I like poetry and making myself feel like shit flowers
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A poem, an exercise in omitting letters.
by Thomas Penny
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“I don’t care if I fall in love with a devil, as long as that devil will love me the way he loves hell.”
— Unknown (via verticalism)
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I’m breathing smoke like a dragon in slumber
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This weekend was just something else. But I'm happy it happened.
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Everything seems so hard when I’m stuck laying on my back glued to the surface. But don’t mind me, passerby’s, I’m just digging myself a way out, one rip of my skin at a time. I was told over and over and over again that this is the only life I get, go out and live it. And I’ve been trying, trying so hard, yet I really haven’t either. I can only do so much, there’s just some things that I’m too weak to overcome on my own, and in this life I really do just feel so alone.
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Let me fulfill my aesthetic dreams
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For over a year I’ve been trying to make my life, but no matter how hard I try it falls apart over something so little and unimportant. I know everything I need to do, but where is my motivation, the want to get these things done, or the passion for what I’m trying to achieve in my life? More importantly, when will I stop asking questions and just fucking do it?
I’m still young, this I know, stop telling me the things I’ve already heard a thousand times before. I don’t need answers to what I know, good fucking god, I need the damn answers to shit I don’t know. I’m still young, and maybe that’s why I don’t know anything?
I feel like when people look at me they see someone who isn’t cut out for the world. But I know they see a girl just going through the motions, they see a person who doesn’t know what the fucks going on half the time. I don’t blame them for the looks they give, I don’t blame them for anything.
But hopefully, one of these days, like I’ve said a million times over, the world will look up, the hurt won’t be so bad, the answers I’ve heard over and over and over again will all be worth it. It has to be worth it, and I know in life you’re going to fail, but hopefully, I don’t fail so hard that I can’t get up and try again.
I have so many people to look up to in the career choice I want to take, so many people that have been in the exact same shoes I’m in. And when I look at them, I see nothing but pure gold, because it’s what I need to achieve in my life. I have to start looking at things from a more positive perspective. I’ve just gone way too long being negative, and I’ve heard that to make things better, you have to make yourself better, you have to love and accept yourself for who you are and not be ashamed. And I do accept myself to a point, I just have to achieve that second goal of overcoming the anxiety that literally controls everything about me.
I can’t let the bad overcome the good because I know when I look at my life and the people in my life, it’s all good. The people who love and respect me are all amazing people that have amazing lives, though none of us might feel like it, I know that we do and we just have to look at it in a different perspective. Life is a fucking roller coaster, I’m only eighteen years old and I already know that shit. I already know that my life is going to take a deeper plummet than it already has, I know that I’m going to be more depressed than I have been in the past few weeks, I know that the imminent heartbreak of my future loves will shatter me, but I know that in the end, if I let it, if I make it, everything will all work out for the better.
I can’t just sit around and wait for it to come to me, I have to put my ass in the world and let the world know that I’m here to make a mark. Not just in the small town that I grew up in, but in the goddamn world. I’m here to help, I’m here to learn and teach to others what I’ve learned, I’m here to make something better of the world we live in. I know for a fact that there are millions of other people just like me that are going through exactly what I’m going through that need assistance, and I want to be that assistance. I want to be that help, that change that made them happy again. I want to be the good in all the bad, I want to put smiles on peoples faces and have them feel like they’re on top of the world all the time.
And like millions of others, I beat myself up all the time for things that I don’t deserve to beat myself up about. Some things in our minds tell us to do it when we don’t really deserve it. Our minds are playing tricks on us all the time even though we don’t think that they are. We’re human, yes, and we’ve got our flaws, of fucking course we do, but we can overcome so much if we make that the littlest of our problems. I’m saying this from the bottom of my rotting, aching heart, please do not let those tiny insecurities take control of your life. Don’t let anxiety lead you down the street aimlessly, take control of it. It’s your life, live it to the fullest and don’t let anyone or anything stop or slow you down. We only get one chance, better to start now than to wait until it’s almost over.
Oh, and I know what you’re thinking, “It’s easier said than done.” Hell yeah, it is! Are you kidding me? Everything is easier said than done, no matter the objectives, your mind is always saying that it’s way too hard, but that’s the point, that’s why I’m writing this, don’t let your mind tell you otherwise. You can do anything if you just do it, don’t be afraid (unless it’s putting your life in danger, of course.) The world is ours, the world is yours!
Be the strong, fearless, and independent person you were born to be. We didn’t just pop onto a planet to do nothing, we popped on this planet to make a statement to anything and everyone in all the universes. Humans are crazy and kind of scary to think about, but that’s what makes life so fucking exciting. The fact that we don’t know what the hell is going to happen in a year, let alone tomorrow is truly terrifying, but come on! That adds so much drama and flare to the thought of life. No one will ever know anything except for what’s happening in this very moment.
So, with the rest of your life, how are you planning to spend it? Alone and on the couch watching Family Guy? Or are you trying to spend it with all your friends and loved ones skydiving, scuba diving, off-roading, snowboarding, skiing, surfing, going to races, being a racer, betting on races, and doing all the crazy shit on your bucket list? It’s up to you, after all, it’s your life, you get to choose how to spend it. Good luck, and safe travels.
October 2, 2018
Corbyn Hembree
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