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INACTIVE until further notice due to health reasons.

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hello :] are you okay if vent art is submitted through dms to be posted anonymously instead of in an ask?

Yes!

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does it count as grooming if someone[almost sixteen] exposed you[at the time 12] to media with sexual content, made heavily sexual jokes with you[not at, though], and talked about experiences with hypersexuality with you and encouraged you to talk about yours, but never actually encouraged you to engage in sexual acts or said stuff that sexualized you?

I don’t know if this is grooming or not but nonetheless it is definitely not appropriate or okay.

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I can't stop retraumatizing myself. I want to stop how do I stop? I talk to pedos in my spare time. I send them things I can't stop I want to stop but i think I like the attention. Because of what was done to me I keep doing this. If he hadn't touched me then I'd be fine and normal

(Don’t know any “official” strategies for this, this is just my guess) If the need you fulfill with this behaviour is getting attention then maybe try to get attention in another way. Perhaps a social media account or interacting with people that are good for you. Otherwise trauma therapy could probably be helpful.

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I've been in these asks way too much

I'm so fucked though. I have csa trauma which caused me to often be either hypersexual or sex repulsed depending on the time of day since I was at least nine. I'm still a minor but not for long I've hit rock bottom. I'm semi accepting money from pedos for my pics. I can't stop myself I want to stop. I also feel bad if I just drop of the internet with their money. Their bad people but I don't want to be a scammer. Nobody knows I'm doing this. I feel slightly good because if they're focused on me they surely can't do so much harm to others. I feel I can't get out because of the money. What do I even do at this point? I'm trapped in a cage of my own making because I crave their stupid fucking validation because I hate myself. Why am I so stupid?

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//possible COCSA, please let me know if this is too graphic or disgusting. I apologize and will delete

I just need to know if this is SA. I have been thinking about it for days and just remembered the full extent of it in therapy.

When I was in 2nd and 3rd grade, my “friend” followed me around. I am autistic, so I did not play with the other kids and just wandered around the perimeter of the large playground. And she would corner me (she was easily 4-6 inches taller than me) and grope me over my clothes (my vagina, breasts, butt) and talk about touching me in my “pu$$y” (I’m sorry it makes me sick to type it out). She was held back like 1-2 years, so she was about 9/10 while I was 8/9. I would try and hang by the teacher to get away from her. I told the teacher what she was doing, but she just interpreted it as some kids being too rough while playing. I feel so gross now that I understand what it was. And I can guess that she was probably only doing this because it was done to her. And I’m so upset but I don’t know why. Why didn’t I remember if it was supposedly SA? Was it really that bad if I didn’t remember until now? Do I have any right to be upset about it all these years later? Why am I upset at all? I just need to understand what is wrong with me. I feel disgusting.

This counts as sexual abuse, yes.

Not remembering doesn’t mean that it wasn’t bad/abuse, the brain dissociates away traumatic memories to protect you, and that makes one forget. You still have the right to be upset.

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Is being trafficked at 4 years old bad? Feels like when i say it out loud i just feel nothing.

Yes, it is.

Feeling nothing when saying it out loud is probably due to smth called “emotional amnesia”/dissociation.

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[cw violence] I hope fucking grown ass man whos sexualized me dies so fucking horribly that nobody knows who the bodies belong to.

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Why would she do this to me. I was just a little kid.

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Still loving your abuser sucks having a fawn response sucks

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I think i was sexually abused. but i told people and i said it started as an infant, which it possibly did but i have no memory of that obviously since i was an infant, and im not really sure why i said that, because im not sure if it did or didn't start then. I guess i had some vague flashbacks but i dont actually know if those are from that, or if im just trying to feel more valid. Im scared now that im a liar. Did i lie or is this common in processing trauma? Feel like i need to isolate from the world and especially the people i told. I feel like a monster.

Sounds common in processing trauma. I have done similiar things. We try to draw conclusions and make sense of the small fragments we have. Sometimes we end up being right and sometimes wrong, and that’s fine.

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Is it normal to be scared to talk about your CSA online because u fear u will be "exposed" or "cancelled" if you family found it and they will say its all lies and that im crazy and expose me about how i actually just have a normal and perfect family and childhood but the thing is maybe i am actually crazy???? Do u guys understand. Pls help me

I understand what you mean and I don’t think that sounds crazy.

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(Long ask, the response from us is part of their ask)

This is so not your fault and it was never your responsibility to protect your brother from abuse <3

plspls delete if too graphic or dirty . .

just found out my brother was assaulted by my rapists. and that hes seen me get raped before. i feel so horrible for them but i feel validated.. that he seen it happen to me. that it wasnt all in my head. but why dont i remneber it,, why do i feel all the feelings but cant place where theyre coming from?

i always thought that by letting those people do that to me almost every day i was protecting him. that i was taking it for him. was it all for nothing? i couldnt even protect my little brother. the one good thing i thought i did with my life didnt even help. i feel so useless. so i just went through all of that for nothing?? i should have tried harder-- or done better. it feels like its my fault they did that to him.

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I keep putting myself in situations to get more trauma. I have a blog on the nsfw side of Tumblr with a fake age and I interact with people there. I can't stop myself even though it comes out with more trauma (especially from talking to men). Why can't I stop myself I don't want to do this but I keep doing it. I've been doing this since I was nine. It's horrible

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was it traffiking if I wasn't taken somewhere exclusively to be abused? like my father who was also hurting me taking me to family gatherings where he would help/hide my uncle raping me? I don't know what the word for what happened to me is and I feel so alone. idk if money was involved but it was sometimes filmed... I don’t want to believe this was That, I don't want my father to have done that to me, but there are some implications in my memories that make me feel crazy

I don’t have an answer to this question, maybe someone else knows and can comment?

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I have no memory or evidence of being sexually abused as a small child, no body memories either, but I do wonder if I was sexually abused before I could remember. I have vivid memories of my whole life, even memories when I was very very young, under four years old. No memory of abuse. But I just wonder, because I have always felt such extreme shame about sex and sexuality since I was tiny that did not fit my environment. And I wonder, why do I need to know if I was? I’ll be in the same spot I am now. It wouldn’t change anything.

(Hard to know which tags to use, tried my best)

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Sometimes I feel like what happened to me was too intense to be grooming, but not intense enough to be sexual assault. God, I honestly just want to tell someone about it and ask them, is that grooming? Is that assault? Is it even bad enough to be worth feeling traumatized over?

At what point is it okay to reach out to RAINN or similar hotlines? What level of stress do I have to be at that I can reach out for help and not be taking up resources? Because I'm not bad off right now, I've been more triggered and upset before, but I feel this nagging uncertainty about what happened and I'm currently between therapists and I'd just like an honest opinion and some support from someone. But I'm not, like, in a state of crisis.

I definitely think you can contact RAINN or another hotline about this.