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📝 モリちゃんの存在はまるでここにうちの分に気を持ってくる。

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こんにちは、エルさんです。最近は日本語を勉強します、これは私の一番日本語を書いたのポストです。よろしくお願いします🙇🙏🏻

*I’m writing this post without any translation tools, fully using my Japanese skills that I learned from Duolingo. Feel free to correct me if you find it sounds weird hehe

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Sleeping at night while it’s raining has always been my favorite time of the day. Not only because of the soothing sound of the rain but also because of the feeling of being safe. This moment always makes me feel grateful.

Grateful because I have a home where I can stay and protect myself from the rain. Grateful because I can enjoy the presence of the rain as I sleep at night.

✏️ midnight, 4 march 2025

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my 2024 biggest dilemma

Hello again Tumblr~ Today, 31 December 2024, I'm writing this post while sitting in the office. Since I don't have any annual leave, I have to work in the last day of 2024 (kinda sad huh). I have nothing to do today so I think I want to write a progress journal here.

So many things happened in 2024. Overall, I'm grateful about my life in this year. This year made me think a lot about which way I should take for couple years ahead. Should I stay in the comfortable life or make a move to more challenging yet blurry one? Eventho the second choice sounds not promising, I think that I'll be feel more lively and don't feel like a NPC anymore in this life (- yes sometimes I feel like a NPC, doing the same thing repeatedly, everyday).

Here's the details about those 2 life choices; > The comfortable one: live in this comfortable town, every single things are easy to find, work as a corporate slave with good position & middle income, and just go with the flow. > The challenging one: resign from my 9-6 job, try to build my personal business, or try my luck on gaining a scholarship for master degree abroad.

The first choice sounds more safety, but I always questioning these on my head: "do you really want to live this life?", "are you happy with this way of life?", "is it aligning with your vision?"

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[A Mars orbiter mission that has your name. A pop star that's the same age as you. Dreams that never came true. Love stories that ended. People who drifted away from you. From our best memories to our most horrible experiences that make us want to curse at our destiny... These are all unique pieces of our lives.]

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Healing (being healed) doesn't mean not being triggered anymore, deleting trauma from your life, no more falling into mind traps. It doesn't mean you'll be perfect once you're done (there's no such thing as "perfection"). You may still fall into old mental pattern occasionally, you may still have triggers here and there.

In fact, healing means recognizing and accepting your emotional reflexes and needs, so that you don't have to let them take over cause you know you are the one in control. It means knowing you have other options to choose from when triggers hit you, that won't have you ending up in a burnout, overthinking or feeling overwhelmed by everything. It means you know you can choose your thoughts and reactions freely, without having to depend on your traumatized mind and what it wants you to think/feel (even if to keep you safe).

(for more)

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Hello again Tumblr, it’s already in the middle of 2023. I know maybe this is the first life journal I’ve ever made since I registered on Tumblr around 11 years ago. In this post, I just want to share some midnight thoughts recently.

Couple months ago, I just came back to my home (I mean my parent’s house). And somehow I feel a little bit nostalgic about myself in the past. Maybe because the homey situation, the old nostalgic items in my room, and the smell of my home. All of those things just remind me to the past. When I was in junior highschool, I really love blogging. I was had a Blogger account to write some thoughts about school life. I wrote a lot of stories about how my relationship with my friends, swore about every bad things that happened, and also how my seniors treat me bad back then (—maybe will write about this traumatized story in the next chapter). But idk why at that times I also feel a little bit cringe with those “diary” when I re-read the blog. Long story short, I archived all the blogs so there are no evidence about the “diaries” and hoping I could forget those dark times. Back to the present, in that nostalgic feeling, I just remember that blog and somehow tried to re-login with all the old credentials (—old emails that I made back then) that still remain in my head. I hope I can make a login to the Blogger account and re-read the stories that I’ve wrote in the past. … and voila! The account is still there and I can access it. But sadly, all of those blogs that I wrote were gone. Blogger literally delete the blogs :( I thought the “archive” button happened to hide the blogs from the public but the user still can access them again someday. I know it’s sad but somehow I found something interesting about myself in that old Blogger account. I was wrote this in my bio: “Hi I’m Er. I’m a toy collector and a graphic designer wannabe.” — waw I was just amazed by my young self because I declared that I want to be a graphic designer. Did you know how old I was? I just a 13y.o girl who know nothing about future and wrote that bio on my Blogger. I swear when I was wrote those things I still naive & in the unstable phase of life. But hey, in this present life I’m now a graphic designer for real. I think I made it right? This kinda funny how my young self made a dream and happened, I also proud of myself too :D.

That’s all the story I want to share today. That experience really inspire me to write more stories about life recently in 24y.o. I hope when someday I feel down or sad, I could re-read this story as a support system to cheer me up hehe

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5 Centimeters Per Second

[ Anime / Romance Drama ]

Where to Watch: Anime Websites

Rating: 9.5/10

An anime movie from 2007.  It’s from the same director as ‘Weathering With You’, ‘Your Name’, and ‘Garden of Words’, which are insanely good and popular anime movies. In short, ‘5 Centimeters Per Second’ is about two childhood friends who are in love with each other, how they slowly grow up, and how they face reality.

A good type of different. If you watched ‘Your Name’ and ‘Weathering With You’, this movie is very different. It’s more mellow and quiet, but it works well for this kind of film. Don’t compare it and expect something similar to the newer works.

Great art. So many pictures worthy of becoming your new phone or desktop background. Get ready to take screencaps while watching lol.

Subtly everywhere. You have to watch it twice or pay close attention to catch the subtle movements in the plot, like what exactly they’re doing on their cellphones, etc. I like this aspect personally.

Killer soundtrack. I don’t really listen to movie soundtracks that often, but oh wow this is gold. I’ve been obsessed with the ending credit OST for yearsss.

A big con I ran into rewatching this film recently though…

Slow pacing. This movie is very slow. Like I said before, it’s more mellow and quiet, even the color palette is darker. It’s split into 3 parts, each with their own story, and not going to lie, it does get painfully slow in some parts. You sit there wondering what’s the point? But the ending hits well and ties everything back. I think it’s worth it. ‘5 Centimeters Per Second’ takes some patience.

Some cardboard characters. Aka very 2d characters I honestly didn’t care for. But, even though I’m adding it as a con, I think it might not be. The 2d characters being 2d is the point. Everyone else are just passing people in the main characters’ love story. So it makes sense that they wouldn’t have as strong of an impact. May still bother you though as a watcher. 

Overall,

‘5 Centimeters Per Second’ is the definition of slowburn and is my favorite anime film. At times, it feels like watching a campfire. At first, the fire might be fun. But the slow burning embers is what is truly beautiful, and finally watching them extinguish is satisfying. This film is if the embers became an anime movie. The build-up to the slow-burning ending hits right where it hurts and I love that shit.

It’s a very realistic film, and you can see the inspiration it made for films like ‘Your Name’. Sometimes dreams are just dreams, but we still hope and hold onto every second of it. When and how do we know when to give up or to stand your ground? Starting when are we not driven by love and, instead, blinded or controlled by it? What is real? What is fantasy? I rate it a 8/10 +1 because it’s the first film that got me into this director’s work and into anime film overall.

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백예린『Rest』

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“You rain on me - I sky you. I hand you my universe and you live in me. It is you whom I love today. I love you with all my loves.”

— Frida Kahlo, The Diary of Frida Kahlo

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take it slow. everything will work out, just give it time. i know you're scared and a little unsteady. but you will find your place in the world. take it one minute at a time. future doesn't matter, because you're not there yet. you're here. in the present. and that's all that matters.

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you will unlearn all of the bad habits you taught yourself and you will grow into someone stronger than you ever imagined you could be

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being positive isn’t about always being happy. being positive is about doing your best to see the bright side of things even when happiness can’t be found.

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