crayonthoughts

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Today was my first day back at work after having two weeks off from being ill. I always dread going back, however, I always end up enjoying it! It did seem weird how much being there for just two hours though! I feel like this week I've been constantly busy, so tonight I just had a night with myself, did some colouring, laid and watched up, and did some reading. I'm missing my other half loads though, it's felt like he hasn't been at work for the last week, and now I don't seem him till Tuesday! It's crazy how much I miss him though. Within the last couple of days he's started vlogging, it's going to take some getting used to him walking around with a camera, but I do enjoy filming random parts of our day!

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Today has been a funny kind of day. As pointed out by my lew, I haven’t been myself. Thinking about it- I’m not. Im a bit unsure why. Im trying my hardest, but my chronic fatigue is eating at me the last week:( Hoping to be more positive soon. On a positive note, lew bought me lots of new books today- a way to a girls heart. Atleast a book worm girl. 💕

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My chronic fatigue is definitely playing up a lot. However. I had a lovely day out with lew yesterday before he had work! We found a lovely little pub, and had some lunch. Then did a little bit of shopping, in which I spoilt my mum. And we then watched a wonderful sunset in the evening! I'm trying to keep busy today, lew is sleeping! But I want to keep busy so I don't fall asleep. I've just done the ironing! Now I need to decide what to make for tea!

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Not being posting as I've not had much positive to say, and this is all about being positive. All week I've been super ill. However, I'm so lucky to have lew who's been giving me lots of cuddles every time I've seen him! As shown in the first picture, looking super ill, but cuddles! I've also decided to ditch the tongue piercing this week! I have been debating taking it out since I got it done like 3-4 years ago, and having it in made me feel even more sick this week, and I feel so much better not having it in. Surprising how many times I go to bite my tongue bar though and nearly bite my tongue. I've started reading room this week, after picking it up for just 20p! I'm really enjoying how different it is compared to the normal way of telling a story. The best part of my week is being well enough to spend the day with lew, on his first weekend off in forever! I'm so in love with him!

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Currently posts aren't as positive as usual, but that's because I'm badly suffering with a cold and a cough:( However, yesterday I got to see my lovely lew after 5 days of not seeing him! And he bought me flowers, I love them, and him! Flowers always make me happy because everytime I look at them they remind me of him! He was a super good 'un last night and took very good care of me, I never expect anyone to take care of me and often push it away, but last night I just rolled in it! I've also finished my squid picture, and now I'm working on a bear, I don't think it'll be long before I finish this colouring book!

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So my post from Friday has just completely disappeared? So I just wanted to show you the images that I did post.. Not that I can remember what the post said! Not a great weekend if I’m honest, most of it spent in bed due to being ill. I hate how a simple cold can knock me back 10 feet! Stupid chronic illness! Nothing really positive to post back on over this weekend!

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Knackering last couple of days, but felt very productive! Yesterday, after all I mentioned in the last post, I helped my local school at church, came home, snuggled and slept. Today- Thursday- is the day I help out at school all day with ages 6-11! However I didn't do much with the kids today, and worked on this display from 9am-5pm today!! I'm pretty proud, it's the first display I've been allowed to do what ever I wanted on it. I'm super tired tonight, so I'm off to chill and hopefully sleep ready for a day with 4-6 year olds!

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I haven't posted in a few days because I've been trying to be as busy as possible in the day, so I sleep better at night. Meaning when I get to bed- I fall pretty much straight to sleep! However. The last couple of days have been rather nice and productive. On Sunday I spent the morning snuggling and laughing with lew, but then he went to work- and I haven't seen him since:( I then took my sister to a birthday party, at which point I got really broody holding a 5 month old baby! But it's not the right time for me to have a baby yet, so I need to wait a couple of months! I then finished my first page in my animorphia colouring book that I mentioned in the last post! Yesterday was a very busy day! I didn't feel like I sat down at all. Very rarely with my chronic illness will I get days where I have to upmost energy, and feel like I can be constantly on the go! So yesterday I went to the doctors, where I had my sleeping tablets changed, hopefully these ones work better. When I got home I helped put some shopping away that had just been delivered and then started preparing tonight's tea, because we had pizza last night, so nothing to prepare! I then completely gutted the hallway, as over Christmas we moved a lot of furniture into there so we had most room for decorations and family time. So I cleared all that- and sorted all the things away that we had in there! Today I've just come off a driving lesson, in which I did extremely well on my manoeuvres, and my instructor is booking my test!! Eeks! I'm not sure what to do for the couple of hours I have, currently cooking risotto, which is making me want it, but it's for my other half! Hopefully I'll manage to update later on happy thoughts from today! My main thing so far is my driving lesson!! Been a positive couple of day minus missing lew!

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Good things come to those who wait.

Today went well, I had my first driving lesson of the year because I’ve been putting it off because my last lesson ended with me in tears. However, today was a good lesson, and I managed to do everything well.

When I got back, lew was waiting with a bunch of flowers! It made my day to see him, and it was a bonus with the flowers- they’re so pretty!

I also had fun with my little sister Katie playing an adding game for her homework, we both got highly competitive despite the 13 year age gap!

I also got my animorphia colouring book today, it’s already my favourite colouring book- as you can see I’ve already started, this is how far I got after about half an hour, and I’m itching to do some more. However cuddles and kisses with boo are more important to me especially when I hardly see him! He will always be worth the wait.

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Trying to get back into routine is becoming easier, but it's never easy with a chronic illness. However, I'm so glad I love the job I do. Especially love it on a Friday. I can't wait to be qualified and get paid for all the hours I do in school! I managed to finish my book today that I mentioned the other day. 'Will you love me' by Cathy Glass. I love her stories anyways, but this one was about her adopted daughter, who id read about in her latest books but didn't know her story, so it was great to read that. I'm so glad it had a happy ending- despite her awful childhood, I found her social worker the most irritating because she seemed to care more about herself than Lucy's wants and needs. Although I've wanted to do fostering for many years, Cathy's books are getting me even more into wanting to do it! I'm so glad lew shares the same views in this as me.

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Beautiful sky tonight! Thought I'd share a few pictures of that! Today was my first day back at work for the year, and although I only did half day because I had an awful night last night, I love being back with the kids! I've then spent another lovely afternoon with my gorgeous lew. We mostly chilled and then had fun experimenting with cameras and time lapses. The picture shows me balancing as many cushions as I could on lew- I only managed three. Aha. I miss him millions now though. Do you ever wish you bought more than one of a certain thing? That's me with my new jumper! I wish I had another one!

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My tumblr app kept crashing. So no post from yesterday, however. I didn’t have anything positive to post, I was very much down in the dumps yesterday. However. Today has been a lot better, I’ve spent some very much needed time with my fiancé, we went to do a bit of shopping and then had lunch in the cafe. We then came home and chilled in bed, in which we both ended up falling asleep, even though I was only asleep for half an hour. Whilst Lew slept for some more. He’s on wake nights all this week, which sucks because the only time I seem to see him is when he’s asleep, which is why today was much needed. My mumma and I sat listening to old songs from like ten years ago and danced around the kitchen which was fun. Then I’ve spent the rest of my evening reading my favourite author- Cathy Glass! Sometimes you just need to relax- whether that’s with yourself or someone you deeply care about.

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You don't know if you don't try. This is something I've been told over and over again, and so many times my fear of trying new things has got higher and higher! I'm now trying to break this wall down, and try new things! Lew will be happy... He's forever trying to get me to try new things! I think since being with lew, my confidence has grown a lot, and I'm starting to feel a lot more comfortable with myself, and even though at the minute I'm suffering a lot with my anxiety, he's also helped me to fear less things. I think this has helped me a lot recently when it's come to trying new things, and I'm willing a lot more to get out of my comfort zone! Hopefully I shall start getting more comfortable with trying new things. New drawing from today.

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Today I got to spend an extra day with my fiancé, thanks to my dad taking him home today! We spent most of the day just snuggling and giggling. These are some of my favourite days. We also spent a lot of time messing about with our cameras taking random photos and videos. All these memories will be great to look back on in the future. We've always wanted to film part of our lives, especially for ourselves and our children to look back on. Last year I took a lot of photos, and had a dedicated Instagram just for these photos- mostly of books, but when my CFS got bad, I stopped doing all the things I loved, so I'm wanting to get back into this, and some of my other hobbies!

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Today I had a bit of a lazy day, and watched films. However these films were based on real life, and had some truly remarkable story lines. The film we watched was called '90 minutes of heaven', and basically, a strong Christian is involved in a car crash, where he dies and goes to heaven, only to come back to life and suffer some of the worst injuries. The film goes onto to show how he deals with this change and also how his family deals with it. Although I've never gone through such a bad experience personally that makes me reevaluate my life, my close people have. My fiancé has survived two strokes, and also had a life changing heart operation- however, when he was born, he was never suppose to make the weekend. So I'm truly lucky to have him here. My mum also fights cancer everyday. She's been fighting it for 8 years, doctors said before her operation to remove the tumour, that she shouldn't of been walking and talking like a normal person, she should of basically not been here. I'm so grateful they're both here today, I couldn't live without them. But they fight and inspire me to fight. You will always be able to find the inner strength to fight demons that put your life on the line. You just have to find that strength.

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Love and laughter are said to be the best medicine. I definitely believe it helps! My fiancé has been away for the last couple of days working, and today I've been feeling quite rough with muscle pain and stomach cramps, so it has been really nice to just cuddle and chill with him tonight- sadly watching football, but I was drifting to sleep so I didn't mind, it's not like it's a horror anyway!! Just love and laugh- even when it seems too difficult!

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Sometimes different things just don't go as planned nor do they work out. However. No matter what happens, it's just a piece of a bigger picture- which is your life. Not everything in life goes as planned, but it makes up you. All the achievements and mistakes go together, whether you think they do or not.