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contemptuouspizza · 5 years ago

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Tomione Drunk Dialing???

Getting drunk was never a good idea for Hermione Granger.

It was a really phenomenally bad idea, but her friends were dirty rotten enablers, so.

They enabled.

“I mean–” She had to stop talking in the middle of her rant because her wine glass sloshed over the rim of her cup. She stared despondently at the splash of red wine on the ground for a long moment before Ginny leaned over and topped up her glass and she continued, “Who the fuck does he think he is? My–my dad? He’s not my dad.”

“What did he say?” Ginny asked.

“What?”

“What did he say to you?” Harry cut in. “You never said you just started ranting about his perfect teeth.”

“Ugh,” Hermione groaned emphatically, “He’s never even had braces. I know that because he grew up in an orphanage, so he couldn’t have–”

“Afforded them, yes.” Ron said from where he was lying face down on the loveseat, “You told us already!”

“Oh come on Ron,” Ginny laughed, “Don’t pretend this isn’t hilarious.”

“I like her better sober.” He grumbled into the couch cushions. “Less shrill.”

“Shrill?!” Hermione echoed, shrilly.

“What did he say?” Harry repeated.

Hermione took a long drink from her wine glass before answering, but even then she didn’t answer the question. “He doesn’t even–I don’t even know why he was there, he’s always fucking right there–”

“Here we go.” Ron muttered. Luna, sitting on the floor in front of him, patted his shoulder reassuringly but otherwise listened closely to Hermione’s ramblings.

“Like–” She took another gulp of her wine, “I get it, you think you’re smarter and better and prettier and smarter than me–but that doesn’t–like–give you the right to act like it.” She dropped her wine glass. “All the bloody time!”

“What did he say?” Ginny asked again, grabbing another glass.

“I don’t think she’s going to tell us,” Luna interjected, “She needs to get her anger out first.”

“And where does he get off,” She seethed, “Commenting on my dating life. It has nothing to do with him. I don’t comment on his…activities. Does he even date?”

The door opened in the middle of her rant, distracting her long enough to hold her glass still so Ginny could sneak in another top up as Draco Malfoy walked in with a six-pack of beer.

“Oh bollocks,” He said as soon as he laid eyes on Hermione. “I’m leaving.”

“No you’re not!” Harry said, waving him over excitedly, “Come watch the show!”

“Did you bring Pansy?” Ron asked lifting his head for the first time in about thirty minutes.

“No.” Draco snapped, “Leave Pansy the fuck alone.”

“Leave me the fuck alone.” Ron snapped back childishly.

“I plan to.” Draco said resolutely, flopping onto the couch beside Harry as Luna shuffled over on the floor to lean against his legs. “Who is it this time?” He asked, nodding in Hermione’s direction.

“Same.” Ginny said, watching as Hermione stared bewildered at her full wine glass.

“Again?” Draco whined, but before he could get in a good complaint, Hermione was off again.

“What a waste of good looks.” Hermione started, “I mean–you’d think he would be humble because of everything he went through, but instead he’s a total fucking arse–”

“Oo-hoo!” Draco crowed, “Granger uses language, she must really be smashed.”

“–all the time. And he’s creepy. And obsessed with me. And he’s everywhere like–I was just on a fucking date and he has to show up and start rubbing it in my face how smart he is and how he did better than me on that exam which he only did because Snape hates me and then he’s all, ‘Oh Hermione–’”

“Here we go,” Harry said, nudging Draco in the arm, “This must be what set her off,”

“‘hope you have a lovely date.’ I mean–what the fuck?”

There was an extended silence as Hermione downed what was left in her glass and everyone stared in shocked silence.

“You’re fucking joking.” Ron grumbled into the couch.

“You don’t understand–it was the tone.” She snapped, “You don’t know him like I do–it was–”

“Why can’t you tell him all of this instead of complaining to us?” Malfoy asked.

Hermione dropped her wine glass again. “Yes.” She said. “Malfoy–” She leaned over to clasp his knee, completely unaware of Malfoy’s appalled expression as she did so. “You are so wise. I approve of yours and Harry’s relationship now.”

“Whoa, okay, uh–”

“We absolutely are not–”

But Hermione wasn’t listening, instead she was digging through her bag to find her phone.

“Should we stop her?” Luna asked as Hermione angrily brandished her phone and began dialing a number from memory.

“I’m not about to get punched in the face.” Ron grumbled.

“This is hilarious, nobody stop her,” Ginny added excitedly. Hermione slammed the door to the bathroom shut before they hear her start any sort of conversation, and Ginny quickly jumped up and tip-toed to the door to press her ear against it. When no one else moved she impatiently waved them all over. Luna came and sat beside Ginny on the ground to press her ear against the door, followed quickly by Draco and Harry who stood above them and pressed their ears against the door, too.

Ron just groaned from his spot on the loveseat and didn’t move.

“–Oh, I’m sorry Mr. I’m-so-smart-and-so-handsome-I-could-take-over-the-world-and-enact-mass-genocide-and-the-public-would-thank-me, I didn’t mean to insult your delicate ego–”

Ginny clasped her hand over her mouth to muffle her laughter.

“–What do you mean where am I? I’m at home.”

“We should be ready to wrestle the phone off of her if she says something embarrassing,” Harry whispered, “So she doesn’t murder us in the morning–”

Draco shushed him.

“Oh–Oh–and where am I supposed to get drunk then? Are you going to dictate to me where I can get drunk now?”

“How is she so articulate, she’s gone through like four bottles of wine.” Ginny muttered.

“Because you kept pouring her more,” Harry pointed out.

“All of you shut up,” Draco hissed.

“You know what–fuck you Tom Riddle. Fuck your stupid perfect hair, and your sanctimonious bullshit, and your holier-than-thou stupid fucking tone of voice, and especially fuck your ridiculous fuck-me voice, you foul, loathsome, evil little cockroach.”

“Jesus Christ.” Ginny murmured, but before anyone could comment further the door sprang open and Ginny wound up sprawled out on the floor from leaning on the door. Luna managed to catch herself, and Draco and Harry both leaped back from the door while Hermione stepped over Ginny and beelined to the alcohol.

“What did he say?” Ginny asked.

“You sure were sending some mixed signals there, Granger,” Draco commented.

“Shut up you ferret.” She snapped, then continued it a deep voice. Everyone knew who she was attempting to imitate, even if it sounded nothing like him. “Oh, Hermione, are you drinking alone? I hope your date wasn’t that disappointing. Maybe I should come over to be sure you don’t kill yourself.”

“Is Tom coming over?” Luna asked pleasantly.

“Keep that douchebag away from this sacred space!” Ron called from the couch. Hermione flailed her arms in his direction as if to say ‘there you go.’

“Thank you Ron!” She said, “For once in your life, you say something that isn’t horribly ignorant.”

“Thanks, you drunk bitch–”

“He doesn’t know where she lives anyway, right?” Harry said, but Hermione ignored him.

“If you’ll excuse me,” She picked up a bottle of wine, “I’m going to go drown myself in my bedroom, goodnight.”

They waited until she shut herself in her room before Ginny said, “She just grabbed the empty bottle of wine.”

“Thank god,” Harry said, “She does not need to drink any more.”

They centered around the table again, instead of round the bathroom door. Hermione remained in her bedroom where she would most likely remain the rest of the night while they carried on in her living room. It usually happened like this when she got angry-drunk, except usually she would just get aggressively drunk and slink off to her room without drunk dialing the bane of her existence.

At this point, after Hermione went to her room to fall into a dead sleep until she woke up in the morning with a horrible, rage-filed hangover, they would talk until one by one they crashed on the couch or the love seat or the floor, in Luna’s case.

In fact, Ron was already asleep when there came a knock at the door.

Ginny groaned at the interruption, and Harry lazily pushed Draco toward the door to answer it.

Draco unlocked and opened the door, blinked twice, then slammed the door shut.

“Tom fucking Riddle is at the door.” He hissed, taking two steps away from the door as if there was a wild animal there.

“What?” Ginny wrinkled her nose.

“Tell him to leave?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Draco snapped, “You tell him that!”

“No, I’m fine where I am, thank you.”

The door clicked open, and Tom walked in.

“Did you not lock the fucking door?” Harry exclaimed, his voice rising an octave.

Tom quietly shut the door behind him, and took a step forward before Draco stepped in front of him. “Hey, you can’t just–” Tom reached out and twisted his hand in Draco’s shirt, turning and pinning him against the door. Harry let out a worried shout along with Ginny, and Ron groaned from where he was trying to sleep on the couch.

“Where is Hermione?” Tom asked calmly, amicably, as if he wasn’t assaulting Malfoy.

“Uh–in her room, at the end of the hall.” Draco answered immediately without hesitation.

“Draco Malfoy!”

Tom ignored them, and the group–minus Ron, who was still sleeping–watched as Tom went straight to the kitchen. First he opened the cabinet where the glasses were and retrieved one to fill it with water at the sink. Then he moved ot the medicine cabinet and retrieved the aspirin bottle. Draco turned to the group and mouthed the words what the fuck, but no one did anything as Tom moved down the hall to Hermione’s room.

“Oh my god–” Draco started at the same time Harry hissed, “Has he been here before?”

Ginny pointed an accusing finger in Draco’s direction, “You just let him go to Hermione’s room when she’s blind fucking drunk!”

“I didn’t see you doing anything about it!” Malfoy argued.

“He just fucking walked in!” Harry wheezed, “And used the kitchen. What the hell–”

“Shut up,” Ron moaned, pressing his face deeper into the couch cushions.

As the group was arguing, Luna slowly stood and moved down the hall to Hermione’s room. her door was still cracked open, so it was easy to push it open just a bit to see what was happening in her room.

Hermione was curled up in her blankets on her bed, but she was awake, sleepily glowering at Tom who was crouched beside her bed. He had placed the water and the aspirin on her bedside table, and now he had his hand resting on the side of her head over her hair, his thumb smoothing along her hairline.

“I didn’t invite you here,” Hermione mumbled, “I’m angry with you.”

“I know.” He said, and Luna didn’t know that Tom Riddle had the capacity for gentleness in his tone until that moment.

“It wasn’t even a fucking date,” She said quietly. He hummed in response, and after a pause, she added, “I wish I hated you more.”

“No you don’t.” He said, moving his hand to brush her hair back over her shoulder.

“My friends will find it suspicious that you know where the aspirin is.” Hermione said.

“Your friends are idiots, so I doubt it.”

“Don’t be an ass.” She told him, but the tone of her voice suggested she was already falling asleep. Tom leaned forward to press a kiss against her bare shoulder, and after a quiet moment–Luna assumed it was after he decided Hermione was alright–he stood.

He turned and saw Luna at the door. Still a little drunk, Luna gave him a thumbs up. He narrowed his eyes and glared at her for a long moment until Luna finally shrugged and moved away from the doorway.

The group was still arguing when she returned.

“I am not going over there, you go over there.” Draco said.

“You’re the one who let him in!” Harry argued.

“Someone go up there and make sure he’s not like taking advantage of her or something!” Ginny exclaimed, but stopped and deflated when she saw Luna, “Oh, Luna went.”

“What?” Draco sneered, turning around from where he was sitting to look at Luna. “Oh–is she good?”

“Yes.” Luna said shortly.

“What was he doing?” Ginny prodded, “How did he know where the aspirin was?”

“Was he trying to kill her or something–”

“For the last time Harry,” Draco snapped, “He grabbed the aspirin, why would he grab the aspirin if he was planning on killing her.”

“He was fine.” Luna answered vaguely.

The sound of Tom’s footsteps caused the room to go silent. The dark haired man only spared a moment to glare in their direction before continuing toward the door.

“Goodnight, Tom,” Luna called after him. He sent another glower in her direction, then continued out the door and shut it gently behind him.

There was a long moment of silence.

“You know what?” Draco finally broke the silence, “I don’t fucking care.”

“What?” Harry asked.

“Whatever that was,” He waved in the general direction of the kitchen, “I don’t want to know. If Hermione is boning Riddle I do not want to think about it–”

“Ugh Gross–”

“Malfoy what the fuck–”

“I’m trying to sleep, Jesus christ, shut the fuck up–”

#tomione #tom riddle #hermione granger

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