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omfg this took me so long (alternate color scheme below bc idfk which one looks better)

Maggot's Nest/ennui/decay vibes (heavily related to my ff) the only reason he's naked is bc drawing clothes on him would've been hard... with th. the bones

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Collection of Bleach stuff, mostly inspired by AU talk with a pal. I've just been super feeling horizontal compositions lately.

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i am nooooot locked the fuck in. im locked the fuck out. call the locksmith

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Art by Pavel Oleinik

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TIL Dr. Sigmund Freud was addicted to smoking and failed to quit for good throughout a 45 years long battle that included 33 operations for cancer of the jaw, an artificial jaw replacement, and attacks of “tobacco angina” exacerbated by nicotine . He was known to smoke up to twenty cigars a day.

via reddit.com

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Read from right to left*

Gilga is chronically actively suicidal and has tried way more than 25 times in my hc

⸻

The night was quiet.

So quiet that even the wind sounded like sand scraping against the eardrum.

They were both on the balcony.

Nodt sat on the ground, hands gripping the railing, legs dangling outside, swaying in the air.

Gilga leaned against the railing, an unlit cigarette between his lips, eyes drifting toward the sliver of new moon in the sky.

There were no signals of collapse in the air. No processed emotions. Only one of them suddenly spoke—voice even, like cold metal dropped into a tank of water.

“I won't say that I'm alive... I'm just not dead yet.”

He said it without emphasis, without tremor, without pause. As natural as stating the temperature. As if it had been chewed a thousand times inside him before he let it out.

Nodt didn’t move. He wasn’t surprised.

He just turned his head slightly, glanced at Gilga, then slowly let his gaze drift forward again.

The air seemed to sink a little.

He didn’t reply right away. Even he was silent for longer than usual, as if the words hadn’t been said to him, but simply thrown into the balcony space to see who’d be the first to pick them up.

The silence held for five, six seconds.

Long enough to feel like a short dream.

Then he spoke. Voice soft, emotionless, even slightly water-soaked and hoarse:

“Death......really isn’t an easy thing.”

A second passed. He added, as if finishing the sentence:

“...Especially when people are looking for it.”

It wasn’t philosophy.

It wasn’t a lofty pose.

It wasn’t a gentle “don’t be like this.”

It was like a sheet of glass pressed in front of Gilga’s eyes—

not an answer, but a temperature to perceive.

Gilga didn’t say anything. He just kept the cigarette in his mouth, eyes dropping to Nodt’s knuckles wrapped around the bars.

Then his mouth twitched—almost a smile, almost too tired to keep talking.

The light was still on, but no one had touched it in a long time.

Only the two of them were left in the air—

one standing, a cigarette hanging from his mouth;

the other sitting between the rails, hair damp, shoulders slack.

Gilga stared at him.

His brow raised slightly—not in amusement this time,

but like he had just caught something—

A way of speaking too calm, too familiar.

Not someone quoting a story.

Someone who’d been there.

He didn’t think too much—

the words came out on their own.

“Then...what about you?”

Not concern.

Not closeness.

Just a beat-late recognition:

You weren’t talking about someone else.

You’ve walked that line too.

Nodt didn’t look up right away.

He was quiet for two seconds,

as if confirming: so we’re really going there, huh.

Then he lowered his head, as if sinking back to a dream—eyes falling to the void and height under his dangling feet.

His voice was low.

So low it didn’t even sound meant for Gilga.

More like he was speaking to the versions of himself that hadn’t died.

“I've...been on that edge for too long.”

In that moment, he wasn’t Nodt.

Not the one who puked on you, licked your mouth,

not the one whose need for control bit through everything.

He was someone who had once been trapped—

by a hospital bed, by convulsions, by bitten lips and a throat that wouldn’t open.

His head bowed, fingers pressed to the railing,

like feeling for the bars of a cell he never escaped.

Then he said one more thing,

“Human body......truly is amazing.”

Not praise.

Not awe.

Just a joke told by someone too tired to laugh—

The kind of joke you make when you’ve tried to die

and your body just keeps refusing.

Gilga stared at him.

At that lowered head.

At the way his neck looked like a taut string about to snap.

The light hit Nodt’s shoulder,

and it looked like he was still folding inward—

like someone who’d “walked too long” hadn’t quite made it back.

Gilga’s breath came a little uneven.

He didn’t cough, didn’t sigh, didn’t curse.

He just said, low and hoarse,

“......Tell me about it.”

You don't say.

Like stepping onto the same soil where he once buried something. And now someone else stood there, too.

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i cant wait until i lock in. im gonna lock in so hard, like, next week or something. you’ll see. you’ll all see.

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Izuru in these?

hey

what kind of izuru would you like to see me draw?

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low end.

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its the simple things

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i've been thinking about drowning, is it better or worse alone?

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Your honour, I admit that I do have a superiority complex over not watching Disney "live action" remakes, but in my defense, I am right

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(suicide cw) Is it my fault? YES Was it all for nothing? YES

Inspired by this song and its video

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ep 172

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hot artists don't gatekeep

I've been resource gathering for YEARS so now I am going to share my dragons hoard

Floorplanner. Design and furnish a house for you to use for having a consistent background in your comic or anything! Free, you need an account, easy to use, and you can save multiple houses.

Comparing Heights. Input the heights of characters to see what the different is between them. Great for keeping consistency. Free.

Magma. Draw online with friends in real time. Great for practice or hanging out. Free, paid plan available, account preferred.

Smithsonian Open Access. Loads of free images. Free.

SketchDaily. Lots of pose references, massive library, is set on a timer so you can practice quick figure drawing. Free.

SculptGL. A sculpting tool which I am yet to master, but you should be able to make whatever 3d object you like with it. free.

Pexels. Free stock images. And the search engine is actually pretty good at pulling up what you want.

Figurosity. Great pose references, diverse body types, lots of "how to draw" videos directly on the site, the models are 3d and you can rotate the angle, but you can't make custom poses or edit body proportions. Free, account option, paid plans available.

Line of Action. More drawing references, this one also has a focus on expressions, hands/feet, animals, landscapes. Free.

Animal Photo. You pose a 3d skull model and select an animal species, and they give you a bunch of photo references for that animal at that angle. Super handy. Free.

Height Weight Chart. You ever see an OC listed as having a certain weight but then they look Wildly different than the number suggests? Well here's a site to avoid that! It shows real people at different weights and heights to give you a better idea of what these abstract numbers all look like. Free to use.

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I still struggle with this a lot, but one thing that did help, oddly, was being friends(ish) with the most arrogant, annoying person I knew.

They didn't care about anyone's feelings, or speaking nicely to people, but also valued honesty above anything else?? So they gave me permission to stop being polite to them and meet them on their level. As a result we were actually able to communicate and work well on a project where everyone else had failed before.

I've never been ruder or more honest with anyone in my life, but as someone who has never been allowed to argue or yell, it was weirdly relieving.

There are so many opportunities I feel I missed out on because I didn't want to make a fuss or stand my ground, so it's worth trying to improve even though it's terrifying.

btw being excessively nonconfrontational is NOT a positive trait. it does not mean u are “too nice” or just too kind to hurt people, it means u have a problem communicating and you need to work on it.