d0tt0re1smyw1fe

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

So close! You are actually js genderfluid and didn’t realize it past me <3

me bc i wrote all my fan fictions with a girl pov b4 i realized i was trans💔

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

Genderfluid strikes again </3

when i was a little girl I would pretend to be a man and would partake in things advertised to boys

“i am like a postboy”

“postGIRL you mean”

“no, Im a boy.”

It really doesn’t take a genius to figure out why I might think this way

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

“He gets jealous at a party so he brings you to the bathroom and fucks you so hard so you can only think about him”

First of all; thats disgusting.

second of all; that is rape under the guise of “hot daddy alpha mafia possessiveness” (which is also really gross btw)

“dub-con!!” “Non-con!!”

ohhhhh you mean rape.

that is rape.

you are sugarcoating AND writing about rape.

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

“dub-con!!” “Non-con!!”

ohhhhh you mean rape.

that is rape.

you are sugarcoating AND writing about rape.

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴬᴷᴿᴬˢᴵᴬ || ᴾʸᴿᴿᴴᴵᶜ ⱽᴵᶜᵀᴼᴿʸ {wriothesley x [Fem!] Reader]

CHAPTER 4 : ᴴᴱᵀᴱᴿᴼᴾᴴᴱᴹᴵᶻᴱ

[SELF HARM WARNING (mentions i suppose)]

If ignorance is bliss then why is it an insult?

///

The clank of silverware against metal tins and the chatter of inmates was loud and boisterous despite the cafeterias small size.

Today was the first day of me eating food from the cafeteria. Im not necessarily sure why but my food looks a lot better (and smells better) than all the other prisoners.

"Ah, I see you've discovered the joys of a free meal" The oh-so familiar (and laidback) voice rang out from the side of me. The duke himself. It was almost teasing—it WAS teasing.

"And I see you have yet to discover the joys of the shower, judging by your smell." I shot back in a playful manner. Though a few nanoseconds after I said it I began to become nervous, afraid that my words would be taken in a serious nature.

"Mhm how cruel." He rolled his eyes and I felt a relief, praying that his reaction was of the same manner of my statement. He sat down across from me. A confused expression traveled its way across my face, though I said not a word. He seemed to notice though.

"Sometimes I eat with the prisoners when I have nothing to do. It can be quite...debilitating to keep cooped up inside of an office. Plus I get hungry too." I nodded in response, and continued to eat my food. 

I was glad I was eating, the migraine that pestered me had soon dissipated after the first few bites of my food. The migraine didn't hurt, just pestered me. 

Though I will miss the cold pain of starvation. Though, Is it really pain if you enjoy it? I don't think so. 

After a few minutes of The Duke sitting down—little conversation was made after the explanation—I had been 75% through with my food. Afraid of overeating and feeling the discomfort linger whilst I continue working, I picked at the rest of my food and stared at it with unfocused, dazed and glossy eyes.

"Hm. You got lucky today, or thats what the nurse would say." He commented, watering the dried, wilting flowers—the water being words and the flowers being dead and dry conversation. "How so?" I looked up. My eyelids felt as if they were sagging downwards. 

"Your meal." He pointed. I "Oh"-ed. "Thats why It looks so...different from the rest." I mumbled with a faint drowsiness. For where it came from is unknown, but it is hitting hard. May-haps the walk to the production will wake me up.

I urged myself to scarf down the rest of my food, regretting it immediately. Though, the discomfort was well worth it. Wasting food is bad, and if I just left a bunch of seasoned rice, 2 cut-up pieces of boiled chicken, and a lot of cold, wet carrot I would feel disgusted internally and shunned by those around me.

Once done I returned the box my food came in and walked over to the production zone, wondering if it was worth it. Would anybody have even noticed? You are a nobody in this prison. Thats not supposed to hurt.

Engulfed by a bad feeling of sadness, I entered the production zone, and got to work. Repeatedly blinking back tears whilst working.

///

Why do you continue to try? What is left for you in this world? What do you want in life?

Those are all thoughts that plague me, for I am unable to answer them. I do not know anything, I don't even know the things I don't know.

No, I do know something. I know of my existence. I know of my inability to think—both in-general and for myself. I know...

Nothing.

I am is-ness. 

I am nothing.

Who am I?

Its times like these that make me wish I had a book that could help explain how I felt, and how to articulate it.

I used to be so good at articulation, I wonder what happened. I forever wonder where it went. 

I wonder where a lot of things go. Where did my memories flee from? What happens to our energy when we die? Why friction dissolves skin?

I'd like to live in a world where I am nothing. I'd like to be dead. I love to be alive. I hate feeling real. I hate being real.

I hate everything.

I love everything.

I hate money. 

I hate thinking. I hypocrisy, I hate Fontaine, I hate men, I hate talking, I hate feeling feelings, I hate being aware of myself, I hate being ignored, I hate attention, I hate not having attention, I hate the archons, I hate teyvat.

Surely there is something more for me in the afterlife? Surely, I will find peace and answers once I die. 

Surely, these thoughts and feelings like the ones before them will dissipate and I'll forget about them. I'll forget I ever felt like this. 

Time is weird. Memory is weird. The concept of consciousness is weird. Life is strange. 

///

The day was finally over. Finally. With the disgust from overeating, I might just consider not eating again. Humans can survive 3 weeks without food, correct? I should be fine.

I love hurting myself. I like the feeling it gives me, it's nice, Its comforting. How corny, Im well aware, but it's the truth. I remember a doctor found out, and throughout the entire appointment she kept telling me I was "beautiful" and "Deserved happiness", acting as if I harmed myself because I held a dislike towards myself.

Thats pathetic. I would never stoop as low to that. Hating is a temporary feeling, especially towards oneself. I will never understand how some people can just— submit(!) to their sadness so easily.

I don't know whats happening to me. I don't feel like taking care of myself anymore—showering for example. I think I was falling back down into the pits, the pits that will drag me down painfully and render me unable to live normally.

My hair was damp with the water of my shower. The cell I slept in was feeling like home. I was not satisfied though. Something burned inside of my sternum, begging to be let out verbally. 

I can't say what this is. I can't identify how heavy or hot this emotion is. How dull or sharp. How fuzzy it feels. How sweet the emotion is. 

I can't measure it. I know these feelings. The feelings I can never describe. The feelings that...I don't know.

I sat on the floor, back pressed against my bed. I was dazed, almost in a trance, completely paralyzed upon the floor. I suppose I'll just sit here until I can finally get up. When I am gifted the ability to move is a complete mystery Im afraid.

I don't understand why I don't move. I can, I know I have the ability to get up but...

I just cant.

This is a stupid topic, its not worth talking about.

I dragged myself upwards upon the bed. Rolling over to be flat on my back.

I, Y/N [M/N] [L/N], am not real.

————

Guys i love gambling

Idk Im not to proud about the last part of the chapter but it is what it is i suppose

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴬᴷᴿᴬˢᴵᴬ || ᴾʸᴿᴿᴴᴵᶜ ⱽᴵᶜᵀᴼᴿʸ {wriothesley x [Fem!] Reader]

CHAPTER 3 : ᴬᴸᴱˣᴵˣᵀᴴʸᴹᴵᴬ

ALEXIXTHYMIA /// (noun.) The inability to express your emotions.

—————

I wrapped myself in thorns and then got mad when nobody wanted to touch me.

That is the reality of I. 

You excluded yourself on purpose, never trying to reach out for help but then whining about nobody talking/engaging with you or helping you with your struggles.

Purely pathetic art thou? 

Its not completely your fault. They should've noticed. After-all— you always did. I was always acutely aware of whether someone was left-out or feeling down/stressed.

They should've done the same. They all should've. 

Hurting you and pestering you—riling you up for their own personal fun—, then crying and playing the victim when you lash out (as expected).

They are doing this on purpose. They know how you feel and just want to hurt you. Everybody wants to hurt you. They know exactly how you are feeling, and when they are alone they laugh and laugh.

Your emotions towards this subject matter are inappropriate, you may only complain when you are wholly and entirely in the right. You are not.

You think you are so correct and just when you are just a narrow-minded individual, a monster faking empathy for her own personal gain. 

You think your actions were morally okay, but tell me; did they impress anybody but yourself? No.

They pretend to understand but behind their expression is a scowl and a glare, judging you. They should, its deserved.

You deserve every pain you get, every hardship you encounter. I hope it appears tenfold in the future.

////

I always wanted bad things to happen to me. Im not necessarily sure why though.

Maybe...because bad things give me that sweet-sweet sadness. The sadness I crave, the sadness i yearn for. 

Sadness is a luxury only some can have constantly, I envy those people. Personality and Identity are close seconds, I envy those people as well. 

Its not fair. Its never fair. 

The people who got attention from the opposite sex (hell even the same one), the people who were favored by all, those who had their jokes laughed at. I envied them with an ugly, scorching desire.

If I wasn't so bitter and could take my own advice, maybe I wouldn't feel this way. 

I've tried everything they told me, and it never ever worked. Pathetic like we always are. You are pathetic and disgusting, I wouldn't want to have a relationship with you either.

Thinking bad thoughts this early in the morning isn't good for you, we should know this by now.

I stood out of bed with much protest from the warm fuzz in my joints (which had then disappeared as soon as I started walking).

I got ready once more, a routine I would eventually find comfort in. My eyes were dull with nothing, a void of a soul and a brain lost in the vast sea of nothingness. I was like a zombie, null in every sense.

For most of my day (and like most of the people in the prison), I slaved away in the production zone, farming credit coupons so then if I wanted to; I could take breaks.

I sighed dreamily at the thought, then remembering WHY I needed to farm them up. I always live in fear for when the next "dip" or "episode" will happen, always scared and trembling at the hint of it happening again.

I shook my head, urging myself to focus back on my mechanical job. We had money to make

///

A day passed, this day being slightly more strange than the last. Hallucinations rallied against me, distracting me from my work and rendering me scared to wake up.

On this eventful day, I had started working in the early hours all the way until the "night". Or at-least— I attempted to. You see— 75% through with my ambitious work day, the rim of my vision grew hazy with a dark gradient.

I ignored it, thinking it was just another distraction from my brain. Im not used to being this productive nor determined, so this might just be a self-sabotage attempt.

I then became acutely aware of my breathing, heartbeat, and the feelings my nerve endings felt. A faint layer of translucent triangles clouded my vision.

Still— I continued to work, (poorly) brushing off my symptoms.

Though, only when I got up to go to my next task did it actually hit me (literally and metaphorically). I was only 7 steps in before I passed out, face-planting upon the cold, hard metal floor.

///

What I see is unreal.

What I've heard is unreal.

What I've felt is...

I don't know. I'll never know. Nobody will ever know. I hate that, I hate myself. 

I hate everything about myself, Im disgusting and ugly. Theres no redeemable qualities about myself. Im not kind, Im not intelligent, Im not athletic, Im nothing. I will never be anything.

They ate of the apple, so young...

///

Who knows how long I was out for. When I awoke, I saw the scrap-metal ceiling of the makeshift clinic of the fortress. Though— "scrap-metal ceiling" isn't very specific considering every room has the same ceiling material.

I sighed and sat up, head pounding from the movement. I brought a hand to my forehead, feeling the warmth radiate off of it.

"Oh! You're awake!" I heard a small yet chipper voice from the left side of the room. Though with only one voice, there was two sets of footsteps: one that pattered and one that "thunked".

I looked over with my eyebrows furrowed from confusion, wanting to identify the footsteps. My jaw dropped.

The nurse—sigewinne—was not a shocker, obviously the NURSE would be in the NURSES office. No, the real reason for my shock was because of the man in-front of me.

"Oh." My eye twitched slightly at the sight of The Duke himself in all his "glory" right in-front of me. He raised his eyebrows at me, but said nothing. 

"Here, eat and drink this." She handed me a sandwich that looked less-than-appetizing and some water. I took slow bites of the sandwich.

"You passed out from fatigue." The nurse informed. "You do know that you can eat one free meal per-day in the cafeteria, right?" The duke "asked", crossing his arms over his chest. "Have you eaten since you got here?" Sigewinne asked, tilting her head to the side. 

"No, I suppose I...forgot." That sounds shady and fake I know, but it was the truth. I had been so focused eating was just...pushed to the back of my mind per-say.

"Forgot huh?" The duke repeated, probably not buying what Im saying. I don't blame him, I'd be suspicious too. "Yeah.." I was beyond exhausted and the food had only helped my headache for a few seconds. 

"..." His eyelids did the same falter they did last time. I wonder why he cares so much. Does he do this with all the prisoners? 

"Well you should rest up, Im sure you're feeling more after-effects of the fatigue than you were a few seconds ago." Sigewinne ordered—though it sounded more like a suggestion. I hummed and nodded, then lying down and shutting my eyes.

I fell asleep, only hearing the faint noises of the dukes "goodbyes" and the oh-so familiar whir of the air.

———

ЧИО ЧИО САН (idk i js really like the song)

Erm anyways i was gonna say smth at the end of this but i lowkey forgot so...

Byeee

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴬᴷᴿᴬˢᴵᴬ || ᴾʸᴿᴿᴴᴵᶜ ⱽᴵᶜᵀᴼᴿʸ {wriothesley x [Fem!] Reader]

CHAPTER 2 : ˢᴸᵁᴮᴮᴱᴿᴰᴱᴳᵁᴸᴸᴵᴼᴺ

SLUBBERDEGULLION /// (n.)  a worthless person.

———

[SA/RAPE TW]—(its not an actual scene but yk)

I remember what had happened that night. Not every detail—which obviously makes it invalid, as you must know EVERY SINGLE detail or else it didn't happen! 

I was 12, and it was 3:00AM. I had been restless, now choosing to go to sleep. He—my father—had came into my room. 

I didn't think he'd do the things he did but...

It started with a hug, and then his hands traveled down a little further, and further, and fur—

I slowly opened my eyes, the slosh of water from the pipes above me reaching my ears. I hated being awake but I knew I had to awake now. I remember when I was little I used to wake up at the crack of dawn and not be tired. Sometimes I wonder where I got the energy. 

After brushing my teeth, my hair and putting on deodorant (Don't ask where that came from), I dragged myself over towards the Production zone. 

The metal clanked under my boots, making me wonder what was under me—if there was anything under me. 

My guts were cold and damp upon entering the production zone, resisting the urge to vomit. Machinery makes me...quite nervous. I saw as Gardemeks walked around, their movements jagged and akin to split ends—at least, thats what it reminded me of.

I took a breath and found something to work on. For hours I troubled myself with machinery, the very machinery that makes me sob and shake from fear. I was certain I had stained my hands black with oil. My back, neck, and hands were all screaming at me for this grueling work, for being hunched over too long, for craning my neck funny.

When I got up, a symphony of cracks and pops resounded in my spine, which relieved most tension in my spine. My back cried tears of pure, unadulterated joy.

I had grown oh-so used to the sounds of whirring and clanking that when I left the air had become empty and I started to hear it— only faintly.

I sighed as I headed over to the Pankration ring, wanting to mindlessly observe ruffians and their brainless activities. At the entrance, I saw Lillian—who I waved to. I was rather happy when she waved back. 

The ring was loud, and smelt of sweat. It was rather warm in the room, may-haps from all the movement. Despite all of the noise—which was sharp and piercing—there were not many people. Well there were, but they were all grouped up on the sides of the ring, so it looked practically empty.

As normal, two braindead brutes were brawling in the ring. They weren't punching or kicking each-other, rather they were wrestling. It looked quite intimate, which caused me to put a hand over mouth as my eyes widened. 

Eventually, one had passed out which caused a roar of cheers in the audience, and a wave of movement. From this...excitement, I had been pushed over. I fell face first on the cold, hard, metal floor. 

"Are you okay?" A gruff voice, presumably a man, spoke from the side of me. I turned my head to the direction of the voice, it was a woman. She had black hair and a hooked nose. She was extremely muscular, as much as the duke— no indefinitely not, she was far better built than he was. She had beautiful hazel eyes and a scar on her nose.

"Yeah no, Im ok." I replied, nodding my head as I stood up. "Hm." She hummed, turning her head back to the new fight. It was a scrawny boy and a fat man. My face scrunched up at the pairing.

After that first fight, I had came to a realization; this is extremely boring. Lillian was right about this place. With a sigh, I left. 

"Didn't pique your interests?" Asked Lillian, her expression and tone laced with amusement. She crossed her arms and shifted her weight onto one foot. "No...nothing interesting. Just weird stuff.." I answered, voice quiet and eyes on the floor. 

"Hey Lillian..." I started, looking up to make eye-contact with her. "I wasn't aware we were on first name basis." She raised her eyebrows at me. "Oh. Never-mind then." I frowned, waving my hand in dismissal. Before she could respond, I walked off, humiliation flowing through my veins and resting in my arteries.

///

I had always viewed men as an alien species. They are though. Disgusting and Impure are they. They boil everything down to their sexual desires. They think with their balls and speak with their dick.

I often cried from their remarks—that seemingly came out of nowhere—toward me. I suppose I didn't need their approval as long as I still got along with my female peers. 

Men are self-serving. They have no care for anybody but themselves. They believe the world must bow to their feet, they believe they are stronger than everybody. 

If so strong then why so whiney? If so strong then why is your only excuse for rape that you "couldn't control yourself"? That doesn't sound strong to me. If so strong then why do you piss and moan when a girl rejects you? 

Oh but what do I care, this world is disgusting regardless. It always has been and always will be. Things will never change.

///

Whilst working, I had zoned out. Who knows how long I've been in a trance, dazed by my own thoughts and memories. My leg was fuzzy and numb, a sign of my unfocus.

I looked around the production zone, only a few people were left. I sighed, feeling an impending exhaustion upon me. I needed to take a shower, I felt grimy and disgusting. I got up, the joints in my knees ached and my legs shook.

After a walk and a wait, I turned on a shower. The water shot out of the shower-head violently, it almost scared me. I undressed myself staring at the mirror with disappointment and displeasure.

I can never feel like me. 

I shook the thought and walked into the faucet. The water rushed over me, washing off the first layer of sweat and grim that had built up throughout the day.

I felt solemn and blue as if somebody had lain a damp washcloth on my bones. I don't know what the cause of this sudden melancholy is, or why its this strong, but it did certainly drag my movements. It felt blissful.

"Maybe its from the conversation with Lillian...oops! My bad, guess I can't call her that. The little guard lady"

My sadness had then been replaced by an anger, an anger that boiled, an anger that clawed at my flesh and set every fiber on fire with a dull flame. It was an aggravating feeling, a feeling that made me want to rip off all my skin. An anger that could only be expressed verbally through incoherent screams.

I knew this feeling, i recognized it was familiar. This was an episode. This always happens at night, when I least expect it. It seemingly comes out of nowhere, creeping up on me and kidnapping me. Rarely ever does it have a cause or a reason for why I feel that way.

I knew though that this would pass by a few minutes like it always does, and I'll be left with nothing but a void and a vague feeling of emptiness. 

Sometimes I wish that instead of anger it was a good emotion, like sadness or grief or just any emotion that feels sweet in the gut.

I always feel quite "voided" per-say, like there was a gaping hole in my torso that only left a thin line of flesh and skin.

I never felt real, Im always on autopilot. Thats how I felt now—except now that I had the thought of being on autopilot I am now fully conscious and with thought. 

I grabbed a bar of soap and stared at it for a while, then snapping back in to wash myself. The bar smelt like nothing and had a few grid-patterned dents in it—the soap was probably dropped multiple times.

I glided it over my arms, watching as small suds glittered upon my arm and left a translucent trail behind with each movement.

The water was cold, and my goosebumps were present. I was shivering in this water, teeth chattering and all.

Finally (and thankfully) I felt clean...sort-of. Well— as clean as I could get. This prison was dirty so I don't think I'll ever be/feel completely clean. Thats ok I suppose, as disgusting as this sounds; I was never one for hygiene.

I always struggled with it. When I was little, I flat out avoided it. Showers were just me standing under the water, deodorant wasn't a thing, brushing my teeth was just wetting a toothbrush and setting it back into the counter—it never touched my mouth. 

Its disgusting Im well aware. I feel disgusting thinking about it, buts its the truth— the ugly truth. 

Everything in my life is ugly. IM ugly. I know that 

Perspective will change—when is a complete mystery though. 

I grabbed a towel, wrapping in around my hair to squeeze the excess water out of it—as-well as to aid in the drying process. Afterwards, I dried off my body and put my clothes on. 

It was a good time to have taken a shower, as then all the prisoners were to report to their cell. 

Once I reached my cell, I plopped down onto my bed and a weary smile reached my lips. The exhaustion of the day was finally catching up to me, and it felt so-so good to lay down. 

I melted into the bed, the mattress grabbing my limbs and dragging me downwards into a state of bliss. The sweet feeling was in my bones, like a damp clothe being laid upon my bones and dragging me down.

I sighed as the world around me faded, entering the next realm of slumber.

————

AYYY NEW CHAPTER!!! 

Yk you would think that bc Im basing Y/N off of me it would be really easy to write, right? (Its not, this is difficult)

Erm anyways—

Uhhhhhhh sorry theres no wriothesley, you might see him later tho (idk it depends on how i feel i suppose)

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴬᴷᴿᴬˢᴵᴬ || ᴾʸᴿᴿᴴᴵᶜ ⱽᴵᶜᵀᴼᴿʸ {wriothesley x [Fem!] Reader]

CHAPTER 1 : ᴾᴵˢᵀᴬᴺᵀᴴᴿᴼᴾᴴᴼᴮᴵᴬ

PISTANTHROPHOBIA  /// (???) 

—————

Murder is intentional killing someone. When you kill somebody, and you meant to kill {Meaning it wasn't an accident} that would be classified as Murder. 

  A common thought that comes with Murder is Knifes, guns, and poison. All of those are valuable tools of self defense, all can be used to harm. 

I meant it with my entire being.

It was completely and entirely deserved. Those are the consequences of his multiple vile acts. Considering the fact that nobody was going to do anything, It was only right for me to settle this.

That failure of a man and pretender of a father knew he wasn't supposed to be near me, yet he still was. I hope that rotten piece of shit is burning down there in hell, forever engulfed in both the agonizing fire, and the constant reminder of his ever prominent sin. 

"According to the judgement of the Oratrice Mecanique D'Analyse Cardinale, Madam Y/N is declared guilty for the murder of (FATHERS NAME). She will be sent down to the fortress at once." Neuvillettes booming voice created a roar of excitement and discussion across the (quite ignorant) audience.

I stood there, not in shock nor in grief, but rather in rage— a sweltering rage. The hypocrisy of this flawed judicial system never fails to make my blood boil. I shut my eyes. 

The Oratrice Mecanique D'Analyse Cardinale is pathetic. Fontaine is labeled the "nation of justice", but its justice is black and white. Having to use a machine whom in-which cannot feel empathy for individuals nor see beyond the tunnel vision they were programed to have is beyond disgusting.

"Oh-Impartial Iudex" my ass, he HIDES and cowers behind that ruthless machine. "It was a gift from the hydro archon!" Some would cry in response, but hiding behind your religion when faced with criticism is cowardly and rather strange for a nation that seeks truth and justice. Questions create progress. Progress betters the livelihood of those who art innocent and pure, without a single sin held in their hearts. You will get nowhere without thought.

I tensed as I felt a presence behind me. It was (presumably) a guard, coming to take me away towards the prison. I was correct. I felt the cold metal of the cuffs wrap around my wrist, tight enough to cause those reddish-pink indents that we all know of.

I spared no glance to the guard behind me, keeping my eyes forward as how they always are—metaphorically , obviously. 

///

The fortress reeked of Cholera and rust. This place was filthy, and looked like a breeding ground for pestilence and plague. I scrunched up my nose.

I had just been temporarily blinded by the bright light of a Kamera for my mugshot. That area was the only well-light area of the fortress, at-least— from what I've seen so far.

Now walking down a significantly darker hallway, water dripped from ceiling and occasionally it hit me. There was no lightbulbs or lamps like the other rooms, just...strangely illuminated panels of glass.

I shook off the thought. Eventually—after much walking—we reached the core of the fortress, the lobby if you will. In the middle, there was this...tall pipe-looking thing. "What is that?" I inquired, pointing towards it. 

"Thats The dukes office." The guard answered, that was the first time I had heard her talk. She was medium height, with magenta hair that was short and choppy. It's probably short for efficiency. Her eyes have dark grey-purple bags around them, sleep deprivation present in the glint of her eyes. She had a flat nose as if it had been broken before, and a bruise on her lower cheek—maybe because of a blow from an inmate? She seems as she has worked here for a while, maybe in her early 40's?

"Ah, I see." I had never seen the duke of meropide, to think he'd reside in such an...oh whatever. I nodded my head, shutting my eyes as I did so.

She then showed me around and with each room she explained to me their purpose and what to do in them. 

"And now to our least important room; the Pankration arena." The arena was loud, with the shouts of many prisoners almost masking the guards—who I recently learned was named "Lillian"—voice. Inside of the ring, two men boxed with utmost concentration—actually only one was concentrated, the other one was quite sloppy. 

The sloppy one was bald and slightly tan. He was however, quite muscular. He had a few tattoos from what I could see, all sailor themed. He must've worked at a dock previously. 

The concentrated one however, stood out from the other inmates. He had black hair that almost made him look like a dog, and piercing blue eyes that make people uncomfortable when you make eye-contact. He has a few visible scars, which makes me wonder where he got them. He was also quite muscular.

"Ah, it appears The Duke has decided to fight today." She aimlessly remarked, pointing to the black haired man. Just as she had said that, the duke had knocked the other guy out with a crippling uppercut. The crowd cheered. "He always wins..." she shook her head. "Well if it wasn't obvious enough, the pankration ring is— well a fighting arena. You can bet on who might win or you can participate yourself. Personally, I don't see any reason to participate, but if you want to then do it." I nodded in response.

I heard a thumping noise to the right of me, like heavy boots walking upon the shitty metal floor. "Ah, Lillian, it's nice to see you again." I turned over to see the duke himself. His voice was as smooth as melting ice gliding upon a table. 

"It's nice to see you as-well, your grace." She nodded. I've never seen her so tense before. His eyes jerked over to me, "I assume this is a new prisoner you're showing around? Unless shes in trouble.." He ended with a chuckle, fixing his tie. He seems like a rather playful individual. 

"Mhm." She nodded, shutting her eyes as she did so.

The Duke took a step forward, then held out his hand for me to shake. "Its nice meeting you. Im glad that its on a positive note rather than a negative one." He stated with a smirk.

I stared at his hand for a little, just barely touching it while shaking his hand. I've always been quite iffy around my male counterparts, and it's always strange when they are even the slightest bit nice to me.

I assume the duke noticed my...reluctance, simply because there was a small—yet very certain—twitch in his eyebrows, and falter in his eyelids. 

I then retracted my hand and returned it back to my side. He crossed his arms over his (well-built) chest. 

Lillian noticed the stalemated conversation. "Im going to go show  Y/N her room. It was nice seeing you, your grace." She waved goodbye and grabbed my wrist as she scampered away. I like Lillian, I hope me and her become friends. 

"..." it was a quiet walk to my cell. Lillian had let go of my wrist, I almost missed her touch. "Well, here you are." It looked like any other cell.

Without a word, she left. I walked inside of my cell, knowing I would have to get used to it soon. Sitting down on the bed, I marveled at the [COLOR] blanket, for it was a lot softer than you would expect. 

I sighed, the realization that Im in prison now setting in. Do I regret it? No. If anything Im just marveled at the double standards—and they say that neuvillette is impartial, for shame! 

I scoffed and shook my head. I need to work up enough coupons to afford days off because sometimes I just...

I grew dim at the thought, shaking my head and praying it didn't happen again. 

"I should probably go to bed.." I thought mindlessly. I stood back up and took off my shoes, then lifted up the covers so I could crawl under them. I sat up, and hesitated a nightly prayer.

"The Gods have failed me then, surely they will fail me now." I said with a heart of stone. Solemnly, I lied back down.

Before I fell asleep, my mind wandered to...people. I thought of the crowd and their ignorance applause, I thought of Lillian and her mother-like-nature, and I thought of The Duke and how cold my stomach got when I was near him, How my bones racked with terror that I covered up with an indifferent glance.

Thats all men do, they hurt, they steal, they touch, and then they cry and wail when someone calls them out on it. 

I shouldn't be thinking these thoughts, riling myself up is not a good course of action, especially when Im about to sleep.

I shook off the thought, then drifted into a slumber..

————

AHHH

Idk abt yall but wriothesley reminds me of like william the bastard (Battle of hastings)

But anyways this story has been in my drafts for a while— i actually had to rewrite it bc it was so ASS OMGOODNESS IT WAS SO BAD

Anyways I hope u like the story giggle giggle

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴬᴷᴿᴬˢᴵᴬ || ᴾʸᴿᴿᴴᴵᶜ ⱽᴵᶜᵀᴼᴿʸ {wriothesley x [Fem!] Reader]

,,An antihero is the main character of a story, but one who doesn't act like a typical hero. Antiheroes are often a little villainous. Traditionally, the protagonist - main character and focus - of a story has been a hero: someone good, noble, and brave.''

//

ᴬ ⁿᵃʳʳᵒʷ ᵐⁱⁿᵈᵉᵈ ᴶᵘˢᵗⁱᶜᵉ ˢʸˢᵗᵉᵐ ᵐᵉᵃⁿˢ ⁿᵒᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ᵗᵒ ᵐᵉ. ᴵ ᵃᵐ ᵃˡʷᵃʸˢ ʳⁱᵍʰᵗ, ᵃⁿᵈ ᴵ ʷⁱˡˡ ᶜᵒⁿᵗⁱⁿᵘᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵇᵉ ᶜᵒʳʳᵉᶜᵗ ᵘⁿᵗⁱˡ ᵗʰᵉ ᵉⁿᵈ ᵒᶠ ᵗⁱᵐᵉ. ᶠᵘᵗᵘʳᵉˡᵉˢˢ ᵖᵉᵒᵖˡᵉ ʷᵃˡᵏ ᵒⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʷʳᵒⁿᵍ ᵖᵃᵗʰ ᵗᵒʷᵃʳᵈˢ ᵃⁿ ᵉⁿᵈ ᶠᵘˡˡ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵃⁱˡᵘʳᵉ. ᴴⁱˢ ˢᵗᵒʳʸ ʷᵃˢ ᵒᶠ ⁿᵒ ˢⁱᵍⁿⁱᶠⁱᶜᵃⁿᶜᵉ , ᵒᵗʰᵉʳ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ᵖʳᵒᵛᵉ ᵗʰᵉ ᵘᵗᵗᵉʳ ⁿᵒⁿˢᵉⁿˢᵉ ᵒᶠ ᵗʰᵉ ʲᵘᵈⁱᶜⁱᵃˡ ⁿᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ (ⁱⁿ ʷʰⁱᶜʰ ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᶠᵒⁿᵗᵃⁱⁿᵉ). ᵀʰᵉ ᵒʳᵃᵗʳⁱᶜᵉ ᵐᵉᶜᵃⁿⁱqᵘᵉ ᵈ'ᵃⁿᵃˡʸˢᵉ ᶜᵃʳᵈⁱⁿᵃˡᵉ ⁱˢ ʲᵘˢᵗ ᵗʰᵉⁱʳ ˡⁱᵉ, ᵃ ᵖᵃᵗʰᵉᵗⁱᶜ ᵉˣᶜᵘˢᵉ ᵘˢᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ˢʰⁱᵉˡᵈ ᶜʳⁱᵗⁱᶜⁱˢᵐ.

//

,,ʸᴼᵁ ᵀᴴᴼᵁᴳᴴᵀ ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴬᶜᵀˢ ᵂᴱᴿᴱ ᴿᴵᴳᴴᵀᴼᵁˢ, ᴮᵁᵀ ᵀᴱᴸᴸ ᴹᴱ; ᴰᴵᴰ ᵀᴴᴱʸ ᴵᴹᴾᴿᴱˢˢ ᴬᴺʸᴼᴺᴱ ᴮᵁᵀ ʸᴼᵁᴿˢᴱᴸᶠ? ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴬᴸᴵᶜᴱ ᴵᴺ ᴴᵁᴹᴬᴺ ᴴᴱᴬᴿᵀˢ, ᴬᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵁᴳᴸʸᴺᴱˢˢ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵂᴼᴿᴸᴰ. ᵂᴱ ᴬᴿᴱ ᴬᴸᴸ ᶠᴬᴵᴸᵁᴿᴱˢ, ᴬᴸᴸ ᴴᵁᴹᴬᴺˢ ᴬᴿᴱ ᶠᴬᴵᴸᵁᴿᴱˢ. ᵂᴴʸ ᴰᴼ ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴱᴱᴾ ᵀᴿʸᴵᴺᴳ? ᴺᴼ ᴬᴹᴼᵁᴺᵀ ᴼᶠ ˢᵀᴿᵁᴳᴳᴸᴱ ᵂᴵᴸᴸ ᴱⱽᴱᴿ ᶜᴴᴬᴺᴳᴱ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴿᴱˢᵁᴸᵀ. ʸᴼᵁᴿ ᴵᴰᴱᴬᴸˢ ᶜᴬᴺ ᴺᴱⱽᴱᴿ ᴮᴱ ᴿᴱᴬᴸᴵᶻᴱᴰ ᴮᴱᶜᴬᵁˢᴱ ᵀᴴᴵˢ ᵂᴼᴿᴸᴰ ᴴᴬˢ ᴬᴸᵂᴬʸˢ ᴮᴱᴱᴺ ᵁᴳᴸʸ, ᴬᴺᴰ ʸᴼᵁ ᴷᴺᴼᵂ ᴵᵀ ᴴᴬˢ ᴮᴱᴱᴺ!”

(not linking all the chapters for wattpad and quotev bc i dont really need to)

WATTPAD VERSION : 1

QUOTEV VERSION : 1

TUMBLR VERSION : 1 2 3 4 5

Im kinda taking a small break bc i dont have any motivation but uh here you go

tbh i’d say this one is a bit better than the kinich one but its still kinda shitty

Why the fuck are there so many tags for wriothesley compared to kinich

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

MASTERLIST OOOOOOO

FULL FLEDGED FICS

The kinich one

the wriothesley one

ONE SHOTS

erm theres nothing here yet. YET.

LOWKEY WHATEVER THOUGHTS JS COME TO MIND

Neopronouns

Transmasc pt.1

transmasc pt.2

I think this was my first post

dub con and non con

its very empty im well aware

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

This was a pain in the ass.

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

"ᴵᵀ ᴱᴬᵀˢ ᴬᴺᴰ ᶜᴴᴱᵂˢ ᴬᵀ ᴹᴱ//ᴴᴵᴳᴴᵀᴱᴺˢ ᴹʸ ˢᴱᴺˢᴱˢ//ᴬᴹᴾᴸᴵᶠᴵᴱˢ ᴹʸ ᴱᴹᴼᵀᴵᴼᴺˢ" ///

Nobody came.

Nobody even tried looking.

Irony has a bitter taste, always used in mockery towards those that show humanity. To those who are different.

////

She thought she would never find someone who understood, but ᴴᴱ did.

///

"ᶠᴬᴵᴸᵁᴿᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴬᴺᶜᴵᴱᴺᵀ ᴺᴬᴹᴱˢ, ᶠᴬᴵᴸᵁᴿᴱ ᵀᴼ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵀᴿᴵᴮᴱ, ᶠᴬᴵᴸᵁᴿᴱ ᵀᴼ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴱᴸᴰᴱᴿˢ, ᴬᴺᴰ ᵀᴴᴱ ᴹᴵˢᵀᴬᴷᴱ ᴼᶠ ᵀᴴᴱ ᵂᴬʸᴼᴮ" ///

,,ˢᴱᴱᴰˢ ᴮᴱᴬᴿ ᴺᴱᵂ ᴸᴵᶠᴱ ᵂᴴᴱᴺ ᶠᴸᴼᵂᴱᴿˢ ᴰᴬᴿᴱ ᵀᴼ ᶠᴬᴰᴱ''

(not linking all the chapters for wattpad and quotev bc i dont really need to)

WATTPAD VERSION // 1

QUOTEV VERSION // 1

TUMBLR VERSION // 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15

———

its kinda shitty at first but to be fair this is my first serious long-running fanfiction.

Im kinda taking a small break bc i dont have any motivation but uh here you go

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 14 : ᶜᴵᶜᴬᵀᴿᴵᶻᴱ

CICATRIZE // (v.) to find healing in the process of forming scars

———————

<<I felt an icicle impale me, and I felt a clawed foot kick me to the ground as black ooze dripped from my stomach and my mouth...>>

The pain was cold and sharp, then turning warmer as i staggered towards the ground. I put my hands out in front of me to prevent face planting.

It had happened because I let my guard down. It had happened because I forgot that no matter how much good and positivity this word could ever advertise, there was still evil. Evil and cruel things.

"KINICH!" I gargled out a scream that pierced through the air. Pure terror racked my vocal cords, vibrating with an intensity that would surely hurt later.  While yes I could fight it myself, its not my job to do that. Its kinich's job.

I had tried to push myself up to get away, but there was no need. I had watched as the iktomisaur head—stained with the signature dark purple tar of the abyss—plopped a mere 4 feet away from my face. It soon faded away into the dust I was familiar with.

My world spun and I then saw kinichs face, jaw clenched to stop its trembling. His eyes were more narrowed than usual. He cut open the cloth around the wound to see it better, he did not cut anymore nor any-less. 

He pulled out a dagger (which made me slightly ponder if he always had that on him), and started cutting down some of the icicle so he could better stabilize it. Grabbing my hands, he placed it around the icicle. "Keep this straight." Kinich instructed, letting my hand go and he untied his bandana to keep the icicle from moving too much.

Kinich quickly got up, telling me he was going to find some help. "Try not to move." He warned, I could sense the stress under his calmness. I blinked in response. I saw him run off before I turned my gaze up to the sky.

I saw ajaw come closer to inspect my wound. "Ewwww" he exclaimed, moving away from the wound. "I figured you were stronger than this, but alas! Humans always fail." He then went on a rant about how we were all weak and failures, and how he was stronger than the archons himself. I didn't listen.

I zoned out. The world seemed more dull than it once was not even 30 minutes ago. Nobody is promised tomorrow I assume. Strange how quickly the mood can change.

Soon enough—or it was a long time, I wouldn't know—kinich came back with help, and I was quickly brought over to a medical tent.

///

I stood outside the tent with my arms crossed, hand at my chin. I stared down at the ground with my eyes narrowed, drowning out the mindless chatter of my quite yappy companion.

Things were through with us, yet it didn't seem to affect her at all, even though it made me toss and turn for hours in the night. Did all we have just mean nothing? I know I've asked that before, but the question still remains. 

A rustled from the tent flap came; it was the doctor. "Shes ok now, well— more ok than she was before but still." I nodded in response, adverting eye-contact.

"You can see her if you want! She's not conscious but... I- I figured you would want to.." Her words were almost frantic.

"I see." I nodded my head and headed inside the tent. There she laid, her shirt up to show nothing more than dried blood— as if she was never impaled in the first place. Though, a familiar red was not present, but rather an ominous black—a black adjacent to the night sky.

"It was almost miraculous, she— her wounds! Her wounds— a steam admitted from them and the wound started to close up, cells appearing rapidly like a zygote forming in the womb!" The nurse said with an unmatched excitement, her eyes gleaming as she scampered into the room, presumably to clean some things up—as this place was littered with...medical stuff. "The organs that were impaled! The tissues, they— they weaved together! Oh.. it was miraculous!" She clapped her hands together after situating her supplies. "I didn't even have to do anything, I mean.." Her thoughts trailed off as a smile quickly rose onto her face.

"Oh?" The curiosity I felt burned holes in my stomach and clawed at the flesh with fire. It burned; badly. 

I took a glance over at Y/N. She seemed...pretty normal, a few twitches here and there but thats also quite common. 

My face settled out into a straight one—more straight than usual that is—, visually inspecting her to figure out just— anything.

I turned my head away, then— my body. I walked out of the tent, I was still on work hours.

////

There was a fuzzy, static haze that clouded my vision. A far ring drowned out any sound. I almost died, I think

I was not aware of my being, I was not conscious—but I was aware. I couldn't feel the movement of my hands, but I knew i was moving them. 

This place, from what I can (barely) tell, its not the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 , nor is it that flower field. Rather— its a completely black space, with no signs of walls, ceiling, or ending. 

"I" heard the clacking of feet upon the floor. Whipping "my" head around, "I" saw nobody. The dull sounds of a heartbeat quickly muffled the noises of the ringing.

Panicked breathing sounded so close yet so far, it was not mine—I knew of that. But...

///

The snow vision did not cease when I opened my eyes. By now it was night, a dark cape was thrown over the sun, creating the night and a new moon. 

I made no effort to get up, nor did I make any noise. The doctor was no where to be found.

My breathing was heavy and loud, the static that overlayed my vision was now replaced by black triangles that collected at the rim of my sight.

My body felt like sand was flowing through my veins instead of blood, and every-time I tried to move my limbs, it felt like a sharp spike impaled them.

Oddly enough, I felt zero throb from the wound. No after pain, no...anything really.

There was a sink in my throat, and an emptiness in my chest. A sharp feeling exploded in my stomach, not of pain but rather one of pure emotion.

"Kinich!" I jolted upwards,  remembering the one who had saved me in the first place. I heard my dull, heavy heartbeat, my torso feeling cold like a freshly-sharpened knife. 

'He probably left..' I solemnly thought, lying back down. I sigh left my throat, a damp towel draped upon my bones, weighing me down. 

I heard a ruffle sound, presumably coming from the cloth-flap "entrance" of the tent. "You're awake!" It was the doctor. She rushed over to my side, blabbering about why she was gone. I forced myself to pay any mind to her nonsensical words, though one of her topics had piqued my interest.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me! Your companion, the dark green one with the yellow thing, had walked away a little after he came in. I think I made him uncomfortable but Im not sure..." she put her hand on her chin, obviously in deep thought.

"Well what did you tell him?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well the only thing I told him was how your wounds practically healed on their own. It made my job a lot easier though it was a pain putting back all those supplies I just brought out." She laughed at the end of her sentence. My eyes narrowed and I sat up, "what do you mean they just "Healed on their own."" I asked, my tone serious and demanding.

"Hm? Oh. Yeah a steam just emitted from them and— I watched it with my own eyes! It was like...the fibers and tissues sewing together, forming new tissue." She looked away "And just like that— WAHBAM!— you were as good as new. Never injured in the first place." A smile had been placed upon her face, she seemed quite...bold and joyous. Rather strange for her line of work but I digress.

"..I see..." I bit my lip and stared down at my knees. "Yeah, you can go now if you want. I mean— I personally wouldn't suggest going out in pitch dark all alone, but if you WANT to then you can." She shrugged. "I mean, you yourself look pretty eager to leave." She commented, pointing a finger at me. I felt exposed—which caused me to let out a nervous laugh.

"I'll take my leave. Uh- thank you for...yeah." With that I left the tent.

The sky was dark, the only light were the stars, glimmering as they always do. The moon had yet to appear, shy as it always was. 

The world seemed so empty at night, as if nothing had ever inhabited Teyvat. It always made me feel something, something I could never pin-point on the graph of emotions. It felt like a metal ball dropped inside a plastic bag, or a wet towel. It made my chest feel cold and crushed.

I took a deep breath. May-haps I felt unsettled? I suppose that would make the most sense.

My thoughts wondered back to kinich, feeling hurt that he would just leave. But then again, you left him first, left him high and dry without warning. You have no right to ever complain about that. Plus he has a job, unlike you. 

This scenery reminded me of the times Kinich and I would stay up to watch the sun rise, or to count the stars. We never could, but it was always fun to try.

The trees stood still, never moving nor trying to move. They slept too along with all other forms of life. The wind blew, making my hair flip around in front of me.

I stopped dead in my tracks. As the wind blew, the trees—or anything that sways in the wind— didn't move. The world's color then faded, leaving nothing more than a greyscale behind. I felt my heartbeat resound in my chest; it sounded like a pocket-watch wrapped in cloth. A pang—then an explosion— of cold, and sharp settled into my stomach.

A familiar voice rang out.

"Le memoria ma' jach mixba'al asab ti' jump'éel fantasma ti' le pasado, construido tumen datos redundantes..."

I stood there in a frozen shock, startled from not only the familiarity of voice, but also the switchup from dead-silent to noise.

A chorus of sharp, young voices seemingly responded in unison; "Mix jump'éel kúuchil yaan seguro, yéetel a wojel!"

"No..." I cried, running—but we all knew escape would get us nowhere. I couldn't let her become a regular part of my life, I couldn't let her touch the only escape I have.

The grey that had covered the world grew darker and darker as I ran, soon enough it was pitch black—the same black I saw while I was knocked-out.

There was nowhere to run, I was trapped. I whipped around, hoping— no praying for the outside, the colorful outside to be behind me. But alas, there was nothing. 

The footsteps I had heard in the dreamscape were here once more, sounding realer than it once did. I turned around, finding Lady Mictēcacihuātl standing before me.  She looked almost the same, except for one difference; The mask of that creepy servant from the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 was hanging upon her hip, halfway fused with her body. I felt nauseous just looking at it. 

She grabbed my face as she spoke: "Lela' jump'éel tsikbal mina'an u k'áat u ya'al. yaan a muk'yajtik le k'iino' je'el xano' destino bey je'el máaxake'. Le máako'ob mina'an u k'iinilo'obo' ku xíimbalo'ob ti' jump'éel bej ma' ma'alob uti'al u ts'o'okol yéetel fracaso." Her nails dug into my skin, drawing blood.

I looked into her eyes, and I could see the countless damned souls, suffering for eternity for her cruel entertainment.

"Itzpapalotl jach mina'an u na'at, mixbik'in kun páajtal u salvartikech." She spat, her eyes narrowing. She let go me. I dropped to the ground, completely frozen in fear. She crouched down to my level, bringing her palm up to my sternum, lodging her palm inside of it. 

"Ajck—!" I choked, snapping out of my daze to grab her arm. I felt her hand form a fist around something, and shatter it. She ripped out her palm and golden ooze dripped out of the area. 

She got up and walked away, leaving me gasping upon the floor. 

"yaan in beetik u mu'yaj teech yéetel tuláakal le máaxo'ob yano'ob ta bak'paach. Tumen u yawat le kimeno'obo' yéetel le kuxa'ano'obo' ma' yaan u jela'anil ti' teen."

As the black retreated and the world appeared, the pain of what had happened soon dissipated, and I was left with a lingering confusion and a loss for words. 

I quickly got up, and continued my trek back home, my chest feeling a tad bit more empty than usual, and my body feeling dull.

———

Wowowowow highest word count of 2155 words (not counting this A/N). 

Anyways sorry for being gone so long, I like lowkey forgot I had this fic so mb. 

But anyways, I hope u like this chapter lol, Ive noticed that despite thus being a KINICH x reader fanfic, kinich is barely present, which i apologize for bc thats my fault. I honestly forgot he was a character so....

ANYWAYS

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 13 : ᵂᴵᴰᴰᴵᶠᵁᴸ

WIDDIFUL// (n/adj.) Someone who deserves to be hung.

———

...

A low humming noise rung in my ears. Or— maybe its all in my head? I don't know. 

Whatever it was, it gave me a funny feeling. A feeling of questioning...no...it gave me space to question. It gave me time to question.

'Why am I doing this?' I wondered, eyes dazed and glossy. 'Why is it so important that I make amends? I hated my life before-hand, and I hate it now but...'

A slight huff left my nose. I was still in the same flower field, the one where Lady Mictēcacihuātl appeared. I haven't left, and I don't necessarily want to leave.

I want to stay here. This place...I don't know if its deliberate or not but It feels blissful here, like hands covering and cradling me.

This place gives me time. A place without worries nor memories of loss. 

Cold tears flowed down my cheeks, a slow smile creeping upon my face.

I...Im so happy.

///

Dazed, eyes white and limbs scattered upon the floor where kasim lay. Foam poured out of her mouth and caved in at the corners of her lips. She would feel disgusted when she woke up.

The house was eerily silent. The sound of nothing was as unsettling as her fate.

The harp had began a new melody. The lyrics having a rather carefree lilt. Each note bouncing with content, knowing nothing its destiny was not to be dark.

The ink spread across the page freely, flowing in any direction It felt. The page was not as rigid as it once was, each crease now proudly shaded instead of straightening to conceal imperfections.

A glowing hand cusped her soul from the mud, lifting out of the depths. A soft light emitted from the graceful hands that held her. The softness felt almost like paradise on the stone rock-of-a-soul.

Something in her core was bubbling bright white and Shimmering Gold. Her eyelids fluttered.

She has changed her fate. She will abolish whatever she is trying to fight. She will not stand for whatever is dragging her under, whatever is holding her back.

I believe in her.

////

'Ah...I suppose its because of the shallow façade of nostalgia.' I wrapped up my previous question. 'Perhaps due to the attachment I have; knowing it will never be the same again..'

'Tis is the weakness of humanity; The past. We all hold onto it in different ways, we all fall weak to its hold. 

Its so important because...I cannot live my life knowing that it will never be the same. I need it to be at least similar.

Its so important because...I will never find another like them.

It is so important because I must keep them from unraveling the mind-melting, heat-sweltering truth that had ripped my soul into pieces.

Determination  radiated from my body, causing the pitiful flowers that fed off of negativity  around me to wilt and shrivel.

The sky around me had slight holes in it, the holes having a red-ish tar rim as if it had been set on fire, but I hadn't noticed.

I will not let it waver. I will not let the tide rock the boat anymore, I will make sure of it.

The sky shattered and the black abyss immediately took its place, like a power hungry dynastic cycle.

////

A sharp ring jolted me out of my...what even was that? Ah, that doesn't matter. I licked my dry, cracked lips, but alas that did nothing for my mouth was too dry.

How long was I out for? 

I got up groggily, my whole body sluggish and heavy. The cold temperature of the floor had enveloped my feet. I had dragged myself begrudgingly in-order to enter the bathroom—which was my destination.

Once I arrived inside of the bathroom, I took a good, long look at myself. Dried white crust sat on the corners of my lips and spreading outwards just a bit, as if I was drooling in my sleep. My hair was frizzy and scattered, which makes sense considering I was on the floor for who knows how long. My face was puffy and swollen.

I turned the shower faucet on to remove any evidence of my rest, drying off to conceal any evidence of my shower, and leaving the house to hopefully take my mind off of...whatever that was.

////

I had decided to walk around outside. The sun felt great against my UV-deprived skin, the air holding a freshness like no other—a stark contrast to the stuffy air that had weighed my lungs down inside of my house.

The animals and the plants were living their usual life upon the river bank, coating themselves in mud to defend against the sun or just simply drinking the water to replenish their throats.

Eventually, I walked far enough to find a rather secluded area. There was a patch without the tall grass and trees that had concealed the area. You could still see the crystal clear water of the river, still moving as normal.

The vertebrae's in my spin locked together, a sudden tension consuming my body and dragging me into a fight-or-flight as a strange "feeling" sent off alarms in my brain—the alarms telling me that something was there and that i needed to run or fight it off.

I quickly spun around, my eyes narrowed as golden dust formed into the shape of my chakram in an instant.

///

It was another normal day for my job. I had been commissioned to hunt down a rogue Iktomisaur. It had became rogue after an encounter with the abyss order and ran all the way here, destroying homes and people in its path.

It caused devastating damage to the nearby villages, ruining crops and many other things such as artifacts and heirlooms.

I was traveling in a relative area from where they think it went. Its path had hugged a river ever since the iktomisaur had came in contact with it. 

Cattails littered the sides of the river, rocks had been scattered in between and randomly placed. When the sun shined upon it, the river sparkled just like a crystal.

Eventually I found an enclosed clearing. It looked almost out of place. I shuffled through the tall grass and trees, ignoring the comments made from my companion.

My eyes widened and I side-stepped out of the way, turning to the right a little to see a chakram embedded into a tree. If i hadn't moved, I would've been dead.

"That tree should've been you..." Ajaw muttered, crossing his stubby pixel arms.

I walked forward to meet her head on. She was the only person I knew who used a chakram. 

"Y/N." I stated, making eye contact. Her expression held shock, she must've thought I was a threat. I could hear my heartbeat in my chest, though it was different. It wasn't beating from adoration, but rather an unsettling tension between us, a rift that was dark and bottomless.

////

"Y/N." Kinich stated, his face neutral as it always is. There was a pit in my stomach, a pit growing and growing every passing second. Each second felt like years- centuries even.

I swallowed hard internally. "Kinich." I replied, coming out a lot more quiet than planned. I hadn't expected to see him so soon, if anything I planned on avoiding him and mending other bonds to get a feel for how it's done.

"I assume you are hunting?" I asked a question, hoping that it would either lighten the mood or end the conversation quicker without it being awkward.

"I am indeed" He nodded his head and crossed his arms. His head was slightly down as he shut his eyes, shifting his weight onto one foot—his signature pose. I could hear my heart pump blood, and I was acutely aware of my intestines.

"Hm how interesting, which type of saurian is it this time?" I asked, tilting my head to the side. He opened his eyes, the unique swirl of colors coming to meet mine in a gaze that could only be described as razbliuto as well as yearning—a true oxymoron indeed.

That wasn't a sign to give up; that was a sign that we needed to mend it now before it was too late.

"Ah, It was an Iktomisaur." He responded, his eyelids fluttering slightly as his hair bristled in the wind.

I let out a small laugh at the absurdity of the situation."What is it doing all the way out here?" I questioned, covering my smile with my mouth.

"He was corrupted with the abyss." He informed calmly, the top of his eyelids straight with stern-ness and the corners of my mouth not showing any form of amusement.

"Hm I see. Well, I won't take up too much of your time now. It was fun chatting with you kinich, we should have dinner some time soon! It'll be fun!" I offered, walking off before he had the chance to respond. 

I snapped my fingers and the chakram disappeared in the golden dust it formed it, blowing away in the wind and dancing in the breeze.

While kinich had shown indifference and distance, his eyes had shown conflict between love and logic. A fight for forgiveness or to burn this bridge. 

His yearning and nostalgia will surface once more.

I felt an icicle impale me, and I felt a clawed foot kick me to the ground as black ooze dripped from my stomach and my mouth...

—————

Hey so I kinda lied. Uh my mental health is doing a lot better now, my physical environment isn't necessarily the best but whatever i take what i get. 

Chapters might be irregular but thats whatever. 

Anyways I might go back into previous chapters snd rewrite a few things but that depends on how tired i am when nighttime comes around

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 12 :"ᴾᴱᴺˢᴬᴿ ᴱᴺ ᴸᴬ ᴵᴺᴹᴼᴿᵀᴬᴸᴵᴰᴬᴰ ᴰᴱᴸ ᶜᴬᴺᴳᴿᴱᴶᴼ"

"PENSAR EN LA INMORTALIDAD DEL CANGREJO"// (Spanish.) Thinking About The Immortality Of A Crab is a Spanish idiom about daydreaming. The phrase is usually a humorous way of saying that one was sitting idly, but engaged constructively in contemplation or letting ones mind wander

—————

In the world of the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜, the hallways reeked of positivity and the air was thin with happiness.

It disgusted me. Oh I do hope our current leader finishes up his diplomatic campaign so my dearest host may take the throne.

Pfft- "Remending friendships"??? What happened to friendship being mushy? She has long abandoned her ways...

I scowled as I paced through the main building of the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜. Near her portrait, there was a hourglass. The day was coming! Oh spread joy and prepare a parade the day is coming! 

Oh my nerve endings felt jittery like when a bug crawls on your skin, so I eagerly scratched at my "skin" with fervor. White ooze with the consistency of blood trickled down my "arm".

Tears fluttered down my "cheeks". Oh my gorgeous Empress, Ruler of those who are unfortunate and dead, I cannot wait for the day we reunite.

////

'Ever since Y/N Got back, shes been so strange' Mualani thought, sinking deeper into the hot springs. Just the other day, Y/N had stopped by to make some idle chit-chat, and give me a flower. 

Though, something worth mentioning is the glint in her eyes; It had changed. No more was it dull and flat, it had some...roundness to it. Yes! 

It felt victorious and inspiring! Kinda made me get pumped up. I should...throw a party! A big get-together! Im long overdue for one.

Mualani kicked her feet in the water and let out a slight squeal as she rushed out of the springs and towards her house to start planning.

////

Upon the rush of air that fluttered my clothes and hair, I shivered. 

I was in the dreadful 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜, the world that was misleading and full of negativity that shaped my view into the worse it could be, almost making me want to eradicate all of humanity for what 2 people did to me.

I let out a shaky sigh, the guilt flooding into my gut and making all forms of sadness rush into me. Lets look on the bright-side though, its not the vengeful, lonely sadness i was feeling before(?)! Thats good!

Turing My head, a cold(?) feeling flew through my body. Im not sure how to identify said feeling, but the words repeating in my head were "Did the left door always have that long hallway?"

The right door, the one previously traveled through, was boarded shut. Glass shards littered the area around the door, making it physically uncomfortable to attempt being near it.

On the other hand, The left one had its door completely removed. I highly doubt that maniacal, servant-tar-twink removed the door, which lead me to wonder who did it.

I shook my head. "Might as-well go through the left door while Im here. It wouldn't hurt, would it?"

////

'This room is filthy.' I uttered under my breath. And this is supposed to be—never mind. I scowled at the array and placement of this disgusting mortal's belongings. 

My eyes fluttered as I rolled them. This—THIS! This is what Im being downgraded to?! I will not stand for it! This is horrifying, I cannot even stand being in here and Ive only had this temporary change for a few seconds.

I felt an unusual amount of spikes. Once we get back to our regular routine, I will be sure to soak up all of the glory and riches I have before I am disposed to this...dump..

////

'I do not remember my hallway being this long..' I thought, My feet patting throughout the wood. As I walked, I had yet to notice the height I was shrinking to. This all felt...familiar to me. Ive seen this. This has happened before.

I shook the thoughts from my head as I kept walking, eventually reaching the front door. I reached up to turn the door knob.

My eyes widened at the scenery bestowed upon me.  The same Blooming Cempasúchil and Poinsettia's in a field. And—unfortunately—The same figure, who I now know as Lady Mictēcacihuātl; The Goddess of Death, standing right in the middle as she once was.

Like she had before, Her neck snapped in my direction. All of her Holy Relics and accessories Jangling and Clanking together. I was filled with dread, not just because I saw her, but because I knew that eventually I would end up just like her. I would end up looking like her, I would sound like her, I would do her job, and I would speak that unknown language that haunts me in my dreams.

She walked over to me, the malice once radiating off of her long disappeared and was instead replaced by something...different..

"Ma' a ch'a'ik saajkil, tumen taalen in je'ek'abt a terco a wich." Upon the final word, Her pointer and middle finger collided with the space between my brows. 

A cold, searing spike shot through my head. It all came rushing to me. The creation, The language, every rulers reign. All in a fast-motion flash that I somehow kept up with. 

My jaw trembled as I was forced to bestow and carry more of the ugly truth. 

By the time I had snapped out of my daze, she was gone.

////

It was a quick grab back into consciousness and reality, something that no word no matter how eloquent, long, or descriptive could describe.

It was going so good. I was happy—no I was joyful for once in my life and not even a day later it all comes crashing down onto me. Though, I suppose it's better to do it to me rather than make an innocent person suffer. Is this what karma is?

///

The water and the rocks were fighting their usual fight, colliding as they normally do. The birds soaring and playing with one-another. The wind and the trees renewing their vows as the wind blew and the trees responded as they always do.

I had decided to take a walk, and I eventually found myself out here, far away from the Children of echoes. It was hot and dry out, but thankfully the large, vivid trees covered me from the suns rays.

'I have limited time too, I highly doubt the underworld has sunlight..' I thought bitterly. Though while in thought, she failed to notice the tar color her fingertips were starting to turn..

————

AYAYAYAYYAA

Anways my bad for disappearing, I js really didn't want to write + applications were stressing me out

Idk what happened over Christmas break, but ever since I got back into school its been crashout central

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 11 : "ᴬᵁᵀ ⱽᴵᴬᴹ ᴵᴺⱽᴱᴺᴵᴬᴹ ᴬᵁᵀ ᶠᴬᶜᴵᴬᴹ"

AUT VIAM INVENIAM AUT FACIAM// (latin.) I will either find a way, or I will make one.

———

Boiling temperatures enveloped the room, proven by all the steam collected upon the mirror and walls in the bathroom. I stand under the waterfall of pipping water, my muscles relaxed and my skin (slightly) red.

My hair was damp and slimy from the shower. I knew the second I turned off the facet, I would start shivering from a rapid temperature change. I didn't feel like dealing with that at the moment, so I kept the shower running.

I felt calm here. I forgot about My darling, about the supposed Prophecy of hell, about the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 and all its horrors and horrific memories, and about the lone segment who haunts me in my head. All of those slide down the drain of the shower like the rest of the dirt and unnecessary oils in my skin and hair.

I can't stay in here forever. I know that eventually the water will become cold, and I'll have to step out. 

That could be interpreted as both a metaphor and an obvious statement.

/////

I stepped out of the shower, Immediately snatching a towel to both prevent myself from shivering and so then I could put on clothes faster. 

I didn't exactly have anything planned today, Though I wanted to catch up with kachina and maybe hang out with Xilonen, as it's been a while since we last talked.

I scrunched out the remaining water from my hair.

I utterly despised the feeling of wet, dripping hair. It sticked to my skin in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. It often reminded me of how the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 chained me down...

I opened the door of the bathroom and felt a rush of chill air hit me in the face. I blinked from the unfamiliar feeling. How long was I in the shower for?

I pondered that while I got my clothes and put them on me. 

////

Its so strange I can feel it, usually Im quite numb but recently feelings have been pouring into my gut. 

Just now recently, I feel a strange burning feeling. Its a heavy and condensed burning feeling. Im not sure if its a medical issue, or if its emotional.

Perhaps this is what people call "Determination"? That doesn't make sense though, for what would I be determined about?

This is frustrating, I wish I had a descriptive Guide or book that helps me pin-point the exact emotion I am experiencing.

I wish my parents taught me how to understand and control my emotions...

////

"Y/N! Its nice to see you!" Kachina waved, jumping from pure excitement. That made me smile a warm smile. A smile that was innocent in the sense that it wasn't mixed with any emotion other than Mellow happiness. 

"Nice to see you too kachina.." I replied, a bubbling instinct of care and compassion settling into my bones. Said emotion felt natural, like it was made to happen, made to sit there and fester. 

I furrow my brows but shook that expression of confusion away before she could question it. "Hows your saurian companion Kachina?" I questioned, crossing my arms and tilting my head to the side.

"Oh uh, Ayo's doing great!" Kachina smiled her usual smile. 'Hey. Remember that time when you scared Kachina by gruesomely ripping apart Wayob Manifestations?'

...don't even.

My heart pumped guilt into my body, spreading it by making it travel through the veins and settle into the arteries. A semi-nomadic emotion, if you think about it. Weights lay upon my ribs and the bowl in my gut, pushing them to further emotional pressure.

"Y/N?" Kachina voice, full of solicitude, took me out of my thoughts and snapped me back into the real world. I jolted and shivered, it felt like my soul just got ruthlessly dragged and suctioned back into my flesh cage.

"Hm? Thats great, I'm happy to hear that." I swung back into the conversation as if I was never zoned out in the first place.

"Are you okay? You've been acting funny since we reunited..." 

Have I really?

"Ah Im ok, just pondering things."

"Like what?"

"Uhm." I adverted eye contact. Its not like I could really tell her about the burning Fate that I will endure.

"I just...it feels so strange. All my relationships feel forced and dry..I've ruined all of them." I admitted truthfully. 

"Well..." Kachina paused and placed her hand on her chin, obviously constructing a sentence and trying to find the words.

"All relationships get like that eventually—" I interrupted her.

"I know."

"Uhhh...I wasn't done yet."

"Sorry."

"Anyways- You've been gone so long, so your relationships froze in time. The bond you created was only formed based on the person you once were, so the past. People change over time, so when that relationship defrosted, the bond didn't align because you and the other person changed and grew as people." She stated.

I felt my sinuses burn.

"As for the mending, assuming you don't want to let go...treat your current connections like new ones. Thinking about the previous ones makes you rush to the good part, which in turn makes you ignore the journey and the delicate moments that let you reach that point." She ended with a closed eye smile.

"So start over?" I asked.

"Yep!" She confirmed.

I felt tears well up in my eyes. "Thank you..Kachina." I knelt down to give her a tight hug. "Thank you so much." 

"Its no problem!" Kachina hugged back, smiling with that sincere grin of hers.

///

"Hi Xilonen!" I waved, my muscles a vessel for my excitement and Determination. I haven't felt this positive in so long.

"Oh, Hi Y/N." She replied in her casual demeanor. She didn't look all too busy, she was just leaning on a wall—presumably lost in thought.

"I found this Jewel, its so pretty(!), I figured you would like to see it." I opened my palm to the medium sized gemstone in my hand. It was a large chunk of jade.

"Hm, how thoughtful..its extremely pretty" Her nonchalant[A/N:oh how I hate this word] tone override the sincerity she felt. Xilonen placed a hand on her chin as she examined the Beautiful Jewel.

"I'm assuming you want this to be made into jewelry?" She took the Stone from my palms.

"No, I just figured you would like it." I shook my head.

That took Xilonen by surprise. "Ah, I see."

"Mhm..."

A long, palpable silence ensued. So palpable you could cut it, and eat it. "Well, thats all I had for you. Im glad you think the Jade is pretty." I smiled softly, turning on my heel to walk away. 

She seemed less shifty, less uncomfortable. Her undertones of emotion seemed genuine, yet still masked by that carefree attitude she always seemed to have.

I felt proud of my progress.

I felt Fantastic.

————

Every-time I make a new chapter, it sounds like it was written by a different person 

But thats bc I bounce from idea to idea. Creatively, I cannot sit still.

Anyways-

Sorry for not publishing, my family came down so i have less time to write

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 10 : ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴵ

MAMIHLAPINATAPAI /// (n.) A look shared by two people, each wishing that the other would initiate something they both desire but which neither wants to begin.

—————

The noises of night made me apprehensive.

What if the current ruler got tired of ruling and just...dragged me under.

Thats a horrifying thought.

The floor boards creaked as I stepped, and I grimaced at the rustle of the cloth flap acting as a door, sucking in my stomach in from how loud it is.

I stepped inside the tent-house, walking towards the bed. There lay my ever-so-pretty, "malipo" Kinich. Oh my stomach grew and my heart swelled at just the pure thought of him. My pupils had dilated by just thinking of his name.

I sat down on the floor beside his bed, resting my head against the bed post. I was safe with him.

I wasn't going to sleep, no, I was going to rest my eyes. If i slept, I risk going back to that place with those lunatics. Seriously they're more mad than I am.

I shut my eyes, careful not to fall into slumber.

/////

Its always in vain, isn't it? Every Vow, every promise. A failure you are. 

Thankfully, when you opened your eyes you did not see the walls of the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜, no. Rather, you saw nothing. Pure black enveloped you from all sides. This place didn't feel like anything, it didn't seem like anything, and there was no noise.

You were on a floor, you knew that, but you didn't feel the floor. Maybe you were floating? No...you would've felt that. 

I couldn't feel the movement of my body, I knew i was moving it, but I just couldn't see nor feel it. Was my body even there? Perhaps my consciousness had been completely removed from my flesh.

Was it possible to be in a space with nothing? Was it possible to be nothing? 

Filler space. This is filler space. 

I like this. Its strange...but very welcoming. That and its a lot better with that madman so. 

My skull sizzled with cold pain in one specific spot urging me to open my eyes. So I did.

////

I awoke to someone shaking me slightly, and small feeble fists colliding with the top of my head. I opened my eyes to meet Kinich, his oh-so detailed eyes full of the obvious confusion and the sub-emotion of concern.

"Good, you're awake." I heard ajaw scoff at that, and ramble on about something. Though, I did not hear ajaws narcissistic words, for i was to entrapped by his eyes. The beauty of his eyes, perfectly gifted and molded for his face forever making him stand out.

I want everything to look like his eyes. I wish everything did look like his eyes.

"Would you like to explain why you are sleeping by my bedside?" He asked, moving his face away from mine—to which I slumped slightly.

"Ah, I got scared." I stated bluntly, getting up and brushing myself off of dirt and dust.

"Oh?" He crossed his arms, his usual expression on his face.

"Mhm." I nodded, swaying my weight from front to back.

There was a long silence, a silence that spoke (oxymoron???) of the rift between one another. The rift that spoke of burned memories and past.

Oh I hated that type of silence. The silence that forces you to reflect on things, the silence that causes water to sprout from my eyes, the silence that caused the turmoil to worsen as it always does.

I sighed.

This was...far beyond mending. Alas, maybe I should let it go. 

Maybe I should just let the memories burn out, the wonderful, heart-warming memories. "Well, Im no longer scared..." I lied. "I suppose I shall be taking my leave." I nodded formally. I turned on my heel and slightly lifted up the cloth flap door, heading out into the sunshine I now long for.

////

I looked with sentimental eyes, letting out a hefty breath when she was gone.

Our relationship was de-evolving. We are strangers now, forced to engage in shallow small talk with no clear end.

Gone are the days where we rested in one-another's arms, basking in the glow of the moonlight. Gone are the kisses we shared full of emotion and sincerity.

Everything we shared, every touch, every tear, every laugh, every deep conversation, everything. Everything has been thrown away for good, never to be gotten back again.

Pangs of pain filled my lungs. I was used to pain, both physically and mentally, but this...was different.  

I shut my eyes and pressed my tongue to the roof of my mouth, nose scrunching. 

Frustrated. Not at her, but myself. I let it go. I opened my palms and all the sand fell out and onto the desert floor. 

(Funnily enough) I clenched my fists, a solution of negative emotions spilling and sloshing in my gut. A strange and not welcome feeling. I'd rather go back to being numb. 

I reluctantly opened my eyes and stepped outside the hut, unwilling to start the day.

////

Will I ever get this back? Will I forever be void without my darling Kinich? Warmth fades away from my cells, seemingly evaporating after the realization. The realization that what we had was gone now, and its all my fault.

My fault I let the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 influence my decisions. My fault for letting the scheming segments rise to power. My fault for creating the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 in the first place.

If I didn't run away, we would be gathering berries and yammering on about commissions and other things—with the occasional banter between me and Ajaw.

If I didn't run away, I'd be in his arms, knowing I was safe and would live to see another day.

If I didn't run away, I'd be making dinner right now, cutting and frying things with many tears. Tears of sweet joy and love.

If I didn't run away...this...this would work out. 

But I still ran away. I ran far. Was Kinich even on my mind when I ran? No. I didn't even think about how he must've felt. Goes to show how selfish I am.

He deserves someone who can match him, who can support him emotionally. I (unfortunately) am not that person. To think I ever had a chance...

/////

I sat at the table, munching on blazed meat stew. My eyes showed downcast, my shoulders were slumped and my face was puffy from crying.

'I would say the Ruler of death or whatever can come take me but thats selfish because people still want me here...but its also selfish to assume people like me..'

An unknown feeling pilled up in my gut. I would say its anger or frustration, but it doesn't feel that way. Its like sticky hunger, an uncomfortable sticky hunger that gave me energy.

"Ugh!" I scowled. I didn't know how to process this. I wanted to rip my hair out. I clenched my jaw to a point of pain in the disc. It was too much, everything was.

Random body parts itched, the room was too hot, my hair was in my face, my head was pounding, and the bugs were making too much noise.

I let out an irritated breath, before getting up to shower.

'Perhaps showering in boiling water will make me feel better..'

———-

Gorilla language. 

Custody of yap dollar ladder match.

Anyways we've hit double digit chapters?? And triple digit reads??? Hellooo?!??? THANK YOU!!

Bro I keep growling at one of my friends as like a bit and since i continuously do it i've accidentally started doing it near my other friends

Whoopsies wrong friend!

Also btw ignore the fact i spelt the title wrong

[d0tt0re1smyw1fe]

ᴹᴬᴹᴵᴴᴸᴬᴾᴵᴺᴬᵀᴬᴾᴬᴵ//ᴸ'ᴬᴾᴾᴱᴸ ᴰᵁ ⱽᴵᴰᴱ{Kinichx[Fem!]reader}

CHAPTER 9 : ˢᴼᴸᴵⱽᴬᴳᴬᴺᵀ

SOLIVAGANT// (adj.) wandering alone.

——————

Does it ever feel like your life is completely fictional?

Like your life is just so far-fetched and has so many layers, and shades of grey that It cannot be real?

Thats How i feel every day. 

I vividly remember that after my first interaction with that horrifying creature, the day after during the afternoon I had a violent psychotic breakdown.

I was slamming my fists against the mirrors, begging my reflection to follow and mimic me as it once did, but it never did. It stood completely in place, staring me dead in the eyes with an expression that screamed "I am not amused."

It's been like that since. I turned all the mirror around just because of that. 

My life is too ironic for it to be physical. 

After that day, my parents garnered me "absolutely mental", and tried to get me hooked on some herbs to fix that. I always spat them out when they weren't looking.

//////

I appeared once more in the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜. Its existence always reminded me of failure.

'This is what happens when you leave it to somebody else...If you want it done right, you should just do it yourself..' My thoughts echoed off the walls, bouncing to reverberate in my ears a multitude of times.

Something that was here to protect me. Something here that was to distract me. Something that was to fulfill my needs that all humans and children need. 

Something that was to help me.

It made it all worse, just like all forms of help. With every draw back from this place left a stinging reminder that everyone will hurt you in vulnerability. Nobody was exempt from that rule...

At least, thats what I thought. A few people I could talk to, They wouldn't understand but I could talk to them. But then again...

..whats the point of wanting/finding solace in sympathy and empathy if the person you're talking to doesn't understand? Truly an oxymoron, no?

Returning to the "physical", I took a glance around, noticing something strange, something that wasn't there before.

'I didn't know there was doors in the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜'

Maybe it was because there were so many segments that I just couldn't see the door? No..back when the 𝔄𝔅𝔇ℑ𝔗𝔒ℜ𝔜 was just created there weren't any doors...

With pure and untainted curiosity, I moved towards the doors with an intention to explore. I moved forward, my footsteps rippling in repetition throughout the empty room.

There were two doors; One on the left and the other on the right, they were quite close in proximity but they each had their own characteristics.

The door on the left had cracks that were poorly covered by tape, and beyond the slightly ajar door was a ground made off cypress. That wood...that was the floor of my house....

Turning my head, I took note of the right door. It was barely holding on. It had holes in it as if someone punched the door repeatedly, and It was only hanging on the top hinge.

'Yeesh.'

Assuming that the right door was dangerous and involved fighting, we picked the right door.

'I can fight off whatever the hell tries to get me.' 

I walked towards the right door, a strange feeling in my stomach that I couldn't identify. The inside of my torso felt...stiff. Like a poorly baked cookie. As if all my organs were condensing into a solid mass of flesh.

'In and out..Inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth...'

Breathing practices never worked, but now things have changed, so I assumed they would.

They did not, but it was worth a try.

'Ah, what can I expect?'

The hallway was cold and it smelt like water, which was strange. Framed paintings of random people littered the walls, and they all had dates as well as flowers both wrapped around and engraved into the frame. The flowers were Cempasúchil and Poinsettia's, some withered, some completely healthy.

Under each painting was a name and a date. Something caught my eyes in this odd room. A blank frame, Nothing was in it. But underneath that painting was that same plaque that everyone elses had, with the name being;

"Kasim" Y/N L/N

My eyebrows were raised in confusion, what could this mean? Are these ancient name bearers in my ancestry? It appears so considering how they included my ancient name...

I shook my head and continued trekking down the hall. Most of the paintings had females on them, very few were men. That made me chuckle, but only slightly.

Something else I noticed about the painting is that very few of them have ancient names, so maybe this has to do with important contributions in my lineage? Im not sure, they all don't have the same last name as me, so its probably more tribal.

Never-ending, that was a great way to describe this...whatever, hellscape thing.

Nearing the end of the hallway, I saw it. This...this black tar figure...

'A segment!' I gasped, wait? Didn't I exterminate those? What could it he doing here...

With cautious footsteps, I approached it. At the end of the hallway, I saw it. One lone picture frame. It was more grand than the other picture frames, having more flowers, prettier engravings, candles, jewelry you name it!

"Ah, the dear successor has finally arrived.." the voice seemly rumbled the entire room. It turned on its heels to face me.

This segment was...different from others. For started, broken wooden masks littered its face, all of them different. There was an empty space where one lone eye stared at me. 

That was the only different part about him—at least I assumed he was male, only judging by the voice.

"Who are you?" I pulled out my chakram, very ready to shred this pitiful creation to nothing. My eyes narrowed, waiting for an answer.

"A creation that you yourself created! Made from recollections and precautions, my dear Lady.."

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion as my grip on my extremely elegant weapon grew tighter.

"..."

"Ah, I suppose thats not the answer you wanted. Well, if you couldn't tell, I am a segment. A loyal servant for you when you reign supreme in the underworld."

"What." I spat. He didn't respond, He only got upon his knees.

"Oh Lady Mictēcacihuātl, all powerful deity of the underworld, Please do accept this sacrifice! Please I beg, do not express your divine wrath upon my servant soul..!" He lifted both of his hands up to reveal a live, beating, human heart. 

Its not like I haven't seen that before, no I've seen it plenty of times. A concerning amount really, but nobodies ever...

My eye twitched. What is happening right now? "Get up." I ordered, snapping my fingers at him like he was a misbehaving toddler. 

"Of course, Eternal Queen of the Departed." He got up, but bowed before standing up straight, which caused me to roll my eyes. 

"And cut it out with the exaggerated titles. Im strong, I know, but you're way too far with it."

"Over exaggerated titles? Oh? Don't you know? You've encountered her before."

"Don't I know what? Who have I encountered before?" My aggression was eating me alive, my blood was boiling at such a temperature it might as well have been steam. Blood Vapor, if you will.

"Our  Lady Mictēcacihuātl , The Goddess of death and empress of the underworld. You are her successor." He seemingly smiled at you, I knew that if his mouth was visible he would be. "That 'Strange Creature' you encountered in your dream, that was Our  Lady Mictēcacihuātl." 

"..."

There was a ringing in my ear. For a moment, my lungs closed up.

"What..?" My eyes were wide and glossy, something unusual for me.

"Yes! And when you die, Your soul will be dragged to the Throne to rule until someone fitting can take your place!" He exclaimed, clapping as if this was a wedding.

"...No." I smiled, unable to grasp the concept. "No no, no no no no no. Thats not right. The only Gods that still exist are the Seven and the Primordial One. Theres no way... You're lying." I chuckled, turning on my heels and walking off through the unreasonably long hallway.

"You can deny all you want, but that was stop your fate. Take these paintings for example, they aren't just people, or important people from your lineage, or ancient name bearers from your lineage. Nor are they salient people of your tribe! No no, they are the previous Kings and Queens of the Burning Afterlife." He stated with his elevated tone. He sounded like an old-spokesperson.

I shut my eyes and covered my ears. 'This is a dream.'

 And with that, I returned to the real world, to the physical, to the world that wouldn't tell me Im an inheritor of a God.

/////

I met her...I met her and It was exhilarating!! 

Oh, she'll be a good ruler, thats for sure. Though I do wish that our conversation was longer..it'll suffice. I have a feeling we'll be meeting each-other soon.

With a sigh, I left the lengthy hallway. But before I left, I stopped to stare at her empty painting. 

"Every good ruler needs their Advisor...their slave, their servant.."

"I just so happen to be filling all of those roles." 

I let out a savory laugh, absolutely jittery and hysterical at the thought of it, at the thought of being her right-hand man for more than 300 years.

I just...couldn't wait.

Why couldn't she just die sooner?

/////

For once In my entire life, I didn't wake up with a gasp and my heart wasn't beating out of my ribcage. No, today I lay awake empty, wondering 'why me?'.

'Its probably this damn bed.'  I thought with bitterness, getting up in bed with a stiffness that could rival a stingy old man. 

I started to get ready as I always do. Time is a circle afterall, always repeating and not stopping for anyone.

'Today...' I thought 'I will go and find he person who makes me feel safest. The one who eradicates these vile thoughts and nightmares. The one who will help me out of the dastardly situation.'

'I will go find Kinich.'

—————

She finally knows now, progression in the plot.

Anyways, sorry for always making these chapters so short, I feel like super bad bc yall deserve longer chapters and shit.

But uh yeah