crankyfirefighter

[crankyfirefighter]

Yes your blorbo is tortured and pathetic and slutty and pretty and suffers more than jesus and all that but never forget that your blorbo is, first and foremost, a loser.

[crankyfirefighter]

may grant i adore you <3

find me here!

my twitter

my cara

my carrd

[crankyfirefighter]

my girls 🫶

[crankyfirefighter]

happy pride!!

-

find me here!

my twitter

my cara

my carrd

[crankyfirefighter]

happy pride!!

-

find me here!

my twitter

my cara

my carrd

[crankyfirefighter]

i became such a strange shape

[crankyfirefighter]

I need to tell you something , Buck thinks, when the 118 and the 217 meet at a scene. 

When Tommy is all professional stoicism and polite smile. When it hits Buck that this can happen. It can happen again. And is it going to hurt like this every time? Is it always going to feel like his heart is being pulled until it’s taut like a rubber band ready to snap? “Firefighter Buckley.”

“Tommy.”

I’m not going to play this game.

Maybe Buck feels a little satisfied when he sees Tommy wince. When he sees that polite expression on his face drop just a little bit. Maybe he feels a little smug. Underneath all the bitter disappointment.

I need to tell you something, Buck thinks, when he opens the door that same evening, and Tommy almost immediately crashes into him, his hair still wet from the shower he took right after work. The smell of burnt wood clings to him, and he still has a splotch of soot on his cheek. Didn’t he notice it? Or did he just not care? Was he too impatient? Too eager for this?

What is this?

Temporary bliss?

Tommy doesn’t stay this time. He stumbles out like he stumbled in. A sudden rainfall.

And Buck stays behind. Shivering. Aching. Longing.

I needed to tell you something , he thinks, when he stands frozen in a hospital hallway, his heart racing.

Please.

I need more time.

There’s no more running.

There is a bed. A chair. And silence that needs to be broken.

“I need to tell you something. While you were asleep, I spent so much time thinking about what went wrong. And I think I get it now. I should have told you what I felt.”

“Bu - Evan …”

“No. Let me finish. I have to do this. I should have told you what I felt when I was with you. I should have told you that every time I look at you, my heart starts to beat a little faster, and I feel a little lighter, and I have to smile. I should have told you that every time we are together, no matter what we do, I feel like I want to savour every second. I should have told you that I wanted you. It’s the truth. I always only wanted you. And now, I still want you. That’s not going to change. I’m always going to choose you.”

“Evan. God.”

“Are you going to cry?”

“Probably. I never had someone choose me.”

“Well. It’s about time you see what it’s like to be stuck with someone who loves you.”

(AO3 Link)

[crankyfirefighter]

Just thinking about Buck and Tommy slow dancing in their new home.

[crankyfirefighter]

anyway. onto better things

[crankyfirefighter]

I don’t know why this piece of headcanon is so important to me, but Tommy definitely has a second car.

My brother is a car guy. He doesn’t have a mechanical lift in his garage, but he does have some solid plastic things he can drive up on to lift his car. He then does all the servicing and replaces parts and all that jazz. I also used to date a car guy. Same deal; had a set up to work on cars in his garage.

Both my brother and my ex have two cars: (1) a ‘daily driver’ that they used to run errands and get to work and (2) a ‘project car’ that exists to be perpetually enhanced. Both of them have older models of luxury cars as their project cars. My brother mainly drives his project car for fun, and sometimes does amateur race courses to test it out. (Think maneuvering around traffic cones in a parking lot.) As a guy with a car lift in his garage, Tommy is definitely a car guy and definitely has a second car that he only brings out to impress men he’s trying to bang.

💯

Tommy will always be a Car Guy to me, and in general I think he’s very mechanically minded and loves going fast. He’s an adrenaline junkie who makes Buck grab the oh-shit handle 🥰. He probably also enjoys watching racing, and probably some level of racing himself. And I think Tommy loves his project cars and if he had the space and the money he’d keep a collection to rival Jay Leno, but alas he is a civil servant and he makes good money but not Jay Leno money, so he sells his completed projects only to make room for the next one. But he’s not your average hobbyist car flipper, he interviews prospective buyers like they want to adopt his very own child, he wants his projects going to people who are going to appreciate them, damnit 😤! But before they get sold they do get brought out to impress the fellas.

Falling in love with a guy who’s entirely indifferent to the cars themselves was surprising, but Buck appreciates how much Tommy likes it and is suitably complimentary of the finished product, because he might not really care but he can recognize the time invested. And they are pretty! And over time they find that Buck is more interested when it’s a rare car with an interesting history, that kind of “there were only 200 of these made, [X Historical Figure] owned this model, this was in [classic movie], this was an exhibition model concept car” type of trivia. 💖

[crankyfirefighter]

9-1-1 • S2E08 || S7E09:DELETED SCENE

[crankyfirefighter]

you know what’s kinda forever funny to me personally? that buck’s “you’re the fastest runner” was buck 100000% lying because he just didn’t want to bait the bees

they literally show buck beating eddie earlier in that episode like 😭

[crankyfirefighter]

the entire bt relationship was CLEARLY written as buck pining over eddie from the very start

once more with passion:

[crankyfirefighter]

Tommy is gripping the steering wheel of his truck so tightly that his knuckles turn white. 

He’s grinding his teeth and can already feel a headache starting behind his eyes while he’s staring up, up at the window of Evan's loft. He can see light behind the glass. Wonders what Evan might be doing right now.

If he might be with someone.

Tommy swallows around the lump in his throat. His chest feels tight with sadness and anger, and regret. It’s like a cold hand is curling around his heart, fading out the echo of all the good things he has felt with Evan. All the bits of happiness he allowed himself to have.

He misses Evan so much. Misses him so much it hurts.

You do know you could go up there. You could knock. And you could try to explain.

Tommy sighs and squeezes his eyes shut, rubbing at his temples. It’s been too long. Evan probably already moved on, as he should. This … Whatever it is, is pathetic. Tommy is pathetic. It’s not the first time he’s driving past Evan’s place tonight. Not the first time he’s done it this week either. And he stopped counting the times he kept himself from texting Evan.

Just do it. It doesn’t matter if he already moved on. At least you could talk to him. Get some closure. Or … Maybe he’s missing you too?

Sounds too good to be true. But what does he have to lose? Tommy reaches for his phone. Opens the chat. Starts to type. 

Hey.

Deletes it again. Shakes his head. He can’t do this. He glances up at the window again, startling when he thinks he sees movement. Tommy shakes his head. It’s time to leave. Time to move on. Time to get himself together. Things like this happen. You're happy. You fuck up. Life goes on. What doesn't happen is that good things last. At least not when it comes to Tommy's life.

He is just about to start the motor when his phone vibrates with an incoming text message.

Evan: Hey. Do you want some cake?

Tommy freezes. He stares at the words until they start to blur in front of his eyes.

Evan: I know you’re there. Saw you bubbling me again. I’m seeing your truck too. You want to talk?

Tommy swallows. He shakes himself out of his stupor. Finally, he manages to type: Sorry. I’m not very brave.

Evan: We’re all scared sometimes. Why are you here, Tommy?

I missed you. Tommy can’t believe he typed that. And sent it. He can hear his blood rushing in his ears and feels slightly lightheaded.

Tommy can see bubbles. But no words appear. Then, the bubbles are gone. Nothing happens. Oh. Is this some kind of revenge? Tommy deflates. He gets it. Evan has every right to -

Evan knocks at the window on the passenger side of the truck, waving at him.

Tommy startles, almost dropping his phone.

“Hey,” Evan says, opening the door. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Tommy says in disbelief.

Evan climbs inside, sitting on the passenger seat. He hands Tommy a box. “Cake,” he explains, glancing at Tommy. “I baked a lot of it during these last few weeks. Kept me busy. Kept me from thinking too much. About … you. I missed you too, Tommy. Miss you every day, actually.”

Tommy stares at Evan, wide-eyed and with slightly parted lips, his heart beating faster. “Can we drive somewhere and talk?” He asks, holding on to the box of cake like a lifeline.

Evan smiles. “Yeah.”

(AO3 Link)

[crankyfirefighter]

would give my life savings and also my left kidney to see buck and tommy spooning in bed, just content and in love

[crankyfirefighter]

Tommy opens the door to a defeated looking Evan, worrying his lip between his teeth.

“Can I stay with you for a while? Eddie’s moving back and I have nowhere to go.”

So you decided to come here?

Tommy doesn’t say it out loud, but it’s all he can think of. He knows it’s a bad idea to say yes, when he still feels the way he does, but once upon a time he’d told Evan he would always be there when he needed him, and he hasn’t broken that promise yet. He nods, even though he knows he’s going to regret it, and Evan lights up with the most beautiful smile, like he’s surprised Tommy agreed.

Tommy steps to the side and lets Evan in, taking in the hastily packed duffle bag. It seems like Eddie moving back came as just as much of a surprise to Evan as it did Tommy. Tommy offers to take the bag and Evan lets him, following him through the house to the guest room. Bilbo, Tommy’s cat, is sleeping on the bed when Tommy pushes the door open further and Evan is hit with a burst of affection as the cat stretches at being disturbed and makes his way to the end of the bed for attention.

“This is Bilbo’s napping spot, so you’ll have to share.”

Evan smiles and nods, scratching Bilbo behind the ears.

The two of them settle into a rhythm fairly easy. Evan cooks and Tommy cleans and they watch films on the couch — trying desperately not to cuddle — and they spar in Tommy’s Muay Thai set up. It’s nice. For the first time, Evan feels like he has a home. Tommy doesn’t mention Evan leaving, and eventually Evan stops looking at houses. Neither one of them wants him to leave, anyway.

It all comes to a head after a shift. Tommy’s on his day off, and he takes one look at Evan when he comes through the door and decides their ordering takeout. Evan collapses on the couch and closes his eyes, not moving until Tommy is nudging him to sit up and handing him some Chinese food. Tommy sits close to him and their thighs brush together. Evan can’t stop himself from leaning on Tommy’s shoulder, breathing in his aftershave. He turns his head to tuck his face closer to Tommy’s neck and Tommy lets him, carding a hand through his hair. It makes Evan ache with want and he pulls back, Tommy’s hand still in his hair.

“Can I kiss you?”

Tommy knows he should say no. Tommy knows he shouldn’t let them cross this line again. But Evan looks so innocent asking, and Tommy has been weak for him since the day they met, so he just nods, eyes never leaving Evan’s.

Evan leans forward and presses their lips together, just a soft, slow touch. Tommy melts into the touch and Evan responds in kind. It tastes like coming home.

[crankyfirefighter]

9-1-1 | 2.06 // 8.16