny x Reader or Johnny x She (whoever she is, really)

Genre: Friendship, Romance

Words: 5,876

Warnings: None, hopefully

A/N: First of all, the story has nothing to do with the infamous movie. It's just that I suck with titles. I wouldn't also call this angst but to anyone who's lighthearted, there is a bit of angst in here, okay? But I promise, things will be okay.

I was supposed to write 500 words yesterday because I just can't get over Johnny's long blonde hair. It does things to me. (I still haven't gotten over it.) But stories tend to write themselves and before I knew it, I have little less than 6,000 words all because of Johnny's long blonde hair. It's strange what inspirations can do. Initially, I wanted to convert this into a ship fic but then, I thought it's good as it is. At least for me, haha. (Might still do in the future though.)

Let's keep supporting NCT. Let's keep loving Johnny (I have this awful feeling that he deserves more love than he's getting I don't know) and the rest of the group. They received their first daesang recently, too. Congratulations, boys!

Titanic - Johnny/OC story

Johnny has never worked with her. It’s not to say that he’s bothered by her — he’s met people who are most troublesome, to say the least — but he has never worked with someone who is so obvious in their interest on him. He gets it. Not to be a dick but he knows he’s got good looks and a to-die-for body but no one in his professional years has said two pick-up lines on him in thirty minutes after they met him while working.

He arrives at the station with the other members that morning. Only a little after six which means it’s too early for him to be thinking too much about anything besides getting his makeup done for today’s performance. That’s why he’s more than surprised when the person putting foundation on his face says, “Titanic.”

He’s not sure if he’s being talked to because he’s pretty certain there’s this rule among the members and the staff that no talking is allowed before eight but when he looks at the makeup artist, she is looking back at him in all seriousness and Johnny just mutters “What?” even though he knows he heard her say ‘Titanic.’

“Sorry, bad icebreaker,” she solemnly says and continues on the foundation like nothing happened.

Johnny stares at her in the mirror because he can’t move while things are being put on his face. Then, he thinks about what she just said and oh.

Oh.

He laughs. Like loudly. Like something that shouldn’t be done when everyone is either on a state of half awake-half asleep, or entirely sleep walking through the morning.

He ignores the sharp glances from the other members and looks at her through the mirror again to see her looking back at him already with a grin playing on her face.

Johnny thinks none of that exchange. It’s still funny whenever he remembers it and when he tries explaining it to the other members when they asked him what’s so funny he had to drag their souls from sleep state forcibly but he thinks there’s nothing to do about it. Just a new makeup artist who is a little funny too early in the morning.

Then, he’s changing his clothes and there should be someone helping him but when he looks around, all the stylists are busy with the other members. He tries to look for someone and sees one of the staff just fixing their massive makeup boxes.

“Hello,” Johnny says. He just needs to know where the jacket he is supposed to be wearing is. The sleeveless top he is wearing isn’t exactly making him uncomfortable given that he’s been on stage with practically nothing but it’s winter and it’s cold. He’s human.

He immediately recognises her when she turns around and is about to apologise because even though he is desperate to find that jacket, he knows she’s a makeup artist. Not a stylist. He knows the line. He’s about to say so when she says, “Your name must be Adele.”

“What?”

“Because you had me at hello.’”

Johnny can’t help the smile that’s creeping on his lips that turns into a light chuckle until he is effectively laughing again. At barely seven in the morning. He shakes his head at her a little and proceeds to his original dialogue, “I was going to ask for my jacket but I don’t think you —“

“Here,” she answers, handing him out his jacket.

“Oh, great, thanks,” he says, a little surprised, immediately putting on the jacket with a light shiver. ��Are you new here?”

“I only started today, yes,” she tells him.

“By the way, my name is not Adele. It’s Johnny,” he states with a smile.

He waits for her to respond but she just stares at him — you know, that stare that’s like stripping him without touching him — and for someone who he just met today, it’s a little awkward. He’s about to tell her that when she speaks.

“Did the sun come out or did you just smile at me?”

Johnny can’t stop another smile, the initial awkwardness leaving him entirely, even though he answers, “Definitely just the sun.” He begins to walk away while shaking his head again at the exchange to change his shoes, murmuring, “That’s three strikes.”

He’s not bothered about it. It will take a whole lot more to bother him at this point of his career than harmless pick-up lines from their new makeup artist who does a pretty good job on their faces, by the way, and does nothing more than make Johnny smile or laugh whenever she tries another line on him.

They are pretty close with the rest of the staff, all of their managers, the stylists, and the other makeup artists, but she and Johnny had become quite of a duo. She never fails on a line on him whenever he is on at least five meters radius from her and it has become quite normal for everyone around them to heat her say something like “Are you my appendix? I don’t know what you do or how you work but I feel like I should take you out.” to Johnny.

He is not one to get flustered merely because of such lines. He will admit he likes hearing them though because some of her lines are funny, even weird. He would always laugh whenever she pulls a weird pick-up line on him.

“Did you just fart? Because you blow me away.”

Johnny’s laugh can literally be heard in the entire station.

“Do your lines ever work in real life?”

She looks a little confused before replying, “Who says this isn’t real?”

“Right,” Johnny says, shaking his head again but smiling.

He becomes quite used to her lines and her presence, looking forward to what cheesy or weird pick-up lines she picks for the day, that it’s stranger when she’s focused — too focused — on how she puts eyeshadow in Johnny’s eyes that she’s not speaking a word.

Johnny doesn’t know what to say though. Does he ask her why she’s not saying any lines on him like she used to before? Does that mean he’s looking forward to her lines now? Will that be appropriate between an idol and a makeup artist?

His makeup is finished before he can put an answer to any of his questions and she moves on to the next member in line, not saying a single word to Johnny. Much more a single pick-up line. Who knows pick-up lines can be missed?

The silence continues until the end of the schedule and he just can’t go home without saying anything to her.

He corners her on one of the changing room when she’s helping out the stylists clean after the stage costumes. It’s probably unfitting but Johnny just wants to ask, “Are you okay?”

Her expression looks depressed in a moment before it turns surprised until she’s finally smiling even though just barely. He still considers it a win when she answers, “I’m okay, Seo. Do you need anything?”

Johnny stares at her for a second before he answers. “Give me your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“Just give me your phone,” he demands, looking behind him because one of the managers are already calling everyone to pile out. They’re leaving ahead of the staff; they always do.

Even though she’s confused, she pulls her phone in her pocket and hands it to Johnny. She watches him warily as he fiddles with it for a minute before returning it to her.

“That’s my number,” Johnny states, as if it isn’t clear enough on the new contact saved on her phone. “If there’s anything that’s bothering you,” he continues, looking away because he has not rehearsed this part of the conversation. He only wants to ask if she’s okay. This isn’t planned at all. But now he has one of their makeup artists have his number. If that’s improper, it’s already done. “If you need someone to talk to, you can call me or message me, whatever suits you.”

She looks at the new contact saved on her phone: seo johnny. Then, she glances up at the said person in front of her who is looking at anything but her. She clutches her phone to her chest and slowly nods. “Okay,” she whispers, looking down at the floor with rosy cheeks.

Johnny turns around because they’re leaving. He hasn’t took five steps when his phone rings. It’s an unregistered number but he answers it anyway, having a good feeling about it.

He hasn’t said hello yet when he hears a familiar voice on the other end of the line and on the person standing five steps behind him.

“I have 1% battery remaining. I chose to call you. Did I choose wisely?”

Johnny turns around and meets her eyes. “I’m literally still here,” he says with a fond smile.

She smiles back. Then, her eyebrows knit together a little again and she sighs, “I’m fine, or I’ll be fine.” She chuckles at herself, looking at Johnny’s eyes again. “Whichever,” she continues, “but the bottomline is I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me, okay?”

He still looks concerned but nods anyway. “I’ll see you tomorrow?” he asks.

She bits her lip before smiling again. “See you tomorrow, Johnny.”

They are just leaving the building when his phone buzzes with a new message.

12:39 pm to: seo johnny from: xxxxx aside from being sexy, what do you do for a living? >///<

Johnny has to stop for a moment to refocus his thoughts because he can’t be laughing by himself after receiving a one-line message in public. But the moment he glances at his phone to read it again, his shoulder begin to shake anyway.

7:27 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx help, i’m lost!

7:27 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx where are you?

7:28 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx i don’t know but can you give me directions to your heart? :)))

7:29 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx i thought you are really lost!!! -_-

He says that but he’s smiling a lot for someone who wakes up before five in the morning. He looks outside of the car — there’s still no horrible traffic and the sun is barely peaking out — and instead of sleeping like he always does, he thinks of how many minutes more before he sees her as he types another message to send her.

Johnny finds in her a comfortable friendship. And in a job that is as stressful as the one he has, having a friend nearby — someone that isn’t one of his members who also share the exact same stress as him and thus he can’t bother at times — who makes him laugh and smile and feel good all the time is heaven’s gift.

“On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?” she asks, appearing beside Johnny, when the group arrives at the set of that day’s first schedule.

He smiles and answers. “I think 0. But you know that, don’t you? You guys’ll be with us until the evening for tonight’s show, right?”

She looks at him for a moment and nods with a long sigh, “Yeah, today’s packed.” Then, she pulls out some utensils behind her and continues, “That’s why I prepared food. I’ve got all these chopsticks, forks, and knives. All I need is a little spoon.”

Johnny barely stifles a chuckle. And before his mind can process his action, his hand is already on top of her head. It’s such a gentle gesture but not one that happened to them before now. So he can understand if she flinches a little when he reaches his hand to her hair but she does not. She holds her beaming smile as she pats her head.

One pat. Two pats.

He pulls back quickly when he realises he’s probably acting unprofessional again. Even though he probably should have thought about that, too, when he gives her his number.

An entire day of schedule with her around means more than twenty pick-up lines in just half of the day. She always seems to have one around whenever Johnny is in the same breathing vicinity as her.

“Can I follow you home? Because my parents always tell me to follow my dreams,” she says to Johnny when they’re packing up from their first schedule to go to the next.

“We’re not going home yet though,” Johnny replies, chuckling and shaking his head.

“Is your dad a terrorist?” she asks after she’s done with Johnny’s makeup retouch on the second schedule. “‘Cause you’re the bomb.”

Johnny isn’t one to be embarrassed or to shy away from compliments, as weird as they come, but he’s learning to because of her pick-up lines. Even the other members are beginning to tease him about it, repeating what they heard her say to him at home. The worse thing is he’s not bothered by them at all. Not her lines. Not even when his members repeat it on him to tease him. He actually feels good about it. He thinks there must be something wrong with him.

He hears Jaehyun snickering with Yuta when they heard what she said, too.

The last schedule is just wrapping up. It’s a photoshoot for a cosmetic brand. Johnny already finished his part and is just waiting for the other members. He notices her standing beside him a few minutes ago, waiting for another pick-up line, but she hasn’t said a word.

He glances at her after a moment but she’s already looking at him.

“There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can’t take them off you.”

Johnny doesn’t know if it’s the light or the music that they’re playing on the set but the air is different that night, that time, that moment. When she says that, he thinks he can hear his heart thumping loudly, threatening to jump out of his chest. He has to force a laugh because he’s afraid she will hear how loud his heart is.

She doesn’t look away, not even when he laughs at her because he doesn’t know what to say. And Johnny can’t look away because she’s looking at him like she’s saying not just a pick-up line but what she truly thinks.

After what seems to be twenty-seven years of gazing at each other even though in reality, it’s only a minute at most, someone yells “Cut!” Every light opens and Johnny blinks, looking around them like he’s been caught doing something illegal, or improper. He lets out a deep breath he doesn’t know he’s holding and looks back at her.

She’s still looking at him. Then, she smiles at him for a moment before she turns to the members who just finished their shot, bowing at the photographers and director. “I’ll help them pack up,” she tells him, looking at him again.

“Oh, okay,” Johnny says, nodding.

But she doesn’t leave yet. She stands there for a second and says, “They say Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. Well, apparently, no one has ever been standing next to you.”

The lights have been changed and the music has already been shut. That’s why Johnny can’t understand what’s still different that he needs to remind himself to breathe after she walks away, leaving him there with a catapulting heart.

Those are still the same pick-up lines, aren’t they?

He has always been worried about Doyoung’s perceptive ability and his inability to keep his observations to himself but he doesn’t think he’ll receive the short stick of it until he does.

He can’t quite remember how the conversation begins — like most things that happen in our life that we want to forget. It just happens uncontrollably and goes out of hand in a split second. He just remembers talking to the other members until the conversation begins to get redirected, or misdirected to Johnny’s friendship with her.

“I think she likes you,” Doyoung states, yes, states, because there is no hesitation in his tone over what he is saying, “and you like her back.”

“What?” Johnny laughs, trying to keep his nerves in tact. “We’re just friends.”

“Really?” Doyoung raises a brow at him and even when he says that, it doesn’t sound like he’s confirming his thoughts but that he wants Johnny to confirm his.

He looks at the other members and sees them all waiting for his answer, expecting his answer. Then, before he can think it further, he laughs again and replies, “Really. As if I would date a makeup artist.”

Johnny expects arguments because even he wants to hit himself after he says that. He doesn’t know why he said that. There’s definitely nothing wrong if he falls in love with a bus driver, a bartender, or a makeup artist. He knows that but he’s nervous as hell because he thinks he’s going to get found out over something he’s not quite ready to admit to himself.

It’s been a lingering question ever since that time he feared his heart will escape from his chest. Does he really like her like that? Does he really like her as more than a friend? His makeup artist? Is that even appropriate?

But then, he hears nothing and as he searches for anything from the faces of the other members, he realises they are not looking at him but behind him.

Johnny turns to look behind him on the exact moment she’s turning around. He wishes he looked back a second later so he could have missed the way her eyes looks.

Hurt is an understatement.

Awkwardness is also putting is simply. Everyone has become used to their dynamics and when it suddenly stops, it’s like there’s something missing in the air. There are no corny or sweet or weird pick-up lines being said here and there. Johnny’s not laughing every time something is said to him, no matter if it’s honestly romantic or strange.

There are no messages like: Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got fine written all over you.

He thinks he misses the pick-up lines but he knows he misses her. Just her. Not the lines but the way her hand ghosts over his face carefully whenever he’s doing his makeup, the way she smiles whenever Johnny would laugh at her lines, or simply just stand there beside him if she could.

But he doesn’t know what to do about it. It doesn’t help that on their next schedule, a different makeup artist stands in front of him, holding up a brush.

Naturally, Johnny asks for her. Because she’s part of the staff. She’s been doing his makeup for months now. He also knows she’s professional. She even did his makeup retouch that time, when she heard Johnny, and she did it flawlessly even though she wouldn’t look at Johnny more than what’s necessary and she didn’t say a word throughout.

“She’s taking a day off,” the makeup artist who’s been with them longer answers, not even meeting Johnny’s eyes as she says so.

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she simply shrugs and proceeds on Johnny’s makeup.

They said she’s taking a day off but when she doesn’t come for a week-long schedule abroad, Johnny can’t take it anymore. He walks up to one of their managers and ask if she already quit or something.

“She didn’t,” he just tells Johnny.

He is close to demanding “Then, why isn’t she here?” but he swallows it inside him because what’s it to him anyway? Can he even call them friends after what he said? Because he’s pretty sure what he said can also be translated to “As if I would be friends with a makeup artist.”

He’s obviously not in the mood because Jaehyun approaches him and says, “She’s watching her sister in the hospital.”

He doesn’t even deny it anymore. That he’s thinking about her. That he’s only been thinking about her. That when they say she, it just means her. “How did you know about it? Did she talk to you?”

“No,” Jaehyun shakes his head, sitting beside Johnny. “I heard from one of our stylists.”

“What happened to her sister?”

“They said it’s cancer.”

Johnny’s mouth drops. “Jaehyun, don’t —“

“I’m not one to joke around someone’s sick sister, Johnny,” the other immediately says, sighing. “Remember that time she looks so down and won’t say anything? I think it’s when they found out about it. She probably didn’t come this time because,” Jaehyun stops and Johnny understands. He doesn’t want to say it.

He stares at his phone. Should he call her? Will she answer? Is it the right time to bother her? She already has so much to think about. She doesn’t have time to think about Johnny.

Or that’s what Johnny thinks as he puts down his phone and firmly closes his eyes, no hint of sleep in his veins. He doesn’t want to bother. He doesn’t want to put more in her plate. But he wants to know if she’s okay. He wants to make sure that she’s okay.

11:11 pm from: seo johnny to: xxxxx if you were a booger, i’d pick you.

Johnny stares at the message. He deletes it, then types it again. He deletes it, and then he types it again. It takes him about four more retypes until he forces his finger to just send it. Then, he wants to undo it but it’s already been sent and he thinks he might have lost his one chance of making things okay between them again.

He dumps his head on his pillow and screams, fortunately not waking up Mark who has been assigned his roommate for the entire week. He glances at the younger on the other side of the room sleeping soundly while he messes up again in the middle of the night. Who does that? Only Johnny Seo.

It takes him more courage to look at his phone again and the conversation it is opened to than the first time he tried bungee jumping.

The message isn’t read yet.

He falls asleep staring at his opened conversation with the last message still unread.

He wakes up to his alarm and the moment consciousness hits him, he sits up on the bed and opens his message conversation with her again. It’s already read at 4:19 am but there’s no response.

He’s contemplating if he should send another message. What will he say? The pick-up line didn’t work. Not that it’s a good pick-up line but he figures it might make her laugh, or even just smile. He wonders if she’s smiling enough these days, with her sister in the hospital and Johnny hurting her like that.

Johnny sighs, sinking himself on the bed again and holding the phone against his chest. Six more days and he’ll definitely see her again. Then, he’ll talk to her, apologise, ask how she is, make sure she’s eating alright even though she’s staying at the hospital. Six more days.

The first three days drag long and the fourth would have, too, if his phone doesn’t buzz on a familiar but one that he hasn’t heard for a little too long assigned tone.

11:22 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx that’s a really bad one, seo.

Johnny’s eyes widen and he reads her message over and over again and there are so many things he wants to say. Is she okay? How’s her sister? Is someone staying at the hospital with her? Is she still mad at him? Will she forgive him?

11:24 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx how’s your sister?

11:30 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx she’s fine.

He wants to call her. He wants to hear her voice but he wants to give her time. He knows she’s thinking of her sister the most and he doesn’t want to take that away from her. He’s thankful enough that she didn’t completely ignore him.

11:31 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx can i visit when we come back?

11:31 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx you know you can’t.

That’s true. It’s part of his predicament. It’s part of the job.

11:32 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx i’m going to tell the company someone called.

11:34 am to: seo johnny from: xxxxx what? who?

11:35 am from: seo johnny to: xxxxx cupid called. he wants to tell you that he needs my heart back.

He stares at his phone for about ten minutes until they are being called to shoot the next segment, waiting for her reply. He dives to his phone the moment they finished shooting but there’s no reply yet. It’s read though.

The next few days are frustrating not because Johnny doesn’t enjoy what he does but because even though he does, he wants them to be over so he can go home.

He honestly doesn’t think he can pull it off.

He confesses to Taeyong and their leader helps him talk to their manager who helps him get to the hospital in a time when literally no one is there besides the doctors and the nurses.

Johnny stands outside the door that’s supposed to be her sister’s room, fidgeting. It’s around two in the morning. He has about two hours until he needs to go home if he doesn’t want to be late for their morning schedule and get him, Taeyong, and their manager in deep trouble. He takes a deep breath, puts his hand against the door, and is about knock when it opens on him.

She’s rubbing her eyes sleepily but they widen in full alertness when she sees who’s standing by the door.

“Johnny? What are you doing here?” she asks, poking her head out of the door to check at the hallway if someone catches an idol in front of her sister’s hospital room. She immediately pulls him inside, worried that someone will see him. “What are you doing here?” she questions him again when they’re already inside the closed door.

“I told you. I’m visiting,” he casually answers. “How’s your sister?” Johnny asks, looking past her to the woman lying on the bed, asleep, looking a lot like her but thinner, paler, and walks towards her sister.

She looks like she’s about to question his intentions again for a second but then, she sighs, and follows Johnny to her sister. “She’s fine,” she answers but her voice sounds as fragile as the patient.

He looks at her and notices dark bags under her eyes. He gently lifts his arm and brings the back of his hand to the skin under her eyes. “How are you?” he asks her this time.

She doesn’t flinch. She doesn’t move away. And Johnny doesn’t know what he’d do if she does any of those things. She just stands where her feet are and stares at him, searching for something. “I’m fine,” she finally says after a moment.

“Will you come to work anytime soon?”

“Did you come here to ask me to come to work?”

“No,” Johnny answers, shaking his head slowly. “I miss you.”

She takes a deep breath and just looks at him, like she’s looking for something beyond his brown eyes. He realises what she’s looking for and he can’t blame her after what he said. He realises he wants to make it right with her. He has to make it right with her.

“I was nervous,” he admits.

“What?”

“When they were asking me how I feel about you, I was nervous because I was pretty sure I was already falling in love with you but I didn’t know what to do about it. I said that and regretted it just as soon as it came out of my mouth. Even before I saw how hurt your eyes were when I found out you were behind me and you heard it. Because I’d fall in love with you whether you’re a bus driver, a bartender, or a makeup artist. I’d still fall in love with you.”

She opens her mouth to say something and then closes it again. She looks at Johnny for about ten years, or that’s what he feels under her gaze, before she speaks again. “Did you rehearse that?”

“Yes,” he confesses sheepishly. “I had to explain to Taeyong and to our manager everything. They need to understand what’s at stake here.”

“I can’t believe you told everyone you’re in love with me first before me,” she says, walking towards Johnny.

“No, I’m sure I told you first,” he argues, meeting her halfway.

“When?”

“When I said even if you’re a booger, I’d still pick you.”

She laughs, the laugh Johnny misses so much. The laugh Jonny loves to hear so much. “That’s not what you said,” she tells him, still laughing.

“It’s what I meant!” he says, wrapping his arms around her and when she wraps back her arms on his waist, he realises this is it. This is what he’s supposed to be feeling, light and happy and in love with her. He places a kiss on top of her head and mutters, “I’m sorry I was dumb and slow.”

She shakes his head and pulls him closer. “We’re both dumb and slow,” she whispers. “I should have told you I love you the first time I saw you.”

He pulls away, a little horrified in a good way and laughing. “Are you serious?”

“Why do you think I said all those pick-up lines to you the first time we met?”

Johnny visits her sister in the hospital as often as his schedule will allow it. She slowly comes back to work, too, one schedule at a time in the beginning to continue looking after her sister and fully when they find a donor for her sister. When she tells him over the phone that they found a donor at around twelve in the midnight, Johnny runs to the hospital just to hug her.

She tells him he shouldn’t have come over because she knows they have early schedule the following day but the way she clutches to his clothes when he hugs her — shaking because she’s so happy her sister is going to live that she doesn’t know how to put it into simple words — tells him he made the right decision to come.

He wants to share her happiness with her. He wants to share her worries, too. He wonders if that’s what love means.

His makeup is just about done. He’s already in his stage outfit but he comes back around and around to the mirrors where she’s still doing the makeup of the other members, checking himself over and over again.

“Hyung, you’re blocking the mirror!” Donghyuck exasperatedly complains at him the sixth time he comes back.

Johnny turns to look at the youngest and then at her who is still doing Donghyuck’s makeup, raising a brow at him as if she’s asking him what he is doing. He shrugs, biting his bottom lip, and walks away but not before saying, “Do you believe in love at first sight or should I pass by again?”

“Oh my god,” Taeil mutters from the seat beside Donghyuck, covering his face in embarrassment because it seems like Johnny can’f feel any.

But she smiles although she’s still completely focused Donghyuck’s face and Johnny considers it a win.

After the performance, he finds her putting the makeup pieces on the huge makeup box one by one, carefully, like each will break. He loves how much effort she puts in her job. He silently sits beside her and does the same after making sure that he’s already out of his stage costume and ready to go when they are called.

“Kiss me if I’m wrong but dinosaurs still exist, right?” Johnny suddenly asks.

Jungwoo who is within hearing distance hears it and gushes like he’s watching a romantic drama live while Jaehyun who is also within hearing distance loudly gags. “Someone stop Johnny please,” he mutters, faking another series of gags and walking away in distress.

She laughs at Jaehyun before turning to look at Johnny with a raised brow.

“I’m wrong, right?”

She shakes her head at him as well, still laughing. They have finished arranging the makeup in the makeup box and she stands up, him following after her. “Yes, you’re wrong, but there’s no consensual agreement over a kiss,” she tells him, walking past Johnny with a pat on his shoulder.

“Agreements are unnecessary with pick-up lines!”

They are just about to leave — everything’s already packed up and everyone’s already piling out of their waiting room. Actually, Johnny and the other members should have left earlier but they didn’t have any schedule after so they waited for the staff to have dinner together.

She looks around, checking if they left anything.

Then, her eyes land on the person in front of her. Johnny Seo.

She smiles at him, wondering what he’s thinking this time, standing and quiet like that. He has definitely not been quiet the entire day.

“If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?”

They are in the middle of the room. Everyone is busy looking after things that they could have left but everyone turns silent when he says that. He doesn’t know if it’s weird fate or bad luck.

“Is that you asking her to be your girlfriend?” Doyoung asks with a tsk.

“Can't you just ask her that?” one of their stylists follows.

“And what do you mean will she be your ‘nothing,' hyung?” Mark questions, too.

“I know, right?” Jaehyun chimes. “Is that supposed to be positive?"

“What’s ‘nothing'?” Donghyuck confusedly asks, saying the word in question in English in an odd way of pronouncing.

“What’s so difficult with ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’” one of the other makeup artists shrugs.

Johnny’s face is burning and he could have answered all of their questions with “you know nothing” but his eyes are focused on her who is laughing her heart out at Johnny and his pick-up line proposal and at everyone for putting their cents in.

“Pick-up lines don’t work,” one of their managers says, shaking his head.

But she’s walking towards him and wrapping her arms on his neck and that would have been more romantic if they aren’t surrounded by people doubting and judging Johnny’s perfect proposal for her but it’s them and it’s enough and Johnny loves every bit of the moment. From the way she holds his neck towards him to the way she places a kiss on his cheek and softly answers, “Yes.”

Then, she pulls away a little to wink at him and adds, “Pick-up lines do work, right, John?”

Johnny grins and tightly hugs her, revelling on her scent and her warmth and everything her. “Of course they do, babe.” Then, he glances back at their manager and coyly asks, “Who hurt you, hyung?"