cordria - Tumblr blog

[cordria]

I’m apparently a wierd one.

Ire-n. One syllable. Emphasis on the consonants. The ‘I’ is more in the back of the throat, almost an ‘ur’ sound, but is slightly more an ‘I’ sound to my ears, and is basically skipped over in the hurry to say the consonants.

Native English speaker, Midwest USA, from a family with strong very Scandinavian roots, growing up learning to speak from people that do silly things like stick an r in wash (warsh).

I want to know something regarding the pronunciation of the word "iron", and I'm only asking native speakers and those who've been living in an English speaking country since forever (as a child), but it's not quite their native language. The latter is my definition for "second language". And only that. If you went to school in an English speaking country for a couple of years (for example studying abroad), that doesn't count as a second language in this case, please press the last button then.

The description in the poll is only a "more or less", not an absolute.

So...

[cordria]

"Shitter"

i am expecting to be in trouble when i get to work today

yesterday, several coworkers were having a conversation on how to say 'xitter' (we're all sick of 'the website formerly known as twitter' - too long)

'exit-ter' and 'zit-ter' were the winning arguments at that point

me (not part of the conversation, just walking past on the way to lunch) mentioned that, in many cultures, 'x' is pronounced as 'sh'

all afternoon, i could hear 'that is great! post it to shitter!' ring through the office

sooo much paper was wasted yesterday printing things out and taping them to the toilets

there is a surprise office-wide meeting this morning, just got the notification, and this is what it's going to be about - boss spent most of the afternoon yesterday grumbling about 'professionalism'

...and it's most definitely my fault

... ... ... ...not sure i've ever been this proud 😌

[cordria]

Come at me bro. I grew up AFAB in the 90s. We got this!

No rat-sized horses will make it near me!

Im usually much too shy to send asks but you gotta be the change you want to see, and i agree that asks need to stay so: would you rather right 1 horse sized rat, or 100 rat sized horses?

ah yikes... so my knee jerk reaction is "the 100 rat-sized horses, certainly, as those can be picked off one at a time." however the risk of my conscience catching up to me by the 30th or 40th horse is too great. how much death could I inflict upon these rat-sized horses before I vow to see death no more? even if pure survival instinct drives me through all 100, what of the aftermath? surrounded by the carnage of 100 tiny horses with only my own wet breath among 100 still chests? inconceivable. war is hell.

[cordria]

I work in a school-adjacent field right now, so my job is tied to the school year. I've worked there for about a year, and my contract is up. Had to schedule a meeting with the boss, where I'd either be offered another year-long contract or be released.

I really really wanted another contract. I like this job, it has health insurance for my kids, I get paid really well, and it offers superb vacation time. Me - being me - overthought the hell out of it. I spent weeks curating data as to why I should be retained for another year. I had spreadsheets. I had presentations. I had data at my fingertips for any eventuality.

New contract was the ultimate goal. I was going to ask for a 1-2% raise, depending on how the meeting went, but I was perfectly fine with nothing.

Head into the meeting, and it doesn't take more than a few minutes to realize something is very amiss...

He's got zero desire to look at my data. No asking questions about what I'd been doing. Nothing. He's just... talking about his company. His plans for its future. How I fit into those plans.

And I realize - he's got zero plans on releasing me. He's talking to me about the reasons why I shouldn't leave. Why I shouldn't allow myself to be poached.

Mentally, I sorta check out of the meeting because I hadn't prepared for this. I can't ask for a 2% raise. I'll look like I don't know my worth, and that can be a death-knell for a woman. You'll never again get a great contract if male bosses think you don't know what you're worth and can't stand up for it. I need to be at 3-5% above COLA. And I just saw the COLA numbers, but I can't for the life of me remember them! COLA coulda been anywhere between 1% and like maybe 7%. I can't just guess.

Boss just keeps talking while I'm scrambling. Barely paying attention to him and answering on autopilot. And then he takes a tangent that drags my mind off of numbers. Asks me about my supervisor.

My supervisor is... nice. You know those teachers in school where the system worked well for them, and they like the system, and they can't imagine the system doesn't work for someone else? Those teachers where, if the system isn't serving you, the only logical reason for that is lack of effort on your part? Yeah, she's one of those.

My job is literally to challenge those systems. She's nice, but we butt heads a lot because she doesn't see why I'm so set on changing something that works so well, no matter how many ways I've tried to explain it to her or what research I've handed her.

I'm trying to pussy-foot my way around answering the questions from my boss. I can't throw her under a bus - especially since she's one of the nicest, most generous people at this office - but I also am trying to be honest. She's throwing a monkey wrench in what I'm doing. She's making my work harder, and it's already hard since schools and teachers hate listening to 'your old way of doing things isn't working so well'. So I've totally lost track of trying to figure out COLA. Talking through this puzzle is taking up my brain.

I musta done fine, because eventually he pulls out my contract. Tells me I'm embodying the future of what he wants my department to be. Says he'd like to put me on 'management track'. Preferably to take over my supervisor's position at this point next year. More responsibility. Trying out 'mentoring' some of the other staff I work with.

I'm... not sure how I feel about that. I've never been in the 'boss' track, other than some random shift-lead positions at fast food joints. I'm not exactly management material. I'm one of those people who do best when given a gentle nudge in the direction you'd like me to travel, give me free rein to implement data and research, and stand back to watch the positive chaos unfold. That actually seems like the thing boss likes about me best.

He offered me a good raise. I was very off-foot and didn't argue with it, but probably should have. Looked it up - was 5% above local COLA, so I'm happy. Reasonable contract, but I probably could've snagged another 2-3% for this management track nonsense had my brain been wired right. So I signed it, handed it back.

Now I got 'leadership' training four days over the next two weeks as I learn more about this management track he's wanting me on. I figure it if doesn't work out of me, I can always just say so. Then he can choose to keep me in a regular position or release me at the end of this contract. If nothing else, I'm staring at a binder full of data that I wasted a lot of time on that shows why someone else might want to hire me.

Might as well give this mess a try - right?

[cordria]

For me it’s not the taste for either.

Alcohol tastes meh to me - I avoid them more because I get severe headaches from most alcoholic beverages. Like hangover-quality headaches, only within 30 minutes of starting to drink and from even a relatively small amount of alcohol. Had a third of a White Claw at a party yesterday because I was the ONLY person not drinking, and they had literally nothing but alcohol to drink. Was utterly miserable by the end of the party and was sending bad thoughts at the overly-loud live band. Huge mistake on my part. :)

Coffee also tastes meh. I avoid coffee because I have so little caffeine in my diet that drinking a black coffee would severely affect me. Hate the bubbles in my chest, being forced to move and Do Something - even if it’s pointless - and the crash several hours later. Also, caffeine tends to make me take things apart. Hubby brought me a mocha (forgetting ask for decaf) several days ago and our bathroom (which - to be fair - desperately DID need to be remodeled) is still working on coming back together from that mistake. :)

Oops? lol

Remember to boost for demographics!

[cordria]

Working in my scrap paper-piecing quilt while sitting at urgent care.

Starting to come together!

Back looks horrible, as usual.

Daughter is sleeping against my shoulder. Makes it harder to do this. :)

[cordria]

I did have this alt-texted before it was posted. I tried again - hopefully fixed now. :)

Damn tumblr mobile.

Spring, spring, where for FUCKING art thou, spring?

Gotta love Minnesota.

[cordria]

Finished my first crocheted orchid blossom. :)

Gonna make another now.

[cordria]

Spring, spring, where for FUCKING art thou, spring?

Gotta love Minnesota.

[cordria]

Need some help

I've found myself in a little pickle, and I need some thoughts from people who are not involved. If you'd like to read and answer the ending poll, please read more. Poll at the end.

Necessary backstory part 1: When I first met my brother in law (BIL), my husband referred to him as an 'asshole'. BIL was raised in a family with very 1950's thoughts of how women are supposed to be, drank all that kool-aide, and got a huge dose of 'I get everything I ask for' on top of it.

In the years I've known BIL, I've found my husband's initial description to be apt. Always needs the best stuff, saves no money at all, bounces between jobs, gets everything he wants but never seems to be happy. Took up drinking about ten years ago and never looked back. Haven't had a sober interaction with him in years.

Necessary backstory part 2: Every year, my in-laws do a big family reunion at the end of December. Plan it a year in advance. Put down a deposit on a large party room. This year, in early-ish December, BIL texts and says he got the greatest tickets ever to go to Mexico - super cheap flight and resort stay. Only the plane leaves the day before the big family get-together... so can we move it?? Everyone reorganize their schedules instead of him just not come?

And... yes. Apparently my mother in law bent over backwards to move this family reunion for him. Everybody lost our non-refundable deposits. Had to do the reunion at my mother in law's tiny little house. Had to listen to my husband complain for a week about the whole thing.

Necessary backstory part 3: BIL was married and had two kids (currently 18 and 21), then divorced and found this new girlfriend and had two more kids (4 and 6) with her. When he got these tickets, he had framed it as a 'family vacation' and said 'the kids were going to have a blast'. Apparently when he said 'family' he meant him, his girlfriend, and his two newer kids. Not his older kids, who had thought they'd be invited as well, only to find out they don't apparently count as family anymore.

So we're walking into this reunion with feels, right? And lots of people are walking into this reunion with FEELS. Tense would be a good word for it. Ready to punch BIL into oblivion if he says the wrong thing would be another way to describe it.

SO. Story time.

Holiday gifts are being exchanged. We get BIL and family a gift card for a dinner out, and get nothing in return (as usual). Towards the end, BIL pulls out his wallet and grabs a bunch of money. Calls his two older kids over and hands them each a hundred dollars. That's it. That's their entire holiday present. Then he calls over (most) of the rest of his nieces and nephews and hands them each fifty dollars. My son gets skipped.

Normally, I'd call him out on it, because he's drunk and probably forgot my son (who was quietly playing with his new Lego set in the corner) even existed. But the atmosphere was tense and I was definitely on the side of just let it go. It'd take more than $50 to stick my hand in that hornet's nest.

Nobody really noticed. My daughter did, even offered to split hers with him, but I shook that idea off and just gave her a hug for being awesome. Repeat the phrase I've said plenty: gifts are given, not demanded to be received. BIL is under no obligation to give everyone a gift - even if he's an asshole for skipping just one kid, it's his choice.

Party goes without too much of a hitch, but everyone is definitely happier when BIL leaves early to go to a different party. (although the amount of bitching about how we had to move the whole thing and he left early?? was just insane to listen to)

Afterward the party is over and we head home, daughter goes shopping with part of her money (donated some to the food shelf near our house, saved the rest) and gets some doll thing she's been wanting. Son picks out a dinosaur that roars when you squeeze it. (They ended up with a significant sum of money from several relatives.)

We go home, write thank you cards. (yes, I'm old fashioned. If you get money or a gift in the mail, you send a thank you card.) Daughter writes out her cards (she had five to send), son does his four (same four, then not one to BIL). Thank you cards are getting too expensive to send for not getting a gift. Mail them off, think nothing of it, move on.

About a week later, I get a text from mother in law asking when my son's thank you card to BIL would arrive. I reply back that he's not getting one. If one does not give a gift, one does not get a thank-you card.

CUE DRAMA. OMG levels of drama. BIL was too drunk to remember what happened, and thinks he gave my son some money, and refuses to be talked out of it. Thinks that if he really missed someone, he would've been told at the time. He's dug himself a deeeeeep hole and nobody's going to be able to get him out of it.

Current situation, which is now almost six weeks of this insanity: My daughter's birthday is coming up, and BIL is threatening not to come and bring a gift if we don't send him a thank you card from my son. My instinct was to respond 'you were not invited; I don't want your drunk ass in my house ever again', but thought better of that before I clicked 'send'.

MIL is on BIL's side, thinks I should just send the thank you card and keep the peace, that it's just a silly little card and it doesn't mean anything. Husband is on my side, thinking BIL is throwing a man-child sized fit my three-year-old is old enough to know not to do.

Nobody's arguing that I'm in the wrong here, btw (other than BIL). I'm not the asshole in this situation. Nobody thinks I am.

HOWEVER. Sometimes you can stand on the moral high-ground of one battlefield and watch the war fall apart around you. Makes you wonder what's the bigger goal? I'm not 'fixing' my BIL with this. I'm not making a dent in the toxic hell-hole of a FOX-riddled black hole he calls a brain.

So now I have to make a choice - a bigger choice than just the stupid $2 thank you card. And here's where I need your thoughts.

Option 1: send the stupid thank you card. I'll likely hear about this later when he tries to lord his 'win' over me, but it'll stop the family rift. My children will not have to be in the middle of an almost-50-year-old throwing a tantrum any two-year-old would watch in amazement. Even though I and my husband would be willing (and happy) to never see BIL again, it's harder to unilaterally cut that tie from my children's lives. They deserve to get to know their family, and understand their family - the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Option 2: send an essentially blank thank you card. He'll get his card, but I am not sinking down to actually thanking him for anything. 50/50 on whether this would solve anything or make it worse, though. Would simply depend on his mental state when he gets it.

Option 3: hold onto my moral high ground, disinvite him from a party he wasn't invited to anyways, and wait for the chaos or for BIL to forget about it. This could possibly be the stake that drives BIL away (not sad at that thought). My worry is that where BIL goes, my children's nana will go as well. And the ultimate worry would be that we (me, my husband, and our kids) stop getting invited to family functions, since MIL coordinates most of them and she has zero backbone when it comes to BIL. It's a not-unreal possibility that this could cut a good portion of my husband's family out of my children's lives for some time (and most of the rest are wonderful people). And even if the worst was not to happen, this'll be a constant source of stress and strain on everyone.

So I'm... not sure really what to do. My family thinks I should hold my ground because morals are more important than having a relationship with a drunk asshole - and that there are more relatives to fill the hole. (all true) My in laws think I should just send the card because I'm not 'winning' anything here and I should look at the bigger picture. (also true) One even offered to purchase, fill out, and mail the damned thing for me.

I just... I dunno. This is just stupid. So, so, very, very stupid. Stupid enough it makes me want to cut BIL out of my life just because I don't want the anxiety surrounding this any more.

I'm trapped in a stupid, bizarre situation and I'm to the point where the thoughts of random internet people I do not know apparently mean something to me.

tl/dr: My asshole of a brother in law forgot to give one of my kids a gift, and is now causing major family drama by demanding a thank you card.

[cordria]

It doesn’t matter the alive-status of said object. The two terms have different goals.

Dissection is the careful study of parts. You dissect something to look at is heart or brain or something.

Vivisection is the study of how the pathology of a thing works - systems and their parts. You vivisect something to see how things interact and function.

If the creature in question is being cut apart for it’s parts, its being dissected. If the creature in question is tied down to a table and cut open to see the systems functioning and working, it’s vivisection.

(Source: a dr friend who answered the question ‘If you had to cut a heart out of someone who is technically dead but their organs are being kept functioning by artificial means, would you be dissecting or vivisecting the person?’)

[cordria]

Done! :) I’ll be happy to never have to do another French knot ever again.

Time for a new project.

Doing a de-stressing project before my new job starts in two weeks. :) looking good so far!

[cordria]

Random typing since kids went to bed early

Part 1: I feel like typing this morning

Part 2: Kids are sleeping in - more typing

I seriously should do a title before this becomes a running joke I can’t shake.

--

The Fright Knight knew little about human anatomy, but he figured there had to be enough important, squishy things inside the halfling’s chest that a few sharp stabs would take care of the human portion of his charge. As long as he avoided the creature’s core, it shouldn’t be too much of a problem for the boy to recover once it was a good and proper ghost.

The sword sang as his fingers curled tightly around the hilt, vanishing his winged horse in a wisp of smoke. The large wings would get in the way of a clean hit. He waited a moment, but the child didn’t appear to notice the change in his posture, or the way he shifted his sword to ready for the attack. The halfling seemed too wrapped up in describing why it wasn’t fit for the being a King. It had even turned so that its back was to the Knight.

It would be easier then expected to solve this little problem. The child was standing still - the perfect target. The Knight knew his speed, knew there would be no countering once he began moving. A flare of excitement swept through his core.

He moved.

It was like time slowed. The Knight’s mind still ran at normal speed but his arm, his body, the world around him began to crawl.

In front of him, the halfling’s aura gleamed. Cold as ice, with razor-sharp crystals around the edges that shined like rainbows. Bigger and bigger the crystals grew, encasing the child in a glowing diamond of light.

The Knight watched, his arm still moving in that slow motion stab, as a swirl of mist escaped from the crystals and hovered in the air, glowing and pulsing with energy. The Royalty.

Was it leaving the boy? Had it come to its senses?

It was there just for a moment - just enough for the Knight to see it - before it misted away, curling back into the halfling. The rainbow-edged crystals receded. The gleam began to fade.

The message was clear: the Royalty was staying. And it liked the boy the way it was.

Still trapped within that strange slowed-down time, he glowered. He couldn’t fight a direct order from the Royalty itself. He would have to come to grips with this little monster being King.

Time sped back to normal. The Knight’s arm stopped a hair’s breadth from the child’s back, trembling with the force it had taken to stop himself. Letting his arm drop to his side, he glared at the halfling - who, by all appearances, seemed to be unaware that anything had happened.

The child would be impossible to protect. It was a miracle it had survived this long.

“Fine,” the Knight grumbled. “But what am I to do with the boy?”

“What?” 

The Knight blinked, almost startled that the child had answered him. “I am trying to determine what is best to do with you.”

“Do with me?” The boy twisted around and studied him with relatively blank eyes, head tilted to the side. A tone beeped on some device in its hand and it glanced down at the screen. “How about go away and leave me alone? I have a test tomorrow. I don’t have any more time for this nonsense.” 

“You are the chosen Ruler of the Infinite Realms. You must-”

“I must nothing.” The halfling’s expression hardened a bit. “And I can’t be the ghost king you’re looking for. Haven’t you been listening? I’m seventeen. And human. Try someone else.”

The Knight ground his teeth together. The last thing he wanted to be doing was talk this half-ghost monstrosity into wanting to be King. “It is a great honor-”

“That’s the commercial for the me from a few years ago. I’ve grown past the ceremony and the attention-seeking shit. I just mostly want to be left alone.” It grabbed for the strange device slung over its shoulder, fiddling with the cap. “I’m finally almost passing English again.”

“It’s not a choice, child.” The Knight gripped its sword tighter. Even an hour ago, the Knight had been despairing that he would never find the new Ruler. Fifteen minutes ago, he would have been rejoicing at the thought of a King being just around the corner. Now, he was wishing his change had never been found. “The Royalty-”

“Oh yeah, that’s right. You said there was something that crawled in me. I’m going to have to get that checked out.” The boy studied its hand. “Kinda gross. Like a leach, huh?”

Several millennia of knowledge - rites, ceremonies, traditions - were trapped within this halfling child. The weight and future of the Infinite Realms rested on its thin shoulders. And it dared to call the Royalty a leech.

Unacceptable. Completely unacceptable.

The Knight shifted his grip on his sword, turning the blade to the back and fingering the heavy pommel. A heavy pommel to the temple would take the child out long enough to come up with a plan. He waited a beat, watching the halfling’s aura closely. It stayed icy cool. No crystals glittered around the edges. No rainbow-like glimmers. The Royalty wouldn’t fight him on this plan.

“Perhaps I can try something to help you,” the Knight suggested, keeping his tone light. 

The halfling blinked. “Changed your mind?” it grinned. “Decided you want to find someone else?”

Of course he wanted to find someone else. But it wasn’t his choice, it wasn’t his place to question. Instead, he would have to mold and shape what he was given. But here, in the human world, the monster’s human half was too strong to fashion into a proper King. “Come closer,” the Knight said, holding out a hand.

“What can you try?” The creature floated just close enough that The Knight knew there would be no countering once he began moving. 

A flare of determination swept through his core. He would make sure the Infinite Realms had the best possible Ruler if it destroyed him. Even if it was half-human.

He moved.

[cordria]

Kids are sleeping in - more typing!

A continuation of ‘I feel like typing this morning’ (which will need a title if I’m going to continue this more than a second piece. Thoughts??

--

With the help of his winged horse, the Fright Knight searched high and low for the new ruler of the Infinite Realms. He consulted with every powerful ghost he could locate, searching for the faint wisp of the Royalty starting to make its presence known. 

Days. Weeks. Months passed. 

Although the Knight was not prone to frustration, his inability to locate his new charge was starting to gnaw at him. He even debated going to sleep in his pumpkin for awhile, just to get away from the annoying reality that nobody was stepping forward to claim the greatest honor in the Realms. 

It was perhaps a year into his search when he finally caught the vaguest feeling of the Royalty. A brief sensation of power that made the Knight come to a dead stop. His horse shook its head and pawed at the aether as the Knight looked around, contemplating his location.

There was nothing in this section of the Realms - vague floating islands and feuding, practically feral ghosts. Surely nobody of importance. Nobody the Royalty would think fit to rule the entirety of their world. (He’d checked several times over the past year anyways.)

The Knight’s eyes fell on a glowing circle hovering above one of the tiny islands, the steady light and perfect shape setting it apart from the other, natural portals. 

He realized there was someplace he hadn’t checked: the human world.

The first few steps into this world were always the hardest. The Fight Knight burst into the human realms with his sword drawn and a roar in his throat, ready to deal with the annoying halfling and its weapon-toting parents. But instead of lights and sounds and battle, the place was dark. His eyes narrowed, studying the dimly-lit space carefully before deciding he was truly alone.

Putting his sword away, the Knight turned his attention beyond this little room, scanning the surrounding areas, feeling for the Royalty. It was closer than it had been in a year - a cold chime in his core that made the Knight sit up a bit straighter.

His eyes locked onto a location some distance away and his horse spread its dark wings. It took only a few beats to be out of the halfling’s dwelling and into the the star-lit sky, taking the most straight-line route towards the ghost that had been chosen as the next Ruler of the Infinite Realms.

After all that time and searching, two minutes in the human world was all it took for the ghost to come into view. The Fright Knight stopped and stared. 

Ringed in an icy glow, the edges twisting and glinting into tiny rainbows, the ghost was unmistakably Chosen. The Knight could practically see the Royalty curling around within the ghost’s core, a gleam of a crown starting to form within its aura.

“I refuse,” the Knight said, grinding the words out between clenched teeth. He wasn’t sure who he was talking to - nobody was close enough to hear - but the words needed to be said anyways. “This is patently unacceptable.”

The ghost - the King? - finally noticed his presence and looked up. The boy, the creature, the halfling monster that couldn’t follow a rule or tradition if its existence depended upon it, flew up to meet him. Energy spiked around the halfling’s form.

The Knight glared at the energy that was starting to form patterns above the boy’s head and around its hand. He spent a very long second debating what to do. A large chunk of him wanted to turn and leave. To refuse his orders. To refuse this... monstrosity of an event.

But he couldn’t refuse, not when it came down to it. It wasn’t his place to do anything but accept. With a glower, he raised his head a touch higher as he studied the halfling. He certainly didn’t need to bow.

“What do you want?” the boy demanded.

“Pariah Dark is no longer King of the Infinite Realms,” the Knight said shortly. “I have come in search of the new ruler chosen by the Royalty.”

It snorted. “You’re in the wrong world to find a ghost king.”

The Knight stopped at that. The boy didn’t know. How could anyone be imbued with the Royalty - with hundreds upon thousands of years worth of Knowledge and Tradition - and simply not know? “I disagree.”

“Nobody is waging destruction, death, and what-not in this world right now.” It sent him a short grin. “I watched the news for a bit this morning.”

“Not all Kings wage war,” the Knight said. “Pariah was a King of Rage. The new Ruler will set its own path, once the Royalty takes hold.”

“Like a peaceful king?” The halfling looked a bit happier at the thought. “I could handle that. I mean, if you’re sure he’s in this world... you want me to help you look for him?”

“No.” He shifted on his horse, still trying to understand how this creature didn’t know any of this on its own. What was the Royalty waiting for? “I have already located the Royalty.”

“Okay... then why are you bothering me?”

The Knight decided to simply go with the truthful answer to that question. Not because he owed the boy anything - simply to try to cut this conversation as short as possible and understand what the next move should be. “Because I do not understand why the Royalty chose you.”

There was silence. The halfling could be quiet - that was good to know.

“I also do not understand why the Royalty is not affecting you. It has been over a year since Pariah was dethroned, and you are barely changed. A crown has only just started to form.”

“I’m not a king,” the boy said, looking up at its hair - perhaps trying to see a crown forming.

“I heartedly agree,” the Knight said. “And yet you are clearly chosen. The Royalty is curled around your core.”

Its hand went to its chest. “What? I have another ghost trying to crawl inside me?”

“The Royalty is not a ghost,” he said sharply. How could the boy not know this? This was basic information! “It is the combined experience and knowledge of all the past Rulers of the Infinite Realms. It is the ambiance of power that makes one King. It is a piece of energy that will entwine with yours, marking you as next in a long succession of Rulers.”

“Yeah, no. I don’t want that. You can take it back.”

The Knight thoroughly agreed. The halfling wasn’t at all right for this job. But no ghost had ever refused the Royalty. The Knight had no idea if one could. 

The boy started to babble on, giving reasons it didn’t want to be King, but the Knight barely paid the words any attention. He tried to examine the creature as the Royalty would have. Powerful, yes. A strong elemental, yes. Lots of room for growth, yes. Perhaps even the ability to lead a period of peaceful reunification after the chaotic reign of Pariah’s sleep. Young enough to mold. Enough potential to shape into something truly incredible.

As a general thought, the boy wasn’t a horrible choice. Were the child a proper ghost, he wouldn’t have disagreed with the Royalty for a moment. It was just that the creature was a halfling. No human - or partial human - was a fit choice to be King.

The Knight’s eyes narrowed. Perhaps the human part of the boy was the issue. Perhaps the human part of the boy was the reason the Royalty had spent a year hiding, not imbuing through the halfling’s core as it should have.

Well, the Knight knew how to fix that.

His fingers bypassed his Soul Shredder and curled around a smaller, but much sharper, sword. It sang as he drew it form its sheathe, gleaming in the moonlight. Now he just needed to determine how best to kill a human without damaging the ghost too much.

[cordria]

I feel like typing this morning

We’ll see how far I get before my kids wake up.

--

The Fright Knight stalked through Pariah’s Keep, enjoying the way his boots slammed into the stone floor. In the thousands of years he’d been in Pariah’s service - both during his rage-filled waking reign and during his quieter, yet somehow more disastrous, sleeping reign - the Knight always followed the same path as he patrolled the quiet castle. This route had been one of his first commands, and one he followed with diligence as often as he could.

Listening to the echoing, rhythmic clang-clang-clang of his boots as he patrolled his designated sectors was arguably the best part of his job. Of course, nothing else ever happened. It was good his sort of ghost couldn’t feel boredom, otherwise he’d have long succumbed to madness. Even so, his thoughts tended to drift as he walked the halls for the countless time.

The stone floor showed his path as an indent in the hard stone. A shallower spot where his feet had hit the floor for thousands of years. He didn’t look at the floor, however. He didn’t like thinking about how long he’d walked this path, how long he would walk this path, how long the sleeping reign of the darkest King would continue to last. How long until his service would end.

The Knight stepped into the main hall and stopped to survey the shadows with the reverence a sleeping King deserved. Nothing moved. Nobody but the Fright Knight dared step foot within this Keep. It was rather pointless, stopping to check in on an empty throne, but the Knight loved the sight of the soaring ceilings and remembered celebrations of victories out in the field. 

He turned to leave, as he had done thousands upon thousands of times, listening to the screech of his metal heel on the stone floor, when he stopped. The sound was wrong - just a touch. 

Something was wrong.

Eyes alight with finally something to do, the Knight drew his sword and walked slowly into the main hall. Perhaps that little halfling annoyance was back. The boy seemed to be the only other creature in the realms willing - and stupid enough - to come here. The Knight would be pleased to trap the boy in his worst nightmares for a turn or two. 

Unfortunately, after a thorough search of the room, nobody turned up. The Knight was alone. He stood still a long moment before sheathing his sword and contemplating what else could be wrong. The ringing sound of his boots on the ground was not quite right. They didn’t echo with the same sort of importance.

He walked over to the sarcophagus, studying the visage of his sleeping King. The huge stone device looked perfectly normal. Touching the surface gently, the Knight could feel the buzz of his King still locked within. 

That wasn’t what was wrong.

The Knight turned to the King’s artifacts, retrieved from the Realms after Pariah’s Return and stored within a new container that could only be accessed by a select few. The Knight couldn’t touch them - of course he wasn’t one of the few grated permission - but he could see them through the glass front of the case. A Crown of fire and a Ring of rage. He’d watched the container be installed, the items placed within, taken a vow to protect them as well as his sleeping King. He knew what they’d looked like when they’d been set within his care.

His eyes narrowed to slits as he studied the items. Strangely, they seemed to no longer glow the way they used to. Slowly and carefully, the Knight reached up and touched the glass. The buzzing of the protection was gone. 

With a quick movement, the Knight grabbed the Ring and Crown and pulled them out of the container. The Crown felt empty, the Ring resonated hollowly against his fingers. The Knight left the items fall to his feet, listening to the echoing clang as they hit the ground. 

“The Royalty is gone,” he said. “A new ruler has been chosen.” 

He stood there and thought, trying to remember what he was to do. He job was to protect the ruler of the Infinite Realms, to serve the Royalty, to guard the royal Keep.

Pariah was no longer the King he was meant to protect, which meant this castle was no longer the Keep he was to guard. 

The Knight’s next steps were quite simple then: he needed to figure out who the Royalty had chosen. He needed to find the new ruler. He would need to protect the new ruler and guard their Keep.

Stalking out of the main hall for the last time, his feet stepped out of the indented path he’d trod thousands upon thousands of time. The Knight headed for the front door. 

[cordria]

hi i hope you're doing really well!! i don't know if this is a weird thing to ask but basically i guess i wanted advice. just from tidbits you've mentioned over the years, it sounds like you've had a really challenging life, but you seem to be at a really good place right now. coming from a twenty year old who's really struggling right now: how did you make it? how did you cope? how did you succeed? life just feels super hopeless but i know i need to hold out (but i guess i'm struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel).

also i adore your fics so much :) i think i must have been reading your fics since i was like 14, and now i'm 20, so that's a long time haha. truly a comfort, so thank you so much for writing and sharing them with us 💖

I’m not sure my life was more of a struggle than most. Many of my main issues were problems of my own making, with the benefit of hindsight. :) Just had to figure it out.

My ‘figuring it out’ meant losing the 90’s fever dream of holding out for the perfect career and family. Stop causing myself mental drama trying to find something that doesn’t exist. Life is just as happy and good since I ‘settled’ and didn’t wait for that Disney Moment (tm).

That, and I wrote out my problems. I can go through my old docs and remember where I was, what I was doing, and what I was dealing with. It was one of my coping mechanisms. Your mileage may vary.

Soon enough your 20’s problems will turn into 30’s problems. Just stick with it. Days get better. Life seems to suck for most 20-year-olds - at least the ones I know. But you’ll figure crap out.

[cordria]

Yep-yep, gotta love the weather. I’d cross your fingers and stick with if.

I got 8-10 inches with 40-50mph winds coming. I’m preparing for another power outage. :) All that heavy snow is still on the trees, and the -20F tonight? That’ll freeze stuff bad. Branches will be snapping off left and right.

Fun times, I tell you. Fun times.

But still makes pretty pictures.

Boy that blizzard predicted this Thursday and Friday sounds like shit