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Haze, 29°C

Concord Apartments, Guru Nanak Rd, Gulmohar Road, Gulmohar Colony, Vile Parle West, Mumbai, Maharashtra 400058, India

Today what to do I see when I look in the mirror.

I see a small girl who was scared of failure coz she was beaten by her father when her parents tried to put into 1st STD after just having completed nursery earlier.

She saw her parents fighting all the time and her mom struggling. Her sister was born and she was asked to grow up and take care of her sister. A 7 yr old girl became a her younger sisters shield. She used to close her sisters ears so that she would not be affected by them. She was asked not to cry or what would her younger sister think of her. All her life she heard her mother saying if u hadn't been there I would left your father and gone. She was beaten if she didnt study hard she was told marks were everything. She was scolded when her mom was called to school. She remembers crying in when her head was been stitched and only local anaesthetis was the only option. She remembers her boy touching her private parts and her mom scolding him and protecting her however never explaining to her what was happening.

She remembers going for a school trip in 9th inspite of no one taking to her and being all alone why coz she wanted to see the world. She remembers facing torments from her friends when she was in 10th all of a sudden being cut off from every person she knew. She remembers going thru emotional trauma while studying for 10th. Not having do anything during the vacations studied ms office and cleared with flying colors. Somehow managing to pass in late 60% I wanted to get into science to pursue computer engineering actually animation. However it had still not picked up and computer engineering was suggested. Parents were scared abt me being an introvert and low marks sent me to sndt. Topped 11th and 12th not so great. Got into engineering but didnt complete the admission process since someone old me that it involved hardware and I didnt like the hardware.

Took up pcm in mithibai. After what had happened during school year for studies. My entire collegeToday what to do I see when I look in the mirror.

I see a small girl who was scared of failure coz she was beaten by her father when her parents tried to put into 1st STD after just having completed nursery earlier.

She saw her parents fighting all the time and her mom struggling. Her sister was born and she was asked to grow up and take care of her sister. A 7 yr old girl became a her younger sisters shield. She used to close her sisters ears so that she would not be affected by them. She was asked not to cry or what would her younger sister think of her. All her life she heard her mother saying if u hadn't been there I would left your father and gone. She was beaten if she didnt study hard she was told marks were everything. She was scolded when her mom was called to school. She remembers crying in when her head was been stitched and only local anaesthetis was the only option. She remembers her boy touching her private parts and her mom scolding him and protecting her however never explaining to her what was happening.

She remembers going for a school trip in 9th inspite of no one taking to her and being all alone why coz she wanted to see the world. She remembers facing torments from her friends when she was in 10th all of a sudden being cut off from every person she knew. She remembers going thru emotional trauma while studying for 10th. Not having do anything during the vacations studied ms office and cleared with flying colors. Somehow managing to pass in late 60% I wanted to get into science to pursue computer engineering actually animation. However it had still not picked up and computer engineering was suggested. Parents were scared abt me being an introvert and low marks sent me to sndt. Topped 11th and 12th not so great. Got into engineering but didnt complete the admission process since someone old me that it involved hardware and I didnt like the hardware. Also, during most of her growing years the attention was more centred towards my younger sister who was either sick or had some extra circular activities that she needed to be taken for.

Took up PCM in mithibai. After what had happened during school year for studies. Her entire college life be it the 11th or 12th she only slogged scared that if she got less marks again she would be scolded and beaten up. Came last year of B Sc and after 2 attempts professors were dumb founded that why the best student in the class never managed to clear the exams. However, by then she already had a job in call centre. People ask her why call centre? her answer she ever had anyone to tell me what is wrong and what is right. she was too naive and just went with the flow. Desperate to start a job and start earning so she took the first option that came along; so took it. I even excelled there. OH forgot, while doing her B Sc she was also doing advanced computer programming and topped that also. However, by the time she finished that she already had a call centre job. Somewhere here she got attracted to a guy for the first time and she still knows why, Carving for the love she never got at home. the first guy who showed that he cared. However things changed their friendship was very beautiful when into a relationship they just moved apart and after trying for quite some time, she decided to give up and start on again. She couldn't cry since she was taught not to cry in front of anyone. And all the pain was contained in her. first loves are never easy to forget.

Somwhere here in between came back the passion of learning animation and started my journey with maac. An animation course where she worked 9 hrs. went for the course for 4 hrs and also paid from her own salary. couldn't manage to give it the time it needed. Though still managed to get on to OJT with an awesome company. Worked as an intern for 9 hrs and then still doing a regular job for another 9 hrs and somewhere catching some sleep. This went on for two months. during this time she had started dating someone else with whom it was getting into a marriage scene. The job offered to her was paying less than her current job and was in hyderabad. She shared this with her mom and the same reply that she got for her programming she got here. Y do u want to do this when they are paying less? Not once was she told just go follow ur dreams. She let it go and then marriage happened after a lot of tension. Money was scarce even for him and hence being enterprising as she was she took all the arrangements in her hand and for the entire wedding was worried about all the preparations and things happening on time.

Even before the marriage when she had been dating this guy he had two timed her twice she had ditched him both the times and he had come back to her crying. after that she has taken the case of the girl that he had been taking and finally they had stopped dating. she dated him for about 3 yrs more after that scene and thinking he had changed his ways and they decided to get married.

the honeymoon was planned entirely by her on her savings and after that started the ill management of funds. after marriage money was scarce and she was running the house and her FIL was the only person who accepted and adored her. tensions in the family she returned the jewellery that she had got from her in-laws. she patched her husbands and her MIL's relation that was very strained initially. however, shortly after the marriage her FIL expired and her husband was blamed for the same. everyone crying she didn't cry till the 4th day. However she had to get herself back together to hold the family together.

Here started another phase, an extremely old fashioned brother in law with an uneducated wife. fights all the time. then came hassles of running the house and finally somehow division of funds and finally buying a new house away from everyone. Thenn came the death of MIL followed by fights and broken relations. now she assumed things would get batter and they did a little. finances had always been an issue. however a car was both and he changed jobs from a call cneter to a media company for 9-5 and low package. she was happy that he was happy they could manage with her pay. theyy started planning on having a kid. however conceiving seemed problematic with her PCOD and weight. Gynac was consulted to start treatment. however she was not ready and things were not meant to be. distances came in and 18 days later the first fight happened. apologies were exchanged and the next sunday he told her that he had met someone 6 months back and wanted to marry her. That night her mom was scared that she might attempt suicide {she had always hurt herself multiple times in the past and this definitely would have been a possibility} and her younger sis was sent to pick her up. at 2 am in the night she walked out not knowing that she would never return to this life and being this person ever again.

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