corallyreef

[corallyreef]

rambling

I am unsure if I am disappointed in myself or if I am disappointed in others. I can’t set expectations to others, that is unfair. They are living their own lives, emotions, struggles, etc. So it may be my fault, my own disappointment, that I set expectations for people for myself. Do I bring my own sadness? Do I bring my own downfall? By causing my own disappointment? By associating that disappointment with people? To distance myself from people? As a way to distance myself from...myself? 

Have I really grown? All this self-care, self-aware bullshit. Am I any different? Surely, I may have made SOME progress. Clearly, though, it is not enough. 

Seems as though I need to start focusing on myself. Like how I used to do before this self-care bs. Creating my own happiness. Just like I used to. 

I used to lay in bed every night, let my mind wonder, let my imagination explore, beautiful scenarios and possibilities. I lived vicariously through my bedtime imaginations. Traveling the world, exploring breathtaking places, learning new cultures, indulging in delicious cuisine, meeting beautiful people, sharing my experience with a best friend and love. 

I learned it all, from reading countless books.

I lived it all. I’ve seen it all. Imaginary fights, imaginary struggles, imaginary illness, imaginary peace, imaginary fortune, imaginary sights, imaginary love, imaginary dreams coming true. 

I miss myself. My old self. I think I will go back to my imaginary world. I was in control. It was better.

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Foolish

Was it silly of to think that you would love me that way I love you

Was it silly of me to serenade you with sweet words and genuine affection when you have never reciprocated, not even a tenth of it 

Was it silly of me to believe you when I confronted you about your lack of romance and you defended yourself by saying you do not know how

Was it silly of me to try and help you by teaching you how

Was it silly of me to think that maybe if I loved you and showed you how to love, that you would end up changing and start loving me the way I want to 

Was it silly of me to pour out my heart so your heart can follow

Was it silly of me to think that was possible

Was it silly of me

Was it silly

Was it

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I used to be a very bubbly person, optimistic and hopeful, but after college I have become so stressed and depressed. I feel lonely, I feel unsatisfied, I feel unworthy. I feel like a constant disappointment. Depsite working really hard and giving it my all. I am never enough. I wish I was financially independent to dwell on my sorrows, but until then, I must maintain my facade.

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Me, an INTJ: these INTJ stereotypes are terrible. They make me look like the coldest person on earth.

Also Me: No fuck that, I'm not working with you. I'm doing this work on my own. It's less trouble. I don't deal with people. Don't get near me. Do you even know what personal space is? I'm not glaring at you this is my normal look. No I'm not mad. Your idea is terrible. You didn't even plan that ahead did you? Oh you did? Then you didn't rethink it over to think of the possible chances of failure. I swear I--

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One of my favourite Aeryn Sun moments.

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“it’s not my job to convince you of my worth.”

— Cirino (via kushandwizdom)

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Paradoxically, the ability to be alone is the condition for the ability to love.

Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving

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Reblog this if you’re a female INTJ

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tumblr is actually a really good structure for social media with the way blogs and posts are formatted however unfortunately the entire site is run by monkeys who wouldnt be able to make a good executive decision if their mothers lives depended on it

[corallyreef]

Lure

Lure

Lure

Charming

Sweet

Charismatic

Fall

Fall

Fall

Naive

Foolish

Oblivious

Hurt

Hurt

Hurt

Deception

Betrayal

Disappointment

Gone, Forgotten, Dead

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Dark hours

Lonely hours

Deep hours

Lustful hours

Dangerous hours

Lying hours

Sleep

Or you will be slept on

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I love seeing people in love.

At least they experience a natural high.

With this needle by my arm,

I forget.

I am high too. I love love.

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All I want

Is to lay,

To lay beside you

To lay on you.

All I want

Is to feel,

To feel safe

To feel loved.

All I want

Is to be,

Be purely happy

My genuine self.

All I want

Is to

Love.

But most of all,

All I want

Is for

My dreams

To become

Reality.

[corallyreef]

Love before Marriage

Imaam Ibn al-Qayyim said:

“And the cure for this deadly illness (i.e. love before marriage) is for the person that is afflicted to realize that this love is only due to his/her own delusions and ignorance. So upon such a person is to first and foremost strengthen their Tawheed and reliance upon Allaah, and secondly to increase in worship and busy themselves with it, so much so that they do not have any spare time letting their minds wander and think about their beloved. And they should call upon Allaah to protect them and save them from this evil, just as Prophet Yusuf called upon Allaah and he was saved. And they should do as he did, be as he was, in terms of ikhlaas (sincerity) and remembering Allaah in abundance. This is because if the heart is filled with ikhlaas for the sake of Allaah, there will be no space left for any unlawful love to be present, rather this only happens to a heart that is empty and has no ikhlaas whatsoever. And let such people remind themselves that whatever Allaah has decreed for them is only in their own best interests, and when Allaah commands something it is never to cause harm or misery to His slaves. And let them also remind themselves that their unlawful love does not benefit them, neither in this world or the hereafter! As for this world then they will be so preoccupied with their love that it will cripple them and will cause them to live in a fantasy world. And as for the hereafter then it will cause them to be preoccupied with the love of the creation instead of love for the Creator! These people need to be reminded, that the one who is emerged in something will never see its ill effects, neither will the person who has never experienced such things. The only people who will be able to relate to them are those who have experienced the same thing but have been saved. Such people can look back and realize how evil it is.” [ad-Daa’ wa ad-Dawaa p. 300]

[corallyreef]

[corallyreef]

no offense but money would solve literally every single one of my problems. like all of them. i dont have a single problem that money wouldnt immediately solve