corruption-connoisseur

[corruption-connoisseur]

Are you some kinda one piece fan? You seem moderately interested in it to a super chill super normal degree

Whattt? Noooooo

I’m actually so normal about it, I’m getting such a good grade in being normal about one piece, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve :3

[corruption-connoisseur]

ⓘ You can Bite your Friends.

[corruption-connoisseur]

MAG Avatar Fuckability Tier List

It’s here. You’re welcome. Avatars are ranked most fuckable (S Tier) to least fuckable (F Tier). They are also ranked within their respective tiers. In true Robert Smirke style, I will not be accepting criticism. Fight me.

S Tier

Have special traits that actively contribute to the sexual experience.

Daisy Tonner (Hunt) - excellent strength and stamina. Essentially has a werewolf form, and we all know how hot Tumblr gets for werewolves. Deserves the #1 spot.

Jared Hopworth (Flesh) - will mold his body into whatever shape you want. May also mold your body into whatever shape you want. Can help with your dysphoria, might steal your bones.

Annabelle Cane (Web) - if you’re into bondage. Webs that are never too tight or too loose, and that can move on their own.

Tom Han (Flesh) - an avatar of the Flesh absolutely knows his way around a body. Also an incredible cook. He will make you dinner first, just don’t ask what’s in it.

Jude Perry (Desolation) - perfect temperature control, and hard into sadism. She will ruin your life, but the sex will be fantastic.

Breekon & Hope (Stranger) - two for the price of one, but they are so in sync that you’ll never feel the awkwardness of a threesome. Also, they’re blue collar workers. Very hot.

Michael Crewe (Vast) - imagine sex in freefall, like an eagle. I’ve never tried it but it sounds thrilling. Nobody but the two of you in a vast, empty sky.

A Tier

S Tier with drawbacks, or excellent options without being exceptional.

The Distortion (Spiral) - everyone wants to talk about "mind-breaking sex" but nobody wants to deal with the consequences. You’re gonna have a hell of a migraine.

The Coffin (Buried) - some people like to be crushed under the weight of their partner. Very clingy.

Emma Harvey (Web) - excited to experiment in the bedroom. May bring other Avatars over. Does not understand the concept of safe words.

Simon Fairchild (Vast) - old but still spry and flexible. No drawbacks, but doesn’t make S Tier because the Magnusverse has more to offer.

Martin Blackwood (Lonely) - a good listener. Will take your needs to heart. The human version of a cheetah’s emotional support golden retriever. Not exceptional, but dependable.

Manuela Dominguez (Dark) - sex with the lights off. Intelligent and bold, likes to take charge. Not extremely distinguishing.

B Tier

Mostly good options with some less-than-ideal traits.

Alfred Grifter (Slaughter) - an old man who's still got it, and a musician to boot. Don't let him choose a playlist to "set the mood." The mood is murder.

Elias Bouchard (Eye) - besides being subjectively hot he really doesn’t have anything going for him. Short temper. You do not want this man's pipe.

Julia Montauk (Hunt) - intense, but maybe you’re into that sort of thing. Will break up with you just to get you back. Daddy issues.

Jonathan Sims (Eye) - knows what you want in bed, and is good at getting you to open up. A little too anxious to be a really good lover.

Oliver Banks (End) - attractive, sure, but distant, like trying to fuck a statue. Doesn’t help that he can see when you are going to die.

Hezekiah Wakely (Buried) - expert at putting you to bed afterwards, but the sex itself? There are better options.

C Tier

Mostly bad options with redeeming qualities.

Gertrude Robinson (Eye) - constantly checking you out for weaknesses. Will not make eye contact.

Trevor Herbert (Hunt) - canonically grimy, though some people are into that. Body of a 70 year old marathon runner.

Dexter Banks (Web) - your classic film boyfriend who'd rather watch Das Boot than actually get busy. At least he's not transphobic.

Benoit Macon (Corruption) - are you open to threesomes with his beetle wife? How do you feel about becoming a rotten log full of termites?

Samson Stiller (Eye) - plenty of circuits for you to short out. Refuses to log out of Omegle.

Nathaniel Thorp (End) - likes games, but won't let you win. Too bony for good cuddling.

Gabriel (Spiral) - you’ll feel like putty in his hands. You’ll also develop a phobia of doors and fingerprints.

D Tier

Will give you a bad experience, or just boring.

Jonah Magnus (Eye) - prefers to watch. Dusty.

Agnes Montague (Desolation) - doesn’t want to hurt you, but literally cannot touch you without giving you third-degree burns.

Angela (Flesh) - very possible you would wake up the next morning without genitals.

The Piper (Slaughter) - hard to find a private spot in the middle of a war zone. Unfuckable due to bagpipes.

Not!Them (Stranger) - disconcerting, especially since the person you think you’re having sex with is actually dead. Emotionally distant.

Maxwell Rayner (Dark) - feels like he is going to crumble to dust. Insists on doing it with the lights off. Doesn’t know any interesting positions (he is from the 1700s).

F+ Tier

Just for Jane Prentiss (Corruption) because some of you are into that shit.

F Tier

Active health risks.

Nikola Orsinov (Stranger) - maybe some of you want to fuck a mannequin, but this one is actively homicidal. May also steal your skin.

Mary Keay (End) - gross as fuck, will kill you horribly, and the sex isn’t even very good.

Sarah Baldwin (Stranger) - by all accounts, taxidermied animals are nasty to cuddle with.

Monster Pig (Flesh) - no! What? No!

Raymond Fielding (Web) - has no friends. Will fill you with spiders. Also a devout Catholic. One of those has to be a deal-breaker.

Peter Lukas (Lonely) - does not want to be there. Likely has never been more intimate than being on first-name basis in the workplace.

John Amherst (Corruption) - girl the rot

[corruption-connoisseur]

Me when a character starts experiencing an agonizingly, Horrifically, painful transformation :

[corruption-connoisseur]

I'm at a loss for worms

[corruption-connoisseur]

AHHHHHH THIS IS SO GOOD YOU PERFECTLY CAPTURED MY ENERGY WHILE I WAS LOSING MY SHIT IN A BOBA SHOP!!!! THANK YOU!!

found this so i dubbed over it

edit: it’s a yt vid too now

[corruption-connoisseur]

All in one post :]

[corruption-connoisseur]

I love this. just saying.

[corruption-connoisseur]

i hate gay people my boyfriend was flirting with me and i got so flustered i lost my balatro run fuck my stupid yaoi life

[corruption-connoisseur]

I HATE MR BONZO I HATE HIM SO FUCKING MUCH I KNOW THAT HE'S IN THIS EP I FUCKING KNEW IT I NEVER WANT TO SEE MASCOT IN THE EP DESCRIPTION EVER AGAIN I FUCKING HATE IT HERE THIS PODCAST IS A PRISON GOD LET ME OUT I HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN FAR ENOUGH THAT HE'S APPEARED BUT I KNOW THAT HE WILL HE'S THE WORST NO I DON'T WANT TO PLAY LEAVE ME ALONE

[corruption-connoisseur]

Doomed yaoi/yuri/romance/love is canceled. I'm canceling it. They kissed and they're fine and nothing bad ever happened to them ever.

[corruption-connoisseur]

Dilf Viktor? You mean Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London?

[corruption-connoisseur]

If I might take a stab at it, they both witnessed a traumatic loss at a young age that was beyond their comprehension that to varying degrees inspired them as adults to seek out answers and truths to a often times insatiable degree that others cannot comprehend. This drive, among other things, isolates them from their peers, and this loneliness drives them even further into desperation at finding the truth and understanding what the powers larger than them have kept hidden, with often times dangerous and scarring consequences.

This is an over simplification and I haven't properly watched X-files in years so sorry if this wasn't quite what you were thinking lol, but I loveeee drawing parallels between past and current media interests and wanted to throw my hat in the ring :)

I cannot explain but Jonathan Sims has the same vibes as Fox Mulder.

[corruption-connoisseur]

Tod doing dothe thing. Fuck

[corruption-connoisseur]

Sounds like my kinda friendship! Bet ;)

Uh vague spoilers for arcane ig? I haven't seen it

But I'm watching my feeds shift from old men doomed yaoi to steampunk doomed yaoi in real time and it's kinda fascinating. And i know even less about the new doomed yaoi than i did the previous guys!