corneille-but-not-the-author

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (19)

I may be caught in a bind. 

It does not matter. The time has not come yet.

My work is not finished.

I’m almost there. Only a handful of days. My research is finally bearing fruit. Still, I see them, lurking in the shadows. Police officers, asking questions. Jealous people. And a very, very nosy intern who thinks she’s above everything else.

I do not resent them. They do what they think is just. Yet, every time I leave the hospital, these last few days, I’m asking myself. Am I still a free man ? Not for long.

I’m not scared of them. Nor am I scared of any form of punishment. It’s not worth thinking about when every second is dedicated to the pursuit of a better mankind.

Today, one of my colleagues told me everything was ready for Egill. We did a battery of tests on him. He was very brave, very calm. We checked everything, twice. We’ll need a biopsy later. For now, one thing is certain.

He’ll live.

He’ll live and we did it.

It puts a smile on my face.

When I go to Doctor Kozakios, she is smiling too. Even singing. The entire hospital is in a strange mood. Because, one after another, they realize I was right. After a handful of years, a lifetime of research, I've got something that works. A method which could save millions.

My smile is short-lived.

I call Jarghalsaikhan. He doesn’t answer.

I call Herbert. He tells me he does not feel well, but he’s very happy for me. I thank him for his work, tell him to take care of himself.

When the night falls slowly in the hospital, I get to my desk, start writing. So many years of notes, of research, of scribbles. More autopsy reports than I could think of. Twice as many corpses that were cut open without anyone knowing. What are ethics to dying patients ? 

When I look at the window, I hear the sirens.

Only a few minutes. And I’ll become a fading legend.

Fitting.

****

I look outside, through the window. It’s such a nice day. Oh well, it was such a nice day. Soon I’ll be night. Because finishing work at almost 10 PM is my life, now, and you know what ? It’s not that awful of a life.

Sure. It’s been a rough couple of weeks. Between Salem and her problems, my love life which is, to say the least, a mess, and Doctor Malchys being more and more insufferable, I thought I was a goner.

But since the beginning of the week, everything seems to get better. Doctor Malchys gives us paid leave days from time to time. It helped me reconnect with my daugthers. One of them doesn’t seem like she wants to run away from home. Anymore. I got back in contact with an old friend, Kage. And I finally settled things with Ether yesterday.

And by that I mean we had a pretty fiery night. One I cannot evoke in my thoughts without feeling shame.

Shame for the disrespect upon my late husband, whom I thought he was the only one I could love.

Shame for my position, as a chief of service, sleeping with an intern might not be the best idea, even though the both of us are consenting adults.

Shame for the way Salem greeted me this morning, with a slight smile and eyes too calm to be true.

Shame for my faith, for the way the Lord might have head me scream last night.

But, for the first time in a very long time, I think…My smile is stronger than my shame. Because I lashed out every frustration. And now I know I work for the good of humanity.

Those late sessions with Doctor Malchys, cutting open bodies, were not in vain.

We might have found something brilliant. A revolutionary technique to cure cancer. Oh, yes, it worked on one person, doesn’t mean it will work on everyone, but it was so…fresh. To see the good our work could provide.

Being the morgue’s chief is not a job to get thanks. Nor gifts.

Nobody likes the idea you touched their loved ones in death. I think I understand that.

Well, It’s no matter now. In a few minutes, my day will be finished, and I’ll get home. Maybe watch a movie with my daughters, or maybe I’ll watch it alone. Nevertheless, I’ll like it. Maybe a bit more with them.

It feels good to have my family back.

The sun finishes it’s setting. I know Doctor Malchys will stay here for a few more hours. With him, the guard. Mister Mercier, whom I encountered a few days ago at a meeting with Doctor Malchys and seemed like a very patient and good man, will surely be with him. It’s a good thing.

Maybe I should ask for an assistant, or a nurse. Someone to keep me company.

Or maybe I could try to go back to psychiatry ? Surely, there will be more people to discuss with there than in the morgue.

Ether must really have a big influence on me. Before this fateful night, I would’ve never dreamt of going back to psychiatry. It’s been so long. I wasn’t ready, sure, but now, I’m a new woman. And the hurt of a few people shall never prevent me from helping them.

A slight smile appears on my face as I leave my desk. The night is young, sure. By the time I get home, I fear Nru will be already asleep. As Cassandra, well…She might be away. A night on the town, as she calls it. Only yesterday did I understand this meant having not-so-faithful relationships behind my back. Yet I cannot blame her, that would be...quite hypocritical, given my current situationship.

What are we, Ether and I ?

Girlfriends ?

I guess.

I chuckle. Oh, Lord, am I becoming a young girl again ? That’s so strange, looking at myself in a corridor mirror. When have I ever have a smile that big ? Surely, the last time I loved.

That might be my problem.

Talking about corridors, they’re almost empty, at this hour. The night is still young, but the hospital never sleeps. I greet the other doctors. They stare at me, greet me back. I’m not sure they liked it. I mean, it must be pretty disturbing, with me being…Awful, most of the time.

Whenever I’m alone in one of those corridors, I have a little jump.

Feels good to be alive.

But while I’m almost at the entrance, I hear sirens. Police, sirens. What is happening ? I rush towards the secretary, behind his desk, looking at the entrance where three people in police uniform enter. A few patients, in the hub, seems distraught at this sight, but no one moves.

I recognize one of those policemen. It’s the one who was snooping around those last few weeks. Sigismund Warsowar, something like this ? His gaze is…extremely serious. Stern, even.

My instincts tell me to run away. But I get to the desk nonetheless as the police officers arrive.

Their eyes points towards me.

I feel something strange.

Fear.

What is happening ?

- It’s good to see you there, miss Kozakios, says one of the policemen.

- May I help you ? I ask, my voice trembling a little.

How do they know my name ? Why am I so scared ?

What is happening ?

- Yes. Follow us, please, says Sigismund Warsowar, his stern look pointed right at me.

- Me ?

- Yes, miss Kozakios. You. Please, do not make a scene.

I do not understand. My mind is swirling with thoughts. But I follow them nonetheless.

The secretary at the entrance is looking at me like I’m the devil.

No one around lifts a finger.

I feel strange. Like in a dream.

I look behind me.

Doctor Malchys is staring at me from the corridor. He seems. Calm. Too calm. Why isn’t he saying anything ? What is happening ?

We leave the entrance. One of the policemen tells me to get my hands behind my back. I hear a click. Feel metal around my wrists. They lead me to a car. I follow without a word.

The door is opened. I’m shoved inside.

Someone is sat beside me.

My friend Kage.

He’s not handcuffed at all. He has a…strange smile on his face. A very sad smile.

- What…is happening ? I utter, still under the shock.

- You’re under arrest, maam, says one of the policemen while getting in the car. Anything you say might be used against you. You have the right to an attorney.

- Why ? Why am I under arrest ?

Sigismund looks at the other policemen. Then stares right back at me.

- Miss Kozakios, for the illegal experimentations on human bodies, the extortion of money from an illegal source, and other various offenses, you’re under arrest. Is that better ?

I dare not to talk back.

What is happening ?

Why is it happening ?

…

…

I’m so sorry. Cassandra. Nru. Salem.

Ether.

I’m so sorry.

I feel tears rolling down my face.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (16)

My name is Mort Kozakios, I am the director and only worker at the hospital's morgue. And for the last few days, everything has been moving quite rapidly.

First, doctor Malchys has been extatic, his eyes twitching rapidly, his smile appearing from time to time almost genuine. With doctor Mercier, who he presented to me only a week ago, he told us -all of us, those who work for them- that our efforts are bearing fruits.

Before giving us a day off.

Saying he has to focus entierely on a boy named Egill, and that the next step would require time. And so, with this day to do anything I wanted, that's exactly what I did.

I went for the evening to Ether's appartment.

I used the day to plan small activities with my daugthers.

Most importantly, I answered a text messaye that has been lying in my phone for quite some time. A message that even my two -and only- friends do not know about.

"I'm in town. Wanna meet ?"

A former friend.

My only former friend.

A few things to know about me, first. I was married to a man i loved more than anything at the age of seventeen, because we made a few mistakes, I got pregnant, and nobody wanted to hear about abortion.

So was born Cassandra, my oldest daugther, who describes herself as "a bitch".

A few years later, my husband would give me another daughter, a tiny little girl named Nru. Who describes herself as "a failure".

Seems like the failure is on my part.

I miraculously suceeded to get a doctor's diploma, in psychiatry. Balanced my professionnal and family life. And then...

The crab that lived in my husband's lungs got him.

I broke down. Entirely. Burn out. Stress. Became the very mirror of women I despise, like my mother. Strict. Awful. Depressed and in search of a reason to live.

This man is named Kage Frosilaen.

He has been my friend, for a time. Helped me become....Something else. Thanks to his support, I mustered the courage to ask to change posts. Saying goodbye to psychiatry was easier than I thought.

Kage is sort of an elusive man. Many times he would stop by, talk for a bit, occasionally help Nru while I was too busy. In a handful of weeks, I just couldn't live without his support.

And he disappeared. Without a trace. An explanation. Nru cried for hours. Cassandra almost ran off. She thinks I didn't see it, at the time, truth is, I almost wanted her to go.

Just thinking about me from this time gives me chills. What was I thinking ? It was only a few years ago.

Now he reappeared. Just as my life was getting better. Easier. Just as I thought things were changing, that I only needed a bit more work and everything would be alright.

My hands are shaking when I arrive at the restaurant he picked up. I sit at the table, waiting for him. Looks nervously at the menu. My first day off in ages and I use it to reconnect with someone who abandonned me. If that's not an exact portrayal of what I am, I don't know what is.

A few minutes passes. The waitress looks at me with...pity in her eyes. She must think I am waiting some kind of date and he dumped me.

What were we exactly, Kage and I ?

It's not like we were lovers. I used friend to describe him, because no other word seemed good enough. We never hugged, nor kissed, we never had any form of scandalous affair. But we were definitely more than friends. He was too present, too important for me. And now the mere idea of saying his name is making me nauseous.

So what would that make us, now ?

It's after another fifteen minutes that he arrives. Just like I remember him. Badly shaved. Grey clothes, mostly. Strange eyes, looking ike they have seen something they shouldn't. A suit which seems to have been worn for ages. Gloves on his hands.

"Hello, Mort. Sorry for the delay."

His voice isn't as creaky as I remember it. Rather, it seems mostly calm. Soothing.

"Sit down, please", I invite him.

Why did you came back ?

Why are you here ?

Why messaging me, of all people ? After this spectacularly silent disappearance ?

I thought you were dead, for a time.

Seems like i'll found out soon enough.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

For those who have missed it and would like the full story

New Year's Eve : Masterpost

Here you go, a compilation of everything that happened in the New Year's Eve saga, in order and with the interludes in-between !

One day I'll put next and previous on every of my reblogs but for today that is enough

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Part 6

Interlude 1

Part 7

Part 8

Part 9

Part 10

Part 11

Part 12

Part 13

Interlude 2

Part 14

Part 15

Part 16

Interlude 3

Part 17

Interlude 4

Interlude 5

Part 18

Part 19

Part 20

Part 21

Part 22

Part 23

Part 24

Part 25 (and final)

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (13)

I guess I am a coward, because I refused to go home tonight. Turned off my phone, didn't look at anything, I had enough work to justify it.

But when ten PM stroke, I took a look at my phone again.

Calls.

Messages.

Domhildr asking for answers.

She wanted to know why I'm at the hospital so frequently, the first hour at least.

Then she started accusing me of snooping around. Being insincere, things like these. That was the second hour.

The third hour, her texts are more polite. She says she's scared. She doesn't want me to "kill Egill".

I feel a chill down my spine.

The fourth hour, there were less calls. More texts. She implored me to answer.

The fifth and sixth hour, nothing at all.

The seventh hour, only one text. "I'll wait for you at your appartment."

I thought I was ready. Now, I don't know if I should go home. This whole situation is scaring me. I love her. What do I do if she starts beating me?

Insults, accusations, it hurts. But if she strikes me, just once.... I won't be able to bear it.

I sigh. Get up. Look around. No more excuses, all my work has been done, and we're still so far from having... Anything against Malchys.

My hand acts on it's own, browsing through my contacts until I find Hanko. We exchange a few texts. I resist the urge to tell him about this whole situation.

I don't want to aggravate it.

Eleven PM, it's getting late, I finally get out of the building. A few salutes on the way out, I then walk to my appartment.

The moon is pretty tonight.

I still haven't answered any of those texts.

Am I really trying to kill someone?

Am I a monster?

Being accused by the very same person who told me I wasn't?

I could've refused the case.

I could've told the commissar to shove it.

I could've done so many things right. But father is right about one thing. If you want justice to be applied, you better start working for it.

Midnight. I am finally home.

Everything is silent.

I come to the front door. Knock.

Will she cry? Will she scream at me? I'm pretty sure she's inside. Maybe she is sleeping. I shouldn't have given her the keys to my appartment, in retrospective.

No point crying over what has been done.

I just... Don't want her to feel guilty.

My hand reach for the handle. Pushes it gently.

The door opens.

I enter the room. Close the door, for good this time.

She's in the living room. Sleeping on the couch.

Should I wake her up?

Or should I just fly while I can?

She wouldn't try to hurt me.... Would she?

I sigh.

A bit of courage, Sigi.

One step.

A hand on her shoulder.

"Hey. Domhildr. Wake up."

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (10)

"Doctor, you need to see this."

Most people know me as "Doctor". Few dare to use my name, Malchys. Fewer know it's only my surname, that I have a name behind it, one I have forsaken so long ago.

I am not a sentimental. It was merely a calculus on my part, a way to attract the social services' pity.

Before anything else, I am a man of rationality and science. Because nothing great came to this world without science. I need an enigma to solve, and in oncology, I found one.

Is it possible to cure even the most desperate cases ?

Not necessarily fatal ones.

My only friend helped me discover this. He has had a cancer in his prostate for the last twenty years. Nothing too important, but he couldn't get rid of it, even though he tried, oh so hard.

He's not an isolate case.

This disease is the number one cause of death in this country. Thousands die to it every year. The perfect enigma, a disease that is not, thousands of symptoms, thousands of causes.

I've searched for an answer for so long.

Is it possible to cure even the most desperate cases ?

This one is named Egill. He is pretty lively, for someone in his condition. He accepted to try my treatment, knowing he had no other choice. Whatever horror life throws at him, he carried on. I can only admire such a spirit.

I thought he would be another sacrifice on the road to success.

That's why I asked my colleague, doctor Mercier, to run a few check-ups in preparation for his death. Mercier is a strange case. He should have retired something like ten years ago, but he carried on. Just like me. We work the same hours, the same sleepless nights.

But he's even worse than me to comfort patients.

"What is it, Mercier ?" I ask with my usual neutral tone.

I raise my eyes to look at him. The man looks like an old piece of cardboard that would have been eaten a few times by a dog. That's how he describes himself.

I have never seen such awe in his eyes.

"The results for Egill Lulea are here. You won't believe it."

He places a few radios, scintigraphies on sampled cells, even an MRI, on the table. Every possible imagery devices are used to control how the tumours are evolving.

His lungs. Where is his metastasis ?

I look at Mercier. He has a big, dumb, idiotic smile.

"We had the good idea. Trying to stop the tumours with chimio, pair it with a genetic therapy using a bio-engineered virus worked tremendously !"

"Don't enjoy yourself too much."

I say that while feeling my hands starting to shake. We have cured the metastasis faster than ever recorded before. If we carry on like that...Maybe we'll be able to cure Egill completely.

Those last fifteen year finally start to make sense.

"Please, Malchys, this deserves a toast !"

I take a good look at him again. He doesn't know about what some may consider my "unethical research". As if ethics have ever saved anyone.

These results are pretty good. Almost too good to be true.

"I want to see Egill first. Tell him the good news. I think we're from a fifty percent survival chance to maybe..."

"We don't have any statistics of this, Malchys, stop trying to resume it in probabilities !"

The older man gets the files back, puts them in a big folder. Egill is one patient, and his recovery is staggering, but that doesn't mean my treatment is working perfectly.

I'll need more of Kozakios for the next few weeks.

But for the time being...

"You're right, Herbert. This deserves a toast. Get Kozakios, Kalvorys and Sans-Honneur. We'll continue monitoring this situation until we have a definitive answer."

He leaves the room with a huge smile, almost jumping to the roof. This man has been, for a time, my mentor, but the student always ends up better than the master.

I look at the reports again.

Is it really working ?

Have I found a way to save them ?

....

It's a strange feeling, to feel at all.

This excitation.

This....impatience.

I guess a smile doesn't hurt. Even on my tired face. It hurts a bit to use those muscles. But it's a special day.

Most of the time, when I offer a patient a smile, it's not that genuine.

But this time, I think I'll show Egill something worth smiling for.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (7)

Written with @soupedepates and @hel-phoenyx

May 27th. The sun is gorgeous, today. Through the windows of the hospital, I can see it everywhere I go. How I would love to spend those days with Domhildr, talking about funny tidbits, not thinking about tomorrow.

What a pleasure it would have been. But, just like the previous week, I instead have to interrogate people while trying not to blow my cover, so that Fenrir and I know if we have to arrest a man that is considered, for most people, a saint.

I hear the birds chirping.

Oh, how much I'd like to be a bird right now.

Doctor Kozakios' interrogation didn't give me any hint. The woman was composed, calm, a professionnal. She didn't seem to know about the reasons of our presence.

I didn't like her. Too cold. Too calm. But at the end of the day, Fenrir and I gave up. Now, monday afternoon, after a good week-end in the arms of Domhildr, I'm well rested and ready to try a different approach.

If I cannot get to miss Kozakios, then I'll have to become very tricky myself.

Purple hair. Difficult to miss. She smiles, an intern at the gynecologist department. Seems pretty close to the target. Precisely what I need.

She notices me. Doesn't budge. I walk towards her.

"Hello", she says, tensed.

I can feel her dread. She know what I am, but I'm not ready to lift the veil.

"Hello, sorry to disturb you. Don't hesitate to ask me to go away, but my girlfriend asked me to get some data on how her brother is doing, and on the doctor who is helping him."

I force a smile. A sorry smile. The easiest to produce. Despite my intentions, it feels genuine.

"No problem", she answers, taken aback. "Who is the doctor in question ? I'm just an intern, I don't know if i'll be able to help."

Oh, you will help me, young girl. I already know that. And I despise myself to think like this.

"Doctor...Malchys ? Everybody here talks about him like a genius. I must admit, I have difficulties to believe it."

Her shoulders get tense. Where miss Kozakios was extremely composed, this girl seems to tell me everything from her body language alone.

Or she's an extremely good liar.

"I have no links with doctor Malchys." she says with a very blunt tone. "You're asking the wrong person."

She's lying. My guts are not buying it. But I raise my hands, with, again, a pretty convincing sorry smile.

"I see, sorry. Can i talk to your tutor, in that case ?"

"She's busy, right now."

So nervous. It shows. Should I push a little more ? Just to see where she could break ?

It's...a strange sensation. Being in control. I don't like that. I am pretty sure I do not like that at all.

"Very well", I say while tilting my head. "I'll not bother you any more, then."

She looks at me in disbelief. She was expecting me to push further. To ask more question. My guts were right. She has a lot more to tell me that those blatant lies. I turn my back on her. Hear her move. Turn again.

"Something bothering you ?" I ask.

"You already know, uh ? How complicated it is. I have seen you being nosy for the past few weeks."

"I do not know much, I fear."

And that is true. But maybe you can help me.

She looks around. Breathe.

"Follow me", she says in her breath. "If you want, that is, but it's not a place we should have that conversation in."

And so, I follow her. It doesn't seem like a trap. But I can feel the resemblance with...what happened with them. If she tries to hurt me...

I won't hesitate this time.

Even though my hands are trembling. I hope she does not see this.

We get to her office, a little room isolated from it's own unit. She gets me in here, still looking everywhere as she goes. I cross my arms, let my eyes on her without saying a word.

"So", she says while sitting at her desk, crossing her hands, still looking very, very nervous. "I need to know. On what you're investigating exactly."

As my mouth, the lies starts flowing.

"I am not investigating per se. I have no mandate, no hierarchy. It's something deeply personal."

"Personal. Really ? It's pretty big of an investigation for something personal."

I raise my shoulders. Try not to sound too fearful.

"I am sincere."

I am not. Thank God, I'm not in control anymore.

She has a strange expression.

"I know things. Not that much. But there are people I don't want to endanger."

"I'm listening."

She scratch nervously her arm. The fake one, a prothesis. A very precise one, if I'm not mistaken.

"I spied on him. Malchys. He was...I don't know, he was looking into doctor Kozakios' desk."

Here is the link. Here is the one he wants to protect. Her eyes tell me everything.

Two possibilities. Malchys is innocent, and this Ether is trying to get me to a false path. Or Malchys is guilty...And it's not just about ethics anymore.

"I see." is my only answer, as I put a hand under my chin.

"I wasn't supposed to be here. I'm counting on your discretion", she tells nervously.

"My lips are scealed."

She looks around, again. A prey. Could she be faking ?

"And...mh...he...No. I didn't see anything else with my own eyes."

Is that a lie ? Is that the truth. I'll see to it.

"With you own eyes ?"

That's a really precise way to say it.

"Only rumours. Information in the mouth of others. I don't want to tell you unsure intel."

That's what I need, though. But I'm pretty sure she's not going to tell me more here. Better retreat.

"I see. It's helping me quite a lot. Thanks."

She seems distressed. Her finger, made of flesh, goes to scratch the corner of her eye. I can feel her anguish. So, I try to reassure her :

"Don't be scared. Everything is going to be alright, miss. Again, this is merely a personal investigation."

"Don't tell me to not be scared. I know what is in place here, and how unjust it is."

And here i thought i was done. But this little angry tone is making me wonder. Could I ask for...More ?

"I beg your pardon ?"

"If Malchys is arrested, a lot of patients risk their lives. But if he's not....in any case, it's...it's..."

I know a name is rolling on her tongue. It's not a supposition. I know it.

"Who told you about arresting doctor Malchys ? Miss, this seems a lot less important that what you think."

Opposing her own contradictions. Reveal the lies. She's not telling me everything, she's revealing herself easily. Can I really insist ? It feels wrong. But if I can end the investigation with only one witness...

She gets paler. And paler. I'm sure of it, now :

"There is something that you are not telling me."

"I told you. I don't want to give false intel."

"But you assume an arrestation is going to take place."

She looks away. Only one eye, but it gives me everything I might ask for.

"Because...it's only a question of time before you realize...everything. But you won't find any proof on Malchys. He only take notes on paper, I've seen him do it. And if I say anything...My internship is doned for."

I must resist a smile from forming on my lips.

Jackpot.

"You'll be anonymized, miss. No one will never know what has been said here."

"Malchys will know. Even if you don't tell him my name. He's a smartass and he's ready to anything if that lets him do his research."

A likely story.

Is it true, though ?

"Of that, I do not doubt. You think he's the type of man who would refuse your internship for this kind of thing ? If so, maybe we can try to talk more when you have your diploma. I'm willing to wait."

She shakes her head.

"It's not just me. If I must act, then I have to act quick. I don't want him to ask me to do things at the last minute to have my diploma."

"Tell me more."

"I'm...urgh. I'm being used. To blackmail someone."

Interesting.

We're getting a lot of things from this one, Fenrir.

"Is doctor Malchys that blackmails someone whild using you ? Or the other way around ?"

"First option."

If someone is being blackmailed, it must be someone close to you. Probably your superior, or...Miss Kozakios, whom you seem close even to the untrained eye.

"That's a pretty heave accusation."

"I warned you", she says whils shrugging.

I hesitate for a bit. A few seconds.

"I believe you. Or, at least, I'd like to believe you. Can we see each other, let's say, tomorrow evening ? In a more private place ?"

"I think I've already told you enough, but, if you want...where ?"

"A restaurant ? Tell me which one, i'll pay."

I have a small smile. I must not let it get bigger, but we're finally getting some leads. I carry on :

"I'm not forcing you to anything. If you want to stop there, you can. But what you told me is worrying in on itself."

She seems to hesitate. Again, a few seconds. I hear someone enter the room next to ours.

"There is...someone I'd like to help. That's why i accept. But if I see you're making things worse...I'll stop."

She improvises a smile of hers.

"There is a good thai restaurant in the center."

Ether Bastet, eh ?

I turn off my hidden microphone. Everything has been recorded, and heard in my comrade's hearing.

"What do you think of that, Fenrir ?"

"That we're in some deep, deep shit."

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (4)

Seems like Domhildr's brother is pretty on board with these experimental treatments. Can't blame him. Can't blame any of those patients. Seems more and more like no ethical transgression could convince this hospital to remove Malchys.

Too many lives are at stake.

So what is the Commissar's idea? Why would he want us to work towards this removal?

He told us he had a few witnesses. He didn't lie. But after interrogating all of them, only one names seems to stick.

Mort Kozakios.

Former psychiatrist, could not bear the job. She had a mental breakdown, and got removed from the job. Some of the nurses talked about her strange habits, and the general unease they felt with her.

This woman reeks of death, they say.

She married and lost her husband at a young age, they say.

"Her undeniable faith makes her difficult to talk to. Most of the time, she looks like she isn't even from the same world as us."

Where have Sigi seen this before?

Now she's the only one the cop has to interrogate. But before that, Sigismund have to inform Fenrir.

"Here we are. You know everything."

The man many consider a wolf looks at him from the hospital's cafeteria tables. It's been three days since the start of the investigation, and already it felt like three weeks.

Fenrir looks a lot less frightening when he eats. Maybe that's due to the movement of his ears, the way he bites the food with avidity. In those moments, Siigi finds him almost amusing.

Almost.

"So all of our leads diverge from Malchys and goes to this Kozakios woman."

"Correct."

"Seems too good to be true."

"I agree, Fenrir."

I let out a sigh. It's not just the witnesses. Something seems to have happened at the morgue. Multiple things.

"I think they use the corpses."

"What do you mean by that?" he asks.

My hand starts wallowing through the air while I try to explain this gut feeling.

"I'm not entirely sure. We'll need to interrogate those two, Malchys and Kozakios. But I think it's not just about a lack of funding. More about a like of... Cases."

His gaze steers towards me at an alarming speed.

"That's some serious accusation you're doing here, little prince."

"Please don't call me that."

"Princess then?"

"Just Sigi for you."

The only positive of this investigation is that day by day, Fenrir is more cordial towards me. I don't know why. But working on this together is different from the usual patrols.

"So, next stop is interrogating this Kozakios girl" sighs my comrade.

"Indeed. While you do it, I think i'll roam a bit more in the morgue. Nothing too serious, asking some questions. Prepare the 'good cop, bad cop' gist."

He has a tiny smile.

"You're gettting better at this by the day, princess."

I hope so.

But for now, I'm certainly scared.

What if we do a mistake?

What if we send all those patients to their deaths?

I don't want to shoulder this burden.

I really hope they are innocents. I really hope... I'm not making a mistake.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Skeletons in the closet (1)

Sometimes, I truly hate my job.

It's been a while since the incidents with Fenrir and Domhildr. Now she's my girlfriend, and everything is going very well. I let her other boyfriend, Tyr, go to Qamar's marriage, it didn't bothered her too much.

But now that this marriage has ended, it's a hard return to the real world.

Commissar Walpurgis asked us to come to his desk. A new investigation, for our duo. Something that "might interest you both".

"You know the hospital we got you in after the demonstration in front of the town hall? Well, it's partially owned by one of the doctors here. Mister Malchys."

Fenrir seemed to be angry. Don't like that you're being relieved of our patrols? I thought you hated them?

To be honest, I still don't know if we are friends or nemesi. In a way, it's a brand new type of relationship and i woul be very happy to explore it if it wans't for the remarks, the anger, and, I blame myself for this, the resentment between us both.

"See, there has been rumours about this Malchys. He's a very good, if not the best, oncologist there is in the country. But his methods are quite unconventionnal."

I knew I remembered that name from somewhere. Domhildr told me about him. That his brother is being healed by this man.

"He's quite popular amongst the patients. But when we started doing research for the sect's case, we dived into a lot of strange arrangements between this Malchys and other people in the hospital. It seems this man is using illegally acquiered funds to research causes of cancer."

Domhildr calls him a modern saint.

I remember seing Fenrir sigh and grit his teeth, learning that. But he didn't say anything. Not in front of Walpurgis. This man still terrifies us both.

"Now it shouldn't be our top priority, but 'ow that the sect' s trial is now in motion, we need to make sure we've got every part of the story. This one in particular. If this Malchys is truly a money laundering fiend, I want him behind the bars, him and his accomplices. Being a genius doesn't make him above the law. "

It's true. In fact, after this, he asked us if we wanted to be part of the investigation, with the coroner, mister Shuuvu. Apparently we already have quite a lot of leads, even a few witnesses.

It's a test of character for the both of us, I'm quite sure of it.

Am I enough to withstand it?

"Sigi it's.... It's my brother."

Her voice is broken. I can sense her tears through the raspy tone of a phone call. We're friday evening, Domhildr called to tell me why she cannot come like we agreed to.

"His cancer... I don't know the word, but it got worse. In the l-lungs and the B-bones."

I can picture her perfectly. Holding the phone close to her heart, her breathing so, so awful to hear, all congested.

"They say they cannot do anything... Every one of them, useless fuckers... Except Malchys. He says he might have an i-idea on how to s-save him...please, please, Sigi... If you go to the hospital can you... Ask him how we can help or something?"

....

"I'll ask him. Stay safe, Domhildr. I love you."

Sometimes, I truly hate my job.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

The day after

Ruins.

They feel so cold.

Silence has befell the battlefield. One hour earlier, a ceasefire had been agreed on. After two years and a half of war, and a decade of Hillar's Tyranny, it's all Ink, mightiest city in the world, can feel.

Silence.

Not even the sound of blood, dripping from the ground, can he heard. No buzzing from insects, no rubbles breaking apart and falling on the ground. Not a step from a soldier. No cracking of fire.

Millions used to live here.

Millions still live here.

Yet the silence is deafening.

Wailings.

A child is wandering through the ruins.

Their head is bleeding, coloring their hair from brown to a dark shade of red.

Steps.

Soldiers crossing the streets.

They were here in retaliation for crimes committed against their country. The rosarian exiled legion fought well, and now, here is their reward. The most beautiful city of all time, reduced to ruins.

Cry.

The sound of a mother, holding her children. The three of them fought valiantly against the coming storm. But nobody can escape fate. Their eyes won't open, ever again.

Gunshot.

An instrument of vengeance, even if they will call it justice. But after witnessing so much destruction, how could you expect men to stay sane ?

The city breathes again. This silence was only the beginning. Now, throughout the streets, violence erupts. The inhabitants try to seize what they can. The army shots first, asks question last. Everywhere, more blood, more fire.

They are coming for him.

Far below, in the shadows, a man is sitting in a large room, in front of a gigantic table.

One after the other, for the past hour, they sang their prayers, looked at themselves peacefully, and ended their lives.

They were twenty at the beginning of the war.

Fifteen in this tiny room.

Fourteen lie dead and the last of them looks at the bodies of his comrades, those with whom he was ready to fight the entire world.

He looks at his wine. A delicacy, in those last months, even for him. Yet, he takes the bottle, pours it in a tiny glass, takes it to his lips.

They all look so peaceful, with a bullet in their skulls. Their expressions are all so calm.

He takes one last look at them. Then, he takes the bottle of wine, lifts it. The glass shatters on the table, alcohol spilling everywhere on him. On his hand.

One bottle is not enough. He takes another, breaks it in the same way. The shards cuts his hand, open old wounds.

He was a soldier, in another life.

He grabs the gun.

Points it as his jaw.

He only needs one spark.

This gunshot, nobody would hear.

It would spark a flame, leading to a new republic.

It would burn the shooter, and all the monsters who wanted to realize his dream.

It would cleanse the world.

Wouldn't it ?

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 24

I have difficulties thinking.

Her skin is so very soft.

Her lips feel like heavens.

What is going on?

I should stop. We should stop. But I can't... I can't talk.

But it feels good.

"Please. Domhildr. Please. Give me a minute."

Thank god she stopped.

My brain is full of desires I'm not sure I should let out. Not now. Not like this. Not with my brain still ruffled from the brick, all the things that happened, the... This... Body of mine.

Not like that. It's not who I am.

If I shall give myself to her I want it to BE myself.

She gives me a look.

God. She seems so... Sad.

"You... Don't want me?"

"Domhildr. I do want you. Please stop assuming everybody hates you or else it will be a sad excuse of a recurring joke."

She cracks a small smile.

"Why then?"

"Because... I do not feel... Good enough."

"What... Do you mean?" she asks, squinting her eyes.

I let out a sigh. Hug her tighter. She doesn't seem to mind, in fact, she seems to like it.

"I'm tired of seeing you hurt..." i finally say.

"Says the guy who got a brick in the head."

"Touché."

She gets out of my arms, look at me with a mix of love and... A little speck of anger.

"Already told you I don't like to be pitied upon." she lets out with a bit of this anger.

"I know. I know. It's... More of a me thing."

I feel my face reddenning.

"I have never done... This. I'm scared, Domhildr. It feels like it only ever hurt you, to do this. And I don't want to hurt you. And I... Don't want you... To hurt me. Because i do not know... What I can and want to do."

"So you're going to leave me frustrated?" she says, only half-jokingly.

I'm a bad person. I'm a bad...

"Take is as my bad girl side~"

I don't know how I came up with such a joke. But she starts to laugh. So much. Is she mocking me? Am I laughable? I guess so.

Just got mixed up in the pronouns and she laughs at me so hard and-

"Sigismund, you're not a bad girl. You're, on the contrary, quite the good girl."

The way her voice rings to my hears is a symphony. It's tingling my spine.

"So you accept to... Stop there?"

"Oh, of course!"

What is this devilish smile on her face? What is it with the way her fingers goes to her lips?

"But, dare I say, Sigismund, you surprised me. Quite a lot. I think I can find a way to... Awaken the bad girl in you."

Is this teasing?

Because it works.

It works really well.

You know, Domhildr, despite what you may think of yourself, you are quite smart when you want to.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 17

I'm not used to...

This.

Dating.

Seeing each other regularly, even though work has resumed.

Spending the night in each other's arms.

Smiling when they do the stupidest thing ever.

Letting her cry when she has one of thos panick attacks.

It's strange.

Not bad. Strange.

She asked if we could go out. Said my beauty was not reserved to her. I felt nervous. Can I really get out dressed like this ?

Slut, shameful, what are you supposed to be ? All those words I hear at the function every day, what will I do when they target me ? I am not supposed to be like this.

It's not how the Lord made you, Mother would say.

It's not how a Warsowar should behave, Father would say.

We lost our lives for you. It's the only thing grandma says anymore.

But I accepted.

Because she was smiling and said nobody would recognize me.

Make-up. All the clothes possible to hide my lack of chest. A long, flowy dress to go with warmer temperatures. A lot of layers, to keep warm. Anything to hide the slightest amount of skin.

It took a lot of courage to go through the door.

What if a colleague saw me ?

I guess Amandine wouldn't be a problem, but the others ?

Domhildr told me everything would be alright.

Just a little walk.

I felt worse than naked. The shame, hard to bear. But we carried on.

Now, we're at a café. Domhildr is all giddy. I feel nauseous. Did i overdo it ? She looks like she doesn't see me.

She sees what she wants me to be.

But I'm not brave enough.

A few hours later, night is about to fall upon us.

A strange mixture of sounds and lights.

That's when I recognize him.

Father. In the middle of the street, waiting for the bus while talking with an old grandma. I hear her praise his work. He has a slight smile.

He's so close.

"Domhildr."

"Mh ?"

"We need to go."

"Why ? Is everything all right ?"

A few meters and he'll see me. And he'll hate me. And...

"Excuse me, young ladies ?"

He's here. With a tiny smile. Sarovar Warsowar, most influencial citizen in this city, it's mayor, my father.

We look quite similar, when I'm not like this.

He's not that tall. One hundred and sixty-five centimeters at most. But he is strong. Slender. His smile is one of his biggest assets, because it compliments his face, the way his fifty years old make him look like thirty. His long hair make him unusual to see, a shade of hazelnut, just like mine.

The worst are his eyes. Two blue piecing eyes that look like they are staring right in your soul.

I cannot escape.

"Yes ?" asks Domhildr.

I don't know if she understands who is in front of us.

I have never wanted to run more than that.

He's going to-

"I have lost my glasses around here. Would you wind lending me a hand in finding them ?"

His glasses.

He does not have his glasses.

An Sarovar Warsowar is almost blind.

"Of course !" Domhildr says.

One hour later, Domhildr gives back his glasses to my father, bolstering a pretty large smile.

We wave goodbye.

I have not spoken a word.

I'm paler than usual.

I need...

I need to drink a bit, i think.

"Domhildr ? Can we drink a bit at your place ?"

"Well, of course !" she says with the biggest smile.

"Thank you."

I like how my father is more frigthening to me than a kidnapping.

But, after all, I'm just a fucked up kid i guess.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 14

"Domhildr?"

"Mh?"

"Can you answer the phone please?"

We are at home. My place. I'm dressed in a fashion most of my colleagues would describe as pervert. I am incredibly scared of being seen right now.

Except from her.

She helped me put the makeup on.

We chose the skirt together.

The shirt is just enough ambiguous.

The tights are opaque. I cannot see the hair.

She's making me sing and hum.

And cook with her.

What is she transforming me into?

Dear God, I fear I have strayed from your path and I don't think I want to go back.

Because it feels great being like this.

Strong. Yet beautiful.

Smiling. Yet honest.

It's a whole new lot of sensations.

It feels okay.

But right now I am trying to fry some potatoes without sullying myself, and I am not doing a great job. All the while Domgildr is resting comfortably on my couch.

It's not the first time she's been at my place.

So when I hear the phone ring I think it's some kind of person who wants to sell me something.

"On it!" she says.

I like when she come here as she is.

I like being elegant while she is a bit of a hobo.

Opposite aesthstics, she would say.

I just thinks she's neat however she is. And she's even cuter when she smiles. And she smiles a lot more while being a hobo.

All fixated on contemplating her, the distinct sound of the oil jumping out of the pan. Meaning I need to focus a bit more on the tak at hand.

She takes the phone.

"Hello! Domhildr and Co, how may I help you?"

Her smile is brigther than the sun.

Nothing on the other side. I look at her for a second. She seems to wait for an answer. And then.

"Hello...? Can I talk to Sigismund please?"

Mother.

Domhildr looks at me in shock. I try to articulate silently "it's my mother", to no avail.

Why did she call?

What is happening?

In despair I let my cooking resume and take the phone from Domhildr's hand. She lets it go with ease, unlike the look she gives me.

"Hello, Mother ?"

"Sigismund, dear ! What just happened? Who was this girl? Dom... Domhildr ?"

"Sorry, Mother. It's... I've got her over. We are cooking. Together."

I am not lying. I am not lying. I am a good boy.

Boy.

"You bring girls home? Since when?"

"It's the first time."

I'm lying.

I'm lying to Mother.

But all is good. Domhildr take my hand.. Her fingers goes around mine. It feels good. Right.

"I see. Well, I wanted to call because your grandmother is visiting us next week. Surely you didn't forget."

I did forgot.

"We expect you in two days. With your fiancé. Have a great cooking session!"

....

Yeah.

It will be great. Despite you, Mother.

Domhildr looks at me with worry in her eyes.

But I'm okay. I smile.

"Guess they won't be too happy about that, mh?"

She looks at me.

Her hand still firmly in mine.

It's a tiny bubble lf happiness.

And reality won't break it.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 11

A lot of things happened. So let's start again. One last time.

Hanko is feeling better. They have started the judiciary procedures. I am not in charge of the file, Amandine is, and I trust her to take this into a court as soon as possible. What will result, I don't really know.

I confessed to Domhildr. It was easier than expected. But I did it. Now she carries me everywhere, while I dream of a little space for myself. It's not always bad, though. Yesterday, we went shopping, and I bought something.

Fenrir helped me. He was surprisingly....Unwell ? I don't know how to phrase it. But on patrol, he seemed like he resented me for good reasons, at least.

Well, there are only good reasons to resent me, except that I am my Father's son.

Am I my Father's son ?

Today, I received a visit, at my desk. Not Domhildr, surprising. No, it was a woman. She was named Iekaterina, and she was smiling at me. She had a plaint to fill.

She didn't stay for long. But there was something strange with her. I swear, I had already seen this woman before.

After that, me and the colleagues went to lunch. Someone sighed that they missed the cakes done by my girlfriend. Amandine sighed louder. I didn't try to deny it.

They were good. But now they're gone. That's an order.

Is Domhildr my girlfriend ?

Maybe ? Surely ?

After all this drama, I think I need a little more time for myself.

A lot of things changed. I'm still too fragile, psychologically speaking. The commissar was agreeing with me, he gave me a few days of leave. "So that you center your thoughts together".

Is it a good or bad thing ? I don't really know.

Oh, I'm going to a marriage. Domhildr's sister. A muslim marriage. How can I tell this to Mother without panicking her ?

There was a time they weren't like this.

But to each generation their burden, i guess.

What else ?

I'm going on patrols every thursday with Fenrir now.

February is nearly finished.

The tea is delicious.

Iekaterina le Patriote.

I think she was involved in the sect's case. A witness ?

I look at the file she filled. She didn't really need my help with this one, so why coming at my desk ?

Another mystery I won't search for too long.

For now, Fenrir is coming towards me. Saying we're going on our patrol, and after that, I can "enjoy your privileged leave".

I mean, he's not wrong. But I'm asking myself if he has had a near death experience in the last three months, and a multiple days-long with that.

Eh.

At least he's a tad bit more honest now.

Maybe we can be cordial. Without being friends.

I just want everything to be calm. For a little more longer.

Is that too much to ask ?

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 8

The cake is good.

God she seems so unwell.

It feels good to be here.

But she doesn't feel good. At all. And now she looks at me like I'm some kind of wonder. In the middle of this parc, eating a cake, looking at people passing by.

...

It's poetic. In a way. Because poetry is as sad as it can be.

Just as this situation.

"Listen Domhildr I'm-"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry. None of this is your fault."

She's right.

I'm still as self-centered as someone can be, after all.

I guess Father is right. I'm still not an adult.

She breathes in, breathes out. Her hand extend to mine. Our fingers entertwine themselves. It feels good. So good the cold is not here anymore.

"Let's play a game, okay ?" she asks with one of the most precious smiles I have ever seen.

"What kind of game ?"

"I say something. You say something. And we...try to sort it out like this."

Childish yet mature. A perfect description of this woman, dare i say.

"Well," I answer, "go on then."

She reddens.

"I have a big heart, Sigismund. As big as my head is small. And...I think a lot of people can fit in."

I blink. So...she is not going to talk about Fenrir ? About the crying ? About her friend ? About how all of this is threatening the delicate balance I have tried to stabilize since I've came back from this.

"Your turn", she says with this smile.

I hesitate. Well. She's being since.

"I don't understand you. Or what you want from me. I don't understand why you go to such lengths. You despise the police, don't you ? Why try to visit me on New Year ? Why not stay with the people you love and that love you ?"

Why don't you hate me like the rest of us ?

"Your turn", I say while holding back something in my eyes.

She seems distressed. By my word, again ? But I am done trying to pamper everyone. She's someone strong. Stronger than me. If those words needs to be said, so be it.

"Because I know I love everyone. And nobody likes me back. That's normal. I should be....y'know...okay with that. But it's always the same."

You're wrong but the words won't come out of my mouth.

Do i like her ? Do I love her ? Of course.

But she does not deserve a wreck.

But at the same time...

"Your turn", she says with a frown.

"I love you."

She blinks. Looks at me.

"Your turn", I say while trembling.

"No, no, you can't let me like this man ! Hey, Sigi, what do you mean by-"

"The game, Domhildr. The game. Your turn."

She blinks again. Her grip on my fingers tighten. It feels good. Like a flame that would feed on me. But I'm okay. I need some warmth.

"I...I...oh fuck, shit, did not plan for this...what am I supposed to say ? Uh...I....I miss you."

A little tear get out of her eye.

I take out my handkerchief. The one Father gave me for Christmas. It was supposed to be part of a downry. Now it's used to clean the eyes of someone he would despise.

And I don't care.

"Y-Your turn." she says, trembling.

Breathe in. Breathe out.

"I'm scared. I hate my body. I hate how it feels. Every day. And I cannot fathom the idea someone wants to see that. What they did to me. What I did to myself."

The cake is good. The warmth is here. It feels...okay to talk. Just once. Let it go.

"Y-Your turn"

Am I crying ?

How long since I've cried ?

"I...am done. I am done being seen as vulnerable and helpless. By everyone....by myself."

She has a light smile. The tears are pouring from her eyes. I wipe them with the handkerchief.

"I want to be stronger. So that I can protect you. And you stop being afraid...each time I do a mistake. Because mistakes are part of life. And the fact I'm....doing a bit more...than everyone else...is my problem."

She sniffs loudly.

I have never seen someone so pathetic yet so beautiful.

I fear it's just how she is.

"Your turn." her voice is broken.

I don't know what else to say. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I laid my heart bare. I have never done that before. I don't know...What I can do. To help her.

"I want to know what I can do to help you."

She has a tiny smile. The tiniest smile I have ever seen her wear and yet, it's a smile so genuine.

"Stay there you big idiot. Just...stay there. For a bit."

She stops crying.

I do not.

Was her voice broken ?

I think it was mine.

We're in public. You're tarnishing your Father's name. I don't care. He's going to find out about it. I don't care. Your ancestors lived through tougher times. I don't care. You're weak. I don't care. Why can't you accept yourself ? I don't care.

I feel her warmth.

I feel her coddled against me.

It smells weird. Funny. I don't care.

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"And I'm s-"

"Don't you dare say you're sorry, meathead. Or else I'm going to puch you so hard."

She's cute when she's angry.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve part 5

This is the sequel of a story made with @hel-phoenyx and @soupedepates

She's asleep.

I made sure of that. Stayed with her all evening. Didn't even get back to my own appartment, didn't even change, I'm back to work.

It's 3 AM. Still, the lights are up. I know for a fact the commissar won't be here, that's a good thing.

I'm in so much trouble.

I stole her some cigarettes. I light one. Put it into my mouth. It smells good. It smells great. Fuck, it's been about three years since i've taken one.

Bad habits never die.

Let's sum it up. Fenrir, this man I knew was up to no good, used me to hurt Domhildr and her friend. As a token of petty vengeance, she has decided to out him to the entire function.

Fenrir will know. Sooner or later. What is pretty good is that nobody will ever talk shit in his face, or else they would have to fight Amandine, and this girl is stronger than half the police united.

What is bad is that he'll know anyway.

He'll blame me.

It will get to the commissar.

Maybe they'll even ask for an investigation. On Domhildr. Maybe they'll blame her instead of me.

Let's try to think calmly, as i get out of the car, and let out a sigh.

The badge work.

I get in.

Get to my desk.

There are a few notes. One of the commissar. "Tell your girl she's banned from this building unless she wants trouble". Didn't have to tell me boss.

I'll miss her her pastries.

No time to cry. I brush off the tears. Calm. Composed. Remember the training. Remember who you are.

There must be a way.

4 AM.

5 AM.

6 AM.

They start to come in droves. Still not slept. Got some messages. How can I change everything ? How can I save at the same time the girl I like and the man who hurt her ?

My eyelids are getting heavy.

Whenever I blink, another hour has passed.

8 AM. Amandine comes to my desk.

"Have you been here all night ?"

She does not joke. Amandine never jokes. She's as stern as a woman can be.

"I want to stop...destroying...everything..."

"Hold there, Sigismund, I am not your psychologist, nor your psychiatrist. Have you seen him lately ?"

Oh. Yeah. I was supposed to have a psychiatrist. Never got one. Lied to my colleagues, so that they did not worry.

I'm tired of lying.

"No."

I do sound like a child caught red handed. It's ridiculous.

"I'll talk to Fenrir. So that he knows he can come to me if he needs something."

"That's my problem, Amandine"

"Not since your friend decided otherwise, Sigismund."

Her eyes.

Cold as ice.

Just. Like. Father.

Calm down. Calm down.

Another cigarette.

"You smoke ?" she asks.

"It's been three years."

"You should stop."

"I know."

But the smoke is too good, it feels too great. It's a poison, but a poison i'll take.

"I don't want you to talk to Fenrir, i'll do it." i say with as much determination as I can.

"Why ?"

"Because it's my fault. I'll make amends. I'll...do anything he wants, take his files, his anger, I don't know why he doesn't like me, I don't care. I'll do what he wants."

"Are you talking about a colleague or a criminal ?"

There it is.

Burried in the panic, I finally feel it.

The anger.

I'm angry.

At Fenrir for provoking me.

At Domhildr for taking the bait.

At Amandine for staring at me with those cold ice eyes.

But what can I do ? Anger doesn't change the world. Justice does. And justice is punishment for the guilty. I am guilty. Of everything.

I don't want Domhildr to suffer.

I take my phone. Send a message.

Don't come back to the commissariat. Ever. Walpurgis is angry. I'll try to arrange things. Please, for once, be the only oen who believes in me.

I look at Amandine.

She has disppeared.

In her place, the grim smile of another man.

A man named Fenrir.

Well. Here we go, I guess.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

New Year's Eve

This text is a sequel to : https://www.tumblr.com/soupedepates/769304596920352768/tyr-belongs-to-hel-phoenyx-leonova-belongs-to?source=share

***

It's always the same, really.

The same words. The same cold building. The same New year's Eve, with those cold faces.

My father asked me if I was alright. I answered yes.

No, I am not alright, father.

My mother asked if I had someone in my heart. I answered no.

Yes, I have two, and I don't know what to do.

They didn't ask about the rapt. They didn't ask if I wanted to cry.

I'm a growup. It shouldn't bother me.

I would rather return to work. But I can't. Not when the Mayor and the Priest looks at me like this.

I hate their gold. I hate their power. I hate how, so many years later, there is still no way I'm someone in their eyes.

Mother tries to smile.

She really tries.

But the link has been cut a long time ago.

---

A few hours later, I'm at my desk, sleepy as hell.

We stayed awake a few hours too early.

Their friends were just like them. Their daugther too. My memory is hazy. I think they want us to marry. I don't really care.

My plants are fairer than her.

So I come back to work. Sip a bit of coffee. Ask my colleagues if they had a good holiday. I was away for a week, a lot of them are not back yet.

One of them has a savage smile when I ask. I didn't catch his name, those few months ago, when the commissar presented him to us.

Not really that important.

"Sigismund ? Your girl is here."

Amandine has such a smug smile, when she wants to. It's not "my girl", but I understand why they think she is.

She's coming a lot to the function, for someone so afraid of cops.

So I stand up. Come and greet her. She has cookies, they're the most beautiful in the world. She has a smile and is wobbly, I'm worried for her.

"Hi Domhildr, I wasn't expecting you today. Did you have a good New Year's Eve?"

She smiles.

Such a beautiful smile.

How can someone expect me to marry a bland woman when I see this smile so often, now ?

She tells me of her adventures. I listen. She give me the cookies. I propose to share.

But I cannot shake the feeling I'm being observed.

When she leaves, I let out a smile. Amandine laughs at me, I tell her to be quiet. Someone is still looking at me.

But the impression leaves quickly. And I stop thinking about it. For the rest of the day, I can only think of Domhildr.

The way her smile light up her entire face. The way she seemed...well. She seemed at peace.

Something must have happened.

I'm happy for her.

Maybe she has finally met someone good.

Maybe it's her roommate ?

Someone who isn't me.

Because I'm duty-bound. And I don't deserve that.

I don't deserve those cookies.

I don't deserve anything.

...

...

Why am I crying ?

Someone is looking at me.

Little did I know, Fenrir was a name I should've remembered. As he was the man looking at me, this entire time.

But even though I had remembered his name, I would've never been able to predict what would ensue.

[corneille-but-not-the-author]

Hope in hell

Work is hell. Or so I'm thinking, since my return.

It's been a few weeks since my kidnapping. Against my commissar's order, I joined the ranks again, and now I'm back. Doing my work.

Is it because the house felt so cold ?

is it because my appartment felt so silent ?

I needed a distraction. But now that I'm back at it, any sound, anything really, makes me shiver. So i come at 8 AM, i sat by my desk, and I work, work, work, never let it go. Most of the time, I forget what i'm doing, i forget to eat. It is really that important ?

Somewhere, people are hurt. Just like me.

How can I stand by that ?

So I work.

I stay at ungodly hours.

It's been a few days of this rythm, and I think I'm adapting pretty well. My colleagues are impressed, they congratulate me. I see in their eyes they're worried.

I'm not as angry as I was before to them.

All those petty things I used to hold against them seems so far, now.

So here I am, Monday morning. 8 AM. No night service for me, even though i requested it. Less people means less jumpscares.

Except I came back to work for this exact reason. To see people. To not be imprisoned in silence. I might be playing against myself, here.

I sat at my desk. Eyes closed. Breathe in, breathe out.

You're in safety.

I hear footsteps. When i open my eyes, a man is standing in front of me, and not just any man.

Commissar Walpurgis himself is paying me a visit, it seems.

"Sigismund. How is it going ?"

"Very well, commissar. I've watered the plants."

I let out a slight smile, I know he won't reciprocate. This man is so hard to read it's not funny.

"Very well. There is someone at the door for you. With a cake. Again."

I blink slowly.

There is only one person who might come at the commissariat with a cake at 8 AM. For the second time.

So I stand up. Leave my desk alone, while my superior goes back to his, his eyes marked by the lack of sleep. It only take me two minutes to get back to the main entrance, where I discover the petite silhouette of Domhildr.

She seems...better. She has a huge smile and this one does not feel like a lie. She carries a big box which, i suppose, is the aformentionned cake.

"Sigi !"

"Hello, Domhildr. What did I say about visits during the work hours ?"

"Oh please, you know i never listen to you~"

She gives me a smile. And I can feel something in me melting.

She's beautiful. And yet...Yet i'm afraid. Not of her, surprisingly enough, but of the thought that I might hurt her.

You've already hurt her so many times. With your disappearance. Why care now ?

For once the voice in my head seems quite right. So I give her a little smile back.

"You want me to eat it completely ?"

"I do !"

"In that case i'll share with the commissar"

Her eyes widden, a false loo, of betrayal.

"How dare you, Sigismund ?! I've baked it specially for you !"

And she crosses her arms, her lips pinched in a poutty face.

She's awfully cute.

"Do I look like i need two more kilograms ?"

"Yes, you do."

"Bad luck, i'll share with the others anyway. And you. If you will."

She has a smile.

"I'd love to."

There is a light that never goes out.

There is hope in hell.