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The People Under the Stairs Remake it or Take it?

Remake can be a dirty word. There seem to be two camps when it comes to remakes. Those who absolutely despise them. And those who are more-or-less indifferent. Regardless of one's feelings, the fact is that remakes are not inherently "bad." Many factors ultimately play into the quality of any given remake. There are definitely some flicks that could benefit from a remake. While others should just be left alone. Thus, we ask the question… Remake it or Take it?

To date, three of Wes Craven's flicks have been remade to varying degrees of disappointment. A Nightmare on Elm Street was near-universally hated. Last House on the Left was forgettable and mostly forgotten. The Hills Have Eyes was serviceable for the time. -- Of the three, only The Hills Have Eyes could've used a solid remake and, perhaps, one day, will receive one. But in the meantime, there's another one of Craven's twenty films prime for remaking.

1991 was an abysmal year for cinema. Silence of the Lambs. Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Walt Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Dud after dud after dud. If not for the release of Wes Craven's pitch-black comedy The People Under the Stairs, the whole year would've probably been a wash. A bizarrely twisted urban horror, like the urban legends you'd tell in your neighborhood as a little brat running amuck around town, horrific, over the top, and somewhat silly. Telling the tale of Fool (Brandon Adams), a youth recruited by non-youth Leroy (Ving Rhames) to assist him and his associate with a job. The job? Breaking into the home of the Robesons. A wealthy couple, a slumlord, and lady owning the majority of properties in the lower-class, predominantly black Los Angels neighborhood the flick is set in.

It should always be brought up whenever talking about this film that the actors in the roles of the Robesons, Wendy Robie (Mommy) and Everett McGill (Daddy), also portrayed the married couple of Big Ed Hurley and his one-eyed, curtain-obsessed wife Nadine in David Lynch's television masterpiece Twin Peaks the same year. Always bring it up. Whenever possible. Especially if the reported remake of People Under the Stairs ever gets off the ground. A remake that was announced back in 2020 to be in development over at Jordan Peele's Monkeypaw Productions. Aside from that, it was happening no other word has been given on the project's status. Perhaps some executive decided it was best to Take it as it is, but…

A People Under the Stairs remake could be badass. Craven's flick holds up. Its messages and themes are just as relevant today as they were then. The make-up and effects. The acting. The directing. It's all on point. A remake is in no way needed. However, one could be extremely enjoyable. Providing the right folks were involved. Jordan Peele is one of those right folks. But not in a production role. Peele should be penning the script and shooting that sucker himself. His natural understanding of humor and flair for social commentary would blend seamlessly under the stairs.

Then again, Peele's big-screen offerings thus far have rarely shown his comedic side, tending to be a little more sophisticated and a little less cult horror—Doesn't mean he couldn't rise to the challenge. Crafting the perfect balance of freaky and funny can be more daunting than it seems. It can be easy to steer too hard one way or the other and muddle the atmosphere. Too funny? You got yourself an inadequate parody flick. Too freaky? You end up with something hollow and empty, void of the original's spirit. However, the biggest hurdle for a Jordan Peele directed People Under the Stairs would undoubtedly be the social commentary. Peele can do social commentary, not subtly, but he understands how to use film to convey a message. The temptation to amplify and spotlight the themes present in the story may be too great for Peele to handle. He'd likely strip away what made Craven's flick so fun and transform it into a study on race and society.

Racism. Classism. The evils of capitalism and greed. The abuse of minors. All are represented in The People Under the Stairs. They're the building blocks of the story. The story is the message. The super-rich, inbred white upper class will hold down the mostly non-white lower class at any and all costs so long as they retain their ridiculous wealth and status. It's plain and clear without needing to be in the collective faces of the audience about it. It would be a roll of the dice whether or not Peele could properly juggle the necessary components required to make The People Under the Stairs -- The People Under the Stairs.

A safer bet would be Jordan Peele remaining as producer and co-writing the remake with fellow former sketch comedian turned horror filmmaker Zach Cregger. Cregger was responsible for the 2022 absolute gem of a freaking film, Barbarian. Barbarian displayed the whacky, dark, uncomfortable elements found in the films of Sam Rami and relevant to this piece, Wes Craven. Cregger and Peele penning the script, with Cregger behind the camera and Peele doing whatever a producer does, could be the start of a remake as good as the original. Maybe the duo would find a way to recraft the film into one of those requeals (part remake, part sequel) all the kids are always tiktoking and Myspacing about. Something new that expands upon the best bits of the original while expanding the lore. Though, like rocking a rhyme that's right on time, a requeal can be tricky. Trickier than a standard remake. And a greater risk of alienating the fan base.

It's a tough call with a pretty equal list of pros and cons for and against. But when it comes down to it, under the right conditions with the right creators making the right creative decisions, I say REMAKE IT.

But what say you? Should Jordan Peele, Zach Cregger, or anyone remake The People Under the Stairs? Or take it as is? Leave a comment, and let us know.

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Ring of Horror: Rosemary

Hailing from the Valley of Shadows (Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada) is Holly Letkeman. Better known today by the monstrous moniker of Rosemary. Okay, maybe it's not the most menacing or imposing of names, but Rosemary herself is both those things and more. Plus, Rosemary's Baby—A classic horror flick directed by convicted statutory rapist Roman Polanski so there's a spooky connection to the name. Getting her start in the business in 2008, Letkenman was trained by three Canadian greats, Johnny Divine, Tyson Dux, and Coach Scott D'Amore. She'd work her first match on January 30th, 2008, at a Prime Time Wrestling event in Belleville, Michigan, featuring heavy cross-promotion with the Insane Clown Pose's wrestling promotion, Juggalo Championship Wrestling.

In March, Letkeman took the ring name PJ Tyler, inspired by Aerosmith frontman Steven Tyler and possibly Aerosmith guitarist Joe Perry, and began performing across the Canadian Indies, frequently appearing for Scott D'Amore's Border City Wrestling. By her second year, PJ Tyler could be regularly seen on Pro Wrestling Xtreme and Great Canadian Wrestling shows.—It was in the latter promotion that Tyler picked up her first championship, winning the GCW WILD Champion in a tournament. PJ Tyler's run lasted 117 days before dropping it to some random dude named Anthony Darko. Info on the title change and Darko's run with the belt is .—And not really all that important. Near the end of 2010, Tyler switched up her ring name, dropping the PJ and the Tyler in favor of a Courtney and a Rush.

Courtney Rush didn't slow down, working feverishly across various indies North of the border and somewhat dipping her toe into the United States indie scene, mainly for SHIMMER Women Athletes' taping in Chicago, Il. She'd end up signed to Impact Wrestling in 2016. But before that, Courtney Rush dominated Canadian wrestling, amassing quite a collection of championships, including an 833-day regin with the Acclaim Pro Wrestling Woman's championship, among other not-as-lengthy but still pretty lengthy title runs.

On her own, Courtney Rush was bound to make it. She had all the tools needed to succeed in the industry. It was just a matter of time before Courtney Rush was signed with someone. Unfortunately or fortunately—depending on your perspective—Courtney Rush went, and doggone got herself possessed. Possessed by a demon assassin. Rosemary.

Track 10 off Marilyn Manson's fourth studio album, Holy Wood (In the Shadow of the Valley of Death), filled the Impact Zone on January 26th as Rosemary took the stage. Painted up like some kinda demonic, demented haunted house performer, smudges and smears specked her arms and legs, not a look wrestling fans were accustomed to. She delivered a terrible, nonsensical promo to the Wolves (Eddie Edwards and Davey Richards), who stood in the ring. Fellow Canadian Crazy Steve and fellow monster Abyss joined Rosemary on stage, officially coming together as Decay. The trio attacked the Wolves—Stealing their Tag Team titles in the process. Decay would legitimately hold the titles in March after defeating Beer Money Inc. (Bobby Roode and James Storm) at Sacrifice.—Early in the same show, Rosemary scored a shenanigans-filled win over wrestling legend Gail Gim. In October, Rosemary would get some gold of her own. Winning the vacant TNA Knockouts World Championship in a Six-Sides of Steel match against Jade.

A respectable 266 days with the strap ended with Rosemary dropping the belt in a title vs. title unification match with Global Force Wrestling Women's Champions Sienna (Allysin Kay) at Slammiversary XV. In the weeks leading up to the event, Rosemary turned Face, claiming The Hive had sent her to protect Allie, first saving her from a beatdown from Sienna and Laurel Van Ness. What The Hive exactly is is not entirely clear. It seems to be more of an idea. Or perhaps it's an ageless being from beyond the stars that is psychically and spiritually linked to the being known as Rosemary.

A feud with the debuting Taya Valkyrie would end before it started, thanks to personal issues on Valkyrie's part. Rosemary reentered the title hunt, failing to regain the yet-again vacant Knockouts title in a tournament. The feud with Taya Valkyrie picked right back up once Valkyrie returned. Their short-lived angle concluded in a fancily named hardcore match (A Demon's Dance Match.) No longer preoccupied with the title or Taya, Rosemary could again focus on protecting her pal Allie.

And help, Allie needed. Su Yung had her sights set on ending Allie. On the April 26th, 2018, edition of Impact, Yung, along with a legion of Undead Bridesmaids, attacked Allie, attempting to put her in a coffin.—An attempt stopped by Rosemary. If you're a fan of horror and wrestling, then this is the feud for you. The demonic Rosemary protecting the sweet, innocent Allie from the evil undead bride Su Yung—Chef's kiss. Big, sloppy, chef's kiss. An injury Rosemary sustained at an indie show facilitated her needing to be written off TV a week after the start of the angle. The May 3rd Impact featured a match between Rosemary and Su Yung. At least it was meant to. Before the bell, the women broke into a brawl on the ramp. Yung summed her Undead Bridesmaids, who with them brought a casket. Allie was there too, trying to assist her best friend, Rosemary. It didn't go so well. Allie was forced to watch as Su Yung dumped Rosemary into the casket, sealing her inside.

A lot happened while Rosemary healed up. Allie went, and doggone got herself possessed, turning Heel and aligning with former rival Su Yung. Allie (now going by Dark Allie) and Su Yung teamed up to defeat Jordynne Grace and Kiera Hogan (No relation to former singer/reality star Brooke Hogan) at the January 2019 Homecoming. Rosemary returned that night, saving Kira Hogan from a post-match beatdown and reigniting the storyline with Allie and Su Yung. Rosemary worked to free Allie from the demonic hold that had taken over her. Along with Kira Hogan, at March's Against All Odds event, Rosemary dragged Allie with her into the Undead Realm in hopes of retrieving her friend's soul. -- Rosemary failed to save the soul of Allie, losing her friend forever.

Rosemary's revenge came in May when she laid out Su Yung in a Demon Collar Match (Dog Collar Match) where the ladies worked smart rather than hard. It's not a terrible match. But it does lack the violence and aggression you'd want from such a heated blood feud between two unholy hell beings. Instead of using the chain to brutalize one another, they find creative ways to incorporate its use. Choking spots. Tripping and tangling each other up. Dragging and pulling each other around the ring. It all works. Just would've worked better in a different match with different wrestlers. These two should've been trying to kill each other. They should have bled and broke to finish off this feud. Though Rosemary did take Su Yung prisoner.

Rosemary kept her captive close, having Su Yung accompany her to the ring over the next few weeks until Father James Mitchell had Havok free Yung while attacking Rosemary during a non-title match with Taya Valkyrie. Rosemary continued her unsuccessful pursuit of the Knockouts Title while simultaneously battling James Mitchell, Havok, and Su Yung. The entire saga came to a head with James Mitchell banishing Havok and Yung to the Undead Wasteland and Rosemary rescuing them.

TNA/Impact Wrestling has always been a wee bit silly. But Wrestle House was the undisputed peak of Impact/TNA buffoonery. A goofy Big Brother/Real World-style reality show, except with a vaguely supernatural twist. They can't leave the house, possibly due to a curse from Rosemary. The whole thing was madness. Ridiculous fun to be enjoyed by all but a few wrestling fans with a penchant for brightly colored suits, Southern idioms, and tennis rackets. It might not have been "Real Wrestling," but it was stupid, creative, and different, which is always appreciated. Her time in Wrestle House led Rosemary to form a brief team with former enemy Taya Valkyrie.

The team of Rosemary and Valkyrie competed in a tournament for the Impact Knockouts Tag Team Titles. They lost and stopped teaming after. She wasn't single long. Disbanding her team with Valkyrie in December and getting back with one of her exes by January. Ex-partner, that is, and it was Crazy Steve whom she got back together, reforming Decay—Sans Aybss; in his sted, the group added Luchador Black Taurus and former Rosemary foe-turned-friend Havok. When it comes to the story of Rosemary, it is hard not to be reminded of the famous quote: "Do I not destroy my enemies by making them my friends?" Time after time, rivals become allies.

With Havoc, Rosemary would have her first run with the Impact Knockouts Tag Team Championship. The iconic team of The IInspiration (Cassie Lee and Jessica McKay) took the belts from Decay after 98 days. Rosemary floated around the Knockout Tag and Knockout Women's Championship scenes for a few months with no success. Havok abandoned Rosemary in June, leaving her without a partner to face the Knockouts Tag Team Champions—No longer The IInspiration but now The Influence (Madison Rayne & Tenille Dashwood). However, as fate would have it, an old frenemy was back to get Rosemary's back. Taya Valkyrie. Valkyrie partnered with Rosemary for a title match at Slammiversary. That night, Rosemary became a two-time Impact Knockouts Tag Team Champion. In addition to aiding Rosemary in getting back the belts, Valkyrie joined Rosemary in her quest to find and bring back Havoc.

In the Undead Realm, Rosemary and Valkyrie found a different… Maybe unpossessed Havoc, going by the name Jessicka. Eventually, the trio took the name the Death Dollz, defending the belts under the Freebird Rule.—A rule allowing any two members of a larger team to defend the belts. Possibly made most famous by supergroup, the Spirit Squad, a quintet of male cheerleaders made up of five young men who at one time had dreams of being "serious" pro wrestlers but ultimately just got drenched in poo.

Between 2022 and 2023, the Death Dollz held the belts twice. Losing their titles first to VXT (Chelsea Green & Deonna Purrazzo) before getting them back 56 days later. The Coven (KiLynn King & Taylor Wilde) ended reign two for the Dollz. -- In the wake of this loss, Rosemary returned to the Undead Realm to retrieve her former partner, leaving her current partner, Jessicka, to wait. Rosemary wouldn't return.

At the Under Siege pre-show from London, not that one, the Ontario, Canada one, The Coven faced the Death Dollz in a non-title match. Jessicka's partner was a surprise return. Not Rosemary, but rather, for the first time in some seven years, Courtney Rush—Free of Rosemary's demonic possession. Rush and Jessicka carried on as the Death Dollz until the demise of Impact Wrestling at the end of 2023.

A brief history of TNA/Impact Wrestling. Founded by J, E, double F, J, A, double R, E, double T, and his father, Jerry Jarrett, in the long, long ago of 2002. That same year, Panda Energy International purchased a controlling share of the promotion, appointing Dixie Carter (the daughter of the company's owner) president. Smashing Pumpkin's frontman and full-grown man-baby, Billy Corgan, thought he bought the company. He didn't. In 2017, Anthem Sports & Entertainment acquired TNA Wrestling, rebranding the promotion as Impact Wrestling. Anthem rebranded again in 2024, reverting to TNA Wrestling. Rebranverting? (That's a word, right?—If you use your imagination.)

The Rebranverting didn't stop with the promotion's name. The Death Dollz also got an all-new-old look. Rosemary was back with Havoc by her side as Decay, returning to become TNA Knockouts World Tag Team Champions at the rebrandverted TNA relaunch event, Hard To Kill. And for the most part, that's the road so far. There's so much more to the Rosemary story. Years of television, interwinding character arks, and continuity rarely seen in the weird, wacky, and wild world of wrestling make it something special and worth the time.

Holly Letkeman and everything she's created within TNA/Impact/TNA (Again) has continuously been a diamond in the rough. Horror or humor, she delivers. Rosemary and her host vessel, Courtney Rush, deserve to be known. Their story to be heard. You could say it's a shame Rosemary has had to spend so much time trapped in the endless purgatory of TNA/Impact.—On the other hand, WWE never would've leaned into the spooky absurdity of Rosemary's world. More people would've seen her and her story. But it wouldn't have been as good. It wouldn't have been nearly as good. No, Rosemary is right where she should be. And it's on us to find her. To join The Hive.

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Ring of Horror: ECW Zombie

He rose from the dead. Consumed flesh. Preached to the masses. No, he's not Jesus. He's Timothy R. Calkins Jr, aka Tim Arson, aka The ECW Zombie, a gimmick now immortalized in the Wrestling Bollocks Hall of Fame. Though Calkins didn't begin his career undead. He got his start in 2001, trained by total legend Johnny Rodz. Under the ring name Tim Arson, he made his in-ring debut on a USA Pro Wrestling show against—some dude called Stormin' Norman, who may or may not exist.

For the next several years, Arson predominantly stayed with USA Pro Wrestling, occasionally branching out to work other East Coast Indies. Then, in 2005, Arson would travel to America's Step-sibling, Puerto Rico, to compete in the World Wrestling Council's Bruiser Brody Memorial Cup Tour. And that's a touchy subject right there. Not Arson taking part in the Brody Cup. But the fact that the cup existed at all. Bruiser Brody was an icon. A legit scary wild man who you believed could and would go into business for himself whenever the mood so happened to strike. He was a massive draw in the Terrorty days, particularly in Puerto Rico, where he worked for WWC. Which is where he was murdered. Stabbed to death in the showers by living scumbag José González (Invader 01). A crime González was never charged with, a crime many believe involved, on some level, other living scumbags, WWC owners Carlos Colón Sr. and Victor Jovica. The idea of holding a Memorial tour for a man you more than likely had killed is disgraceful, disgusting, and downright despicable.

Though it shouldn't be held against Tim Arson for competing in it. He wouldn't win the cup. But he'd stick around the Free Associated State of Puerto Rico for a while. Having a considerable run throughout the first half of 2006. Along with Rico Suave (Not the song), Arson won the WWC Tag Team Titles from TNA Originals, America's Most Wanted (Wildcat Chris Harris and The Tennessee Cowboy James Storm). June 12th, nine days after winning the WWC tag belts, Tim Arson went head-to-head with Matt Striker on WWE Heat. He lost. But Tim Arson wasn't about to let a little old loss keep him down. Instead, he was going to die and return from the grave the very next night.

Tuesday the 13th, the world premiere episode of the all-new WWECW on Sic-Fi. Because when you think wrestling, you think the Sci-Fi channel. It's been said the Network wanted content that would appeal to their audience—Meaning horror/sci-fi gimmicks and angles—Asking for names like The Undertaker and Kane. Of course, Vince McMahon wasn't going to give away big money names to a third-rate brand airing on the same station that once aired Stan Lee's Who Wants to Be a Superhero? That is unless those names were Kurt Angle and Big Show. So, with no Undertaker, no Kane, no Boogeyman (not yet, anyway,) the WWE needed to find some other genre-inspired grapplers if they wanted to appease their new Sci-fi overlords.

Reports from the time claimed WWE's initial plans were to feature The Sandman (the wrestler, not the Neil Gaiman comic book character. That would've been really freaking weird. Probably not any "weirder than Robocop helping out Sting at WCW's Capital Combat. Though in 2006, Gaiman's creation didn't have the notoriety it does now since the Netflix series. But of course, ECW Wrestler Raven did wear a Neil Gaiman Sandman shirt back in the original ECW, so there's that.) in a segment with a little green man (Not Hornswoggle), a Martian, presumably from Mars. The Sandman would've caned the ever-loving fluff out of the visitor before drinking beer…? Probably. That was pretty much The Sandman's shtick in WWECW. Entrance. Beat up some cartoon with a cane. Drink beer. This Martian whooping never occurred. Allegedly Sci-Fic channel didn't like the prospect of an Alien (which they saw as their bread and butter) getting its extraterrestrial ass kicked on one of their shows. So the Martian was out. And the Tim Arson was in.

Either Paul Heyman or Tommy Dreamer pitched the idea of The Zombie. They might not been able to use extraterrestrial visitors, but they still had to use genre characters and gimmicks. No one was opposed to a zombie having its dead ass kicked, so The Zombie was a go. Arson was backstage that night for this very reason. Not to be The Zombie, but to be there if needed. He was an extra. Sometimes, they get to be security and get beat up by the Real wrestlers. And sometimes, they get to be fans and get beat up by the Real wrestlers. And sometimes… Mostly, they're there in case the Real wrestlers need to beat up some non-wrestler types. They may work a dark match or get jobbed out on TV, but mostly, they're there to get beat up. And when The Sandman needed someone to beat up, someone suggested Tim Arson.

Arson was put into tattered and torn clothes, his pockets were stuffed with dirt, and his face was caked in cheap makeup. Tim Arson, one-half of the (at the time) reigning WWC Tag Team champions, was no more. Now, there was only The Zombie. Lumbering to the ring before a confused and embarrassed crowd, The Zombie not only got into the ring. He got on the mic. The Zombie got on the mic and cut a zombie promo. He groaned, and he moaned into the mic, never speaking a single word. The crowd was as dead as The Zombie was meant to be. They could not care less about what they were seeing. All it was was confirmation that ECW was never coming back. They had checked out. Even Not Metallica's Enter Sandman hitting and the beer-swigging, cane-swinging Sandman making his way through them could get the crowd back.

Tim Arson took his less-than-thirty-second beating like a champ. Then, it was back to Puerto Rico to defend his tag titles four days later. A successful defense. Before the year was out, Arson and tag partner Rico Suave would drop the belts to Chris Joela and Huracan Castillo. Win them back from Joela and Huracan. Then, lose them again to, you guessed it, Chris Joel and Huracan Castillo. The remainder of Arson's time in Puerto Rico would be as a singles competitor. He'd continue to work in Puerto Rico, doing shows for IWA Puerto Rico, before the call of the American Independent Wrestling scene grew too loud to ignore. But they weren't calling for Tim Arson. They were calling The Zombie.

Working both gimmicks, Arson would take bookings as himself and The Zombie for a few years until giving up on himself. Not in that he stopped believing in himself and got all sad and mopey. He just stopped taking bookings as Tim Arson and started working as The Zombie full-time. Until 2014, The Zombie was a regular at shows promoted by Victory Pro Wrestling" and National Wrestling Superstars. Sadly, Timothy Calkins died in January 2015, putting an abrupt end to his career and life at just 38. Tim Arson was a solid worker and, in another era, would have had a place on the undercard in any territory. As The Zombie, he was a joke, but not all jokes are bad. He took this literal dead-on-arrival gimmick and gave it life—Carving out a nice little niche for himself in the already very niche world of wrestling. And if The Zombie were with us today, Tony Khan would've snatched him right up. Try and deny you wouldn't hand over hard-earned cash to see the All Elite Zombie. It'd be a helluva lot better than anything else AEW's done.

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The House Creeper

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The Lamp was on

The light was on. I hadn't touched it, and no one other than myself and the dogs and cats was home. And none of us had been downstairs, where the light in question resided. It was a small table lamp, black, with a mesh shade that projected a twisted, dark forest when on. Throughout the day, it had come on twice. Once sometime in the afternoon. And then again in the evening as I relocated to the first floor to begin on dinner. It was not uncommon for me to be alone in the house, but this day something felt off. I chalked it up to the gloomy weather, the threat of rain looming from dawn until dusk. A bitter cold filled the air, both inside and outside my home. A bastard cold, heavy with dread. For the first time in the year plus, I felt as if there were a presence lingering in my house. This was a new sensation, one not felt before. Despite the age of the domicile, over a hundred years old, the energy has never felt anything but hospitable. I am not one to believe in ghosts. Choosing instead to live by "suspension of disbelief." Life is more exciting if ghosts and ghouls walk among us. Though it seems improbable. Because of this stance, I ignored this feeling. -- I ignored the light and went about preparing dinner for my children. Thoughts of my father filled my head. Not an uncommon thing. But on that night, they were different. Stronger. In the day leading up to that night, I had found myself thinking of him more and more. Feeling a connection as elements of my current life mirror his. My wife sometimes writes letters to the dead, and that night the thought of writing to my dad took over my mind. And I very much considered penning a letter, telling him all the horrible and amazing things that have happened. Letting him know I was doing okay and that I never would've made it this far if not for him. Of course, I knew I'd never do it and went to watch some cartoons and wait for my family. The dogs were getting restless, possibly needing another walk, and it was as I got up to do just that, that my wife called. She had been in a car accident on her way home from school. No one was hurt, aside from our car. The panic and anxiety that haunts my daily life began to quickly rise. What would we do without our vehicle? How would my wife get to work and school? Our errands? Our kids? How much would all this cost? But just as these thoughts grew overwhelming, a feeling of calm pushed them back. Yeah, this wasn't a welcomed event, but life never is, and we'd get through just as we always had. These were not my thoughts. My thinking is never so calm and rational, and I knew this was my dad. And he had been there all day, ready to make sure my family and I got passed this obstacle.

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One of my few prized possessions. The cream always rises to the top. Happy Birthday Macho Man Randy savage. May your madness never be forgotten.

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Review: Barbarian.

The world needs more flicks like Barbarian. The whitest director you know, Zach Cregger, takes viewers on a spookhouse ride with plenty of dark turns and intense drops, unlike anything anyone is doing today. The setup is ingeniously simple; Tess (Georgina Campbell) arrives at her Airbnb rental only to find a man already staying there. Keith (Bill Skarsgård) claims to have also rented out the house at 476 Barbary St. Early on, the flick teases the audience with an air of looming dread. Something is off, and it appears pretty obvious what it is. Spoiler Warning. Things are nowhere near as predictable as they seem. Cregger manages to stay one step ahead of his viewer, taking a concept that effortlessly could've been a forgettable thriller and transforming it into a modern grindhouse masterpiece. High praise indeed. But, well deserved. Barbarian is the rare sorta flick that's difficult to review; giving away or elaborating on specific details would only taint the viewing experience. It could even ruin it, like trying to explain a joke. An apt comparison when taking into account Cregger's roots with the comedy trope "The Whitest Kids you Know." In fact, it could be argued the entirety of Barbarian is structured similarly to a joke. Only with scares instead of laughs. Okay, there are a few laughs. If there is one complaint to be found, it may be that the characters, for the most part, feel somewhat empty, less like actual people and more like avatars for the writer to speak through. Tess is a woman who can't see the red flags waving right in her face. Keith is a generic charming, yet slightly creepy dude. AJ is a run-of-the-mill sleazeball Hollywood type. Essentially they're all set-dressing, plastic skeletons and rubber corpses to fill out the halls of this ride. And to the cast's credit, they do this superbly. Never really hindering or distracting from the overall experience being presented, aside from a few minor occasions. Predominantly with AJ's flimsy character ark, which perhaps would've benefited from more ambiguousness. A case could be made that the overall theme of Barbarian is: "Men are wicked." And while elements of that theme are certainly there, they're not the focal point. Of course, they could be overanalyzed at tedium, with obvious parallels drawn between modern men and barbarians of old. Or discussions on the corruptive dangers of male influence on women. Digging deeper is not necessary for the enjoyment of the ride. However, if looking for the social commentary in horror is your scene, doing so here won't lessen the film's impact. Which is an impressive achievement for any film. Barbarian can somehow exist as both mindless entertainment and social commentary. Already essential viewing for any and all horror fans, new and old. This one is an instant classic.