cursedsoul85

[cursedsoul85]

Curse of the mind

Soo I’m new to the blog life. I’m a hairstylist in the Atlanta area and basically have been told by many clients that I need to either write a damn book or become a stand up comedian. Well I decided to come here to finally write down the unbelievable luck I have since some of these stories are just mind fuckery! So my latest story (and of course I will go back and write of all the other mind fucks at a later date) is that of my first true love to my now ex that is lost in a land of mind trickery. I don’t even know why I came here to tell this story because I feel as if this is the time I truly feel defeated and should just hide away fighting depression at its front door than to write a silly story about love. To back the story up to the beginning of meeting “Johnny”. I met him off that Tinder app, mind you I never used this app because I tried to find love on actual dating sites and it always turned out either amazing and eventually being ghosted or to then learning of their true personality that sucked. horribly. Anyways!!! Moving on. I met Johnny after the first night of all night skyping and nonstop laughter. We met on my fathers birthday in July. He came over driving on a Harley making my heart already skip before he came to the door. I open that door and am greeted by this pony-tailed bearded man that reminds you of Jacks, off Sons of Anarchy. I’m instantly in love with him by the moment he smiles. From that moment on we were inseparable. No matter what it was we did together … unless it was work or him doing his handyman work. If there was yardwork we were both out there working our ass off. We couldn’t believe how lucky we were to have met each other. Two weeks later he’s building a retaining wall with my father. What?!? Yea like I was so in love with this man. I couldn’t believe how happy he made me and even my dad saw it. Fast forward to my birthday month of November. (Yea I’ll tell all the side story of this love and destruction later) We returned from our vacation in the mountains more relaxed than we ever felt since he hadn’t had a vacation in 10years and Ive never been on a vacation where I just loved the man I was with more than life itself. When we got back we had made plans for a birthday dinner at my dads in which Johnny asked my father if he could marry me. I was baffled he did it that night since he had been struggling with sleep since we returned from vacation. This is when I saw a change in him. Before this vacation Johnny started self medicating with natural mood stabilizers that you can buy in the vitamin section. This started a routine of every morning he took 2-4 of each pills which included St. John’s wort, L-thenanine?, 5-htp, Valerian Root, Ginkgo Biloba (yea yea my spelling fails), and I feel like one other. He took ALL of those on an empty stomach. Every day. This is eventually what I think cause him to stay in this state of tripping basically. (Yea we had tripped on shrooms a few times together and he always came back). I feel as if yea maybe it could of been shroom related BUT I feel as these supplements actually started a serotonin overdose to start occurring. He was insomniac, not eating, not sleeping, no longer going on his runs and lifting weights, drinking, angry constantly… he eventually started telling me “congratulations on your engagement” from thinking I was a person from the TV show Brooklyn 99. He then starts to think and say he’s controlling the music that plays on the radio and same with the TV. “I am God!” He would shout and tell me he knew I have cheated on him! And just to admit the truth! Ummmm what?! In the FUCK?!? He was the love of my life and we were starting a business together. We shared a car. I opened a credit card to pay for his lawyer that was to help him get divorced and his kids adopted by the fathers that were raising them. Yea. Red flags right?! I looked past all of that baggage of his because he had such a kind heart. Bought me flowers and lilies (my moms favorite) randomly or when that bouquet died. He wrote me sweet notes every morning. Or mostly every morning. This is why I don’t understand what happened to this wonderful man I once knew. We finally agree that maybe the supplements are causing this so he finally stops taking them. The symptoms get worse by the day. Everyday was walking on eggshells not knowing what personality was going to show. Sweet and loving Josh ohnny? Paranoid and spiteful Johnny? God like Johnny? I am everyone and everyone is me Johnny? Everyday was a battle. I no longer knew what to do. I ask two psychologists that I know and both tell me he’s in a state of psychosis and I need to either try to get him help or try and have him committed. Well when an argument got so bad one night that he tried to get my brother to fight him we lock him out of my house and call the cops because clearly his psychosis is causing him to want to hurt us. So what does this fucking cop do when he shows up?! Says he can’t commit him and brings him down the fucking street to a gas station for someone to pick him up. Yes America this is the system we try to rely on! Not only do they show me repeatedly that they will out good people IN jail but they show me they know NOTHING about Simone with a mental illness that clearly needs help. Since Johnny moved away after that he still taunts me. I drove to see him a few times and he’ll love me while I’m there but questions me as soon as I leave and goes back to calling me horrible names and telling me karma will get me. How in the hell do I deserve any of this? Because I truly care too much for this man. So much I tried to help him battle his mental illness just to push him further away into the thoughts of thinking I’m a witch casting spells on him. Or trying to be a dream walker and Mess with him. Just for the record. I am not a witch and I do not dream walk. Or whatever the fuck he thinks I can do. But remember folks. He’s unlocking his powers and he’s going to show me since he’s the rightful King. I’m sure I’ll edit this more. But this is what I’ve been dealing with lately and boy does it fuck with your mind after a while. Just need to end this thought for tonight and deal w the mind fuckery offline for a moment.