criphd

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i’m here !

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on my way to the national library of scotland to look at stuff but im absolutely exhausted & have been awake since 4 am :(((

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the cover of this book is soo funny to me,.... incredible choice of picture !!!

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honestly obsessed w my hairstyle in this … what a great era !! (like 5 yrs ago now)

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"Properly worked texts are like spider webs: hermetic, concentric, transparent, well-joined and fastened. They draw everything into themselves, whatever crawls and flies. Metaphors, which fleetingly dart through them, become their nourishing prey. Materials come flying to them. The binding stringency [Stichhaltigkeit] of a conception is to be judged by whether its citations evoke other citations. Wherever the thought opens up a cell of reality, it must push into the next chamber, without an act of violence by the subject. It vouchsafes its relationship to the object, as soon as other objects crystallize around it. In the light that it sheds on its determinate object, others begin to gleam.

Authors settle into their texts like home-dwellers. Just as one creates disorder by lugging papers, books, pencils and documents from one room to another, so too does one comport oneself with thoughts. They become pieces of furniture, on which one sits down, feeling at ease or annoyed. One strokes them tenderly, scuffs them up, jumbles them up, moves them around, trashes them. To those who no longer have a homeland, writing becomes home. And therein one unavoidably generates, just like the family, all manner of household litter and junk. But one no longer has a shed, and it is not at all easy to separate oneself from cast-offs. So one pushes them to and fro, and in the end runs the risk of filling up the page with them. The necessity to harden oneself against pity for oneself includes the technical necessity, to counter the diminution of intellectual tension with the most extreme watchfulness, and to eliminate anything which forms on the work like a crust or runs on mechanically, which perhaps at an earlier stage produced, like gossip, the warm atmosphere which enabled it to grow, but which now remains fusty and stale. In the end, authors are not even allowed to be home in their writing." -Theodor Adorno, Minima Moralia, 1945

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doing a phd (taken on the same day) …

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i got the go ahead for the research funding i applied for :) so that means i have to use it this month :( but hopefully i can get some rest this next week & then by the 22nd b ready to go to look at dusty periodicals & novels !

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went thru my old onenote notes & i thought some of these were so cute & funny to re-encounter... somehow both more & less insightful & articulate than i thought they would be.... my cute lists of like 'crossovers in woolf/forster novels' are sweet to see & remember... & i love that quote from angela carter sm... she's such a perennial fave/source of inspo tbh

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we had such a good chat abt close reading & how good it is as a literary methodology :) feel so vindicated …. as a forever lover of close reading !!!!!

absolutely wild that i had my latest panel today, after getting basically zero notice… an email this morning which i opened just before trying to have a nap after moving my stuff out of my old flat & having gotten locked out of my old flat the evening before when the lovely ppl helping me move left my keys inside so i had only had a rly rly tiny amount of sleep and THEN having the apr go rly well & be a rly lovely & interesting & generative experience … i guess i do have talent after all … ☺️ but also 😣 soooo tired (i did cry for half an hour b after i read the email !! to be clear !!)

[criphd]

absolutely wild that i had my latest panel today, after getting basically zero notice… an email this morning which i opened just before trying to have a nap after moving my stuff out of my old flat & having gotten locked out of my old flat the evening before when the lovely ppl helping me move left my keys inside so i had only had a rly rly tiny amount of sleep and THEN having the apr go rly well & be a rly lovely & interesting & generative experience … i guess i do have talent after all … ☺️ but also 😣 soooo tired (i did cry for half an hour b after i read the email !! to be clear !!)

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found out today that loads of people have had their recent submissions discussed and their panels which blew my mind because my supervisors haven’t even sent off their report (which they have to do before you can even begin to have the panel…) I’ve been chill about it even though it’s been past the deadline for the panel part because everyone’s on fucking strike !! but…it seems like everyone else’s supervisors still were doing this ?! I’m sure it’ll be fine but it made me realise I’ve been living in a different world than everyone else !!

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two posts are up now; am working on the next one which is more abt the research process!

made this substack for collecting some writing abt my phd research...maybe...?! plz subscribe if ur interested ! first post hopefully coming in march ???

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have mostly been freaking out about upcoming stuff including but not limited to not having a place to live after the 9th of june when my lease is up !!! and trying to fill out forms related to like research funding shit, also have realised i need to reapply for my disabled student allowance :( so yet more forms in my future !! but i have also been knitting :) (need to knit the sleeves now!) :)

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eating treats to celebrate :)

submitted my work !!!! i feel like i might have missed something but honestly i am too tired to care

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submitted my work !!!! i feel like i might have missed something but honestly i am too tired to care

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sent the draft to my supervisors hours ago but i cant relax !! also feel like a lot of it .... is stupid .... & im kinda embarrassed that my supervisors r gonna read it..... ugh