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i bet people dont understand that im joking 800% of the time

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*Seductively lays on a table* Hey bab- *Table breaks*

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I can’t imagine fighting in armor. I feel uncomfortable just walking uphill in blue jeans

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Mick Jagger, 72, is having a kid, his 8th, with his 29 year old girlfriend, who is 16 years younger than his oldest child, which is 45. But two moms or two dads is too difficult to explain to a seven year old.

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you’ve been visited by the ✨grandma of prosperity✨🍻 reblog for good fortune and mad cash 💰💸💥🔫💸💰

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things straight ppl say in movies

girl: what are you doing?

boy: something i should have done a long time ago

*violent make out scene*

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What I understand: jack shit

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The first thing that greets me when i come home is my wifi.

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Me: *starts crying* Me to myself: omg here go your lil crybaby ass…

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i wish i had tumblr when i was a neurotic teenager don’t take this community for granted okay

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me: man i love people maybe i'm not as introverted as i thought, i can be around people forever

me exactly one hour later: no

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XP/98 remix

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boy: *is literally 1 year younger than me* boy: *hits on me* me: thanks…… but…. no thanks…. i’m old enough to be your mother……..

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platonic “I love you"s are the Best