crepiitus

[crepiitus]

@demolitiongirl  @demolitiongirl

Don’t worry because this isn’t a hateful rant, it is a rant but this is just in response to the recent things you decided to open up and talk about to complete strangers. With this slim opportunity I mainly just want to apologize for all the things I’ve done that hurt you in the past that I can’t take back and all the things that I want to pay back but honestly I'm not sure if I’ll ever be able to.  I'm apologizing for being a piece of a shit, because I was back then.

I was young and fucked up and didn’t know what I was doing or who I was, you can talk about me all you like and block me and tell other people to avoid me on the internet all you like, I don’t care. That’s your choice, I’m not going to try and defend myself when it comes to our relationship because there’s no point. My life has changed in so many ways that it doesn’t even matter.  What happened, happened. I hung out with the wrong person and he kissed me without my consent. I sure as hell did not have any kind of sex with him, whether you believe me or not. We still would have had the same fights over and over and we would have broken up no matter what, Liz.  You seem to have an unresolved issue with a 17-year-old teenager who’s long gone and somehow still spoiling your life despite having absolutely nothing to do with you or your life anymore in any way (like I literally don’t even rp anymore so I don’t understand how this is even a topic in your existence still) Be angry, be upset, be bitter, be whatever. Call me out for the relationship that didn’t work, let everyone know it’s my fault because it is. But is that really making your life better? You were one of the sweetest nicest smartest coolest people I ever met and in all truth, I fucked it up 100% there is no arguing that. At the time I didn’t really think about it, what would happen, how it would really affect anything or the way things would turn out. I can’t recall the majority of what happened between us anymore, but I’m sorry for all of it.  I’m sorry that you essentially (I’m sure you agree) wasted that part of your life on me. That had never been my intention but I can’t change the past. I’m sorry that I hurt you and I just wanted to say that now since you called me out (I think is what you said or called it? I don’t even know anymore, whatever honestly this has taken enough of my time) and I had the opportunity kind of to tell you, I am sorry Liz. Truly. For both the loss of friendship and relationship, for all the things I unfairly put you through and all the times I wasn’t there and more.  I really, really, really do hope you have a splendid well deserved happy life. From now on feel free to tag me and talk shit about me as much as you like, this entire part of my life is dead. That person doesn’t even exist anymore, honestly I came onto tumblr for the first time in a year or longer and the only thing that is on my blog is some random person who ended up being you ‘calling me out’ and a bunch of people who have absolutely no idea who I am or what the real truth is in regards to me, talking about me. That’s amazing, honestly. 

All this time I’ve been sending my thoughts of apology, and just kindness towards you, hoping good things come your way (knowing that gesture was in no way reciprocated) and hopefully, good things do happen to you but I’m not going to waste my energy on you anymore. As it appears to all of been for not. Enjoy telling people the dark parts of the illness that made me into a terrible person that hurt you when I was young, the few select parts you choose to remember and talk about. You can be as angry, bitter and rude about it as much as you want, but at the end of the day all I did was try and figure myself out and put an end to the horrific way I was treating you and all you can apparently do is post bitter things to bitter people.

I just wanted to write this all out since your choice was talking about me instead of to me. Since I never really got a chance to address our falling out after it happened, so I suppose I’m using this now as a small form in doing that whether you read it or not. Honestly, I will probably never see your response or know if you even read this. It doesn’t matter, but I hope that you enjoy moving forward in your life as much as I do, but if you do/did take the time to read this and perhaps take back what I am trying to say here, I thank you. I genuinely truthfully hope you enjoy your life and live it happily with people you love and who love you, doing whatever you need to be happy. You deserve that. I’m sorry I hurt you, again, I’m sorry I  was a terrible person when I was younger and didn’t know how to treat you properly. I didn’t know a lot of things. For clarification, my name is CJ, I am a girl. I used to play sadisticlangdon, as well as the characters on this blog and its original, I don’t roleplay anymore and honestly, I don’t want to with this community. I have been represented as both male and female on here and responded to being called by both, at that time I identified as both and was struggling to understand myself and the world. If you want to believe I did it to be popular, go ahead, because strangers over the internet definitely know me and who I am better than myself, right? I was a deeply violent depressive teenager who desperately ached for attention that ended up tormenting the few people around me. While trying to figure out who I was and what I was doing with life. I fought with strangers over the internet because they had a problem with you and the way you played your character and people think they know me for it now. I did a lot of stupid things when I was a teenager, not a lot of them were good. I loved you and I hurt you, so can I really call it love? I’m sorry my confusion and personal problems plagued your life so deeply. If I could take it all back, believe me, I would. I have lost friends, family, I have escaped from a massive wildfire that took my entire life and home and had the only thing that matters in my life die. So I’m literally talking about a ghost of myself to get this all written out because my life has moved on in light years, beyond this. This small fraction of the past in absolutely no way has anything to do with my life anymore. So if this is still a big problem for you in your life, I apologize but the world is a lot harder than holding onto something that happened years ago. Everyone processes differently and if you’re still working through it, good on you and do whatever you require to move on and live your own peaceful life. Talk about the teenager who doesn’t even exist and you people don’t even know if it makes you feel better. Expressing your negative feelings about it is at least better than holding it in and boiling over it for years. In the end, none of this will make a difference. I’m only writing this as a final attempt of apology and a final goodbye that we can both amicably accept and perhaps gain some peace of mind from. Do whatever you need to do to move on in life and be happy, I will be doing the same. I hope that you can accept my apology as I am not going to be trying to apologize again after this and I am not going to be waiting around for a response, I have other things to be doing, I hope you do as well. You can re-post this and start a bandwagon of hate on me or whatever, I don’t care. Do whatever it is that you need to do to make yourself feel better.

At the end of the day, it won't make a big difference in either of our lives, you will believe what you want to believe, you will feel what you want to feel. Nothing I could possibly say, write, do, or try to show you, would ever change the way you see things. It's your life, your perspective, take it however you will. Everything will stay the same, apart and for the most part, forgotten. It’s made my conscious clearer to of at least taken the chance to express my regret and my apology to you finally once and for all, no matter the outcome. All I wish upon you are good things, I hope that this doesn’t make you hate me more, but if it does, it does, I don’t expect it to make you hate me less and I’ve accepted that this is the closest to actual closure I/we might ever get with each other, openly and now that I’ve said what I’ve said, I am going to return to my absence from this community and website again now, have a nice day.  Goodbye for forever and take care. -CJ P.S To all the people who apparently have/had a problem with me and can definitely talk about it when I’m not around but not to me. Believe me, when I say, nothing makes me happier than you literally not existing in my life, you people start and make so much unnecessary drama through the fucking computer it’s as amazing as not being apart of all the pent up bullshit. Despite that (as I know not all rp’ers and people are like that) I hope you all get the things in life you need to be happy and deserve, continue with your passions and I hope you live a full eventful life, everyone. 

[crepiitus]

Put ☎ in my ask for your muses info in my muses phone:

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[crepiitus]

“Is that so little dove? Perhaps we should get going then”

                        ‘ v-v-victoria’s secret —— they’re h-having a SALE !     b-buy me panties ? ‘

[crepiitus]

[crepiitus]

  The liquor comes welcoming but it doesn’t soothe the rotten lump clumping in his throat, it doesn’t kill the evil inside of him. It only makes these weird feelings in his stomach grow stronger; the nervousness of such a surreal conversation. It meant so much but it meant so little, he could bat his eye and go on as if it never happened—or Jupiter could never move on and be forever bent on trying to gain her affections while sliding into the sheets of every soul baring mortal within the current hundred mile radius. Would it be better to lie, to get what he wants to play her like he plays every other girl who falls for his pretty face. Jupiter could not and would not–it would make him sick somehow, the betrayal and the guilt of lying to this woman would even kill him. A shadow. He hides his grin as Rose puts the ring back on, he never meant for it to escalate to this point but he welcomes the cards on the table; if only he had been prepared to play the game. The taste of his scotch is heavy on his lips and tongue the bourbon was rich and he savours it—- the last thing he expects is for her lips to brush his but in the few brief seconds it does his entire knowledge of the world comes to a stop.      Jupiter takes a deep breath; afraid that if he were to exhale it would be gone, time would catch up and he would be alone. “I have a new condition.” His words come out almost dry and for a moment Jupiter isn’t even sure it was even really him that spoke.

    ❝I’ll have what you’re having.❞ Says the dream not really carrying about the drink at this point. Rosemary is instead clinging to every word he says, hoping perhaps that his feeling extend further than his constant teasing. She feels her heart sink upon not hearing the answer she really wanted. Then again, she guesses she shouldn’t be too surprised. Rosemary might be stupid for even thinking she could enter a proper relationship with him. Still, as she listens to the earnestness of his voice she cannot help but to think that things could possibly work. After being offered the ring again she ends up taking it and went as far as to place it upon her finger again. She looks at it for several moments before leaning forward and letting her lips linger against his. When she pulls away blush fills her cheeks and she then looks to her lap. ❝I guess I could hold onto it for a while.❞ She muses casually while shrugging.

[crepiitus]

There it was that look; the excitement and genuine happiness of unconditional love something that he found only children really showed. It made his heart ache and leap and greedily he hugs the boy to him, smiling so hard it begins to hurt the creases of his mouth. “But babies need to cry” Valentine shuffles to look at the other, fingers petting back his long golden locks. Val looks behind him a glance to see Rosie sweep off with the baby. Nodding, as if he were listening to real complaints and concerns. “Mhmmm–” Nod “Well that is because you know how to communicate with mommy now that you’re a big boy, when you were a baby like Dahlia you cried too” Val lightly boops the tip of the boys nose. “Just like how kittens meow at their mothers, babies cry… Make sense?” He crinkles up his nose looking at the toddler. “Sure doesn’t make it any less loud though huh?” Valentine pouts and hums. “Should we put on some lullabies? Perhaps that’ll make all of us happy–”

     Upon realizing who was visiting Aristotle clung to his side immediately. Uncle Valentine is, and always will be, one of the boy’s favorite people. ❝Tell Dawlia not to cwy so much.❞ Mumbles the boy as he looks over to his sister. The baby was sobbing while Rosemary whisked her to the kitchen so she could be fed. A huff leaves the child’s lips as his brows furrow. ❝She cwies too much. I dun’t cwy, I just tell mummy when I’m hungwy ow use th’ potty, but Dahlia just cwies instead!��� His parents have attempted to explain the reason to him before but that doesn’t make the boy any less frustrated.

[crepiitus]

"Do I smell breakfast or is that the house burning down?"

Domestic Starters 2.0

“Ha ha!” The laughter that bellows out of him is loud and sarcastic at her words, maybe it’s a little burnt–okay it’s all burnt. Cooking is hard but Jupiter really tried his best. He turns and looks at her, smirking wide at the sight of her early morning entrance. Jupiter crosses his arms, the spatula he used for eggs still raw and running on the end; gross as it drips down. “At least I got up and made breakfast. You’ve never made me breakfast. Ever!” Mocking and snickering Jupiter walks around pulling out bowls and plates of truly disgusting looking food, if it wasn’t some weird combination of both raw and burnt it was all burnt. ”Dig in, I’m sure you hungry” Jupiter winks and turns back to the egg splatter explosion in the pan on the stove, there were broken shells hidden inside all of the eggs. “I made toast and bacon and I made some pancakes” None of which is edible “And the eggs are just about done” He’s so disgustingly proud of himself. Jupiter swiftly grabs out two plates and a couple of forks. “Want some coffee?”As a man who gains his nutrition and feeds through the consumption of souls Jupiter isn’t fully grasping why perhaps Rosemary isn’t digging in. He can’t taste any difference between foods–clearly he has no inkling to what to do here, but he’s shining bright as if he’s accomplished a successful buffet. As her plate remains untouched from the smouldering mess waiting to mold and waste, Jupiter’s grin slowly flops into a frown.                              “Perhaps we should just…go out–for breakfast?”That way at least he could get a decent bloody Mary with his meal.

[crepiitus]

Domestic Starters 2.0

"Do I smell breakfast or is that the house burning down?"

"Honey, you look tired. Go sleep."

"So I was driving past a pet store the other day and couldn't help but wonder how cute an animal would be like in our home."

"I want to move in with you."

"I think we should go house hunting. Buy a big family home on the beach or something."

"What do you think about children?"

"Our son/daughter got sent to the principals office today."

"Babe, can you explain to me what this is doing here?"

"You look like you could use a massage."

"I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It'll save water."

"I may have broken the dish washer."

"There's a spider in the shower!"

"I think I might be pregnant."

"I want to try for a baby."

"I want to adopt a child."

"You would make the perfect father/mother."

"Think about it. The little patter of children in our home."

"I want to marry you."

"What do you think about this color wall for our room?"

"Why is the bathroom overfilling with water?"

"Did you eat all my oreos?"

"We live together. You can't blame this on anyone else."

"I've got a romantic surprise for you."

"Let's just stay in bed."

"Get back into bed."

"Can you call in sick today?"

"I just want to lie here all day with you."

"Oh, there's no need to put a shirt on."

"I'm sick of doing all the chores!"

"We can't afford this!"

"Don't mind me, just want to remember how beautiful you look in bed this morning."

[crepiitus]

Big grin; shows off his large teeth even, but is quick to hide it behind his hand as Valentine shifts to a different comfortable position. “Are you sure?” He’d always be there to help her out if she ever needed it, even if he had to give her lover a good 'brotherly' talking to. Valentine looks over at the children as they wake up. His smile doesn’t fall but he gets to his feet and walks over to them, crouching until he was eye level with the toddler sitting up on the couch. “Awh is it? I’m terribly sorry little buddy” Val stands up again, head tilted “What can I do to help you?”

     ❝No, no. You don’t need to do anything like that.❞ If Xander proposes, she wants it to be on his own accord. There will be no point in it if he doesn’t do it from the bottom of his heart after all. She is fairly confident that he will some day. However with everything going on there is really no time for something as significant as a proposal just yet. Before she can speak up again there is a noise from the carpet. Dahlia has woken up and with that came crying. ❝Lil’ one, you’re going to wake up your brother.❞ Her warning came too late. By the time Rosemary took the baby into her arms the toddler already began to sit up with a frown on his little face.❝Too noisy!❞ 

[crepiitus]

In ways, Jupiter is thankful that she didn’t answer him, maybe he really didn’t want to hear the truth. He enjoys the fantasy of her actually liking him and all this teasing is just a step closer to getting in, but they could never really be more than friends, could they? Jupiter was an incarnation of evil, a demon--a shadow hidden behind a pretty face. “Yeah? What do you want?” He’ll probably just have another few (or seven) more scotches. The finger feels heavy with the ring on it but he hasn't motioned to take it off; he can still feel her touch ever so lightly, when that begins to fade he’ll put the ring back inside the velvet box that was silently mocking him on the table top. Eyebrows lift, expression softens and he turns to look back at her after ordering their next rounds. Jupiter looks at her with a slow shrug and leans back in his chair, eyes locate her own. “I would try--unfortunately infidelity is sort of part of my job requirement” He lays it bluntly “Yeah. Yeah---I would try.. I’d never let you take my balls, though.” Jupiter peels the ring off his pinky finger and dangles it for a moment, before putting it in the box once again. “Keep the ring” 

    The difference in his voice catches her off guard. Since he often is joking around with her the rare moments of sincerity coming from him tends to surprise her. Unsure of how to react, she ends up avoiding his question all together and tries to move on to another topic. ❝I could go for another drink.❞ Says the dreamer softly while looking back down at that gorgeous ring she placed on his finger. When the object was staring at her like that she can’t help but to remember what he asked, so she ends up responding genuinely. Her only hope is that he will not make her regret it by teasing her. ❝If you were proposing, would you remain loyal to me? Because if I were to say yes I’d expect that.❞

[crepiitus]

  “If I were proposing—would you say yes?” There’s a strangeness in his tone, an almost serious like question twisting his tongue as he spoke to Rosemary. Jupiter puts his eyebrows together and shakes his head, almost laughs, no of course not his heart is nonexistent how could it be broken? For a glimmer of a moment, Jupiter fights the thought of Rosemary breaking his heart. Jupiter almost lights up–but its the last speckle of light before the darkness eases in as the ring is pushed on his finger. “Darling why can’t you ever see it the way I do? You’re meant for me—just wait and see” A practical growl and Jupiter huffs at her. “How about another drink? My treat.”

     ❝Unless you’re actually proposing, you shouldn’t be surprised.❞ Mumbles the dreamer before she flicks her forehead. At this point she realizes when his lewd comments are only meant to get a rise out of her. While sometimes he can go too far and she will end up smacking him over the head, most of the time she genuinely finds his comments amusing. ❝Have I now? It seems like the roles have reversed then, hmm?❞ She has no doubt that Jupiter has broken his fair share of hearts, but she knows better than to think she is capable of breaking his. As he makes his request she takes the box and opens it up. After toying with the ring for a little bit she places it on his pinky finger instead of one of her own. ❝I’m sure you’re more than capable of taking care of your own needs.❞ 

[crepiitus]

Jupiter laughs with a shrug, hands up and reckless. With the french accent Jupiter sees the resemblance although he wont amuse it out loud he merely waves it off, the ring looked much better on her than it did its past owner. He winks playfully, devilishly. Not in the least disappointed in her reaction; he practically lives off them at this point. A small hiss escapes Jupiter as she removes the ring and puts it back in its bed, jaw dropped and he looks at her in disbelief. “I can’t believe you! I go out of my way and you get you this beautiful probably extremely expensive diamond ring and you wont even have sex with me!?” Jupiter shakes his head, leaning away from her and hides his smile as well as he can with his hands. “You wound me, love, you wound me. Right here” He points to the left of his chest, where a heart lacks but pretends to be.    Jupiter sits there for a moment, snickered smile on his smug face as his foot taps repeatedly under the table. “Rose, baby, com’on, Rose. Baby..Come’an” As if that was a sufficient enough retort Jupiter stares at her, awaiting a response, pushing the ring and the box closer towards her.

   The amount of kisses against her flesh in such a short period of time create a ticklish affect. That combined with the horrendous French accent causes the dreamer to giggle gleefully. ❝You’re like that naughty skunk from the cartoons….Pepé Le Pew!❞ Rosemary allows the ring to be placed onto her slender finger. She doesn’t take this declaration of love seriously in the slightest but she is fine playing this little game with him. That is until, he brought up the condition the ring had. Even though she is certain he is joking she figures it’s best to return it anyways. There is a click of her tongue as she removes the ring and then places back into the box.❝I’m afraid you’ll have to find someone else mister.❞

[crepiitus]

i think i am going to head to bed for the night 

will reply to everything i have to, tomorrow !

[crepiitus]

Mock offence with spread digits pressed against his chest. “I would never be so biased on such a serious topic!” But the cheeky grin says otherwise, each dimple exposed is the truth of his intentions. “Biased or not, you’re terrific and I hope he knows it as well as I do” He loved her and her family, deeply, he found solace and comfort in a time and place when he never thought he would, a bit of family to have. Rose was like his sister--truly, he was absolutely mad for her and would do just about anything she or her children would ask. Valentine laughs, looking down and back at his old friend. “Are you sure because I can be very intimidating and persuasive when I have to be--” Nod, another slower nod. “Ah---I see, well the good in that is that at least you know he loves you, have you two ever really talked about it? Perhaps I could take him to a store you’ve got your eye on or something...” 

   As she listened to everything he had to say the dreamer can’t help but to giggle. ❝I think you might be a little bias because of how close we are.❞ Rosemary would go as far as to say Valentine is family to her. Ever since Aristotle was young he was there with her, and he is not only an uncle to her boy but an elder brother to her as well. Still, it did make her a little happy to see how sincerely he believed that she deserved to loved so deeply. A soft smile appeared on her lips as she held him tighter. His ability to make her go from stressed to comfortable in an instant is something she has missed a lot.❝I promise you don’t need to give him a talking to or anything like that. I don’t doubt that he loves me or our kids. It feels like we’re already married too, I’m just missing the ring really.❞

[crepiitus]

traumeriin:

   ❝Are you proposing already?❞ Teases the dream as she begins to open the box. After seeing the ring inside though the expression on her visage becomes much softer. ❝It’s gorgeous…❞

He slides in swiftly and effortlessly, closing the gap between them, Jupiter grabs her arm and immediately begins to kiss at her skin and ride up with soft shut smooches up her arm. “Do you accept my love?!” Awful french accent impersonation. He laughs, teasing and taunting, oh the joys of the surface world. Jupiter nods at her words, kicking back his chair and shrugging as if it was no big deal. “You like it? Lovely! Wear it dearest, always.” A wide mischievous grin widens his face easily as he glides the ring from its box and onto the tip of her finger. “But now that so long as you wear this ring–” His voice softens and he slides it further down her digit “You’ll let me have raunchy sex with you always.”

[crepiitus]

A roar of laughter; amusement spews from his lips and Valentine nods, shrugging. “Alright--the city it is” Although he’s rather old, at least he believes so. “You’re not afraid of motorcycles are you, otherwise we’ll be walking around tonight...” He smiles wide and slurps up some more of dinner until the bottom of his bowl was beginning to come into sight. Valentine hadn’t even been fully paying attention to the mess until it came falling onto him; literally. Eyebrows lift in shock and Val leans back into his chair a little confused as to the events as he turns to look at her scarlet blushed face and bursts into laughter. His stomach aches and he shakes his head with a sigh, Val leans over and holds his hands out for her to grab in support as he rushes to try and save her but the puddle makes her its victim and shes on the floor. Effortlessly Valentine shifts down next to her and into her hand as the index swipes across his skin. Blushing, feverishly warm; almost showing Val looks away and clears his throat. Grabbing at her arms and standing up, the splatter of blood staining his clothes the puddle marking the slight spot he’d laid in. “Yeah? Good.” He grins and Valentine begins to clean up, naturally, he’ll have to bleach the floor, make sure there was no trace for after they had left. Just in case.                                           “Do you need to shower or anything?                                                             Pamper up before we go out?”

“Let’s experience the city,” she gushes. Her eyes light up and enthusiasm  radiates from her body. “The night is young and so are weee–” She stands up abruptly to throw her hands in the air, but ends up sending the bowl flying. It’s like it all happened in slow motion–Ivy witnessed the bowl jump overhead, splattering blood across her blouse and Valentine’s cheek. She immediately clamped her hands over her mouth, smudging the scarlet t that had already freckled her lips. “Valentine, I am so, SO sorry. I-I’ll clean it up.” She scrapes the bowl up from the floor, but ends up slipping in the small puddle of access blood . She uses his chair for support to catch herself from falling and completely embarrassing herself. “Ah…” Her eyes are glued onto the crimson sprinkled across his jawline. Without a word, her finger swoops in from behind to capture the blood on the tip of her index pad. She licks the blood from her flesh and feigns a smile. “Still good.”

[crepiitus]

anyone want to rp something? hit me up :)