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“The Helmet of Hate!” from Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen #68 (1963) by Jerry Siegel and Curt Swan

Unexpectedly...

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“Why Superman Needs a Secret Identity!” from Action Comics #305 (1963) by Leo Dorfman and Curt Swan “Great Krypton... Superman defeated us by capturing fifteen pieces at one time!”

Superman definitely doesn’t know how to play chess.

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- Superman #192 (1967) by Otto Binder and Curt Swan In this imaginary story featuring a de-powered Clark who has forgotten that he’s Superman for five years, what shocking secret has prevented his friends from letting him know the truth??

ah. Right.

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- “The End of Clark Kent’s Secret Identity!” Action Comics #313 (1964) Art by Al Plastino Batman is sad because he has inadvertently betrayed the trust of his close friend, Superman.

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“Supergirl’s Super Boy-Friends!” from Action Comics #290 (1962) Written by Jerry Siegel; Art by Jim Mooney

Supergirl, like Superman, has an emergency squad of tiny Kandorians to come help when she’s in trouble. Unlike Superman’s, it’s unofficial and composed of teen girls she’s inspired in Kandor.

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Sometimes you learn things from old comics. Sometimes you learn about terrible things. This particular thing I learned about is the “Apache Dance,” an early 20th-century French form of dance that involves simulated hair-pulling and slaps that apparently was like, a thing in 50s/60s American culture. It’s used here as a set-up for a “ha ha Jimmy keeps accidentally beating his girlfriend” story.

I’m going to put the image below the cut as a trigger warning.

“Olsen, Roughneck!” from Superman’s Pal, Jimmy Olsen #61 (1962) Written by Robert Bernstein; art by John Forte

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“Superman’s Super-Courtship!” from Action Comics #289 (1962) Written by Jerry Siegel; art by Jim Mooney

Another L.L.: Luma Lyna, the woman Superman sought out (with Supergirl’s help) specifically to try and marry because she looks just like his cousin Supergirl all grown-up, since it would be illegal to marry the actual Supergirl. That’s literally what happens in the story.

Superman’s relationship to Linda has never not been really uncomfortable so far.

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“The Death of Luthor!” from Action Comics #286 (1962) written by Jerry Siegel, art by Jim Mooney

One of the first things Supergirl does after making her existence public is to literally bring Luthor back from the dead after he accidentally kills himself instead of her with a death ray. She uses some rare death-ray counteracting elements to do it. It’s an interesting (and oddly executed, I gotta say) take on the “why not just kill the supervillain” question. Linda’s moral ground is so high she’ll even resurrect the supervillain so they can go to jail.

Luthor, of course, is not appreciative.

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“The Jury of Super-Enemies!” from Action Comics #286 (1962) written by Robert Bernstein, art by Curt Swan and George Klein

Silver age stories are normally so goofy and sugary that when actual villains show up and do evil things it feels extra chilling. It’s what gives the great story “The Death of Superman!” (the one from 1961) so much of its impact, for example. Which is to say that I’m genuinely creeped out by these aliens capturing and poisoning Superman’s dog to test different flavors of kryptonite and see what they can use to destroy him.

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“The Magic Spectacles!” from Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane #31 (1962) written by Leo Dorfman, art by John Forte

I would be so happy if Clark was just always a tiny adorable baby sheep.

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“The Three Tough Teenagers!” from Superman #151 (1962) written by Jerry Siegel, art by Al Plastino

Remember kids, be good or Superman will force you to become emperor of the plant people. to... teach you some sort of lesson??

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“The Torpedo Will Get You If You Don’t Watch Out!” - Daredevil #59 (1969) by Roy Thomas, Gene Colan, and Syd Shores

I’m a huge fan of generic supervillains. This guy is supposedly an expensive badass mercenary. This is his first appearance and he falls off of a building and dies six pages later, never to be heard from again.

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“The Conquest of Superman!” from Action Comics #277 Written by Bill Finger, art by Curt Swan and John Forte

“I call this my Reminder Room! Those crossed-out calendar days remind me how many years I’ve spent in prison because of Superman -- and that I must never lag in my war against him!”

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“The Conquest of Superman!” from Action Comics #277 Written by Bill Finger, art by Curt Swan and John Forte

Lex Luthor is the kind of guy that builds a giant remote control “fourth-dimensional arm” and uses it to literally steal Fort Knox.

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It’s probably best if I give this as little context to this one as possible.

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“Lois Lane’s Super-Daughter!” from Superman’s Girl Friend, Lois Lane #20 (October 1960) By Jerry Siegel and Kurt Schaffenberger

The idea that Supergirl would have a “Fortress of Recreation” rather than a Fortress of Solitude illustrates why she’s such an interesting addition to the cast. She has fun with her superpowers in a way that Superman doesn’t.

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“Call Him... Fear!” -  Daredevil #54 (July 1969) by Roy Thomas and Gene Colan

Remember that time Matt Murdock faked his own death so he could stop being bothered by his friends and just be Daredevil all the time, and then broke into Karen’s house and stole her only memento of her apparently dead friend and lover?

Matt Murdock makes bad decisions.