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YOLO

You Only Live Once they say. But maybe YOLO isn't just a concept that means you should do what you want and have fun without thinking about the consequences. I'm all for having fun, but what happens after all the thrill and the laughter fades?

Maybe YOLO also applies to achieving your dreams, doing what you love, and working for your future. And most importantly, spending time with your loved ones while you still have the time to do it. After all, these are the things that actually bring us genuine happiness. Right?

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Nobody

The thing about being a nobody,

is that no one cares about anything that you do.

No one recognizes you.

No one notices you.

And it has its advantages;

Cause it means that you can do absolutely anything you want.

You won't ever embarrass yourself.

You won't ever be judged.

Because they will never see you...

even if you tried.

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Dealing with the loss of a loved one and trying to cope with the overflowing emotions by writing this poem.

Grief

Never knew how to deal with grief.

At times I feel I may be too stiff.

But the moment that life fades,

Is a moment no man can brace.

So I sat trying to piece my words,

Wondering what would be the worth?

If I say they will be missed, will it matter?

I doubt they'd have means to read a letter.

Too late for all this now, I know.

So I lay, and let the tears flow.

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Truth

Darling, I can tell. You know I could.

That the words you offered were stripped of truth.

But I still held them close like the forbidden fruit.

And you can tell. I know you could.

All the parts of me, you've made a fool.

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Wreck my plans, That's my man

Amy’s POV of the episode Operation Broken Feather

NOTE: Also on AO3

Title from Taylor Swift’s song, "Willow"

"Wherever you stray

I follow

I'm begging for you to take my hand

Wreck my plans

That's my man"

After our date, I found Jake to be more tolerable for me somehow. Maybe because I got to know him well during that night. Or maybe he just decided to be nicer to me now. I mean we managed to win over the Vulture by commencing Operation Broken Feather. He even framed the photo of the two of us afterward. And now that we are working on a case together, I find myself once again enjoying his company. I can almost say that he’s been flirting with me. I don’t wanna jump to conclusions though, so whatever. But when he flipped my collar just to prove that I have OCD and I won’t be able to help myself and fix it, I must admit that did something to me.

Anyway, I’ve been offered a job with Major Crimes. And I am scheduled for an interview. I hate the Vulture but the offer is a promotion. And I think it would really help with my career. So I decided to tell Jake because he’s my partner and I feel like he deserved to know. Plus I also kinda wanna know how he would feel about it. Whether it’s gonna be okay for him if I leave the precinct or not. And it didn’t take long for me to get my answer. He did not like the idea of me working with the Vulture. And I understand that. We all hated him so much for being such an ass so it’s a little selfish to be accepting a job offer from him.

So he made it his goal to show me how fun our job is and why I shouldn’t just give it up for a lame job even if it was a promotion. And to be fair, I think he’s right. I do love our job. I love working cases and paperwork. I love processing and organizing my emails and toilet papers. I’m actually surprised that he’s observed this much about me. And yes, I do love working with him. Our job is not easy and he can be difficult to be around but I gotta admit that it’s fun. In fact, I am having fun right now. Even if I have to do door duty with him. Or go diving in a dumpster with him.

But.. I have a future to think about. I need to stick to my plans if I wanna make Captain someday. I can’t just give that all up just because I’m having fun. Besides, when I asked him why he’s so concerned about me leaving.. he told me that he’s just concerned that I am leaving to work with the Vulture. And if I’m leaving to work somewhere else, he should be fine with it. I gotta say, I was a little disappointed with that answer. But what was I expecting really? I’m just his partner. A colleague.

So I told him that I’m still gonna push through with the interview. Because as much as I love working with him and my friends in the 99, I already have my whole career plan mapped out. I have never made my decisions based on how other people made me feel. Emotions were never a part of my plans. I’ve always done things rationally, and it always worked out for me. Plus Captain Holt approves. And he’s my mentor, so that means a lot.

Though I can tell that Jake is really disappointed that he wasn’t able to convince me to stay. But what does he want me to do? Forget about my plans so he can continue making fun of me? Now he’s the one being selfish and petty.

So I did the interview. Luckily I did not have to be interviewed by the Vulture. The person who interviewed me was actually nice. But when he started to explain to me what my job would entail, I can’t help but think of the things I should be doing right now. I should still be processing our perp. But I just let Jake bring him to the precinct after he walked out on me. He’s gonna do the rest of the work and make a sloppy job of it. He’s gonna make so many mistakes on the paperwork. That will take so much work for sure to polish it. Terry would probably be so pissed. The OCD in me keeps thinking that maybe I should go to the precinct and finish processing the perp at least. I do love doing that. But I’m gonna be doing a lot of paperwork on Major Crimes though if I ever get the job. I think… It’s a job on Data Analysis, so.. yeah, it’s a desk job.

A job where I won’t be solving cases as much. And instead, I’m just gonna be studying data. A job without the suspense of being out in the field hunting for a perp while undercover. Or being in a stakeout waiting for the right time to make a bust. A job where there won’t be any door duties. A job where there won’t be any undercover missions. A job with no long nights studying a case and solving puzzles trying to figure out who the suspects are.

It can even be a job without an annoying partner who keeps making things complicated with his childish acts. The people I’ll be working with would be more serious and put together. Less talk. Fewer bets. Fewer jokes. Fewer pranks. Less fun.

So I decided to decline the offer. I know it’s for my future. But it’s not really what I want. I do love my job right now. I love my cases. My paperwork. I love having Captain Holt as a mentor. I love Terry and Charles. And Rosa, even if she’s scary. I love Gina even if I don’t get her all the time. I even love how gross Hitchcock and Scully are. And I do love working with Jake. I love the 99. They’re my family.

And I know it may take some time if I did not accept this job offer, but I know I can still make Captain even if I continue working at the 99. At least, I will be able to get more experience working in the field and being exposed to different cases. I know I’m getting emotional, and it’s not like me. But I really love my newfound family with the 99. I like where I am. And I can’t just leave that behind for a lame desk job.

So yeah. I turned down the job and as I was heading out, I find Jake just outside the Major Crimes office. He tells me he’s sorry for the way he acted and that he supports me with whatever I want to do because partners always have each other’s backs. He also says that he thinks I’m a great detective and Major Crimes would be lucky to have me.

He even wrote a recommendation letter for me. It probably won’t be as helpful because it’s super informal and filled with typo errors but I still think that it’s a sweet gesture.

Then he tells me that the reason he reacted that way is that he thinks that our job sometimes sucks, but “it sucks a little less when I get to do it with you.” And at that moment I knew I made the right decision.

So even if he was still rambling, I cut him off to tell him that I already declined the offer. That he’s right about so many things. And I really like how he said that I am a great detective. I will forever tease him about that.

Then the Vulture comes out to mock us, but I just knew Jake had something planned to get back at him. So when he took out the tear gas I followed him as we sprinted as fast as we could so the Vulture wouldn’t catch us.

He’s so happy with how his prank went that it also makes me so happy. And even if I just let go of something that I know will be significant for my plans, I don’t feel so bad about it. In fact, I feel light. Like I’m finally able to just bend with the wind. And I can’t believe that this child of a man has convinced me to wreck my plans. But he did. And I think that’s okay.

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Please click the link below to check it out. 🌹

A quote from the short story I wrote weeks ago about Cadence’s journey of emotions as she visits a foreign country for the second time.

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A quote from the short story I wrote weeks ago about Cadence’s journey of emotions as she visits a foreign country for the second time.

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Oh Andy... 😍❤️

It's unusual to see Andy out-geeked in a conversation about LOTR but - as ever - him being super soft about Joanna is the real highlight 🥰😍

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They look so in love. They're so gorgeous. They honestly won in life with each other. Golden globes be damned. 😍❤️

Highlights of Golden Globes 2021

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Epiphany

This is a poem inspired by @insight._official's prompt of the same name "epiphany". Hope you guys like it! 🌹

Always an epiphany

Each time you look at me.

Like a lucid dream

And some sort of whim.

That I can hold that gaze

And keep it in place.

For I've become everything

You wish to ever see.

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"I hope you never need me"

I hope you would never need me.

For I do not wish to be a necessity.

Instead I dream of you wanting me.

For wanting connotes passion.

And the liberty to make a decision.

Of choosing to be with me

and loving me for all eternity.

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“Please be patient with me. Sometimes when I’m quiet it’s because I need to figure myself out. It’s not because I don’t want to talk. Sometimes there are no words for my thoughts.”

— Kamla Bolanos (via perrfectly)

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“It’s better to have nobody than someone who is half there, or who doesn’t want to be there.”

— Angelina Jolie (via perrfectly)

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Marie Howe, from Magdalene: Poems; “Magdalene Afterwards”

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Singapore Once More

A short story about Cadence’s journey of emotions as she visits a foreign country for the second time.

NOTE: Originally posted here.

The plane landed at 8 am. Just the right time to arrive at an airport in a different country for a female traveling by herself. Singapore is not very far from Cadence’s home. And it’s not her first time here either. She’s been here before. But it’s her first time going solo.

The last time she was here, the plane arrived at around 2 am. So there were no cabs or buses available yet. Changi airport is a very beautiful airport. One of the best in the world, they say. And it’s true. Except even the most beautiful airport’s facilities are still closed when it’s that early in the morning. So there’s nowhere to go back then. She remembers sleeping on one of the benches while waiting for the trains to open. They open at 6 am. So she slept for almost 4hrs at a cold bench beside a closed fountain along with other sleepers.

But now, she arrived just in time to see everything in action. The airport truly is beautiful. It’s like a huge mall complete with shops, restaurants and even amusement corners where you can play games when you get bored. They even have a movie theater and a spa. The only difference is that the shoppers are carrying huge luggage and are all headed to or from a plane.

She could’ve stayed there all day and it would’ve been just fine. But she can’t stay. Cause she has a huge day planned.

The beauty of traveling alone is that you have the luxury of doing the things you want to do without getting in the way of someone else’s plans. Unless your plans actually coincide with theirs, but that rarely happens. The last time Cadence was here, she didn’t get a chance to go to the places she wanted to go. She was so focused on enjoying it with the person she was with, that she forgot to truly enjoy the place. But now that she’s back, she’s determined to make the most out of it.

After checking in at her hotel, she went out to search for a place to eat. She loves good food. And for her, to really get to know any country or place, one must be able to taste it. The last time she was here, she didn’t really get the chance to enjoy Singapore’s best dishes. It was a matter of what’s cheap or what’s convenient and easy to grab. They were always in a hurry. Or always too late and too hungry to look for something else.

But she wanted to try Hainanese Chicken at the hawker centers. She wanted to eat Chili Crab. She wanted to eat a Laksa. She wanted to try a Kaya Toast and Kopi. She wanted to eat a Satay. She wanted to indulge her tastebuds and really acquaint herself with the country’s delicacies. So that’s exactly what she’s gonna do.

Aside from her mouthwatering plans, she also wants to truly enjoy the beautiful sights of Singapore. The last time she was here, all they did was go to the malls to look at the sales in shops and take pictures. The ones that look good on social media but don’t really hold much value. Pictures with the Merlion, at the Helix Bridge, the Marina Bay Sands, the artificial trees in Gardens by the Bay, and the attractions in Universal Studios. Pictures that remind her that she’s been there… but that’s it. Because even though she did go to those places to take pictures, she wasn’t really able to take them all in. To truly appreciate the sights and marvel at their beauty. To actually enjoy the rides at the world-renowned amusement park and make the most of the money that she paid for it. To really BE there. The memories in those pictures seem superficial. They don’t really hold much meaning. Some of it is rather sad even.

Like the one in Universal Studios. The one where Cadence is smiling in front of the Universal Studios globe. It was a good picture. You can almost think that she was very happy during that time. You can also appreciate how the place has been captured perfectly even if the surroundings were slightly darker because the sun has started to set. But that picture only reminds her of the time she cried while watching the parade. She wanted to watch the shows. She wanted to take the rides. But her partner only wanted to see every corner of the park and take pictures of them. She insisted that they should wait for the parade to start so that they can save a good spot before the crowd begins to pile up, but her partner disagrees. Because waiting for the play to begin will take up the time that they could use to go around and take more pictures, and that seemed more important. But she was adamant. Cause what’s the point of going to an amusement park if not to experience the amusements? That was the only thing she insisted on doing and for some reason, it still wasn’t okay.

So she was left alone. Disappearing in the crowd that was waiting for the parade to begin. It was what she wanted. It’s what she came there for. But she wasn’t in the right mood to properly appreciate it. And she started crying.

That was the moment that she knew that being with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not alone. Sometimes we hold the people in our lives so high that we don’t realize we’ve let go of our own desires. And sometimes being alone is better, for you do not expect anyone else to understand your happiness. You just know that you are happy with the things that you do for yourself. And you get to enjoy it to its fullest extent.

That was the moment that she told herself she’ll come back and make new memories of this place. The moment that she promised herself she’ll be back to genuinely enjoy it. The moment she promised she’ll come back alone… but not lonely.

So now as she’s coming out of the train and walking into the streets of Orchard Road, she can feel her spirits rising. She doesn’t exactly know where to begin. There’s no one telling her where to go or what to do. But she knows for sure that her stomach is full; her eyes are very much satisfied, and her mind and her heart are ready for the memories she’s about to make.

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Click the link below to read the full story. Thanks! 🌹

Please check out this short story I wrote about a woman’s little trip down memory lane.

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Please check out this short story I wrote about a woman’s little trip down memory lane.