croakerconfessions

[croakerconfessions]

It’s ooc Friday, so I’m confessing that I have a crush on several people ooc, but like everyone in the community seems to already be dating someone irl.

Follow your heart, my child. Perhaps you can find others with as much love in their hearts as you have and you can all date each other.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

is it bad i wish for more croaker and croaker-adjacent content every day? i’m vigilant in watching every blog i can yet i am not but a shadow amongst strangers who refuse to see me as i am, let alone who i could be

— 🤡

My child you must live your truth or your soul will wither and die. The Croaker's power and influence grows every day.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

if am badness like them their fate is mine, goodness always wins fear and hate lose. I miss someone I never knew. I mourn a loss that can be nothing but joyous for those I claim idolisation. I stand by one made to be hated. I am made from fear, how will I survive utopia

My child, it is often within our greatest fears that we can find our truest enlightenment. Fear and hope are one in the same, it is simply a matter of perspective - for every person cowering in the dark, there is another consumed by the rapturous and divine joy of it.

You must make your own fate, you must find the love hidden within your fear.

Amen.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

I violate several of the croaker’s DNIs, but I still interact with him anyway. Every time I visit her blog and see her DNI, my heart is filled with guilt. But I can’t possibly choose between him and Good Omens/Brennan Lee Mulligan/Hank Green

To be an acolyte is to make sacrifices, my child. The guilt consumes you because you know deep down that you lack the spiritual resilience required to be a true follower of The Croaker.

You must resist temptation, and look towards the darkness.

It is, one may say, ineffable.

[croakerconfessions]

How can I confess my undying love to Milton?

-🖍️ anon

Travel into the woods and profess your love to the saddest looking tree or bush you can find, your message will be passed spiritually to the soul of Milton.

Amen.

[croakerconfessions]

Sometimes when I get pissed off I bake banana bread. I bake it obsessively. I cannot stop baking it. It’s as if I’m being forced to bake banana bread by some higher being. That I don’t actually believe in because I’m a devote catholic. It’s more of a metaphorical being that I’m making up for this ask for effect because I actually don’t really give a shit about a banana bread god/believe he’s real. Because I’m catholic. I have so many bread tins because I get pissed off so often. It’s horrible. Everyone around me can tell when I get pissed off as well because I have to get rid of hundreds of loaves of banana bread. My friends know because I text them, asking if they want it, my coworkers know because I bring it in, my neighbours know because I list it on Facebook marketplace for $0. But they don’t know why I bake it so much. I bake for I don’t trust my filthy, dirty hands. My hands that I cannot trust. My hands are evil and wretched. They do things I know are wrong. They don’t listen to me. They move as if they are their own. I know it’s wrong but deep down they carry out my deepest thoughts and desires. My ex after we got into a fight? These disgusting hands killed his dog. Well, it was more like poisoned his dog but I digress. My other ex after we got in a fight? These filthy hands went to his neck and destroyed him. I try so hard to stop them but no, they act on my deepest desires that my soul longs for. But alas, I no longer commit these horrible, wretched tasks for I now have banana bread. My pretty loaves keep my hands still and calm. They them keep at bay. I pretend I just love banana bread! But for I know deep down that, I, infact must bake otherwise I’ll bring harm to the people around me. I’m terrified of my hands. I look in the mirror, my reflection looks back. I see my hands in the reflection. Covered in the remnants of the things I’ve done. I can’t look at myself in the mirror anymore. I glimpse my reflection and all I can feel is fear from what they’ve done. They know what they’ve done. They call to me from time to time. They tell me what they’ll do. Then I begin this cycle once again. With the freshest bananas I can find. Also I need to confess have a huge fucking crush on one of the muppet joker related blogs and I just needed to get that off my chest.

My child you cannot hide your sins within the moist and delicious crumbles of banana bread forever.

Perhaps if you presented your crush with a loaf containing all of your repressed feelings, they will eat of it like the Eucharist and their knowledge of your soul will not only relieve your wretched urges but bring you closer together.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

are cats evil beasts from hell or noble creatures? or does it depend on the cat?

It depends on the cat - all cats are divine in nature, but they serve both the forces of the devil and the lord in equal measure. Truly mysterious creatures...

[croakerconfessions]

Frogther, I have a crush on Mal

I have no idea who that is.

You should confess your feelings to them, though, for it is always best to be honest about such things.

Amen.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

I honestly have no idea what's going on right now, like I went away for a month and came back to see father is apologizing for stuff? who is Milton???

You have much to review, my child.

I would suggest looking at the various archiving blogs to catch up. Or you can direct any questions regarding lore to the researchers and reference specialists of @themuppetarchives.

Best of luck with your quest for knowledge.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

I must confess. I sometimes put peanut butter on my grilled cheese. I thoroughly enjoy it

An interesting proposal...

But have you tried a grilled cheese with jam? Truly a divine treat for a blessed tongue.

Amen.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

I think people need to start powerscaling kermit

Be the powerscaler you wish to see in the world, my child. Create a stats chart for Kermit, this is the lord's design for you.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

Forgive me, for I have sinned.

I ship Batjokes. I've tried to cleanse myself from these desires but they keep showing up on my fucking dashboard and I cant escape them. they unironcally live rent free in my mind and. I cant evict them.

This is a great sin indeed...

You must cleanse your soul by writing a piece of Kermit/Joker fanfiction. You may create a self insert character in this tale to apologize in person for your Batjokes tendencies and be forgiven.

Amen.

���🐸

[croakerconfessions]

I MIGHT kin Sage

You must find definitive answers to this potential kin. Go out into the woods on the next full moon, get on all fours, and howl until the truth reveals itself to you.

Amen.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

I cheated when beating god in combat and thus my divine powers are not legit according to the gaming community.

The gaming community is incorrect - God would not have allowed cheating against him were it not part of the grand plan.

Your divine powers are legitimate, my child.

Amen.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

HELLO I WAS JUST WONDERING IF YOU WANTED TO HAAANG OUT WITH ME AND SMOKE WEED AND FILL OUR BELLIES WITH OOOOLIPOP SODAAAA AND PLAY MUPPETS PARTY CRUISE FOR THE pee ess twooo...

No thanks I have to go to confession.

🐸🙏

[croakerconfessions]

i feel guilty sometimes about the distress caused because of the astral projection blunt rotation all those months ago, i just wanted everyone to have a good time :(

You are forgiven, my child. Continue to bring your holy dankness to the faithful in the astral realm, unburdened by the tragedy of the past.

Amen.

🙏🐸

[croakerconfessions]

But trigonometry is by the right hand of God.

Mathematics is of the devil.

🐸🙏