#from the heart

[bebepac]

Loss

Sorry, this one isn't fanfiction. A sudden loss of someone you care about can really put you through an emotional rollercoaster. Recently, a friend that I worked with passed away suddenly and very tragically. He deserved so much better than how he was taken from this world. Now, even weeks later, there are still moments where I feel like it isn't real.

Daily, when we used to get to work at the same time, we'd walk in together and at lunch we'd always be laughing about some random story we told each other. Work feels different. I can't even sit at my desk at 8am because every time the pharmacy door opens and it's not him, it chips a little piece of my heart away, and the realization hits me, he's not here anymore. I can't bring myself to delete his number out of my cell phone or my last texts to him, or take down the directory at my desk that has his name and extension on it.

I thought you may be able to relate to that feeling, too, which is why I tagged my regular list. I hope that you don't mind.

Yesterday, I said goodbye to you. 

Did I want to? 

No. Goodbyes I have learned over the years are seldom happy, and this one shook me to my very core, because you were stolen from us prematurely. 

Your season on this earth ended way too soon, my friend.

My heart breaks for the life you should have had, and the dreams that you were working towards that didn’t get the opportunity to come true.

Why?

Why—- is the singular question in all  of our broken hearts from the profound loss of you all of us are feeling.

I replay the last conversation we had in my mind on a loop, and wish I would have said more meaningful words to you.  That was really our last conversation? 

But, there is solace in knowing I was there to listen to your words, to you.

I miss you. 

Already. 

Deep down,  I know somehow, some way, our paths will intersect again.  

So yesterday, I said farewell for the moment to you. 

Did I want to?

No.  But I had to, for now.  

[happy-mokka]

Happy birthday to me!!! 🎂

Yeah. Hi. It's me. Middle-aged Aziraphale fangirl did his next big step in the direction of the big 50.

Wahooooo! Not really…

I hate my birthdays. Always did. Even as a child.

Now as this middle-aged queerish-dude I am still having a hard time, standing in the middle of things and being cheered on by others.

I was born. Great. Get along, people, nothing to see here. Can you all just go home please?

"Well, what the f*ck are you doing here then, right now, with this post, in the middle of an internet platform in front of a bunch of strangers?!?"

some of you might ask. And rightly so, I must add.

Way more than 12 hours before - it is now past 10 pm in Germany - so this morning after I woke up to be exact, I had seriously contemplated the possibility to call in sick on my birthday, and hide myself from the world, quietly sobbing on my couch. For the first time in my working life of 24 years. I had always been to work on my birthdays. No exception.

But the past months had been hard. I never really felt in control of things, still don't. Those who know me closer, know that I like to be in control. Always a plan at hand. Always prepared…

Only that it didn't really work out…hasn't for quite a long time. I just never admitted it to myself. Always kept on going. My family was always good in repressing things.

Don't show weakness. Keep on functioning. What will the others think? People depend on you!

My family also never really considered me being "a success story" by their standards. I am unmarried. Don't have children. No big career. Ok, I've put enough on the side to live a financial solid life in a nice appartment. But the first part really nagged at them, and through them at me.

So I was already unhappy for quite some time.

Together with an ongoing above-average and ever growing work-load at the office, this feeling of unhappiness turned slowly into dread and then deep sadness, until I felt close to breaking with the beginning of today.

Now, almost 15 hours later, I am here, writing this sappy stuff and am genuinely happy for the first time in months.

"What changed?"

Well, I was thinking about this a lot in the past hour. While sitting in the bus and later while walking home.

Honestly? Nothing really changed.

I got my eyes opened and my perspective adjusted by someone very dear to me. That's what friends are for, and she is the best of them. My bestie.

She is the one who got me addicted to Good Omens last year and pushed me onto this hellsite. She brought me Doctor Who and the Tardis (yeah, I know, shame on me, coming so late to the game…). She makes me constantly re-think my opinions and keeps opening new windows to look through on things I had missed or never noticed before. She is challenging me on a daily basis to be more than I normally would go for or did for many years. She became the closest friend I have ever had in my life. Sure, I know lots of people a lot longer in years. Some since Kindergarten. But none of them digged themselves so deep into the darkest corners of my soul. Places not even my brother or my parents ever got to see. She made me, a life long rather shy introvert, open up, despite the fact that she is even more introverted than I have ever been. I still don't fully understand all of it, but here I am, writing all this to an unknown audience, as proof. A year ago, this wouldn't have been possible, not even in my wildest dreams.

"So, you didn't realize this before?"

I did. It just got pushed aside by all the negative spiralling. Sometimes you don't see, what's right in front of you.

After work, I walked her home. I like doing that. Sometimes talking all the way. Sometimes just walking in silence side by side. At her place she handed me 2 presents and just like that, it clicked. Sometimes, it doesn't take much, if it comes from the heart…

People, meet my new Michael Sheen mug!!!

So, we basically bonded over Good Omens and as faith would have it, we are exactly Aziraphale (me) and Crowley (her) coded. 100%.

It makes me beyond happy, knowing that everytime I'll sip my coffee with my beloved Sheeny, on the other end of town she will sip her hot cocoa out of her corresponding new David Tennant mug.

Good Omens was not the only thing we found out to have in common. The common ground sometimes is really breathtaking and we still regularly stumble over new things it contains. So many things that we equally love. Books, movies, music, long walks, just sitting there in silence and taking in a beautiful view… On the other hand, we are so different in so many aspects, but with the feeling of it rather complementing than dividing us.

She loves to chrochet, I can't even hammer a nail strait into a sponge. Speaking of which, meet my 2nd gift: Audrey!!!!!!!!!

We watched "Little shop of Horrors" (the 1986 version with Rick Moranis) a few weeks ago. Both for the first time. Loved it. I immediately fell for "Audrey", the flesh-eating alien plant. Didn't speak anything out loud, still it didn't go unnoticed…and, yes, it is hand-made!!!

*sigh*

"So, what am I trying to say here?"

Good qestion…

Life can be cruel. Life will be hard at times. It will make you cry, like, a lot.

Try to not go through all this alone. Sometimes those that you least expect it from, turn out to become your anchor in the stormy sea or the lighthouse showing you the way. Build your own little family of friends (even if its just one). Hold them tight, once you found them. Love them with all that's in you. You will get it back ten fold.

To quote the great Neil Gaiman:

Why?

L🥰ve!

@uncleadelheid-will-eat-your-soul , thanks for being all that for me, little introverted geeky metal edgelord office girl, and thanks for enduring my annoying love for bad jokes and even worse puns…

P.S.: Sorry btw for the storm, lighthouse, anchor metaphors with you hating all that's related to the dark blue sea…I still didn't edit them out…maybe we'll be getting there. At least I left out fishy fish…

🐟🐠🐡🦈🌊🦑

[allsystemsblue]

Yasmine Wüster

[fluffyhairedboy]

..I want..I need..I crave.. physical intimacy..nothing fancy..a hug, a pat on the head, cuddles, the stroke of a finger over the back of my palm..platonic or non platonic never really matters. Just knowing that I have a connection with another..warmth

[poetrybyonur]

Poets write from their heart. You want to know what kind of person they are? Look at their words. Are they givers or takers? Do their words describe how they give love? Or only about how they should be loved? How they give pleasure or how they get pleasure? How they treat others or how others should treat them? The theme, the words, the vocabulary, reveals who they are.

[palatinewolfsblog]

Nothing Else Matters (Metallica) : MOZART HEROES (Official Video)

Truly an amazing Cover. Trust me! 🐺👍

"So close, no matter how far Couldn’t be much more from the heart Forever, trusting who we are And nothing else matters."

[autumnsunshine10]

Worldbuilding

Highways and byways unwinding

From the same auspicious start

Every direction tried and true

Known by heart traveled untold times

Environments and ecosystems

Not only suitable but sumptuous

In inviting splendor, where the grass

Is always greener and smells sweeter

Valleys, mountains, and clear running streams

From wildest dreams to sublime reality

Represented and present with a golden

Glow for all the precious hours shared

Inflection infectious, catching

Myself lilting each syllable sung

Flowing fluidly from the tongue eager

To form with vocal cords thrumming

And lips always ending upturned

My favorite word in the world

Making mine feel wider open

Brighter and bolder

Whenever it is spoken or heard

Never the same since I learned it

And I prefer it that way

No other word moves me like

Your name

Inspired by the prompt: "a world in a word"

[soulinkpoetry]

Everything changes when we start seeing from the heart.

.

.Rumi speaks to my soul

Music 🔊 tanbour by

Sohrab Pournazeri

.

[toby-du-coeur]

tdc liveblog p7 - my only regret is that i have but one death to cure for my sinister government organisation

masterpost

hard not to empathise with teresa during this part because like.. she's being A Good Doctor and doing what a doctor is supposed to do

wth is that, are we jesus on the cross w the frickin vinegar sponge, what happened to the lil gauze square

see how fast that worked?? and this wasn't even Cure Blood. thomas' blood on the knife should've - in this essay i will -

the way hes just hustling 😂😂 makin my way downtown

her w the v neck and him with his everpresent turtleneck, also the white & black. something about.. her heart being more open while his is covered and shriveled away? also obviously that WCKD uses a very black-and-white view of the world 😉

average fail parents talkin about how they've variously fucked up their kids

they sure predicted that some people just Do Not Wanna Wear Masks 😂

lil newtie like something something furthest i've ever been from home mr frodo also how cozy is gally in his knit hoodie 🥰 with his hands in his pocketses

empires rise, oceans fall, quack medicine abides 😂 also,, alcohol? or overpriced water? both of the above

why the japanese? i find it hard to believe japan isn't just chillin 😂 my friend & japanese translator says it says 'tanaka' somethin, 'trading company' i imagine bc that's the english below

he can use glader slang for the first time in months & months :')

oooohh the electric lights contrasted w the campfires outside the city

hes rubbing his arm 😭😭

yorick its you again 🥹

oh that is a FIGHTING face

[dragonstailbutch]

You truly have a Frankenstein’s monster on your hands here. Hang in there buddy, and hold in your heart that Conservative Christians also think that being into anal sex will make you fuck dogs or that putting someone in handcuffs means you’re on the express train to hell.

If it wasn’t this kink, it would be another, so tell them to man up (hah) and get a life that doesn’t involve harassing you.

(Ps. Seeing it has been one of the driving factors to wanting to get back on testosterone again and get off my ass on getting a doctor for my gender affirming care. Thanks)

lol i knew this one guy back in highschool, he was an RA for a dorm in college and i was part of this math club that was supposed to assist me in learning math and sciences - anyway, he used to say "cowboy up" instead of man up, which i adore

genuinely thank you and thanks to a bunch of other people who are checking in on me too, it definitely sucks that this is happening to what was supposed to be a community for a ton of people to feel safe and better about themselves and how they present themselves

i am so very happy to see that forcemasc helps people still, and that i had a hand in helping people and supporting them and supporting you!

im proud of you for doing what you need to do for yourself. love yall

[regulusrules]

After a long day without the healing presence of ao3 in my life, nothing could've been better than reading this bookmark about my fic :')

[autumnsunshine10]

Thank you for another lovely thoughtful gift @ik-de-zwarte-kat and for the smile it brought 😁💖 I love how you can turn my basic selfies into works of art!

[asshole-rebel-psycho]

Just a sad little country song I wrote about growing apart from someone. Hope they find it.