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Home is...Part 3

Last post, I ended by saying Jesus is the ultimate pillow and the ultimate measure of home. You can read more of how I got to that conclusion here (Insert link). 

Psalm 139:7-10 ESV says, 

“Where shall I go from your Spirit?    Or where shall I flee from your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there! 9 If I take the wings of the morning    and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea, 10 even there your hand shall lead me,    and your right hand shall hold me. ”

If this is true, then we cannot find a place where God is not. And if we cannot go away from His presence, then there is no where that has even the remotest possibility of NOT being home. See, more than being the place where you “belong” or the geographical location you find yourself at night, home is a state of being. For Christians, this is and always will be with Christ. 

Paul, in the New Testament, talks about the many circumstances he found himself in because of Christ. He experienced great bounty and deep dependence. He suffered cold and hunger, nakedness and strife. He also knew overwhelming love, incomprehensible peace, and unity among the brothers and sisters in Christ. 

This leads me to believe that home has less to do with our physical and material circumstances, and more to do with our mental attitudes and relationships with God and each other.  

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Home is...Part 2

In a previous post, I talked about the nuance in the word home in regard to going to college. Today I want to talk about a more vast application of that idea. 

Get this: “Home is where the pillow is.”

Contrary to the cliche (”home is where the heart is”) used in abundance and in much advice, my saying is much more realistic and motivational. I often find that, surprise surprise, my heart wanders. Some days I want to go to home #1 with my parents. Other times my heart is somewhere I have traveled to. Other times it is at Concordia, and other times, it is in heaven. The point is, I have found my heart to be an unreliable measure of “home.”

If my heart were the thermometer to homey-ness, I don’t believe I could ever feel “at home” anywhere for any long period of time. Alas, #wanderlust is an issue, as is #dissatisfaction and #reality. This is where the motivation of present reality in the second mantra comes in. If my pillow, an inanimate object of comfort, is my thermometer, then it can be a constant. It can travel with me to different places, even when my stubborn heart refuses to. It can remind me, tangibly, of where I am (this technique is called mindfulness and aids in lessening anxiety and producing overall contentment).

This state of mind also allows me to be more flexible with my heart and my plans. It allows me the freedom to say “YES!” to wherever God takes me, for a short while or an eternity (it might seem). No matter where God places my pillow, I know in the end HE is always there, and HE is always constant. Even if I lose my pillow, I am guaranteed to not lose Christ. God send the Holy Spirit as a guarantee of that promise. 

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Home is...Part 1

The admissions team at Concordia works hard to make our campus a home for students both prospective and returning. Everything from the tours, to the various events leading up to WOW (Week of Welcome) week for freshmen points to the great community and sense of family and home that is possible on campus. Conversely for non-freshman students, different departments such as RES also work hard to continue to make Concordia a place for students to grow and thrive. 

Unfortunately, no matter how much is invested in making the campus “homey” there is no way to go around the fact that moving to a different place means moving to a different place. Students will still face a sense of homesickness and go through a time where they doubt their place and significance on campus. 

This is not unique to just moving to college, but also a part of every moving process. As the year comes to an end, a lot of my friends, who happen to be graduating seniors, are thinking lots on the implications of leaving home, once again. Concordia holds many beautiful memories and relationships, and students often don’t feel ready to leave those behind. As the close of a significant life chapter, undergraduate studies, comes about, it can be hard to focus on the uncertainty of the future. 

In response to the many doubts and fears I have come across, this semester, I dedicate the following posts to the graduating class. I hope that these reflections on the scriptures and different definitions of home are of comfort. 

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An Insider’s Look...Part 3

The days following the paper submission were a blur. I found myself having more time. This was both a blessing and a curse. The blessings were mostly focused on the paper, and the hopes I had for it. I spent time dreaming of presenting my project before the faculty and winning and getting published. The downside pertained to the fact that I had so much other homework to complete. Remember how I told you that I spent loads of time working on the paper? Well, that meant I sacrificed a lot of other things, like time with friends and homework. 

Thankfully, we had Easter Break. I was able to catch up on loads of reading and put my mind on other papers and presentations due for my other classes. I returned to class with a renewed sense of energy. 

I also returned to campus having forgotten that the poster presentation was that very week. With the help of my faculty mentor as well as friends and family, I was able to complete and order a professionally printed poster. It was express shipped and arrived the day before the Poster Session. 

The excitement of the finality of the project began to hit me. I began to realize that I had entered into something really really big. Thankfully, I didn’t have to dwell on it too much as all the work had been submitted or printed, and all I had to do was present. 

The morning of the poster session I dressed up and marched to class with determination. I set up my poster and awaited the crowds. Friends came by to show their support, as well as faculty judges. I presented from 11-1pm, answering questions and just sharing about my passions and the research I had done. I was so proud. 

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An Insider’s Look into CUI’s Presidential Showcase of Undergraduate Research Part 2

We last left off on the details of finishing the paper portion of the Showcase project. I could hardly sleep the week before. Each time I laid my head on my pillow, thoughts would invade my mind. I was continually working on the project, even in my sleep. I would often wake in the wee hours of the morning to jot down an important connection or a revision that would make the paper stronger. To say that I wrote the paper in my sleep would not be an exaggeration. 

However, enlightening and exciting this process was, it was equally exhausting. See, my life had not stopped solely on account of the new research I was doing. I still had to attend class and show up to work. I still had homework that was due, and papers to write. I still had to make it to the cafeteria in time to eat meals.  After about a week of this extreme devotion to my paper, I was starting to crash. The Tuesday deadline could not come any sooner, and yet there was still so much to do. Instead of drowning in a sea of overwhelming feelings, I decided to micro-manage my time. I schedule every minute of my day, creating a regimen to ensure utmost efficiency. 

And it worked. 

Tuesday morning came, and I woke up two hours before my regular alarm. I submitted the paper, and took a shower. I dressed up in a professional dress, wore tights and my capezio heels and set to clopping around campus with a huge smile on my face. I stopped everyone, random strangers and beloved friends alike to tell them the joy and relief it was to have submitted the paper. I positively glowed with pride. I could not wait to hear what the judges would think of my paper, my poster, and my project on the whole.  

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An Insider’s Look Into CUI’s Presidential Showcase of Undergraduate Research Part 1

Concordia holds an annual competition to showcase undergraduate students’ research. Students partner with faculty mentors across all disciplines to produce a paper, a poster, and a presentation of their work in one semester. The submissions are graded by a diverse panel of faculty, which challenges students to write and present a relevant topic that is worthy of their field as well as accessible to an educated audience. 

It has been my dream to enter into the showcase since the moment I heard about it. In fact, my first semester, I was asked to expand my Core Philosophy paper into a showcase. Unfortunately, I was not able to compete the task my freshman year due to circumstances surrounding the intensity of planning and working towards the Around-the-World Semester (R). The next year, I was recovering from my previous semester abroad. Somewhere before the end of that semester, I saw that my time at Concordia was slipping away, so I vowed to enter the next year, no matter what. I figured that my schedule wouldn’t slow down, but that was no excuse for abstaining. 

So, I hunkered down, talked to a few professors, and settled on topic. I made room in my schedule, just like I would for a regular class. Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from 3:10-4:00pm I was researching, writing, or expressly focusing on my project. The more I researched, the more I changed my mind. I changed the topic. I read more books. I visited my faculty mentor, who suggested I broaden my research and focus on what I was passionate about. So, I started going to the Langston Library at UCI. I closed the library a few too many times, scanning endless pages of anthologies on topics relating to my general interests, gaining more and more items on my reading list. 

As the deadline approached, I began to get anxious. It seemed there was not enough time in the world to finish the research I had begun. I journaled a lot during that time. I wrote out frustrations I had with research, the paper writing process, and my topic in general. I wrote speeches, pleaded with invisible audiences, focused strictly on research, and wrote so many drafts. In the days prior to the deadline for the final paper I spent over 24 hours editing, formatting, and finessing the paper. I churned out at least 2 drafts everyday, each of which contained major revisions. In short, I poured myself into the work. 

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What I Learned From NOT Winning the Showcase

In previous posts, I have detailed my wonderful experience in participation with CUI’s Presidential Showcase of Undergraduate Research. As you can gather from the title, I didn’t make it to the round of finalists. I got the rejection email several hours after the session. It was such a disappointment. I was in shock. I was angry. To be perfectly frank, I cried. 

The more I thought about it, the more upset I became. The more upset I got, the more I tried to rationalize the decision, and the more I rationalized, the more I realized that there was nothing that I could do, or could have done. So I got frustrated. I thought that I had failed somehow, but I hadn’t failed. I had successfully completed a complex research project and executed a fine delivery. Every step of the way I had done my absolute best. 

Somehow, none of this rationalization made me feel any better. The pain of rejection was very real, especially when I had put so much effort, care, devotion, and love into a project. At first it seems like the whole project was a complete loss. For a few hours I was a nihilist. I contemplated the importance of completing something if it is not going to win. Nihilism has never been of any comfort to me, so I was not satisfied to just let the feelings drift away into oblivion under the banner of apathy. Stoicism also did not help. It was not an accurate reflection of my emotional state, and I really dislike sweeping issues under the proverbial rug. 

I went back to my poster. I looked at it long and hard and the result was a frustrating conviction that I was going about this whole acceptance thing all wrong. See, I had made these two models which outline the motivations of individuals toward action  and change in a social justice context. The first is fueled by negative emotions such as dissatisfaction and guilt, while the second is propelled to action by more positive activities such as delight in Christ and an understanding of the freedom he has given us. 

I realized that I was dissatisfied with the outcome of the presentations, in particular, the fact that mine had not made it into finals. I was stuck in a negative cycle of criticism, self-doubt, and anger that was not founded on reality. The truth is, I did a good job, I just didn’t get picked. These two items are not mutually dependent on one another. There was a beautiful freedom in understanding that the judges’ final decisions was not a reflection on my paper’s success or failure overall. 

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Guatemala Initiative Part 2

Within the last year, Concordia finalized a five-year commitment with CALMS (Central American Lutheran Mission Society) to send three teams (every Thanksgiving break, Spring break, and May) to a small village outside of La Union, Guatemala. According to Dr. Preuss, the Dean of School of Arts and Science and a strong supporter of the initiative who has gone three times in the last year says, “Concordia is a great match as much can be done to help with spiritual formation, health and wellness, and education.”

Concordia sent a team in May of 2015 to explore the possibility of working with CALMS and the village of El Progresso in particular. Immediately after their return to the US, the team began to plan the program. Concordia has pledged to send three teams a year (Thanksgiving Break, Spring Break, and a May Term). In November of 2015 we sent a group of students to lead VBS activities, collect and publish stories from around the village, and figure out ways to practically help the community move forward. A group of business students took down 5 backpacker-style water filters to give to a select group of families in the hopes that more could be purchased and distributed by future teams. 

A second student team was sent in late February where we followed up with the initial contacts made the previous times. Armed with suitcases full of crayons and other craft supplies, the team lead two days of vibrant VBS. The lessons focused on the power of water in the gospel. The children learned about the promise God made to Noah through rainbow, as well as the humility of Christ as a servant washing his disciples’ feet. 

Thanks to donations from both the Men’s Soccer and Volleyball teams as well as other donors, the Spring 2016 team was also able to bring down sports equipment to host a sports clinic for two days. Activities included stations for jump rope, tee-ball and baseball, soccer, volleyball, and when all else failed, red light green light. 

Following up with the more pressing issues of water filtration, the team also spent the week distributing 25 water filters to families chosen by the COCODE, the local community government. The team asked about the effectiveness of the filters in the village and were met with positive feedback. The community is asking for 250 more filters so that every family can have access to clean water. Dr. Preuss and other leaders, particularly members of the CALMS team are working together to find a practical solution that will help the community gain a better standard of living while also encouraging independence and entrepreneurship.  

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Resetting to Renewal

Abbeywest picked Renewal as the theme for this year. The theme has at times been poignant, applicable, and seemingly ironic. The constant reminder to rest on campus is helpful, but can also lead to frustration. There have been many times this year when I have been overwhelmed with the busy-ness of student life, wanted a respite, and struggled to find it. 

It wasn’t until this past week that I realized that rest and renewal demand effort. This idea seems a bit counter-intuitive. However, our natural state is one of continual motion. There are always events to attend, assignments to complete, and friends to hang out with. With no clear direction, our schedules simply become stuffed with things to do. Thus, it takes time, effort, planning, and preparation to schedule rest. 

To the average tired (exhausted) college student, planning another responsibility seems to be yet another challenge to overcome. It is easy to forget the feeling of being full and rested, to operate on a tank half empty. Granted, every few weeks students get a break, but I have learned that binge sleeping is not effective method of rest.This is because physical rest is NOT the only type of rest people need. There is also a great need for intellectual, emotional, and spiritual rest. 

Rest, no matter what kind, demands time. It requires a suspension of one activity so that another can commence. By allowing for little bursts of rest to pervade our day, we can function on a more mature level, keeping consistency high. 

What are you doing to make sure you are rested throughout this week?

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The Art of Reading: Discovery

I was asked this weekend why I love reading. If I had to say it in one word, it would be ADVENTURE. Reading is about discovery. It is about learning and growing and traveling and truly living life. On the journey to a favorite book, one encounters sad books, horrid books, mediocre books, and even some good books. They all take time, but they all work together to help the reader grow in some way. In this way, books and reading are much like life. There are good and bad circumstances as well as forgettable ones and favorite ones. 

I love reading because it keeps me grounded. It reminds me of the most important things in life, and teaches me to manage my time. It helps me to develop as a person, as a student, as an educator. Reading reminds me that there is still so much to learn. 

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The Art of Reading: Finding Motivation

I often hear students lament over the challenges of reading. Most of the complaints are centered around the problem of low motivation. Students, especially non-English majors, find it hard to devote two or more hours per night to a novel. They are not interested or fail to engage with the text and enter into a cycle of running behind on readings for class and becoming overdependent on summary services such as Shmoop and Sparknotes. 

Personally, I find motivation to read when I am able to engage the text and make connections. If I fail to see the relevance of a text in my life, it is challenging to put in the effort to read it. Sometimes the relevance comes from the fact that the text is speaking to topics of interest in the public sphere today, but mostly in college, it has more to do with the grade in tow. 

As a student, my heart goes out to my fellow students crushed under pages of reading as they chant “C’s get degrees.” As a scholar, however, I weep. It is sad that students are just getting by or hoping to survive a class without truly engaging the material presented. 

What is the point of college if we are only surviving? What is the goal we are trying to reach? Are we just machines that churn out assignments? NO! We are human beings with souls and desires. We face challenges and overcome. Reading, to some extent, is the continuation of someone’s story. Someone writing about their dreams, desires, and challenges. Whether it is in a novel, an article, or a textbook, literature is significant because it ties humanity together. 

If you are struggling to find the motivation to finish your reading for this week, I encourage you to make a grander connection. Find the reason to learn something new, to experience another aspect of life. 

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A Great Team for a Great Time

Pictured above, left to right: Christian Woodfin, senior, Matt Hood, junior, Amanda Johnson, sophomore, Abigail Lozano, junior, Matt Jaeger, junior, Kenny Reyes, senior. 

Humility and cooperation are two very important components that make up any successful team. It allows for there to be freedom to live and love and forgive each other in the ways in which we have been given life, unconditional love and forgiveness in Christ. That is the greatest witness, even better than the perfectly phrased sermon. 

I spent my spring break in Guatemala with this wonderful group of students. We were the second group of students to be sent out by Concordia as a part of the new Guatemala Initiative. We sat together, laughed together, ate together, and prayed together. But, really, we made an awesome team. Some would say it was because of the great pep talk/devotion that Dr. Preuss, our team leader gave us on the importance of teamwork. Others might say it was that we balanced each other’s personalities out. I think it has more to do with the fact that there was a spirit of unity and a desire to learn and work alongside each other. 

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A Promise of God’s Love

Over spring break, the team hosted VBS. Our theme was Water. Of course, we told the story of Noah and the rainbow. As each group of kids walked into the tiny little makeshift classroom, we narrated the story of God’s love for humanity, His sadness at sin, and His faithfulness to Noah and his family. The end of the story brought many smiles and a question to point to Christ. 

“Did you know that the rainbow is a promise from God to us?”

Many kids didn’t know. 

We explained that God promised He would never again destroy the earth with water and that the rainbow points us to Jesus, God’s provision for our salvation. 

The last day we spent in the village there were scattered showers. On the bus ride back we were met with this gorgeous double rainbow, the perfect end to a wonderful week. 

Looking back through all my pictures, I can see the promise of the rainbow woven through every smile and silly face. I can see the promise of the faithfulness of God’s work in the small rural village of El Progresso

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Keeping the Motivation Alive

I recently posted about my new-found motivation to read out of a desire to be a better person. You might be thinking one of two things, either, “She’s crazy!” or “That’s a nice idea, I wonder how it helps me.” 

While I do admit to being a bit eccentric, I also understand the importance of defining application, especially when time is limited. So, here is what works for me. 

Reality Check: It is important to assess what is reasonable at this moment and what should remain a goal for another time. For example, I know that my time is not my own from 9-5pm most days out of the week because I am attending classes or working on campus. 

Be Your Own Personal Secretary: Making sure to update your calendar with upcoming events and creating to-do lists is vital to keeping organized and maximizing your time. 

Be Mindful: But I have started reclaiming little moments to be mindful of the blessing it is to struggle to find a balance between work, school, and friends while also acknowledging that I am learning and growing. These moments are usually found going to and from class or the office. They last anywhere from 2-10 minutes as I run up the stairs of the amphitheater grooving to my new playlist or as I stop by the cool new water fountain in Founder’s to fill up my water bottle. 

Go Somewhere Scholarly: Visit the library, stop by a professor’s office, or swing by UCI’s campus. Sometimes changing your surroundings can help you get into the mindset you need to reorient towards success. I have found that surrounding myself by people and places that require excellence helps me set my personal bar a few notches higher. It also helps put little-campus drama into perspective

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Investing in Education

Education is one of the biggest investments in life. We dedicate decades of time reading, writing, and taking exams. In college we write papers and pull all-nighters. What is the point? Changing lives.

Once upon a time there was a family of 5. They had two little girls and a little boy. The eldest girl was a tomboy, the middle one was a girly-girl, and the boy was obsessed with Zorro. One day as they were celebrating the eldest girl’s 7th birthday, the family invited family and friends. One of the guests was a friend of the little girl’s aunt. His name was David and he was just a regular college student. He brought a special gift to the birthday girl. He gave her a set of Jack London novels. 

Time went on and the kids grew up to be voracious readers, the oldest girl would read White Fang and Call of the Wild every year. Slowly their little library grew. During the summers the girls would enter reading competitions at the local library. They both took honors classes in high school and got prestigious academic scholarships to their respective universities. One of the girls ended up becoming an English major when she went off to college. And it all started because a cool college kid brought some books as a gift to a birthday party. 

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Guatemala Initiative Part 1

Pictured above is the official Guatemala Initiative information flyer to raise awareness and funds for this and future trips with in the next 5 years.

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A New Motivation To Read

“I am drowning in reading!” - every Core student ever

It is a fact of life here at Concordia that sophmore Core takes reading to new levels of being overwhelming, even for an English major. Though I am now done with Core, I have definitely been there, thinking there is no way to survive the endless pages for English, let alone History.

Having all that extra time *ahem* *sarcasm* to reflect on how Core has made me more “wise, honorable, and cultivated,” I have learned a few things about myself and the importance of education.

I have learned that there are things I do for others and thing I do for myself. This year, instead of simply completing a reading for the syllabus or for a prof who will quiz the class every time they meet, I am intentionally looking for reasons to read for myself.

That’s right, I want to do it for ME. See, reading tons of great literature has helped shape me into a better person, and that was when it was forced on me from the institution. Imagine the great delight it is to find life changing articles, novels, and works that change your soul on your own. I want to keep growing as a person. I also want to be conscious of the ideas that are shaping my thoughts and actions.

After all, knowledge is power.