damn-vimes

[damn-vimes]

I've been thinking of the "Can Granny Weatherwax beat Bugs Bunny" question and this is my full take for Discworld characters:

Vimes - Cares too much, too easy to piss off. Has the innate chase instinct that makes characters run into walls with realistic tunnels painted on them. Might get to arrest Bugs Bunny but the beast will just slip out of the handcuffs to help him lock them, then walk out of the jail cell to have a union mandated coffee break.

Ridcully - Classic hunting season scenario, but has enough charisma to probably still get a few good shots off before the inevitable.

Rest of the wizards - No survivors, only Bugs.

Carrot - The intense near-magical narrative aura of well meaning innocence should make him immune, Bugs will likely be forced to be the villain of the episode.

Lord Vetinari - Flattened by a comically large anvil in the first few minutes of the episode, unclear if it was all a part of his long term strategy or not.

Moist - Has the 'lovable trickster getting away with it' energy, but nowhere near Bugs level. Already fell for the "old lady who swallowed a fly" scenario with the stamp slugs once, won't fare any better here.

Death - Definitely one of those "character is trying to avoid death" episodes, would go back and forth. Might actually get to end Bugs but his spirit will reappear in Death's domain and ruin his garden.

Nanny Ogg - The ultimate in anti-Bugs technology, a gleefully annoying old lady who doesn't give a fuck and definitely won't be the first to instigate the plot bearing conflict. This is a full sweep, he's the episode antagonist.

Granny Weatherwax - Too win-motivated to not lose. Would have to break the story to have any chance. Might do it.

Magrat - Will have sappy ideas about helping the poor animal which honestly has the 50:50 chance of either getting slapsticked or Bugs ending in a ye olde stroller&pacifier gag.

Colon&Nobby - Designed in a lab to be totaled by Bugs Bunny.

Tiffany Aching - A child that also has a large pan that is the perfect thing to hit someone over the head with and make a BOIOIOINGGG sound, so great odds.

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booty shorts that say "I'd rather be in Ankh-Morpork, which is really more of an indictment of the here and now than an endorsement of one's personal safety and happiness in Ankh-Morpork" on the ass in very small font

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I wear the lilac today.

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the singular unfortunate effect of getting really into discworld at a young age is that i formed a Certain Impression about the purpose of footnotes, and now i am entering academia and it is still my true and firm belief that the footnotes are for being funny in and NOTHING else

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it’s actually really hip and cool nowadays to be basically a human pile of dust. nothing is the new something 😊

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ngl, sometimes some tiny things are so much more romantic than grand gestures, like --

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clown gets home after a long day. tired, sweaty. peels off their colorful overalls on the way to the bathroom. gets in the shower and turns the knob. burst of confetti & ribbons from the showerhead. clown sighs. dries off with a long chain of hankies

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*Spoilers for The Fifth Elephant*

Hey so ya’ll remember that scene where Vimes literally just PASSES OUT while Sybil negotiates trade deals with the dwarf king? Because it’s my favorite.

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The best They Might Be Giants joke ever is in Terry Pratchett's "Soul Music," which features a band called We're Certainly Dwarfs.

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"You're out late, Mr. Dibbler," he said, politely.

"Ah, Mr. Worde. Times is hard in the hot sausage trade," said Dibbler.

"Can't make both ends meat, eh?" said William. He couldn't have stopped himself for a hundred dollars and a cart load of figs.

Terry Pratchett, The Truth

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Discworld designs - The Truth

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This man is NEVER beating the dog allegations

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Women of the Disc (3/3) That’s all of them! If there’s enough interest, it’d be fun to do 12 men of the Disc too

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I can’t really explain it because he’s so devoted to the city, but Vetinari was done a great disservice as a character by never getting a scene somewhere out on a remote, windswept moor, where he’d be free to be his true dramatic self in a more natural habitat for brooding and soliloquizing, y’know?

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finally drew that photo.

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[Vetinari:] 'Indeed, if a poor man will spend a year in prison for stealing out of hunger, how high would the gallows need to be to hang the rich man who breaks the law out of greed?’

‘I would like to reiterate, sir, that I buy all my own paperclips,’ said Drumknott urgently.

‘Of course, but in your case I am pleased to say that you have a brain so pristine that it sparkles.'

- Snuff, Terry Pratchett

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Ваффлз

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