creationsofadamagedsilhouette

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

and it was so satisfying to look up at you and see the shock in your eyes when I pulled a knife from my pocket and plunged it deep in my heart. but my dear it did not hurt, for I was dead when you said ‘goodbye’

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Reflective Writing Task: How do you see yourself? How do others see you?

When I look at myself in the mirror, I don’t really know who or what I see. I find myself picking my body apart so to speak, obsessively searching for imperfections. I like the colour of my eyes and the shape of my lips, but other than that I don’t really see anything else that I like about my reflection. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t wish to change anything about my body, but then again who doesn’t think about that every now and then? I see myself as very unsure, and if I’m honest, a little lost, but I don’t believe that anyone is 100% certain about who they are and where they want to be. I’m the kind of person who needs to be in control, especially of myself and the fact that I can be very unpredictable often makes that hard. It’s important to me that people see me as strong and in control so I try my hardest to hide it when I’m not; I will always put others before myself. I don’t really know what else to say… I may occasionally hate the person that I am and often wish that I can change, but at the end of the day I know that I am who I am; I’m my own person and nothing and no-one can change me. I accept that. I think I have always known that how others perceive you, usually becomes the way you also view yourself. Even if it isn’t real, we almost try and adopt that persona as a sort of coping mechanism; it’s just easier that way. People seem to think of me as a kind of mother figure; they come to me when something is wrong and I always seem to have the right words to say. Other people always have the ability to see the exceptional things about us that we automatically ignore; we are always more critical of ourselves than anyone else. When people look at me they see a beautiful, intelligent girl who has had a rough time but is strong enough to push through with a smile. They see that I will always put other people before myself, no matter what. Just from looking at me you can tell how kindhearted I am and that while I may be a little misguided, I have a lot of love to give. Everyone is many things, but it’s how we choose to act that people tend to focus on. Don’t let another human being tell you who to be; you are who you are and will always have a choice.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Okay here’s the deal folks. I’m currently trying to write a new book — one that I will actually see through to the end, and it needs to be perfect. Needs to be. Basically I need your help to make it the best ever. It needs to be witty; it needs to be dramatic; it needs to be something that people...

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Don't worry my darling; they just don't understand it the way we do.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Demons.

It's like there's a demon inside of me. One minute I'm smiling and you wouldn't even notice I was the slightest bit unhappy, and then the next its like something just snaps and suddenly I can't breathe. I start shaking uncontrollably and tears escape from me, fleeing the monster within. I do bad things and I try to drive away the people I love most. I don't know how to stop it. I can't control myself and I'm losing strength every day. The monster is slowly squeezing the life from me and all I can do is let it. I feel vulnerable and weak and I think that he knows it. The demon tells me that I'm nothing. He whispers to me in the dark and tells me that he is all that I have and I believe him. He has control of my entire body and I can't get free. I'm scared. I can feel him waking. He tells me its time. Let go he says, let go. Come with me. You are worthless. Nobody wants you. Nobody loves you. Nobody cares enough to save you. Nobody understands you like I do. Relax. It will just be like falling asleep. And then we can be together. You don't have to be alone anymore. All you have to do is follow me... And it was easy to follow him when there was nobody there to call me back to life.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Year Eleven end of year English exam, Prompt; "Validation comes from a sense of belonging."

Something caused Carla to wake early that morning. As she slowly opened her eyes, groggy from sleep, she sat up in bed and looked around. After a few minutes she heard it again. A cry. Someone was hurt and alone outside in the garden. As silently as she could Carla grabbed her coat and blanket and crept outside. There was nobody there. When she was just a small infant Carla's family was torn apart. Her father had apparently been having an affair and her mother, who thought the reason for this was because of Carla, began to distance herself from her daughter. Carla's father fled and soon her mother despised her. When she was seven years old Carla's mother killed herself and left her alone. Since then she has felt no sense pf belonging; no matter how nice her foster parents were Carla behaved poorly and grew into a selfish, ignorant eleven year old girl, treating all adults harshly. Carla had been back at the orphanage for three months as family after family gave up on her and she was given a permanent residency at the orphanage when she was disturbed by the cry in the garden. Being young she was curious and it was that wich led her out into the cool air. She searched and searched but she could not find the creature that had awoken her from a deep slumber. The noise had faded but then she heard it again, and this time she realised that it was not human like she had first thought, but rather an animal. A bird to be more precise. Carla was a determined little girl at heart and refused to give up, and eventually that determination led her to the bottom of the garden. And there, captured by the vicious claws of a rose bush was a tiny little blackbird. "Where did you come from little guy? Did you fall from your nest?" cooed Carla. The baby bird only cried in response. "Here, let me help you," said Carla softly, and she began to entangled her treasure. After several cuts and scrapes the little bird was free and Carla was about to help him back into the tree when she noticed that his left wing was broken. "Oh you poor little thing!" whispered Carla, and she scooped him up into her delicate little hands and held him close to her chest. She then wrapped the baby bird in the blanket she had brought out with her and quietly carried him inside. Once safely within her room Carla inspected the broken wing more closely, she had spent many hours cooped up in the library reading so she had a little knowledge on such things. "Don't you worry sweetie. I will look after you until you are ready to fly again." whispered Carla, and forming a make-shift nest out of a cardboard box, some shredded paper and blankets, she hid her little bird beneath her bed. As Jake the blackbird grew, he became mischievous and noisy so Carla had to move him outside so that he was not discovered. Despite being kept outside, Jake was a loyal bird and never once disappeared out of sight. Jake's wing slowly healed and Carla began to reclaim her identity. She began to mature and those at the orphanage noticed this change. When she was fifteen years old it was decided that Carla would be sent back into civilisation and was put up for adoption. Carla tried to be rejected but in only a month the papers were signed. Jake sensed a change in Carla and began to worry. For four years Carla had acted as his mother and father; she had looked after and nursed him back it health. But it had never occurred to her that he had also done the same to her. On her last day. Carla when out to where Jake was kept and coaxed him out of his nest they had built together. He climbed onto her arm and looked up at her inquisitively and her eyes automatically feared up. "I can't look after you anymore Jake. I'm sorry. They're sending me away and I'm afraid you can't follow." she spoke softly. Jake squawked in response and looked her straight in the eyes and told her that he knew and understood. Tears leapt from her eyes and flooded down her cheeks, "Thank you Jake," she wept, "You taught me so much and you showede that all is not lost. You made me belong again. Fly my friend: be free." and with that Jake chirped happily and flew away, stopping only once to look back at the young girl he had grown to love and respect. From then on wherever Carla went she thought of and searched for Jake. She remembered that first night when she found him and she smiled. She missed him everyday and more often than not found herself wishing that he would appear, but she knew that he was off somewhere being mischievous and going on adventures with his new friends. For years Carla had been lost; she was abandoned as a child and as a result felt no sense of belonging or validation. Jake had made her belong and in turned he validated her just by his loyalty, devotion and love for her.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

"She’s curled up in the corner, crying. Her heart it now feels empty. How did she get here? How can everything feel so right, and then suddenly all come crashing down? Your voice and your face. Your lips and your warmth. And the way you held her. You held her like it was real. Like nothing else was going on, and you always spoke the truth. She’s lying on the floor, sleeping. Her clothes are wet and sticking to her skin. How did she get here? How can everything feel so perfect, and then suddenly fall apart? Your lies and your excuses. Your tales and explanations. And the promises you made. The promises you made, but never, ever seemed to keep. I dont understand how she believed you, how she could feel special. She’s spread out on the road, bleeding. Her body feels all cold. How did she get here? How can everything feel like a faerietale, and then suddenly fly away? You deceived and manipulated. You confused and hurt her so. And you never deserved her in the first place. You took advantage of her. Now take a look what’s happened. She’s floating above in heaven. You made her disappear and start a new life. But the good thing is that now she’s happy. She’s finally free from you. She made the right choice. To run away."

Run

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

i'm sorry i haven't posted anything for a while. i've been dealing with a lot of shit lately and honestly haven't really had the motivation to write anything. i'll get my act together soon though :) xoxo keep smiling and be safeee

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

I wrote this for my english exam; 'Without Validation not only relationships break down but society also crumbles'

Nobody understands. Not even my friends can understand. I don't feel accepted, I don't feel like i belong somewhere. Anywhere. Saying something doesn't help either, it may be the most common piece of advice but trust me; it doesn't work. In most cases speaking up actually makes the situation worse, at least for a bit, because people these days are so stubborn that if even their friends bring up that they are feeling neglected, their first immediate reaction is either to snap back with some cruel remark or to simply shut down. That is how I feel the majority of the day. While there may be people around me I can't help but feel alone.

Have you ever had something terrible happen? Have you ever had to keep secrets that torment you every time you think? I have, and every day I do. When I was young I witnessed my father repeatedly verbally and physically abuse my mother. One I turned eleven my father slowly began to use me as his punching bag whenever my mother was out, but one night when mum was putting me to bed she noticed the swollen, bruised marks upon my limbs and immediately put two together. That night I heard a lot of screaming as I cowardly hid beneath my covers. Suddenly the noises stopped and not long after, police sirens disturbed the night.

My mother had finally snapped and my father was murdered. She was sent to a mental institute where I still visit her regularly, and I was transferred to my aunts house. My parents had not had the ability to validate one another, let alone themselves and this had lasting effects on their relationship. As a result, I never learned the ability to self-validate and to this day I blame myself for society crumbling around me. The walls in which surround my mother act as a safety net; she might hate being trapped behind them but at least she feels safe now.

A person needs to learn not only how to self-validate, but also how to validate others as both are absolutely essential to the efficient functioning of relationships. When a person feels alone in this world they are unlikely to make others feel accepted and the vicious cycle continues until everyone in society feels without purpose. That was how it happened for my parents. My father received no validation from people at his work, and that lead him to taking out his bad feelings on my mother and I.

In some circumstances the results of no validation is not always as disastrous as it was for my family,  but society needs to be aware that if we continue in this manner then things like murder, abuse and even rape can be the result. That's why I'm standing here in front of you all, that is why I am trying to inform you of the tragic events in our society. Seek validation first from within and then you will find yourself able to pass on those good feelings. Thank you for listening.

Brittany sat back down and fiddled with her hands in her lap. The participants of her self-help group were sat in stunned silence. Some had tears in their eyes and others' cheeks were stained with them. At the end the people she had grown to know and respect came up to her and offered her a pat on the back. "Well done," they said, "Your story is truly amazing and absolutely touched me. Never let anyone bring you down again; you are beautiful and you deserve to live in happiness." Immediately Brittany was filled with a warm sensation. Validation.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

“Those who challenge society’s expectations become better than they expected” --- wrote this one for school.

“Everywhere I go, I silently watch the people around me; observing their actions and the things that they do. Teenage girls are always flaunting themselves, showing off their figures and using their body language to silently dare the boys to leer and stare at them like hungry beasts. The males are trying to be the strongest person with the biggest muscles so that they can impress the girls and attract their attention. There will always be that question “What am I expected to be?” and the constant tug of what is deemed ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ will continue to pull down upon teenagers. What we have to decide is how to express ourselves in the correct manner, but also in a way that defines who we are in a way that shows we are a unique individual.

“I have no idea what society wants me to be, let alone how I want myself to be. At school, I blend myself into the background so that I can watch the people around me. There are so many different versions of people that it just confuses me when I attempt to figure out the way that I should behave. Mostly I just sit on my own with a notebook always at my side. In that notebook I record my observations of the people around me; searching for an answer. Many months pass by and I continue to repeat this action daily. Slowly I’m beginning to come to the conclusion that you don’t have to follow society’s guidelines, but if you don’t, you’re outside of society. If there is no ‘law’ about it then you can do as you please, but if in any way you cause someone displeasure, that person has the right to judge you. If you care about what other people perceive you to be then fine, follow the ‘rules’, but if you don’t, you are free to do as you please - as long as you don’t cross someone’s path who knocks you down, hurts you, arrests you, or in some other way makes you more miserable than you would have been if you had adopted the image that your society has sculpted.

“I think that the problem with most is that they misconceive the wrong message of how they are expected to be. People are always pressuring them to be something that they are not; media portrays teenagers as the worst thing there ever was. There are always articles or programs that show the negative actions of teens like sex, abortions, drugs and alcohol. And every time that something bad happens, it’s like a media feeding frenzy. Magazines tell teens that they won’t get anywhere without the best clothing, or anything else that is currently in style. Music artists more often than not include references of drugs, alcohol or having sex indiscriminately, which for teenagers that look up to them makes them think that they should be acting in the same way as their idols. I mean, what are we supposed to do? How can we express ourselves without somebody turning their nose up at us? We can’t.

    “Truth is there will always be someone who is better or worse off than you, and somebody will always be eager to judge you – especially society. But it is up to us how we choose to be, even if we get hurt on the way. One day you will discover your calling, one day you will find the thing that brings you true happiness and it won’t matter anymore whether people disagree with your choices. Every one of you has the potential for greatness. It just depends how you use that potential.”

Finally she concluded her speech and she gazed upon the young students who were tainted with depression and painful pasts. They were looking up at her with mesmerised eyes and she knew that she had won them over and inspired them to find themselves. She smiled a content smile and in her mind’s eye she pictured herself as a child receiving beatings from her mother and abuse from her alcoholic father. She had once been one of those kids, stuck in the perception of what society wanted her to be. Now she performed inspirational speeches to children like herself and gave her life to guiding them; helping them to discover their potential. And by doing that she discovered her own potential.

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

He knelt down beside the gravestone, and placed his hand upon her name. When he first heard that she had gone, he tried to deny it all. But then the morning came and her face it did not show. So he, ran around the streets, started screaming out her name. When finally, he fell down, he found himself outside the graveyard. Looked inside and there he saw it. Freshly laid and flowered. He knelt down beside the gravestone and placed his hand upon her name. Said, "I won't forget you."

Graveyard

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

He pulled her around the rosebush, Tugging on her clothes. He makes her smile, He makes her laugh, He makes her dream again. The years go by, But they stay happy, They stay warm and close. You'll find them there, Under the rosebush. And forever there they'll stay.

Rosebush

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Her voice went quiet, Her body grew cold. Her heart stopped beating, And she lay there alone. Held in her hand, And clutched to her chest... Was a beautiful rose, Now whithered and dead.

Rose

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

The shadow of her smile, The laughter from her lips. Turns to, Creases of her fown and, Teardrops from her eyes. Hear the, Echoe of her screams, And the piercing cry of her voice. Saw her, Happy and alive, Now she's, Curled up in the corner, Waiting for her new life.

Shadow Of Her Smile

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Hold me in your arms once more. Sing to me, And kiss me goodnight. As you, lie beside me and watch as my eyes they slowly close. And I, will never be afraid. If I know you're there, Where, you're everywhere to me. You made everything okay. Rock me in your arms and whisper, Sweet lullabies. Press me against your chest. Speak to me, Say that nothing will go wrong. As my hair you gently stroke, and we, Wish under the stars. And I, will never be afraid. If I know you're there. Where, you're everywhere to me. You made everything okay. Rock me in your arms and whisper. Sweet lullabies. Comfort me with your presence, again. Hold my gaze, And never look away. Hold my hands in yours, Promise you wont ever disappear. And I, will never be afraid. If I know you're there. Where, you're everywhere to me. You made everything okay. And I, will never be afraid. If I know you're there. Where, you're everywhere to me. You made everything okay. Rock me in your arms and whisper. Sweet lullabies.

Sweet Lullabies

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

Your voice is all I hear when I sleep. Your face is all I see when I dream. And it doesn't matter what I do, I can't take my mind off of you. And even though, it's driving me crazy. I dont want to let you go. Cause if I do, I'm afraid that I'll let you go forever. I remember when you looked at me. I remember how it used to be. No more crying on my own. Sitting together in your room. Holding me close. You dont know what it's like, to have to live without you. You dont know what it's like, to have to lie alone at night. Wondering what it's like where you are, And if you're happy. A silhoutte follows me wherever I go, Im haunted by you. But if you fade away, I'll only be alone again. I remember when you looked at me. I remember how it used to be. No more crying on my own. Sitting together in your room. Holding me close. When I lie awake at night, alone. When I walk around the streets. I know that something's missing, That someone should be here. To protect me when I'm scared. To hold me when I'm sad. And to, love me no matter what. I remember when you looked at me. I remember how it used to be. No more crying on my own. Sitting together in your room. Holding me close. I need you here right now. I need your arms around me. Not just in my mind.

Haunted By Her Lover

[creationsofadamagedsilhouette]

The perfect lines marked on her wrist, And the stains of blood smeared up the walls. Are all she has for company. Shut in a room she cant escape from, she waits until the end.

Trapped