cristinermv

[cristinermv]

A happy ending:

“She agreed to love herself deeply.She was finally the sun of her own life.”

-Juansen Dizon, I Am The Architect of My Own Destruction

[cristinermv]

"I did not like to be touched, but it was a strange dislike. I did not like to be touched because I craved it too much. I wanted to be held very tight so I would not break."

-Marya Hornbacher, Wasted

[cristinermv]

"atleast he remembered infinity. Doesn't he know, for him, i would've traveled endlessly around those curves?"—Belly's thought about Conrad.

[cristinermv]

Instagram credit: co.nfused Instagram credit: greykins

[cristinermv]

Burning Stars, 1933, Josef Scharl. American/German, (1896 - 1954) - Oil on Canvas -

[cristinermv]

It always rains in my soul.

[cristinermv]

empowered women; a greatest form of art

[cristinermv]

https://evelionheart.medium.com/on-the-intimacy-of-the-mundane-863f9efb3c39

[cristinermv]

tagaytay date + bunch of firsts w nahnah

📍Tagaytay City: McDonald's, Starbucks Taal Lake view, Olivarez Mall, and Picnic Groove

March 19, 2022:

Saturday

I was so happy that day. Actually, it was my first time to commute and roam around the vicinities of Tagaytay city. The first time I went there was aly's birthday and we rode on a car. We went to skyranch, people's park, and ate at a japanese restaurant (that day was also tiring yet fun!) and for the second time, I was very satisfied that nahnah and I went to places I've never been to. We did bunch of firsts—together.

Looking back, the farthest we consider as 'travel' was SM and other much visited places around Cabuyao, Calamba, and Sta. Rosa. We call it memorable because it was a memory of us having fun together. I love how we improved and realized that there are a lot of things in life that we could now afford to explore. Back then, there were lot of restrictions and limititations so we'd only enjoy what we could.

Going back to the topic, that saturday was indeed tiring. We rode trikes back-and-forth and walked around 'til our feet sore. I didn't mind though because my eyes were so pleased with what it was witnessing. For me, that was life happening right infront of me./—that's how it should be. It felt like my soul found another heaven. I'd like to go back again and admire the beauty of nature while sipping on my fráppe—thinking about life and how it puts so much weight on my shoulder.

That noon was bright but my thoughts were gloomy. Tears fell down and I could only savor how good it felt to feel the emotions I've been setting aside. That moment felt surreal because that was the only moment in my life that I didn't force myself to cry to release the emotions. All the pressure, expectations that I've been trying to reach, responsibilities, and emotional wounds I endured since ages—all of them were living inside of me and it is slowly eating me up whole. How therapeutic nature can be? I felt like the wind embraced my tortured soul. I let myself to exhale those thoughts. It was a good cry in a place that allowed me to be weak; an escape from my reality. I honestly found my likes through this travel. Ya know, I'm like a lost soul and didn't know what I like or what not.

Since that day, I've been craving of going out of my comfort places. I've been wanting to try and explore new things despite life's limitation for me.

[cristinermv]

personally, it's the home of my soul.

“A book is a door, you know. Always and forever. A book is a door into another place and another heart and another world.”

― Catherynne M. Valente, The Girl Who Fell Beneath Fairyland and Led the Revels There

[cristinermv]

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" he said. I was taken aback because I knew what it meant but I pretended I didn't. It felt like I was found in the middle of darkness. For me, I see you as a moon surrounded by dazzling stars. I knew gazing at your sky's nothing but danger and I could only watch if your moon is really beautiful.

Each night then became colder. I got chills but still went towards the window with the hopes of having a sight of you. "You said the moon is beautiful, but why couldn't I even see a glimpse of you?" I said to myself while gazing to the night sky that once brought me butterflies.

Where has your love gone now? Have you already found another star to put up on your sky?—or, Am I now part of the dazzling stars beautifying you while you're giving entertainment to another? All these questions left inside me. Couldn't even ask you because I already know the answer and it was my foolish decision to stay and watch you bestow luminousity to a new found lost girl in the middle of her journey—in which I used to be.

Now, what's left on me is a dark gloomy sky that seems so heavy. I closed my eyes and felt all the emotions inside me, "and if you rain, let my tears be with you", I whispered.

[cristinermv]

it has been a long fight of self love journey. There are days where you feel that you could supply yourself of all the love you needed but there are some days u can no longer even see yourself infront of a mirror. Sometimes, you hate yourself for feeling emotions that others bestowed upon you. But, may I remind you that with all these scars left on your soul, you are the bravest for enduring it well. Your pain isn't something that should be romanticized but it is something that will mold u into becoming the best version of you because there are lessons in life that you had to learn the hard way. Keep moving forward, step by step, until your soul finds its home.

Riley Samels on Instagram / Etsy

[cristinermv]

There once a dark world that creeped into my dreams; too black, it blinded my eyes. Never knew life was ahead waiting for me because for a long time, I waited for myself. I delayed enjoying the sunrise of the universe; gaslighting myself with the thought that I only deserve that when I'm at my best.

Life happened before I could even see how I tortured myself to core—before I could even realize my healing was self-destructive; before I could even see myself hitting the rock bottom. The knife pounded on my chest, either hurt or doesn't at all. Numb—there ain't no in between.

The mirror that shows me of who I am became an enemy I refuse to even face. I let these creep within me that I forgot...In this dark world, I have stars that beautifies my sky; I have moon that lights up my mood; and, clouds that passes by to remind me that life keeps on moving while I trap myself into these darkness—that the world ain't waiting for me to be okay just so it could rotate.

A reminder that,

Nobody is leaving me behind because it is I who left myself behind

[cristinermv]

don't you know, that i heard it through the grape vine

(buy a print)

[cristinermv]

inside my sketchnotebook

[cristinermv]

i am getting scared of my own shadow; aware that it is slowly eating me alive. But, what's much worst than it is, is I also became someone's trauma.

[cristinermv]

Mahiwaga

The stars were writing a story

About you and me—

Collided by a bitter sweet serendipity,

Fantacizing as they manifest our history.

The sky sheltered our darkness

Comforting coldness with tender;

Crying the pain as we dear—

Engraved in each of our chapter.

The moon guided our path

Watching as we breathe the air of love,

Drunk dazed by the fear of tomorrow

As your heart intertwined to my soul.

The sun witnessed

our vow of promises;

Living the moment as it rises

while holding on to each other

eyes fixed to the horizon.

Far away beyond the eyes could see,

There stood the galaxy

Reading every pages

As the lover of our story.

—crmv.