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“King Kong Escapes” (dir. Ishirō Honda; 1967)

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Product placement in “Sensuela” (dir. Teuvo Tulio; 1973)

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“Sensuela” (dir. Teuvo Tulio; 1973)

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“Sensuela” (dir. Teuvo Tulio; 1973)

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“Alice in den Städten” (dir. Wim Wenders; 1974)

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Tell us about yourself!

If you want to share your answers, paste the quiz into a NEW status update and tag me.

1. Have you ever shaken the hand of a President of the USA? - Yes, and I'm not saying who it was, but I washed up immediately afterwards.

2. Have you ever stolen more than $20 in cash, at one time? - I once stole $25 in cash, but it took me three years, so no.

3. Have you ever done drugs with a famous musician? - Does nasal spray count?

4. Did you also have sex with said famous musician? - Not after I got a good whiff.

5. Have you ever intentionally given the wrong directions to someone? - Yes. Sorry, that was a lie.

6. Have you committed murder in one of your dreams? - In my dreams? No.

7. Do you own any vinyl records? - Hundreds.

8. Do you still listen to them? - They're in the garage, possibly fused into one enormous blob of black plastic. So, no.

9. Have you ever pretended to be someone else, (fake name, job, education)? - I'm doing it right now! My real name is Ted Fleming of Sarasota, FL.

10. Do you dream in color? - Yes, but it's crappy 8-bit color.

12. Have you ever sung in front of an audience solo? - Most of my audiences have been solo. I'm not popular.

13. Have you ever eaten more than one Big Mac, in one sitting? - No, but I know what I'm doing as soon as I finish typing this.

14. Have you taken a nude selfie and sent it to someone? - Yes, but only because I felt obligated after mom sent hers.

15. Have you ever seen the aurora with your own eyes? - Yes, and I've test driven one! We are talking about that new Kia model, right?

16. Can you curse in a language other than English? - Still working on English.

17. Can you keep a secret? - Yes. No. Yes. Did I already mention the $25?

18. Have you ever been a witness in a trial? - Nope. THANK YOU, FIFTH AMENDMENT!

19. Your favorite cookie? - The one that remembers my YouTube login.

20. On Facebook, crushes or exes? - They're all either one or the other.

21. Ever tried Pop Rocks and lived? - Yes and no.

22. Coke or Pepsi? - No Coke, Pepsi! Hahaha. God, I'm old.

23. Have you ever had sex in a public space, e.g. movie theater, stadium, public park? - Does it count if I was in the movie?

24. Have you ever had sex at work during work hours? - Those student loans aren't going to pay themselves off.

25. Most $ you have ever spent for a SINGLE piece of clothing? (No suits, handbags jewelry) - I once paid $5,000 for a pair of George Raft's pants at an auction.

26. Most overrated food? - I was once given a highly touted burger served on a bun made of fiberglass insulation. It just wasn't that good. And now that I think about it, that might have been a prank.

27. Last book you read? - George Raft Estate Auction Catalog

28. iPhone or Android? - You can have my Treo when you can pry it from my cold, dead hands.

29. Have you ever purchased a porn film? - Paid a pretty penny for a negative, I tell you what.

30. Dream trip you have not yet taken? - Um, Sarasota! Because I'VE NEVER BEEN THERE.

31. Most embarrassing album or CD you still listen to? - I can't believe I'm still listening to that Frank Ocean album from last summer.

32. Rickles or Dangerfield? - Is this one of those Fuck/Marry/Kill things? Then Rickles for all three.

33. Next celebrity to die? - Elvis. Don't act so shocked.

34. Favorite physical feature of your own? - Well, I don't really like to brag, but you should see how my ass looks in George Raft's pants.

35. Pick one: Cameras, guns, guitars, surfboards - Fuck guns, marry guitars, kill surfboards.

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History nerd, at your service. Thanks, I’ll go quietly.

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(private) Citizen Trump

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Happy National Siblings Day!

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My top 19 movies of 2019

Long Day's Journey Into Night (Bi Gan; China)

Transit (Christian Petzold; Germany)

Parasite (Bong Joon-ho; South Korea)

Uncut Gems (Josh Safdie, Benny Safdie; USA)

Ash Is Purest White (Jia Zhangke; China)

Little Women (Greta Gerwig; USA)

Us (Jordan Peele; USA)

High Life (Claire Denis; France)

Peterloo (Mike Leigh; UK)

The Last Black Man in San Francisco (Joe Talbot; USA)

An Elephant Sitting Still (Hu Bo; China)

Bacurau (Kleber Mendonça Filho, Juliano Dornelles; Brazil)

Pain and Glory (Pedro Almodóvar; Spain)

The Farewell (Lulu Wang; USA)

By the Grace of God (François Ozon; France)

Under the Silver Lake (David Robert Mitchell; USA)

In Fabric (Peter Strickland; UK)

Atlantics (Mati Diop; Senegal)

Our Time (Carlos Reygadas; Mexico)

And 19 honorable mentions in alphabetical order:

Asako I & II (Ryūsuke Hamaguchi; Japan)

Climax (Gaspar Noé; France/Belgium)

Diamantino (Gabriel Abrantes, Daniel Schmidt; Portugal)

Dolemite Is My Name (Craig Brewer; USA)

Her Smell (Alex Ross Perry; USA)

Hustlers (Lorene Scafaria; USA)

The Image Book (Jean-Luc Godard; Switzerland)

The Irishman (Martin Scorsese; USA)

Jojo Rabbit (Taiki Waititi; USA)

Knives Out (Rian Johnson; USA)

The Laundromat (Steven Soderbergh; USA)

The Lighthouse (Robert Eggers; USA/Canada)

Marriage Story (Noah Baumbach; USA)

Midsommar (Ari Aster; USA)

1917 (Sam Mendes; UK/USA)

Portrait of a Lady on Fire (Céline Sciamma; France)

Rolling Thunder Revue: A Bob Dylan Story by Martin Scorsese (Marin Scorsese; USA)

The Souvenir (Joanna Hogg; UK)

Sunset (László Nemes; Hungary)

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IF YOU SAY SO.

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“1925 Studio Tour” (MGM short)

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“Sátántangó” (dir. Béla Tarr; 1994)

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March 25, 1942 – August 16, 2018