crappy-poster

[crappy-poster]

okay so

World is going to hell why make my life a woe is me any worse. I will take the days on as they come and give what I can to myself, I need to survive, not thrive. soon the thrive will go but not today. I make situations way worse than they are in my head and it causes me immense stress and unnecessary anxiety. and its not like I want to off myself, but the idea of not being where I am today always sounds nice. an escape. I just want to hermit in my room, no lights on, a fully charged phone, a blunt, and a soft cool fan. Leave me in there for a month and I think that is the reset that I need.

Prior to the pandemic I would think that the person that I am today is a deadbeat loser. these past three years have really opened my eyes that I am royally fucked as a young American. I cant depend on my government officials, or on local police, or on landlords, or on insurance companies, or even my neighbors (remember the toilet paper shortage?). everyday I am given more and more reason to stop trying and I'm not sure what it is that I am working towards anymore, that's why I want an escape.

[crappy-poster]

My heart feels so heavy and im finding less and less reason to keep my head up. My relationship with my family is fucked my friendships feel fake my relationship with my partner is unfulfilling I hate the body I'm living in I hate that I don't seek out help for myself and that I self sabotage myself at every opportunity I am working a job that I hate I am raising a pet and don't feel competent to even take care of them I rarely eat more than once a day I don't feel qualified in anything that I do I hate myself I am swimming in debt and I know there's minimal to no chance that I can get out of this financial loop. I want to go home so badly but I'm afraid to. when I tell my partner he doesn't respond. I want to cry so badly but I just cant. I don't know who to talk to

[crappy-poster]

I feel... (first post)

Never used Tumblr till today, Jan. 2022. Im not sure if its still alive but Im banking on the possibility that no one is listening. Considering that I feel like I cant talk to anyone around me, might as well I talk to myself in a public domain.

Hi, Im a 22 college dropout. No major aspirations or big ideas for the possible future, just have a couple people around me that give reason to not dive 6ft under. I feel lucky in the life I am in, despite feeling alone. I have a partner of 2.5 years, and even now I feel like I cant talk to them.

Im hoping this'll turn into my personal shitposting area where they will never see the light of day and if anyone does read this and relates or peaks interest, then I guess I'll have my crowd.

Im not sure why I felt that I needed to introduce myself, maybe I am wanting someone to listen? I used to do something similar to this but instead it was within a google doc on a flashdrive, never to see the light of day. This is the sequel.