cryptid-lucid

[cryptid-lucid]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[cryptid-lucid]

Ah yes. My favorite seasons,

Summerween

Halloween

Winterween

HallowSpring

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Experiencing mental fatigue from everything asking me to login and then relog in and then change my password and then "that's the wrong password" or "you can't change the password to one you've used before" or "make a new account." or "there has been a data leak and now you have to go on all of these sites and update your password!" and then trying to keep track of all of those.

"Download this password manager that will make your password something you'll never remember, but it's extremely secure and will remember it for you!! okay but what if *that* has it's data compromised? What if *they* log me out abd I don't remember the password for my password manager? My 12 layers of security are keeping me from my SANITY, and I want to simply EXIST WITHOUT LOGGING INTO 100 THINGS.

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My lore suggestion is:

If you fail the tumblr SATs, you get booted to an old version of Twitter. Like the whole Tumblr app just changes to the old version of Twitter and you get to have discourse with the ghosts of Twitter before [redacted] took it over.

had a vivid, creative, engaging, compelling, horrific nightmare i was taking the "Tumblr SATs"

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"Hair can make or break an outfit."

Um, have you ever considered getting a haircut that just looks good with every outfit? smh.

(This was a joke. I rarely style my hair in any way, but it's not because I think it always looks good, I just don't like hairstyles that mess up my hair. Like if I get tired of how it feels on my head halfway through the day and take it out, then it'll be A MESS, and that can feel MORE overwhelming. )

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My brother's cat, a very fluffy little thing who looks like a ferret mixed with a feather duster, likes to follow me into the bathroom nearly every time I try to use it. I guess it's for moral support, but I'm not sure who's morals are being supported by this arrangement?

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"It's all in your head!"

Actually, since it's literally damaging my brain, which is a part of my body that can also affect the health and well-being of the rest of my body, I'd say it's directly connected to everything.

(I realize this does fit with the analogy in the reblogs above)

"it's all in your head" correct! unfortunately I am also in there

[cryptid-lucid]

Do you remember the "if you could go back in time and kill a baby version of [evil dictaor] would you be able to do that?" moral question? Any of you who said yes, you're wrong.

News headlines from this past week 3/23/25

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Bro what the fuck

This is the kind of messaging you really want to be seeing from the global hegemon

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“what radicalized you” bro EMPATHY

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Can anybody give these old-ass Democrats protest lessons? They're acting like they're still living in pre-2015 politics when the GOP gave a shit and wasn't deranged.

A member gets up and starts shouting: All get up and shout with him.

Don't walk out: MAKE them carry you all out, not shutting up the entire time. I'm serious, go limp, be dead weight.

Putin's Puppet says a provable lie: Everyone chant "LIE" in unison for a solid minute instead of holding pitiful little signs in front of a man who can't read above a 3rd grade level.

Have someone who knows ASL sitting with you, interpreting everything in full view.

If you're gonna hold signs, make them BIG like you're actually trying to do something. Have them in multiple languages.

Make other signs that say clever or cutting things that will make him rage for days. "DOESN'T OLD TRUMP LOOK TIRED?" or "PUPPET PRESIDENT" or "EVERYONE IS FACT-CHECKING THIS SPEECH TRUMP DIDN'T WRITE" or "THE EMPEROR HAS NO CLOTHES" or his current tanking approval rating next to a laughing emoji.

Make a stink every day in congress, throw as many bills as you can on the floor even if they go nowhere, look like you're trying.

Have someone, idk maybe someone you actually want to boost for President in 3 gd years, be your voice of opposition in the media, loudly complaining and telling the facts, every single day. Let the people know you're there!

How hard is this? There's probably better suggestions than mine if they actually hired seasoned protestors or behaviorists/psychologists or even the biggest teenage troll they can find on a messageboard.

The Emperor Has No Clothes. So fucking act like it.

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I've seen so many people point it out and scream it from the rooftops that it's wearing me down to see the conservative Republicans on Facebook like "lolll the dems are upset they lost. That's crazy." This while the world is burning around them. Things are getting bad, and they're like, "It's everyone else's fault and not related to the man I voted for despite him saying he'd do exactly things like this!!"

????

Yo, correct me if I am wrong please, but didn't Hitler rise to power because he promised to fix the German economy and people really liked that so they looked past everything else he was doing??? Like exactly what's happening in America right now???

So many people said they voted for Trump, put a truly evil person in power, because he said he'd fix the economy, and a little voice in my head is going, "Isn't that what happened with fucking Hitler??"

But I've seen no one point that out so maybe I'm miss remembering???????

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UC or ER?

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he was supposed to be stabbed more times than he was, but SOME PEOPLE decided not to participate!!!! Smh.

Tumblr holidays not being used for the rest of the world is weird. What do you mean I have to go to school/work? Don't you people know Julius Caesar was stabbed multiple times?

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hey just a reminder that the news is actively not reporting on the massive protests against the current administration happening across the country. If you're freaking out because "we're really just letting this happen?" No, we aren't, and you're not alone. Don't be complacent and don't give up.