curiouslyvivian-blog-blog

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"The human heart is the size of a crow, but its wingspan stretches like telephone lines."

Today marks the worst and best days of my life. A 2 year anniversary and a 2.5 year anniversary. It's unfortunate how something cruel and unfair can stain something that would otherwise be beautiful. Loving too much will screw you over but it will also bring happiness that you never imagined before. When life gives you limes, grab some salt and tequila. -V

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I hope no one ever has to feel or understand this pain.

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Can't believe how strange it is to be anything at all.

Today, I got by. With a lot of help from my friends. Sometimes feelings of failure, inadequacy, and reminders of my past traumatic experiences become too overwhelming. But then I remember that I am still alive and I have overcome too much to quit or back down now. I am too fucking resilient. Happy side note: today one of my greatest friends gave me my favorite Neutral Milk Hotel album on vinyl. Happier side note: I'm finally allowing myself to vent and talk to people about my troubles. It's nice to vent on tumblr but it really helps clear the fog from my body and mind when I find the strength to talk. -V

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Just found my college application letter from 3 years ago. I am glad that my high school self knew the kind of life I wanted and would soon achieve.

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Please announce CT/MA dates. Please please please.

Neutral Milk Hotel Announce Reunion Tour; First Reunion In 15 Years

Neutral Milk Hotel have reunited after 15 years since playing with each other. The band has announced a string of dates with more coming soon. Check out the routing and a message from the band below!

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Typewriter Series #372 by Tyler Knott Gregson

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Why didn’t I learn to treat everything like it was the last time. My greatest regret was how much I believed in the future.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close (Jonathan Safran Foer)

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Another flashback today. "What if I did that?" What if. You did. Tonight's going to be a long night.

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Some nights I just have I throw in the towel. No matter how "perfect" my life is or how lucky I may seem, I'm still just a beaten up used rag doll. I want so much more for the person I am now than who I was. I want to be rid of the sadness and unforgiving pain. But that's not how life works. The pain makes me the person I am today. Stubborn, merciless, passionate, and untrusting. Good night 3am world.

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It's one of those days where something randomly triggers those unwanted memories and experiences. The slightly shorter than average height, medium build, defined facial structures, dark hair, tan skin... I promised I'd never speak of it and that it wouldn't be a burden anymore. But these flashbacks, the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, the rapid heartbeat... I can't deny that I'm not still sad or pained. It isn't so much a burden but more of a reminder of why I'm the way I am now. I am so happy now with how my life is going but that doesn't quite erase the past. There are still too many questions and loose ends left. But I prefer to leave it that way so I don't have to revisit a terrible time. Call me pathetic, call me what you will.

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I like the dark part of the night, after midnight and before four-thirty, when it’s hollow, when ceilings are harder and farther away. Then I can breathe, and can think while others are sleeping, in a way can stop time, can have it so – this has always been my dream – so that while everyone else is frozen, I can work busily about them, doing whatever it is that needs to be done, like the elves who make the shoes while children sleep.

Dave Eggers, A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius (via theglasschild)