dailydoseoflois-blog

[dailydoseoflois-blog]

Beyonce v. Kim Kardashian

Holly and I were watching the music video channel before she left for school and the Coldplay and Beyonce song Came on.

Lois: *points at Beyonce* I DON’T like her! Me: who? Lois: That Kim Kardashian! Me:*looks at Holly* Grandma, that’s Beyonce. Lois: oh…okay * walk out to the kitchen* Lois:*walks back towards the living room* but Beyonces married to Kanye West, right? Me: No. Kim is married to Kanye. Beyonce is married to Jay-z.

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Lois teaching Logan to bake!

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I KILLED three CATS in the BATHROOM

Lois

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Oh My God

The other day when I just sat on the porcelain throne to poop, my grandmother rounds the corner from her room to the bathroom yelling, "I have to go potty!" In response I exclaim, "I will be out in a few minutes." Sadly, every time I was about to poop she would yell "Are you done? I have to go POTTY!" causing me to lose focus in my goal. Finally, I left the bathroom only for my grandmother to tell me that when she is having a hard time pooping she just hollers "OHMYGOD! OHMYGOD!"

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"I am a purple DRAGON. I am going to flap my wings and FLY, FLY, FLY away now!" *moves arms in a squiggly motion as she walks backwards out of the doorway*

-Lois

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My brother went out to eat with our lovely Grandma, she was nice enough to purchase him pizza.

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Bird up Your Nose

"May the bird of paradise fly up your nose dragging barbwire behind him." ~Lois

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"After your dog eats her food, she goes POOPY!"

Lois

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Lines

Lois MC Hammered across the living room floor while squinting her eyes at me and simultaneously screeching. Finally she stopped and walked out the front door; but only after she exclaimed " how can they see if they have LINES drawn for eyes?" Side note: I was watching "Daria", the MTV cartoon show, and there eyes are lines and a dot.

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Shush!

Holly and I are watching Sailor Moon, Japanese anime kids show, before she has to leave to go to school.

Lois: *waddles directly up to the television* What is that?

Holly: Shush! Grandma! Shush!

Lois: Nooo. What's with their eyes? Why are they bubbly?

Holly: SHUSSSHHHH!

Lois: SHUSH SHIT!

Holly: Grandma!

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Ugggh Not You Again

Lois:*scrunching her face in disgust* Is that GIRL (Holly's friend) staying over?

ME:Yeah, why?

Lois: I DON'T LIKE HER. I THINK SHE'S BOSSY TOWARDS HOLLY.

me: Well, both her and Holly are bossy towards each other.

Lois: I still do not like her and wish she would just go HOME!

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"I am feeling down and out today. I need to shout. SHOUT."

Lois

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Swearing

Me: *leaving to volunteer at the elementary school* Bye grandma!

Lois: Don't curse at the kids!

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Unicorns and rainbows and cheesecake race through my mind as I sleep peacefully in my snug warm bed. The wooden floor creeks and croaks like a frog as my grandmother, Lois, stampedes towards the bathroom. Waking me up five minutes before my alarm goes off, being the lazy person I am decides to lay there and enjoy the warmth of my bed for the few minutes I have left. Unfortunately, Lois has different plans for me. As she approaches the bathroom she notices no ruckus downstairs. Hollering into my room " Reland are you up? Does Holly have school? If you do not get up now she will be late? Reland ." Rolling my eyes as I look at the time, internally brewing over the fact that I had 1 minute and 33 seconds left to sleep only to finally answer "I am up. This is the time we wake up everyday grandma. She will not be late."

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"I need one big long BURP"

Lois

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Canada

Lois: Trump is a horrible man, if he win we are moving to Canada!

Me: Okay

Holly: *crying quietly*

Me: Holls, whats wrong?

Holly:*in crying voice* I don't want to move to Canada!

Me: Holls, Grandma is only kidding.

[dailydoseoflois-blog]

Farts

Shuffling towards the front door with a cigarette hanging out of her mouth, Lois barks abruptly like an annoying high-pitched car alarm, “ I HAVE TO FART.”