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finished reading komarr this morning and honestly folks, it's an emma situation, it's an "if i loved it less i might be able to talk about it more" situation with this book.

idk it's just such a lovely thing to be reading a story and it feels like it was tailor-made for your brain and your heart and the things that make you go absolutely feral. this is the first romance in the series that fucking HIT. like what if you'd been trapped in a shitty marriage for more than a decade with a man who made you into a smaller and smaller and smaller version of yourself, and he was always so proud and fragile ego-ed that he refused your help but still left you to clean up the messes he made with his incompetence. and just as you're realizing you can't take any more of it, this weird charming little dude shows up and you want to be cold to him but you can't manage because he talks to you like you're a real person and no one has done that in ages. and he's clever and damaged and you sit on a park bench with him while he has a panic attack and he doesn't try to hide how vulnerable it makes him feel and just says thank you. and later he takes his shirt off and he's COVERED in scars. and then later your horrible husband dies of his own incompetence and you are the one who shows up to rescue the weird charming little dude who got kidnapped along with your husband. and you keep on saving him and realize it's making you feel big again. DO YOU SEE? DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN? I CAN'T EVEN TALK ABOUT IT NORMALLY IT'S SO FUCKING GOOD.

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It's my first time in Venice.

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE - DEAD RECKONING (2023)

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Today I understood why Mr Bingley is important for 'Pride and Prejudice.' Of course I've heard that he's Mr Darcy's foil and he helps us see that Mr Darcy lacks manners. And probably we need him to see a man whose character trait is quickly deciding to leave a place and who might never come back, and who also - I don't know - can easily get under the influence of his friends.

And I have always seen him as a very insignificant side character, and I never understood why there was even a need for him; like why Jane Austen of all people would write such a lacking(?) side character. He is not really a commentary on something. He's just fickle.

And was there even a need for Mr Bingley & Jane's love story? They're basically 'love at first sight, destined for each other' and they look quite out of place among the other three couples -- Elizabeth and Mr Darcy, Lydia and Mr Wickham, Charlotte and Mr Collins -- that are all a commentary on love and society.

Today I understood that had there been no Mr Bingley Jane would've married Mr Collins out of obligation as the eldest sister and that would have been a very different book that didn't feel like such a happy story by the end of it (my Mom calls it a fairy tale), had only one of the sisters (Elizabeth) landed herself a love match.

Maybe I'm wrong, maybe there is an undercurrent to Jane's story that is about her being an angel and that their love with Mr Bingley is a dream that rarely comes true, I don't know. But still, apparently Mr Bingley is not as inconsequential a character as he has always seemed to be.

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)));

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get to know me meme >> Favorite Movies [21/?] My Man Godfrey

This place slightly resembles an insane asylum. Well, all you need to start an asylum is an empty room and the right kind of people.

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I’m halfway into the first Miles Vorkosigan book, and so far it’s basically been “How to DM Around a Diplomancer: Space Opera Edition.”

Miles: “I tell the mercenaries I’m a mercenary commander and I bought up all their contracts from their captain, so they’re part of my company now.” DM: “Roll for Bluff. :)” Miles, who has a higher Bluff bonus than most gods: “34.” DM: “They want to know when copies of the regulation handbook will be distributed and what the health insurance plan is like. (: (: (:” Miles, sweating: “UUUUUUHHH”

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had a fascinating english class that resulted in the notes header “the forcefeminization of victor frankenstein”

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AIRPLANE! (1980) dir. David Zucker, Jim Abrahams, Jerry Zucker

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a particularly satisfying characterization paragraph

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SAY ANYTHING... (1989) dir. Cameron Crowe

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Reading Barrayar I felt trapped in Cordelia’s head. It’s incredibly effective for the dread of war as a civilian. Plans and machinations happening beyond you, with no input. Hearing of things happening that seem far off and like yeah that’s awful but then suddenly it dominoes in a way that destroy your life and it’s not your fault and you could've done nothing at all to prevent it. Especially the tension of being hunted in the Dendarii mountains with no idea how the war is going, if they’ve already lost, if it is already too late. Cordelia is doing actively important things in service of the war by sheltering Gregor, yet there's this pervasive feeling of helpless lack of control. She spends most of the book with this dread of not knowing when the next threat to their family will come, and I don’t think it could’ve been done so effectively if we had access to the information Aral had. I found it frustrating at times, since it felt like Cordelia was swept up in events with little agency (at first; obviously our dear captain didn’t remain there). I wanted so badly to be with Aral seeing and knowing and making the decisions.

But that’s the point! Most people have absolutely zero agency in those situations and little information and it’s terrifying. Barrayar captures the feeling of being a civilian in war where so many narratives narrow in upon the heroes and 'men of history' that control conflicts. That's what readers expect. I think that’s why I loved the ending so much. After so long trapped with Cordelia, just trying to survive the larger machinations of Barrayar’s bloody politics, it felt so, so good to finally be on the offensive, to have information the opponents don’t, to finally have power and the means to control what happens. It's a relief to the constant tension of having no agency in a giant conflict that frankly Cordelia had no business being affect by, yet was swept up in because of her love of Aral.

Which is the second thing I deeply enjoyed in Barrayar. I love how the war is made so human. A messy tangle of human relationships control it. I can’t stop thinking about the hostages. There are just so many children being used because the war holds the future hostage. Tiny precious Miles utterly incapable of comprehending how large a pawn he is. Young grieving Gregor vital to the plans of both sides whether dead or alive. Elena, who should be of no importance but she is because that's the kid of an unimportant soldier, just like every other hostage is another piece in the web of the war. I keep thinking about the relatives of Aral’s men caught in the capital. The hostages that Aral refuses to take. Everyone just trying to take care of those they love, and the points where they must put other priorities over their relationships are heart wrenching.

Barrayar looks dead on at how little people try to survive a civil war. From the mountains where the fighting seems so far, and information is slowed to a trickle of the singular mailman. The invasion of forces that disrupts people who may not even know there’s a war yet. The scientists and the genius lost in a single blast that goes unnoticed. The urban populations trying to sneak in food and people and keep their heads down. Random citizens debating who to sell out, weighing risks and bounties, if it will get them the favor with the occupiers that will help them survive. All so small in the grand scheme of things, and yet they are who Barrayar concerns itself with.

Cordelia’s uncertainty and fear would’ve been undermined if we were allowed to see in the heads of people driving the conflict, because Barrayar isn’t about those people. It is the desperation of two mothers, powerless and kept in the dark, that topples the regime.

Addendum: Cordelia’s relationship to Aral firmly places her in an upper class position that is important to note when discussing the role of civilians/‘little people’ within this analysis. But as a woman on Barrayar she is extremely limited in the power she is allocated, especially compared to someone like Aral, which would be the military leadership POV that novels more focused on the grander scope of war would utilize. Again not to say Cordelia has no agency or power, but it is not to the degree of the people in charge. Thus I place her alongside the average people swept up in a war outside their control. Still, her position as a Vor Lady gives her some access knowledge and connections that she turns into power, which while limited are far more than the average citizen. Her significance to Vordarrian is exclusively viewed as yet another hostage, an underestimation that Cordelia readily exploits, but still afforded only due to her status. Cordelia occupies a position of importance but not power beyond the scope of the people she’s formed direct relationships with, which only further ties into the essay's thesis.

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I cannot stress the importance of paying attention in language classes in high school. Maybe the reason why your English teacher taught you about unreliable narrators is because a lot of the media around you is written by unreliable narrators posing as reliable. Maybe they gave you assignments on interpreting texts so you could draw your own conclusions about news articles. Some of you clearly thought English classes were useless in high school and now are unable to engage critically with media.

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EMMA. (2020) dir. Autumn de Wilde

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Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936) — dir. Frank Capra     

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"You know, I got to admit, sometimes I know what I'm doing in this life."

"A hundred and twenty pounds of pure gold, that's me."

"You look, you meet, you try, you see. Sometimes it fits, sometimes it don't."

― Amy Irving & Peter Riegert and Reizl Bozyk as Isabelle Grossmank & Sam Posner and Bubba (Ida) Kantor Crossing Delancey (1988) || dir. Joan Micklin Silver

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SISYPHUS GETS A 9 TO 5

[spoilers for all of severance season 1. words by northernlion, brain worms by me]