cross-eyed-boy

[cross-eyed-boy]

Mags, of ass posting noteriety, formerly @Catgirl-Catamite, @final-catgirl, and many more. Mutual recovery post you know the drill by now plz boost and send me any of my old posts you see

[cross-eyed-boy]

need to be sitting alone at the bar of a new club in town, looking obviously uncomfortable and kind of lost. i was supposed to meet my friends here, so i got all dolled up, wearing a skirt that doesn't leave much to the imagination, a skimpy top and heels, things i would never dream to wear usually, much less at a bar, but i thought with my friends it'd be okay. they all bailed on me though, so now i'm here feeling way too undressed and with no one to talk to. but i'm determined to have a nice night, even if im all by myself.

need to have a couple of girls watching me all evening from the other end of the bar, see me downing shot after shot in hopes the alcohol will help me relax, see me flirt in an embarrassingly bad way with the bartender, see me, obviously well inebriated, make my way to the floor and dance all alone, unsteady on my feet.

need them to notice all the people watching me and seize their chance before someone else snatches me away. they join me on the dancefloor, one in front and one behind, their hands respectfully reaching for my waist, my arms, but their eyes wandering all over my body. i'm all giggly and touchy, making heart eyes at them already. we chat a bit as we dance, until they ask if i'd like to come home with them for the night.

need them to both ride in front, leaving me in the backseat babbling away as they look at each other, silently agreeing on what to do with me. we drive for a while, and i don't pay attention to where we're going until they stop the car in the middle of nowhere, just empty fields and a desolate road around us. i'm not drunk enough not to get scared, so i ask why we're stopping and they don't answer, simply turn to look at me. i'm not sure if it's the light, or the booze making me see things, but they both almost look like wolves, eyes shining in the dark and teeth too long and pointy when they smile at me. "run," one of them say—snarls—, and my liquor-addled brain reacts on instinct. i'm running out of the car before i can think, unsteady on my legs and not helped by my heels. when i look back at the car, i freeze for a moment, blinded by the high beams.

like a deer in headlights.

the sound of slamming car doors breaks me out of my stupor, and i start running again. i can hear their footsteps pounding behind me as i flee. the night has only just begun.

[this is about t4t sex, op uses he/it pronouns]

[cross-eyed-boy]

Femme hole femme hole femme hole femme hole femme hole femme hole femme hole

[cross-eyed-boy]

Every time I'm like oh this tme queer person seems like they'll be cool and then they go on a tirade about the evils of degenerate kinky sex perverts and I'm like not again

[cross-eyed-boy]

Right. Another GFM update, because well, I'm only three weeks out, and need 1800+ more to still hit that first initial goal of getting my rent covered for while I'm dealing with surgery and recovery. Share this around and help spread the word? https://gofund.me/74494d4f

[cross-eyed-boy]

it shames me to do this as i feel i don't do enough for anyone to deserve it; but i was recently finally diagnosed and my x-rays came back rather terrifyingly. i now have 5 more medications i must take, not including what will be prescribed to me as i see another psychiatrist. I NEED HELP.

[cross-eyed-boy]

a lot of public harassment transfems go through is often because the perpetrators are waiting for their victim to act out, to say or do something in her distressed state that they can twist it into something she will never be allowed to come back from. but what i think people, and especially those harassers, don't realize is that most girls won't immediately go for publicly doing something stupid. oftentimes the "acting out" reaction desired by these people doesn't turn out to be a public meltdown but instead self harm or suicide attempts. so yeah sorry for taking you harassing trans women seriously but it's fucking serious and these people are pretending it's just messing around while they play with my sisters mental health and lives

[cross-eyed-boy]

I'm of the genuine belief that egg cracking is a form of suicide prevention and I don't feel that that's an outlandish thing to say

[cross-eyed-boy]

it's actually unfair that i can't have an eldritch vampire being eat me out every time im on my period 😔

[cross-eyed-boy]

the thing is butch and femme are identical. like they're also opposites and complements, they're just also exactly the same.

like there's nothing more femme than a bush and a happy trail. there's also nothing more butch! except for when it's freshly trimmed for a date, which is also femme, which is butch. there's nothing more butch than gifting flowers except curating a bouquet for your beau, which is femme, which is also butch. am i making sense.

this is not me saying that either is meaningless either. like i'm femme, that's true, and it's still true with my multitool and hairy pits, because those are soo femme. because i'm doing it.

[cross-eyed-boy]

Thinking about femmes who are begging for it. High maintenance lil princess who picked out a top to perk up its tits and put on a too short skirt. All pretty and nervous when you corner it in a dark spot and tell it that it should be more careful looking like that when there are horny butches around. Dragging it into the bathroom or behind a dumpster to make sure it limps back into the bar with hickies and an aching hole, tits half fallen out of its top, mascara streaked...

[cross-eyed-boy]

it’s really uncomfortable how many ppl on this site use he as default butch pronouns. u know there are probably more strictly she/her butches than there are strictly he/him butches. it’s also odd (read: transmisogynistic) as fuck to me that the same ppl who default to he/him for all butches tend to default to they/them for transfems …. hmmmmm

[cross-eyed-boy]

I know that on the internet transfemmes tend to get accused of “separatist ideology” the most for speaking about our issues, but I do think it’s hilarious (evil) how the more marginalized you are the harder it becomes to actually be separationist or isolationist because of the exact systemic discrimination that creates those desires.

Like ok, you’re transfemme. You have hella bad experiences with non-transfemmes doing transmisogyny to you so you end up interacting almost exclusively with other transfemmes.

But you’re also Black, and you hope that also being marginalized will help cut out the antiblackness and transmisogynoir from non-Black transfemmes, but it turns out they still gonna do that shit to you, so you retreat to just other Black transfemmes.

And then you get hit with long covid or literally any other disability, can’t work anymore because of it and become reliant on mutual aid to survive. Surely, you think, the double whammy of being Black and transfemme means they’ll understand ableism too. Maybe mask so you can be with them safely without getting even more disabled.

And then they don’t, so you try to find other disabled Black transfemmes, a sliver of a sliver of a sliver, but they’re all ALSO broke and isolated and surviving on mutual aid and luck and they tell you your options are to accept everything being done to you so that you have a chance of surviving via mutual aid and community resources, or simply give up.

So you go back to the larger community to have a chance of surviving, because the average lifespan for Black transfemmes is mid-30s and you’d like to beat the average at least, and you prepare to suffer again, to survive.

Last year, two of the best known/loved cis Black women who were disability advocates on Twitter died due to lack of mutual aid. One couldn’t raise funds for her chemo, the other couldn’t raise funds for a rideshare to the hospital the day she died and knew that an ambulance would ruin her financially.

I look at them, two well known and loved disabled Black women who put so much effort into helping their community only to die due to lack of help, and then I look at the other disabled Black trans folks I know surviving off of mutual aid and I wonder how much longer it’ll be until it’s them, because they damn sure don’t got the same amount of people that even know who they are.

(If you BIPOC/trans/disabled and trying to cf, I’ll reblog it if you message it to me or put it as a reblog on this. I’ll also try to go through and reblog everything on here every so often)

[cross-eyed-boy]

Video from my last visit with dad! Sound on for pathetic boy sounds <3

@stepwolfweredad

he/him for bottom, she/he/it for top!

[cross-eyed-boy]

Girl what do you mean there’s a goal to sex? You’re literally naked, get a grip

[cross-eyed-boy]

beer, splatter, coffee and flame <3

Deal pretty kitty

[cross-eyed-boy]

every time a butch does a scowl or pout or looks annoyed for lewd purposes another angel gains its wings