curiositycures - Tumblr blog

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Berlin (by Julia Solonina)

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Ocean waves by ryanpernofski

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you're not immune to you're beautiful when you laugh

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me

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honestly? Im sincere and so full of love and no one can ever take that away from me

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Ohmg has anyone else realised that the song in the Our Time Is Now clip, has the lyrics: "Been to Paris, been to Rome, but I never found my home, 'til you came and took my hand". What an ode to Druck. An amazing season & show ♥️♥️♥️

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David deals with Matteo's radio silence

Because we're all still so desperate, here's another quick Druck fanfic. This time from David's point of view. I tried to listen to what people were saying about not framing Matteo's acceptance as a romantic gesture. I hope I did it justice.

It had been three days since David last saw or heard from Matteo. After the first 48 hours his hopes had slowly begun to fade.

David's body had been wracked with nerves all weekend and now, walking through the quiet school hallways, he was completely overcome with exhaustion. He had barely been able to concentrate in his exam that morning. All he could think about was how vulnerable he had made himself and how badly things could go for him now.

He had opened himself up to Matteo, and in the process, put himself in a potentially dangerous position. What if Matteo told someone? What if he told everyone?

David had promised himself not to tell anyone when he started at his new school. For one thing - it was none of their damn business. But mostly, he just couldn't bear to put himself through it all again - the bullying, the harassment, the thinly veiled comments from teachers, being shunned by those he had called friends. He had promised himself a new start, a place where he could entirely be himself, with no fear, no judgement, and no-one second guessing his every move.

Then he had met Matteo. He hadn't expected to fall so hard and so fast, but there were times when he couldn't even stop himself. Like in the swimming pool, that first kiss... He had no idea what he was doing, just that his body demanded to be closer and closer to Matteo's. Where had all that confidence come from? He had no idea.

But he did know that his feelings for Matteo weren't going away any time soon. And so he had taken the bravest step he had taken in a long time, since the last time he walked out his parents' house. He had laid himself bare in front of Matteo. Told him everything.

And he hadn't heard one word from him since.

They hadn't known each other long but David knew that Matteo was inherently good. He didn't always say the right things or think things through, but there was a vulnerability within him - a deep sense that he wanted to do right by people. David got the impression that sometimes Matteo's head got so loud and it seemed to take all his energy just to quieten the voices.

David knew that Matteo was good. He knew that Matteo meant well - that he wouldn't be trying to hurt him on purpose.

But standing in the middle of the empty school, which still felt so raw and new to him, none of his reasoning about Matteo mattered a damn. All he could feel was pain and the overwhelming loneliness that had followed him ever since he had begun this journey.

What kind of fucking world were they living in when a person's gender could put a question mark over whether you loved them or not?

Anger itched under David's skin, and gradually it grew into a burning sensation. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. He needed to get out of this fucking place. He couldn't wait until he never had to set foot in another school again.

David pulled his jacket tighter around him and headed for the exit. He swore as a tear managed to escape his right eye and made a run for it down his cheek. His vision began to blur as more tears joined the escape party. He was turning the corner and furiously wiping then away when he collided with something. Something in an oversized hoodie, with messy blonde hair and the most clueless expression.

For a moment David forgot why he was crying. Despite all his fears and anger, he had missed Matteo so desperately and just the sight of him seemed to soothe a part of him.

But then it all came rushing back. All the anger. He watched as Matteo just stood there - his lips twitching as if searching for words, but nothing came out. David clenched his jaw. Did Matteo have nothing to say to him? Maybe David had been naïve to even open up in the first place.

David swallowed, "I guess if you don't have anything to say to me... I should go." Matteo's face dropped, he looked panicked but he continued to say nothing.

David looked down at the ground and then started to move past Matteo. He needed out of this place. He needed air.

He was out the front door and half way through the school grounds when he finally heard his own name.

"David! David, bitte."

David stopped and slowly turned to see Matteo running towards him. There was so much panic and desperation sewn through his expression. It tugged at David's heart.

"David, I am so sorry," Matteo tried to catch his breath (was he really that unfit?) "I should've sent you a message, or called, or come to your door. Anything. I should've - "

David nodded and bit his lip, the bitterness still present on his tongue. "Yes. You should have."

Matteo's mouth hung open as he desperately searched David's eyes. Was Matteo afraid that he had lost him? The thought sent a small pang through David's chest.

Matteo took a deep breath, "I know you must be hurt. I know I was stupid. And I'm sorry, I am so so sorry. It's just that... I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I wanted to learn more about it. I didn't want to come across as insensitive or - "

"You should've just asked me!" David gasped, surprising even himself. But he pushed on, quieter this time, "You could've... You can ask me your questions. I know it's all new to you and I get that. But this is my life. And your radio silence..." David bit his lip harder, "it terrified me".

Matteo was speechless. He stood there, mouth gaping once more. And then for a brief moment, David thought he saw Matteo start to shut down... to go non-verbal. He'd seen it happen before and he was so scared that it would happen now.

But it didn't. Matteo stopped swaying, he closed his mouth, and he seemed to grow more present.

He made sure he had David's gaze before he began to speak, "I wish I had acted differently, I wish I had spoken to you sooner. I wish I hadn't left you with any doubts about how I feel about you." David's chest ached.

"I can't change how I acted or what I did and didn't say. What I can promise you is that I will do better, I will be better. I want to know you, everything about you - not just what it means to be trans, but whether Hozier really is your favourite singer, and why you draw yourself as a vampire." David let out a short laugh. Matteo allowed himself a small smile "I want to know who you are."

A thought struck David. Something that had been nagging at him. He didn't want to push Matteo away but he had to say it. "You know... you accepting me for being trans... there's nothing romantic about it. It's not like... a grand gesture - "

Matteo nodded and jumped in "I get it, honestly I get it... I know I'm not always going to get everything right. But," he chewed on his bottom lip, "I really want to try." The way Matteo looked at him was so raw and honest. He wanted nothing more than to wrap his arms around him and squeeze him tight.

Instead he gestured towards a nearby bench, and gave Matteo a small smile. "Do you want to ask me some questions?"

Matteo gave a flushed half-smile back, the relief etched all over his face. "Can we start with the vampire thing? Because seriously I can't figure that out."

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Matteo goes to David's apartment

This is a very old blog that I never use but I am a huge Skam fan and have been inspired to write a quick fanfiction about the recent Druck drama. I hope you enjoy ♥️

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Matteo knew he should have reached out earlier. He knew the past couple of days must have dragged for David. Must have caused him pain.

It hurt Matteo to think about it. But he hadn't managed to find his voice until today. He hadn't spoken to anyone. Hans and Mia had both knocked on his door a few times, and he had seen the group chat from the guys.

But his brain had been so loud and he was trying not to rely on weed anymore to calm him down, so it was taking him longer to process things.

The thing was that he didn't have the words until now. He didn't want to fuck this up, to say the wrong thing, to hurt David anymore than his silence could.

Once the words had come to him, he had immediately grabbed his keys and his shoes and left the flat. Matteo needed to speak to David. To tell him how he felt.

His nerves never left him as he strode towards David's apartment. He was right around the corner now. Matteo could feel the pinpricks of anxiety creeping up his arms. But he also felt a reassuring certainty that right now, in this moment, he knew how he felt. He knew what David meant to him.

Matteo arrived outside David's building, the lock on the front door was broken and hung on its hinges. He pushed inside and made his way up the two flights of stairs. With every step, the pinpricks of anxiety grew sharper. He was starting to feel dizzy and nauseous.

What if David had changed his mind? What if Matteo had taken too long to respond? What if David closed the door on him?

Matteo hummed under his breath, trying to drown out the pressing thoughts.

He was at David's apartment door now. Matteo could feel himself swaying. It was now or never. Any longer and it might be too late.

Matteo reached forward and pushed the buzzer. The tiny buzz felt like an electric shock. His whole body was in a heightened state. He felt like he was walking on stilts. It took all his focus and willpower to stay upright.

He heard the quiet shuffle of footsteps. Several bolts were slid aside and the door inched open.

It was Laura. She was in her pyjamas and looked surprised to see him. A hint of curiousity flashed over her face and then her expression was taken over by concern.

She gave Matteo a cautious look, assessing him. Then glanced over her shoulder as if to ensure they were alone.

"Matteo, David's in a bad place right now. I know you two talked. I know he told you... But," she shook her head, "if you're here to make him feel worse, or - or... hurt him in any way... then I think you should leave."

Laura wasn't tall by any means and she didn't look very strong, but she was giving Matteo a look that said she would take him down if he ever hurt her brother.

Matteo stood there confused. The fear and defiance on Laura's face was so alive and tangible. This wasn't simply a sister standing up for her brother, afraid that his heart would get broken. No, this was a fear born of experience - born from a real threat of violence.

The realisation made Matteo's stomach turn. Had someone threatened David in the past? Had someone tried to hurt him?... Had they succeeded?

Cautiously, Matteo took a step forward and locked eyes with Laura. He hoped she could see the honesty and vulnerability in his face.

"Laura, I would never hurt David. I know I should've come earlier. But my head... I just... I know what I need to say now." He noticed Laura's face soften, almost imperceptibly, as he continued "David needs to hear this. I need to - to tell him how I feel... about him."

Matteo hoped the softness of his voice, and the desperation in his eyes, would be enough to convince Laura that he hadn't come here to cause David any more pain.

She chewed her bottom lip and looked him over once more. Slowly she nodded and took a step backwards into the flat.

"Stay here, I'll go get him." Matteo could still see the fear lingering in her eyes as she turned to walk towards a door at the far end of the apartment. He watched her knock tentatively and call out David's name. Matteo didn't hear a response but Laura must have, she pushed open the door and talked quietly into the room.

After a few moments Laura pulled back and gave Matteo one last look before she disappeared into a room at the other end of the hall.

Matteo hadn't realised how much his head had become to spin, he reached out to the door frame and tried to gain his balance. Moments went by, it felt like centuries to Matteo but he knew it had only been four or five seconds.

He stared intently at the door that Laura had left ajar. It began to open further and Matteo held his breath as David crept out of his room.

Their eyes met across the hall and Matteo could see that David's eyes were red and swollen. His hair was flatter than normal, as if he had been laying down for a long time. David only maintained eye contact for a moment before looking back down at the ground.

Matteo felt his stomach ache and he feared that David was sick at the sight of him. Maybe this was a stupid idea? Maybe he had no idea what he was doing.

Matteo hummed slightly under his breath, as if by reflex. David glanced up, confused. He seemed to realise that Matteo didn't look too well. He looked back down at the floor and chewed his lip, mirroring Laura's expression from earlier. Matteo could see David debating something and then after a moment he began making his way across the hall to where Matteo was standing, still on the periphery of the apartment.

Matteo searched for David's eyes, waiting for the moment that David would look up into his.

After a breath, David forced his eyes from the floor and met Matteo's. What Matteo saw in David's eyes shocked him - there was so much fear and sadness. But he also saw a hint of hope, it grew stronger as Matteo took a step towards him.

"David, I'm sorry," Matteo could feel his eyes begin to sting already, "I should've come earlier, I should've messaged you... I - I'm sorry."

David held his gaze. Matteo could see David's hand twitch forward slightly as if reaching for Matteo's hand, but he stopped himself and pulled it back.

"David, I didn't come earlier because my head - it's been so loud, and I've been trying to process and it's just take a lot longer than usual." A glimmer of understanding seemed to pass over David's face. Matteo pressed on, "It's just that I wanted... I wanted to have the right words to say to you. I didn't want to say the wrong thing. I don't know much about... about what you told me. But what I do know - is how I feel about you."

David's lips parted slightly, his eyes beginning to water.

Matteo was swaying harder than ever, he was still holding tightly to the door frame throughout his short speech.

He bit his lip and let go of the frame, tentatively putting his hand out towards David's. David looked down as Matteo's hand grew closer and after a heartbeat, he reached out to meet it.

Matteo exhaled loudly. Had he been holding his breath this whole time? David let out a breath a moment later and then his lips quirked upwards. He seemed to consider something, and then smiled the most beautiful smile Matteo had ever seen. "I guess I can hold my breath longer than you."

In one moment the pinpricks in Matteo's skin disappeared, his swaying stopped, and his mind hushed into the most soothing quiet. All because of David.

He leaned forward, almost catching David by suprise. He paused for a moment to make sure David was okay but David was already pushing forward, their lips met sharply. They had both needed this so badly.

Matteo's arms curled around David's waist and David reached up to run his hands through Matteo's hair. After a few moments they both pulled back and rested their foreheads together.

A weight seemed to lift off David's shoulders as he braced himself against Matteo.

Matteo's lips curled into a grin that he tried to bite back, but David was too quick to notice. "What is it?

Matteo thought for a moment and then quitely replied "I didn't get to say what I came here to say..."

David paused for a moment, a little confused, there was more? "What did you want to say?"

Matteo blushed, his cheeks blossoming with colour. "It's just that... I realised..." He trailed off.

David raised his eyebrows, "Matteo..." He nudged him gently.

Matteo took a deep breath and brought his hands up to rest on either side of David's face.

He looked David in the eyes and said with the most certainty that he had ever felt in his life - "I realised that you, David, are the man of my life."

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Femme is defiance. Femme ignores the male gaze and tells patriarchy to fuck off. Femme is a refusal of the pressure to be thinner, whiter, pimple-free, wrinkle-free, smaller, quieter. Femme says that we’ll take the short skirts but you can keep the catcalls to yourself.

BOSSY FEMME  (via boneshard)

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I have stitched life into me like a rare organ.

Sylvia Plath.  (via beedlethebard28)

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