cooltrainerashton - Tumblr blog

cooltrainerashton · 2 years

Text

Music Industry Musing: “Breaking News”

Hello, readers!

Back in the day (circa 2011), before I was my authentic self and had any sense of knowing who I was, I wrote music reviews on my old Tumblr account (still exists but choosing not to link it here). I’m sad to say I didn’t continue it, as I didn’t think I could sustain it. Had I, I might’ve found more success as a writer, but I digress.

I thought it would be fun to return to this, but with less of a haughty “Look at how smart I think I am” mentality and take a more mature, curious approach to different aspects of the music industry I find fascinating and share those musings with all of you.

My introductory post for this is regarding Michael Jackson’s promotional single “Breaking News” from his 2010 posthumous album “Michael”. I knew of the song but never looked into it. And I have to say - this song is catchy! I’ve probably listened to it 50 times, and I didn’t know about all the controversy the song had until I researched it further.

Apparently, there are many out there who believe Jackson didn’t record this and was actually an artist who impersonates him by the name of Jason Malachi, and it’s resulted not only in litigation from the Jackson Family Estate but also led to it being taken off music streaming platforms.

It almost didn’t surprise me when I discovered that, as I listened to it a few times and had the thought of enjoying the difference in sound for what we usually hear from Michael. However, once I read up on the song, it made sense why it sounded different.

In fact, after listening to it 50 times, I realized that, despite how much of a bop it is, it really isn’t that original. Several realizations came to mind from my listening session, and it’s so hard not to think about the unoriginality when you lay it all out in front of you.

-”Breaking News” takes lyrical inspiration from Britney Spears’ “Piece of Me” and certainly isn’t the first song to take a shot at the media -The song’s bassline borrows from Michael Jackson’s 2001 hit single “You Rock My World”, but the percussion on each are different -The song features background music effects reminiscent of Gwen Stefani’s 2005 hit single “Hollaback Girl”. -The aesthetic he-he-hes are reminiscent of Michael Jackson’s iconic 1983 single, “Billie Jean”. -Some vocals are also reminiscent of Lady Gaga’s 2011 single “Judas”.

There may be others, but it begs many questions from Epic Records in terms of the song’s legitimacy. Is this song a bop? Absolutely! Will I want to use it as inspiration for a plot point? Definitely! But does it borrow heavily from other sources, even if it’s imagined from Michael’s perspective? Ouch, yeah, it’s hard not to see.

But, criticism from a non-important consumer aside, the legitimacy was also brought into question because of Epic’s decision to put out the song, despite overwhelming sentiment that the singer on the track wasn’t Jackson. It’s a valid theory - in some ways, despite their voice not being quite as unique as Jackson’s, it’s sung in his style, and the singer also has a somewhat fuller or stronger voice.

If there’s any room to suggest that it’s in the realm of possibility that they (allegedly) had Malachi record it in an effort to pass it on as Jackson’s, what was their reasoning?

-Was it because they knew they would get less revenue from it if it didn’t have Jackson’s name attached? -Did they love the song or think it would strategically help them in some way? -Was Malachi convinced to do this as a favor for their helping launch or further developing his career?

We may never know, but, to me, this feels like a missed opportunity. They very easily could’ve released EPs for Jackson’s songs (especially since there were other songs whose authenticity was also questioned), or they could’ve put together a tribute compilation. If Malachi had recorded it under the guise that it wasn’t Jackson but sung in his style, this would’ve been better leveraged for Epic’s and Malachi’s reputations. But money talks, and that could’ve been the sole reason they needed to try to pull a fast one on Jackson’s fans. And, given all the hoopla in the media over the last 11+ years, it’s hard to say what the real story is between Malachi’s and Sony’s recanted statements.

Now that I’m done rambling, what do y’all think?

#breakingnews michaeljackson epic sony musicindustry jasonmalachi cooltrainerashton popmusic legalbattle music opinion

0 notes

cooltrainerashton · 3 years

Text

CTA Love: Taylor Swift's Reputation

Happy March, readers!

In the world of property management, our busy season has begun, with March being a historically busy month, hence why I've been more quiet on my social media channels the last few weeks.

As part of my mental health journey to full recovery, it's another reminder of how I need to find balance for my work life and my creative life, so thank you so much for being patient with me.

To continue this series through 2021, I wanted to continue with another creative medium that means so much to me. The next recipient shares esteem with our previous star, Poketuber Michael Groth (aka MandJTV), is our incomparable, gorgeous, reigning queen of Synthpop, Ms. @taylorswift.

If you aren't a total Swiftie yet (which, if you're not, might I suggest to give it a try?), you may remember a monumental record that dropped in 2017 called Reputation. Fueled by the rage and mischaracterization from the press and the media's narrative over her life, her catharsis led to one of the greatest albums (if not the greatest) of the 2010s. Described as a record she had to record but had moved on from, I didn't truly fall in love with the record until the end of 2019 after watching her Reputation Stadium concert on Netflix.

As has been covered on my social media channels more than once, I've endured a battle with my mental health since 2017, from which I've made a lot of progress but am still actively recovering. The catalyst that woke me up from the direction my life was heading was the fallout from my father's death (and my recent IGTV videos on Insta covering this will be uploaded to YouTube later), and I could've never predicted what would play out over the course of the year.

I believed I could rely on family to support me as I picked up the pieces of my heart that had been broken from his absence. But rather than show comfort, my family only put a knife to my heart and twisted to exacerbate the wounds trying to heal. They didn't leave room for me to play music for my father's funeral (and their band who played was godawful). I wasn't given the room to give the formal eulogy. And when I continued to grieve after his service, key relatives who I thought I was close to as to not warrant criticism of my faith questioned if I was really "saved" if I was still sad.

The course of this dynamic led me to make decisions I never thought I'd have to make for my peace. Over time since my dad left the earth, I quit grad school after not receiving adequate support from faculty. I also recognized that my home environment was poisoning me, and I had to get myself out, which led to my moving into a transitional, neutral environment to begin my healing.

This was when I fell in love with Reputation. I'd heard the singles already and loved them, but I was finally in a place in my life when I could really soak up the lyrics and appreciate them for all that our Queen endured. The darkness of the album connected with my own. Finally, in spite of the pain I was still experiencing, I felt like someone knew what it felt like to be ostracized. I felt heard. I felt validated. I didn't feel invisible. I felt human. I didn't feel alone. I didn't feel crazy.

Whether this was a direct correlation or not, eventually I began to see the behavior of those around me as unacceptable, a huge step from my upbringing as being passive and letting others walk over me or making excuses for others just because they were family. I set boundaries. I began to call out hateful behavior. And I began to finally show love to myself and cultivate my life in that manner as a result. And as I sit here, typing this, I'm the strongest I've ever been and ready to fight for the life I deserve instead of accepting a mediocre life that I wasn't in control of.

Taylor, it's unlikely you'll ever see this, but thank you. I don't know if I've ever felt as connected to an artist during my healing like I have with you. Thank you for your love. Your resilience. Your transparency that means so much to fans like me who have felt invisible and worthless at times in our pasts. I wish that I could give you the proper thank-you or admiration that you deserve. But for now (until I gain the motivation and confidence to sing again), this is it. You've made such an impact on my life when I needed it, and that gift will never have the proper value.

Readers, know that your mental health is important, and if you need support, I'm here.

#cooltrainerashton #extinctionofteamrocket #taylor swift #reputation #mental health #fanfiction

2 notes · View notes

cooltrainerashton · 3 years

Text

Excerpt: “The Seaglass Heart”

Hello, readers!

To continue today’s trend in posts, I want to celebrate Valentine’s Day with you, as earlier this morning the third installment of my “Extinction of Team Rocket” series was released! I’m so proud of having three books done in a year’s time and am so happy you now get to experience it! Read below for the description and excerpt, and you can download it from Smashwords here.

Cooltrainer Ashton’s Extinction of Team Rocket series rages on in yet another installment of roller-coaster proportions! With “Extinction of Team Rocket'' and “The Storm Feather” painting the canvas of Drew’s departure from his family’s criminal organization and the liberating, life-changing adventure stolen from his child self being everything he envisioned, the Viridian Gym team is united and strengthened by brotherly bonds not easily broken. “The Seaglass Heart”, the ETR series’ third installment, centers on Jake, now a young adult, as he’s thrust unprepared into a darker side of adulthood. Not only does he harbor a terrifying secret that threatens to alienate him from his community and loved ones, he’s also forced to accept that life at home has changed for the worse, making what he believed life to be a different creature. Life’s new stressors are complicated and compounded by his existing issues at home and within the contentious relationship he shares with his parents. However, what he never bargained for was everything he believes about himself, his community, and those around him are about to be shaken up. Sometimes, like wise men and women have said, the broken pieces of our lives often fall together into a more beautiful reality, but how comforting is it to him when he’s in the thick of senseless destruction? With his loved ones supporting him, will Jake find the courage to tackle fate’s cruel hand and claim victory amid chaos, and are his passions separate from being a pokemon trainer enough to neutralize the growing pain in his soul? Be prepared for the coming-of-age adventure of a lifetime, with plenty of tales of love and division, self-discovery and bravery, Japanese culture and tradition, and plenty of droolworthy battles for even the most ravenous of trainers!

~ ~ ~

“Happy Thanksgiving, kiddo,” he said. “God, I miss you all so much right now. Rustbush tells me you all had a feast.”

I chuckled. “We did, though it wasn’t complete without you.”

“Aw, well, I tried my best to fly home, even for a day, but it wasn’t an option. But there’s always next year.”

“I hope so. What are you up to today?”

“Just more work,” he said. “Hoping I can celebrate somehow. There aren’t many Japanese restaurants near where I am.”

“I’m sure you’ll find something. Or, since you’re abroad, you can do something new to celebrate. It’s not fun being away from home, but I’d imagine France is an amazing country to explore.”

He smiled. “You’re right. Maybe I’ll do that. And you’re okay?”

I nodded. “Much better.”

His smile grew. “I’m so glad to hear that, but I wanted to ask you. When your health got worse, why didn’t you call me? It was so tough hearing about it after everything had blown over.”

Damn it, I couldn’t keep my tears back.

“I meant no disrespect… I didn’t know how to handle how the crisis inside my mind… and when it spearheaded, I didn’t want to worry you… you have so much else you’re dealing with, and I didn’t want to add my mental health on top of everything else. I wouldn’t want to distract you from your job if you thought I wasn’t okay.”

Tears were in his eyes as well.

“I’m so sorry, Drew. I should’ve told you, but I assumed it would’ve been better if you’d found out afterward and known I’d recovered.”

“Kiddo, I’m so glad you’re better… but I still don’t think you understand.”

“Understand what?”

“How important you are to me… kiddo, you are my world. If anything happened to you, I…”

He couldn’t finish his thought, and tears seeped out of his eyes as his chest heaved. It broke my heart, but I felt what he didn’t bear to speak, lest he break. He wiped them away and tried to continue.

“I can’t fathom it, but you are so important to me. You and Silver both. You two are who I fight for and who give me strength when I’m empty.”

“Nobody else?”

He shook his head. “Nobody else. You two are on my mind every morning and the last two on my mind when I go to bed each night. This distance is killing me, but it won’t last forever.”

I nodded, tears streaming down my face. “We miss you so much, and we never forget your absence… Not having you here is tough, but we want the best for you.”

“And same to you, kiddo. I might not be there, but you know my love will always be.”

I tried to keep myself together. “And right back at you, Soldier. Be safe returning home.”

He nodded, and the transmission ended.

#cooltrainerashton #extinctionofteamrocket #theseaglassheart #pokemon #fanfiction

0 notes

cooltrainerashton · 3 years

Text

Excerpt: “The Storm Feather”

Hello, readers!

Like the last post, I’m sharing excerpts from my “Extinction of Team Rocket” series, this time coming from the second installment, “The Storm Feather.” Read below for the description and excerpts, and you can download it from Smashwords here. Happy reading!

The second installment of the Extinction of Team Rocket series, The Storm Feather, finds Drew, a newly exonerated criminal making sense of the shattered pieces of his life and his newly bestowed freedom. In spite of not feeling like a hero or worthy of others' praise, he resigns himself to accepting the role and resting and healing as best as he can with his gym being closed to the public. However, a fateful reunion and subsequent adventure arises, giving him the journey he never had. Despite building a new team and making new friends, he's forced to face his demons head on, both in his mind and around him, unfolding into an eye-opening adventure he'll never forget.

~ ~ ~

“Welcome to the Lavaridge Gym,” Flannery said, her eyes giving off a fiery glow, “the pride and joy of town.”

“Wow,” Jake said. “How cool.”

We followed them through a gate and found ourselves on an outdoor battlefield.

Flannery turned around and faced us, her smile spreading to each of us.

“Thank you for your hospitality,” I said, bowing to her. “It’s wonderful being a guest on a battlefield.”

“It’s my pleasure,” she said, returning my bow before taking the left side of the battlefield and tossing one of her pokéballs. “Come on out, Meg!”

Out of the flash of light came one of Flannery’s slugma, looking ready to battle.

“So who wants to be my opponent?” she asked.

Jake and I looked at each other.

“Go for it, Jake,” I told him. “Use this as a chance to put your training to the test.”

He smiled and nodded. “Right. Any advice?”

“I can sense Flannery’s passion is unparalleled in this area, so I’d fight fire with fire.”

“Fire… with fire?”

I nodded. “Just remember - each pokémon has its own unique strengths, so tap into your pokémon’s strength… You can do this, kiddo.”

A fire appeared in his eyes as he grinned. “I’ll make the Viridian Gym proud.”

Jake jogged to the opposite side of the field. Flannery hadn’t expected him to rise to the challenge, as a more surprised expression replaced her smile.

“Flannery, I accept your challenge.”

“All right, Jake!” Sandi shouted from the sidelines. “This’ll be incredible! Best of luck!”

Flannery’s smile reappeared. “Well, I can’t say I’m disappointed, Jake. Sandi and I both love hot battles, so I won’t be holding back.”

“And neither will I,” he replied. “It would dishonor those who believe in me and what I train for to not bring my best.”

She nodded. “To fight for honor and hard work is more noble than other ambitions of this world, so you’re among family here… tell me, what drives you, Jake? Since you were all too keen to be my opponent, I want to know what fuels the passion I see in you.”

Jake was silent a moment before responding. “It took a lot for me to be here… I wasn’t a confident trainer the first time around… and when I was in Team Rocket, I discovered I’d wasted my opportunity… Drew helped me see that being a great trainer is a process, and I promised myself I’d give it my all… I challenge you to not only honor my promise to myself but to bring honor to my mentor.”

His words choked me up, as I was proud of being a witness to this moment of bravery.

Flannery must have caught something from my demeanor, but she smiled and returned her gaze to him. “Your fire burns bright, Jake, so whatever you’re doing is bringing you closer to where you want to be. If you can defeat me, then I’ll grant you a Heat Badge.”

Shock replaced Jake’s calm, confident demeanor. “A-a gym badge? Seriously?”

She nodded. “You’re right - becoming a Master isn’t easy, and it’s the job of a gym leader to be a guiding light for visiting trainers… Drew’s guidance has kindled an ember into a bright burning flame, so if you can defeat me, the Heat Badge will not only signify your victory here, but… it will be a confirmation that your hard work and promise to yourself made you a great trainer.”

~ ~ ~

I stayed silent, with Espeon’s head in my lap, following Jake’s steady breathing pattern as he dozed. His face still lacked color, but I refused to do anything so as not to distract myself from detecting any changes to his condition.

After a while, with the sun having already set and the moon beginning to rise, sweat appeared on his face. I walked over to him and unzipped his sleeping bag, seeing it all over his body. It must’ve been trying to defeat whatever was inside him.

To help it along, I took more water from my canteen and froze it with the same means as before and repackaged it inside the compress before returning it to his forehead. I also rubbed his body down with cold water.

Our PokéNav had no signal, and without the moon and stars we’d have no means to tell time. It hurt not to hold him to keep him warm, but I didn’t want to add heat to his fever. Tears coated my cheeks as my worry remained. I took his hand and cradled it within my own, tears splashing onto them.

“You have to recover, Jake… I can’t lose you… everything wonderful I have is all because of you… I wouldn’t be able to live if you left us...”

Out of nowhere, I remembered something Mom mentioned to me. Doctors not only used pain relievers for pain management but also for fevers. I searched through my bag and found them, thankful we still had a few. I propped him upright again and had him swallow two tablets and some water, and I remained at his side.

As the clouds continued to dissipate, and night drew on, Jake seemed stable. I had continued to wipe him down with cold water until his sweating ceased, and his forehead was less hot, which meant the worst was over. I took a moment and smoked a cigarette to calm my nerves, now that I didn’t need to track his condition so close. The surrounding view was gorgeous. I only wished my companion was well enough to enjoy it with me.

When I returned inside, I found Jake shivering with nothing to keep him warm. The temperature had plummeted because of the storm, with goosebumps covering my skin. After adding more wood to the fire, I brought over my sleeping bag and unzipped it, doing the same with his and zipped them into one large sleeping bag. I laid it flat on the ground and set him on one side, with Poochyena flanking him, and I zipped the sleeping bag closed with me on its other side. Espeon laid next to my head, purring, and Growlithe and Electrike laid next to Jake.

I laid still for a while, trying to calm my thoughts. For tonight, we were fine, and for that I was grateful. A yawn caught my attention. I turned and checked Jake’s forehead. His fever was still dropping, so it was more relief from my anxious mind. He turned onto his side, shivering, so I turned over and brought him into my arms to keep him warm, hoping everything I’d done had saved him. I wept, unable to restrain myself. I couldn’t bear with losing this kid I’d grown to care about so much. Soon, after my tears left and my spirit calmed, I was asleep.

#cooltrainerashton #extinctionofteamrocket #pokemon #fanfiction #thestormfeather

0 notes

cooltrainerashton · 3 years

Text

Excerpt: “Extinction of Team Rocket”

Hello, readers!

It’s been nearly a year since “Extinction of Team Rocket” was published. For those who aren’t familiar with it, read below for the book’s description and some excerpts from it. You can download the book from Smashwords here. Happy reading!

~ ~ ~

Andrew Brown, better known as Drew, is the second-in-command of the pokemon world's most crafty and dangerous crime syndicate, Team Rocket, as well as Viridian City's beloved gym leader, Joseph Miller. Under the leadership of his older brother, William, the organization is dedicated to the ruthless takeover of the world and earning profit at the hands of pokemon. Despite his tough demeanor and intimidating appearance, Drew has a gentle side that he does not allow anybody to see. In the wake of his father Giovanni’s disappearance, he is tasked with helping with a mission that pairs him with a young recruit named Jake, who longs to find a mentor who can help him become the trainer he always wanted to be. Feeling trapped and isolated inside his family's organization, the connection between the two leaves Drew feeling differently about his circumstances. Whether he wanted to or not, he is faced with a dilemma: to continue living within limited means and be miserable, or make a life-changing choice that will give him what he's always wanted. Don’t miss a new take on GameFreak’s classic storyline of Team Rocket’s infamy and the unfolding of Drew’s role of greatness in The Extinction of Team Rocket!

~ ~ ~

“Why?” he asked me.

“Why what?”

“WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS?! Destruction of property? Injuring Team Rocket members? Disgracing our family?! ...Where do you want me to start?”

I said nothing. I had nothing to prove to him.

He came closer to me.

“Our family has given you a major platform, Drew, and this is what you decide to do to those who’ve supported you?"

“And, who would that be? Dad? Will, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh, really? Enlighten me then.”

“Dad never supported me.”

“You must be crazy, little brother. You’re not mindful of how much he gave us.”

“He gave nothing,” I shot back. “In fact, he took away my childhood.”

“Really now…”

“...He kidnapped me and tortured me until I joined Team Rocket.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that story peddled before… Drew, you’re delusional. Your imagination has gotten out of control.”

“...what?”

“That story is about as believable as what you said at home a short while ago… frankly, Drew, I think you’re jealous.”

“For WHAT would I be jealous of?”

“You’re not leader.”

“Will, don’t be stupid! ...I’d never sell my soul to be leader of such a grotesque organization.”

“An organization you are part of right now.”

“Not willfully.”

“Hardly.”

“You can deny it all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that it happened.”

“Drew, let’s cut the bullshit to save some time… there are going to be consequences for those stories as well as all the destruction you’ve caused tonight.”

“It goes to show that you’re part of the problem,” I said. “What I needed from you for the last 7 years was a supportive big brother who would’ve helped me through anything... but, you were distant until I showed promise in Team Rocket. Then you wanted to be in my life.”

“You have a lot of nerve saying that to the leader of Team Rocket.”

“You might be its leader, but that means nothing to me… family is supposed to support you… not profit on the suffering you’ve endured at its hands.”

He sighed and moved closer, almost within an arm’s reach. “I’m very disappointed in you, Drew. And, here I hoped it would be a nice family reunion after we took over KBN, but I guess I was wrong. You never wanted to be part of that.”

“I never wanted part of ANY of this! And, I have no interest in remaining a part of this evil cult our father cultivated.”

“Well, I’m afraid you cannot leave. You have far too much intel to walk away. Not to mention taking advantage of my kindness, so prepare to meet the brother you wish you’d never messed with.”

“Then be prepared for a fury of my own,” I replied. “You’ve never been in my path, Will, so I’m warning you. Walk away right now, or you’ll regret it.”

“You won’t be making any cheap threats here,” he replied. “You, on the other hand, will be punished and decommissioned as an executive.”

He reached for a pokéball on his belt, but I thought fast and swung hard at him, hitting him in the eye and knocking him down.

I released Dragonair. Before he could reach me, Jake and I jumped onto its back and flew fast up the way we ended up there.

“TWISTER. I REPEAT, TWISTER. FLEDGLING IS AIRBORNE. ALL UNITS IN PURSUIT!”

We got back to where we fell, but there was nowhere to go.

“Dragonair, give us your best Hyper Beam. We need to escape fast!”

It fired a high-energy attack at the earth above us, breaking through scattering earth all over us, allowing us to fly above ground again just outside Viridian City.

There was no time to lose. We flew as fast as we could, knowing very well we were now in immediate danger.

~ ~ ~

“I don’t believe you,” Lt. Surge said.

“What do I have to do to prove this is the truth?” I asked him.

“Do you have any proof?” Koga asked.

I'd hoped this wouldn’t come up, but I figured it was worth it. They wouldn’t be able to deny it afterward.

“Yes, I have proof…”

“Well, then, let’s see it!” Lt. Surge said.

I set the microphone on the stage and allowed gravity to bring me back to the ground. I removed my T-shirt and put it on the stage.

“When I got older, I wanted to tattoo over my scars so I wouldn’t have to see the pain I endured and see positive things instead,” I said, “…but I didn’t tattoo over everything…”

I turned around and showed them my back. The silence was deafening. I stood there, hearing people get out of their chairs. I felt them inspecting my scars, feeling rough skin where smooth skin should've been. I heard a few people whispering with each other, and I even heard a couple of people stifle back sniffles. If they looked hard enough, even through my tattoos, some of my scars were still visible.

When I'd had enough, I walked back to the stage, put my T-shirt back on, and faced my guests again. More faces had softened, but I was nowhere near finished.

“Is that enough proof for you?” I asked, directed more at Lt. Surge than the others.

“I still would’ve refused,” was all he said.

“You’re right,” I said. “I hate myself, too. I shouldn’t have said yes. I’m aware of that. I couldn’t take the torture anymore. I get it. Now… can we move on?”

Nobody said anything.

“The mission I’m asking for your help with is risky, but, we can be successful… I would need your help with carrying it out. I’d rather not take a lot of Saffron City’s officers out of the city for it…”

Everyone was silent, but a majority of the anger was gone. They looked at me with solemn expressions.

“What would we need to do?” Morty asked.

“I’d need you to bring your best pokémon and help me arrest Team Rocket members, recover pokémon, shut down their hideout, and foil their latest attempt of taking over the region.”

There was silence. I guess there wasn’t any other business to discuss.

“I’m so sorry I lied to all of you… but I didn’t feel I had a choice… The torture damaged me more than I thought… especially after a psychiatrist diagnosed me with PTSD.”

There were a few gasps.

I tried to hide my tears behind my eyelids, but I didn’t think I was successful. A few slipped out.

“I can understand if all of you hate me right now… but, Chief Douglas and I would kindly appreciate any help you can give for this mission… I have nothing else to say. You’re free to leave. I’m sorry to have kept you from important business.”

#cooltrainerashton #extinctionofteamrocket #pokemon #fanfiction #mentalhealth

0 notes

cooltrainerashton · 3 years

Text

CTA Love: MandJTV

Happy February, readers!

For the Month of Love, I’m starting a series titled “CTA Love” that will cover a monthly topic of something that’s positively impacted my life. But before I get into today’s esteemed spotlight, let me provide some context. To jump ahead to the subject spotlight, look for #MandJTV’s face down below.

I dealt with depression and anxiety as a teenager but didn’t think they were any more serious than they were, attributing them to dealing with normal teenage woes (i.e., braces, acne, wearing glasses, being considered a nerd, being a suffocated, closeted gay in the church, etc). Then, as a younger adult at 25, I had a semicolon tattooed on the back of my neck to show support for those I knew that suffered from mental illness (which also paid homage to being a writer). And that was where I thought my connection to mental health ended.

As is customary with life, one can never predict its twists and turns. Due to poor decisions on my part and trusting the wrong people, the fire under my ass rose. I had to make fast decisions to support myself. I ended up working as a caregiver for a senior living community as a means of keeping a roof over my head and supporting myself financially. Once my finances began to settle, I had to make another hard decision to leave a toxic living environment. My subsequent move was necessary but made my commute to work much longer.

This next phase of my life was a trying time of life, as I was driving 45 minutes to work each way while also working a graveyard shift for a job that didn’t care enough for its employees and paid shit wages, which made making ends meet nearly impossible. I barely slept when my body allowed it (graveyard is, no joke, hell on your body and is considered an IARC 2A carcinogen by the World Health Organization, linking overnight shifts to a probable health risk). And during this time, aside from dating woes, my mental health worsened. My anxiety and depression were stirred up from negative energy at home that made my new living arrangement toxic as well.

I endured my caregiving job for almost two years. Despite being able to pay bills and have nothing to save, I did my best to support my patients while my mental health suffered. My dream job thankfully knocked and brought me out of a horribly-managed employer and into one that puts its employees first. Financially, I was empowered, but my mental health continued to worsen.

This spearheaded when my father grew ill and died during his recovery and rehabilitation. My world began to crumble. Extracurricular activities I loved no longer served me, and I had to learn to say no to them. I had to accept that my mental health was god-awful and needed to be addressed. I made hard decisions, which led me to move out onto my own so I could heal.

I can’t tell you how wonderful it is that fate intervenes when you least expect it and brings you out of harm’s way. Due to those actions, I’ve healed and worked on myself. The #CooltrainerAshton writing to you today is a much stronger person than when my #Instagram account went live on December 24, 2019. What chaos intended with the ongoing pandemic was instrumental in my healing and supported my journey.

Pant, pant, pant...

Now, for the purpose for this post…

During my days as a caregiver, making rounds and then waiting for pages or wanting to sleep was grueling. There were few people to chat with at 2 AM. What I fell back on was YouTube videos or playing games on the Choices app. One of the YouTubers I watched religiously was MandJTV, that hilarious and adorable PokeTuber who was part of a small group of creators making Top 10 videos.

I can’t tell you how beneficial those videos were to me at that time. Life was hard. I had to make the most of my circumstances. I wasn’t being creative, and my belief now is I’m more likely to be depressed if I’m not writing. Michael’s videos helped rekindle my inspiration as well as my love of Pokemon that’s remained with me since discovering Pokemon Silver 20 years ago.

This also highlighted the story I’ve written that I was sitting on. As I’ve shared before on Insta, Extinction of Team Rocket started in 2010 as an idea/response to a YouTuber’s theories surrounding the identity of Ash’s father, and when several attempts at a story were crumpled and tossed into the wastebasket, I put it down. In 2013, I expanded what was a short story in an Introduction to Creative Writing class and expanded it into a novella. In 2016, I edited it and attempted to have it published online, but I didn’t have an artist. I thought I needed cover art to sell my story, so I left it alone.

By watching MandJTV videos, it planted a seed that I needed to do something with my idea. The more videos I watched from him, as well as others, the more that seed was watered, which allowed it to sprout and bear fruit. I decided to write a sequel, and as more ideas came, what was a standalone novella began a series. And, though it wasn’t part of my original goal, it’s become a motif for mental health awareness, a fact that I’m now proud of and happy to amplify to highlight struggles of those who suffer and normalize the conversation and the use of therapy.

Because of Michael, my inspiration and creativity kept me alive. Because of him, the ETR series was born and expanded. Because of him, ETR was published in February 2020 and its sequel The Storm Feather in August 2020. Because of him, The Seaglass Heart will be published in two days (February 14), and this entire project is my lovechild that I couldn’t imagine not existing.

Michael, I’m sure you hear this a lot, but THANK YOU for what you do. You gave me hope and inspiration when I needed it, and my success I have today is due in part and deservedly to you.

And, even if you didn’t ask for it, you most definitely deserve a HAIL YEAH!

#mandjtv #cooltrainerashton #pokemon #extinctionofteamrocket #fanfiction

10 notes · View notes