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curiouskaden · 9 months

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Warning, Good Omens 2 Spoilers ahead!! I just really need to ramble about this because the last ten minutes of the new season really got me freaking out

So. EVERY was not at all what I expected and Aziraphale's reaction really got me thinking. Like I had to watch the show three times in full before I knew how to interpret it so here I am, giving you my perspective even though you didn't ask.

First of all, it threw me off how Aziraphale almost looked disgusted afterwards? I don't like using that word but it's just the only way I know how to describe the look on his face. I think we all know for a fact that Aziraphale should NOT be disgusted with kissing Crowley-- their love for each other is very much requited (I think we mostly all agree on that). PLUS there was that solid, full second where Aziraphale almost looked like he was about to hold Crowley back, and he never pulled away or pushed him away, so why did he have that look on his face? And why did he say he "forgave" Crowley after?

Basically how I see it is Aziraphale looked so put off and hesitant during and after the kiss because of how it happened. Despite Crowley's confession, Aziraphale saw that kiss as Crowley's goodbye, and even a last effort to get him to change his mind about heaven. And keep in mind this kiss was right after Crowley calls Zira an "idiot" and says "we could've been us".

So Aziraphale says he forgives him. He has a look of hurt as he hesitates and says "I..." and TRAILS OFF, before he settles on "I forgive you". He forgives Crowley for calling him an idiot, which is just like back in s1e5 when Crowley had said "you're so clever, how can somebody as clever as you be so stupid". Zira says he forgives him just like back then, and he forgives Crowley for the name calling, and he forgives Crowley for having their first-- and what Aziraphale might think to be their only ever-- kiss happen like that.

Of course it's also worth noting to me how Aziraphale looks after Crowley, tears in his eyes as he touches his lips afterwards, like he's still astounded it even happened. I don't think he was unaware of Crowley's love for him-- I think he's known for decades now at the very least-- but he didn't expect Crowley to tell him and to kiss him, and then to leave. He can't believe it happened and he can't believe he didn't kiss back.

Anyways, that's kind of how I see the whole EVERY scene. I just felt so conflicted when I saw it because it felt so forced and I feel like there's so much more to it. Anyways PLEASE let me know what you guys thought!

He can't believe things for them are going to end like this.

#good omens 2 #good omens 2 spoilers #aziraphale #crowley #aziraphale x crowley #good omens #ineffable husbands #this is just how I saw things #im so devastated by the finale tbh #but it was so well written #like it goes to show how human both of them are #it hurt so much and i will never recover but #stream good omens 2 so we get that third season y'all #i can't stop thinking about how different things could've been #like what if Maggie and Nina talked to Zira and Crowley #what if Crowley talked first #UGH IM A MESS

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curiouskaden · 2 years

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Buck & Eddie: “That’s Love!”

This post includes a detailed character study on Buck to illustrate the journey he took to define what love means to him and what he needs in a partner.

Buck said, “That’s love!” in season 2 as he remembered the things a victim’s spouse said to him while they were on a call. He asked Maddie “Is that really love?” in season 5 during their conversation about a movie that was supposed to be a romantic comedy which included a man trying to make a woman fall in love with him over and over again every day. It took several years for Buck to finally define what love had to mean for him after he had spent those same years trying to find love even though his assignment was to “make it” (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Buck Misunderstood the Assignment” for more information on Buck misunderstanding the assignment about making it).

“Is that really love?”

Evan didn’t know how to define love because he never witnessed it being exhibited between his parents while he was growing up. All he saw was their grief and most of it had been directed towards him because he was born to save his brother Daniel but he was unable to do it. No one told him why his parents treated him the way they did and that’s why he confused being reckless with love because those were the only times they paid attention to him and to avoid dealing with their grief, they rewarded him whenever he got hurt. Evan started equating love with the things he saw his parents do. When he heard them arguing and saying things like, “We live with a reminder every day”, he wasn’t sure what they meant by that but he did understand that he would be rewarded if he was reckless and got hurt in the process. His mother bringing him food or his father buying him a new bike or ice cream was the way he started to interpret love.

Since Evan hadn’t seen any real examples of true love, he still didn’t know how to define love in 2004 when Maddie told him she was moving to Boston to be with Doug. He knew that he didn’t like how Doug treated her so he asked, “Why does he always gotta know where you are and what you’re doing?” Maddie replied, “It’s sweet. He cares about me” but Buck said, “I don’t like him”. He didn’t like Doug and he knew that Doug’s possessiveness towards Maddie wasn’t what love was supposed to be but she told him Doug cared about her. He asked her if she was leaving him and she told him Boston wasn’t that far away which caused Evan to think that people who leave him would still love him and one day return. Evan’s flawed definition of love included him being reckless and him being abandoned.

Maddie didn’t know what love was either because she grew up in the same house as Evan; therefore she thought leaving would fix everything for him even though it didn’t fix things for her. In 2012, after he crashed his motorcycle, he visited Maddie at work and asked her if he could live with her and Doug but she told him “It’s complicated” when he told her that he believed Doug hated him. Instead of telling him what was going on Maddie gave him her jeep and told Evan to “Go and Be Happy” so that he wouldn’t have to live with his parents anymore. The examples of love Buck witnessed while he was growing up confused him and he didn’t know that love wasn’t supposed to be hard or difficult and he also didn’t know that he didn’t have to be reckless to receive it. He would learn later that he is supposed to “make it” instead of “find it”.

Bobby told Buck that he needed to step in and be present with his girlfriend but since she wasn’t all in with him, he was confused again and equated love with abandonment. After she abandoned him in 1x10 “A Whole New You”, he believed if he continued to love her then she would eventually come back to him but she didn’t. He felt like he hadn’t been enough for her which caused him to think love had to be hard instead of it being unconditional and easily reciprocated between two people.

Thomas explained the definition of love to Buck in 2x8 “Bucktually” and it seemed like he understood after he saw that Thomas had died not long after Mitchell did because they couldn’t live without each other. When Buck saw Thomas had died while holding Mitchell’s hand, he told Eddie and Bobby, “That’s love”. But when he received a call from a woman he saved during the earthquake, he tried to find love again instead of recoginizing he was already making it.

After his conversation with Thomas, Buck agreed to meet the woman he met during the earthquake and she became girlfriend #2. He took things slowly with her but after his leg got crushed by the ladder truck in 2x18 “This Life We Choose”, she abandoned him just like girlfriend #1 had done. He still felt like he wasn’t enough and he continued to define himself via his job title as a firefighter because he thought that was all he had to offer anyone and it was the only thing that made him feel like he mattered.

After Buck learned his family’s secret that consisted of him being conceived to save his brother from dying of leukemia, he questioned his self-worth and his purpose. His parents still didn’t know how to love him unconditionally and he told them in 4x4 “9-1-1 “What’s Your Grievance” to “Love me anyway” after they told him and Maddie that neither of them made it easy for them while they were growing up even though they were children. Buck forgave them after his father told him it wasn’t his fault and that they never blamed him; however he still didn’t know how to define the type of love he needed for himself. He started trying to find it again with a woman he hooked up with two years prior.

Buck’s relationship with girlfriend #3 was something but it wasn’t love. When she told Buck, “I kind of love you for it” and “I love you” in 5x9 “Past is Prologue”, it illustrated how neither of them were ready to say it to each other because they didn’t know each other. They couldn’t trust each other and both of their definitions of love were skewed due to their traumatic childhoods. Love is unconditional, it includes patience and kindness but the only reason she told him she loved him was because he finally met her condition which was for him to chase her. She had been trying to get him to do it for months (since 4x14 “Survivors” after The Shooting) and he finally did it, so she told him she loved him (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: Buck has always been in LOVE with Eddie; Taylor never had a chance” for more information on the person who tried to come between Buck and Eddie). They both clung to each other because they felt like it was their last chance for romance, hence the song that was playing during their “I love you” scene titled “Last Dance” by Donna Summer. When Buck said, “Good love you too”, his facial expression showed that he knew what he felt for her would never compare to the feelings he had for Eddie. He told Maddie in 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia”, “I do love her” but he couldn’t have meant he was in love with her because at the time he still thought love had to be hard and that if the person stayed and didn’t abandon him then they would love him. But it didn’t work because he was still trying to find it. True love for him was seeing someone at their worst but still wanting to try again and he didn’t realize he already made it with Eddie until he saw Eddie after his breakdown. Buck knows what love is supposed to feel like and he knew it wasn’t whatever he had with her but the issue was he and Eddie emotionally separated themselves from each other after The Shooting.

“That’s love!”

The love Buck and Eddie have for each other is so big that it scares them. Neither of them have ever been in love with someone and since they’ve spent the last four years building a family and being exactly what the other one needed, the thought of losing each other is too much for them to handle (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: “Their First Time Being in Love” for more information on their first time being in love). Every time Buck has been faced with losing Eddie, he panicked because he can’t imagine living his life without him.

When Eddie was trapped in The Well, Buck couldn’t see him while he was underneath 50-feet of wet earth but he knew Eddie was down there and that’s why he tried to dig Eddie up with his bare hands. He believed everyone else thought Eddie was dead and he started to mentally prepare himself for that just in case Eddie didn’t make it out. Buck was relieved when Eddie walked up after he swam through the tunnels to make it back home to his family.

It was different for Buck when Eddie got shot since it happened right in front of him and it wasn’t anything like what happened at The Well. After The Shooting, they became emotionally distant because it hurts them too much to think about what could have happened if Eddie had died. Eddie told May in 5x15 “FOMO”, “Trauma often causes us to turn inward” and the trauma Buck and Eddie experienced from The Shooting caused them to do just that, “turn inward”. Instead of turning to each other, discussing it and identifying how much they mean to each other, Buck and Eddie compartmentalized all their feelings and became numb so that they wouldn’t have to deal with their feelings for each other. Buck has tried to talk to Eddie about The Shooting twice but Eddie’s still not ready.

Buck still had to face the possibility of losing Eddie during The Hostage Situation in 5x6 “Brawl in Cell Block 9-1-1”. He wasn’t in the ambulance or outside of the hospital when he heard the gunshot but he panicked when he thought Eddie had been shot again. While everyone else ran away from the gunfire, Buck ran towards it calling Eddie’s name (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: 4 times Buck thought the lost Eddie” for more information on Buck’s reactions to almost losing Eddie).

After Eddie left the 118 in 5x10 “Wrapped in Red”, Buck thought he would no longer have to worry about losing Eddie or him dying again until 5x13 “Fear-O-Phobia” when Christopher called him in a panic about Eddie. When Buck broke down Eddie’s bedroom door, he didn’t know what he was going to see but as he looked around the room, he tried to mentally prepare himself to see Eddie’s lifeless body. The way he called Eddie’s name was filled with a quiet panic that was very different from the way he called Eddie’s name at The Well, after The Shooting and after The Hostage Situation. He looked like he could barely breathe until he heard Eddie crying and rushed over to be next to him. Eddie was scared too because he didn’t want Christopher to hear him so he held back the sounds associated with his crying until he heard Buck calling for him. Those few moments of panic helped Buck to realize that he wouldn’t be able to go on if Eddie had done something to hurt himself.

When Eddie asked him, “Is he ok?” and Buck replied, “I mean he’s still scared out of his mind. He’s not the only one”, it illustrated how both Buck and Christopher were scared of losing Eddie. Eddie’s will set things up so that Buck and Christopher will have each other if Eddie dies but that’s not what either of them want because they want all three of them to be a family together. Buck breaking down Eddie’s bedroom door and finding Eddie at his worst helped him to realize what love meant for him and it wasn’t what he thought he felt for any of his ex-girlfriends.

Buck defined what love means to him in 5x18 “Starting Over” and his definition described him and Eddie’s relationship perfectly. He said, “Is that really love? Right, shouldn’t it be, when you’re at your worst, they’re at their worst, you have every reason to give up and you still decide you want to try again?” Buck and Eddie have been there for each other every time they’ve been at their worst over the past four years and they keep deciding to try again. It took Buck several years to figure out what love meant to him especially after his traumatic childhood. Also Buck’s ex-girlfriends either abandoned him or he couldn’t trust them so they never decided to try again with him but he’s tried again with Eddie many times over. Buck and Eddie established the foundation of their relationship and it was built on trust first. Then Buck stepped in with Eddie after they had only known each other for a few weeks and stepping in with him wasn’t hard or difficult. They built The Buckley-Diaz Family together and Eddie named Buck’s to be Christopher’s legal guardian in his will (read blog post: “Buck & Eddie: The Will & Legal Guardianship” for more information on Eddie’s will). He has a family now even though he probably hasn’t realized it yet but he has a family to go home to so it’s just a matter of time before Buck and Eddie acknowledge the family they’ve built and start living their lives for themselves instead of for everyone else.

Now that Buck knows the type of love he needs, will he continue making it with Eddie or will he keep trying to find it? Will Buck and Eddie finally talk about The Shooting and what it means to them during season 6? Will they talk about The Will? Only the showrunners, writers and producers know the answers to those questions.

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #no this is SO wonderful #sat here reading this kicking my feet twirling my hair..

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