confessionsofa20-something

[confessionsofa20-something]

So, this morning I was at a gas station, and I had my puppy with me because he's too young to stay at home alone all day and he didn't want to stay in the car while I pumped gas. So, I'm pumping my gas, and the guy at the pump on the other side (like, the one that's shared) complimented my hair. Then he saw the puppy, and asked if he could pet him. Of course I said yes. We talked for a minute while our gas pumped, just small talk. Then he asked if he could have my number. I said yes (idk why, men genuinely scare me), and I gave it to him. He almost immediately texted me and said it was nice to meet. I agreed, and then we chatted on and off all day, during which time he disclosed that he recently got out of a long term relationship. I told him pretty early on that I wasn't looking for anything right now because I didn't want to lead him on. He said that was cool and we kept texting. He texted me on my way home from work and we chatted a good bit more. Since I told him I wasn't looking for a relationship I was a little shocked when he said he wanted to see me this weekend. I agreed with some reservations at first, but then he pushed it saying he wanted to hug me and make me blush. Now, I literally met this person less than 12 hours before this conversation happened. I felt like I was 22 again with my first serious boyfriend who pushed me further and further every day until he got what he wanted from me. It was a horrible feeling.

Here's the point of my story: I had to do something that truly terrifies me, I was honest and blunt and told him he was being too forward for me. I told him that it wasn't his fault, which it wasn't, and that I had no idea it would stir up these feelings. He was really cool about it. Then he asked if I wanted to be friends with benefits (which I thought was hilarious seeing as how I had just told him my feelings about being rushed into things).

Anyway, I learned a couple of things:

1. I can do hard, scary things. I can stand up for myself, and people can be receptive to hearing me.

2. People deserve the benefit of the doubt. I could have just ghosted him after he made me uncomfortable, and left things at that, but I didn't. And maybe we will become good friends because I didn't. Maybe we won't, maybe we are not alike or we won't really get along. But I owed it to him, and to myself, to give us the chance to get to know each other.

Maybe he'll turn out to be like the other men I've known and he won't be worth my time. I know I'm never going to be interested in dating him, but maybe he really is like the person I met and talked to all day and we will be friends for a long time. I'm just glad the pressure is off and that we have the chance to just be friends.

[confessionsofa20-something]

I've just started watching Grey's Anatomy. And so far my favorite thing has been the whole "decisions aren't hard" speech. Because I can so relate. Because it not hard. Its never hard. But it almost always hurts. Because we have to live with our decisions. And one choice will make us feel like we're dying, but the other will make us wish we were dead. So no, it's not hard, but it hurts like hell.

[confessionsofa20-something]

Walking away from someone you care about has to be one of the most painful things a person might ever do. I mean, to just leave someone to heal on their own. No calls, no hanging out together, no conversations about the future. You make one decision, and it all stops, it's all over in the blink of an eye. Maybe it's the pain of rejection, the fact that they don't need you to help them. The fact that there is nothing you can do for them.

[confessionsofa20-something]

Someone who knows better than I: don't do the thing... Me: *does the thing* Person: *shakes head* I am disappointed in you. Me: sorry, I shouldn't have done the thing...

[confessionsofa20-something]

All my friends are posting pictures of themselves and their boyfriends by Christmas trees and I’m over here like, “here’s me and my cat watching Merlin…”

[confessionsofa20-something]

Spoilers?

I ship Haymitch and Effie so hard.... Thank you SO much!

[confessionsofa20-something]

When I say I like an actor, I mean I think they are a decent person, and that I would actually like them if I met them in person. I can’t tell you how attached I get people I don’t even know…

[confessionsofa20-something]

It's so bad it hurts. I am actually in physical pain. Yet I find it oddly hilarious...

Give it a second…

http://failnation.tumblr.com

[confessionsofa20-something]

Pray for Paris.

[confessionsofa20-something]

My name is Taylor:

And I like K-Pop because it reminds me of my best friend.