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[dancing-satellites]

Pour yourself out in moderate amounts, in quantities others can hold and always always save some of you for yourself

[dancing-satellites]

Sometimes you need to remind yourself that you were the one who carried you through the heartache. You are the one who sits with the cold body on the shower floor, and picks it up. You are the one who feeds it, who clothes it, who tucks it into bed, and you should be proud of that. Having the strength to take care of yourself when everyone around you is trying to bleed you dry, is the strongest thing in the universe.

[dancing-satellites]

The Happy List

It's been a long time since i last updated and damn it always feels good to be coming back here. My college life is lacking extra-curriculars and being a Biology student is sucking the life out of me. Nevertheless, there are perks thus the list. 

Proverbial bus rides on rainy days 

Traveling with friends and batch mates

Beautiful sunsets

Late night barbecue and beer

Secret visits and extra help ❤

Cuddle weathers

Visiting a town full of nice people and clean roads and market

Goodnight kisses

Flat boat rides

Food trips 

[dancing-satellites]

“I will bruise your lips,
and scar your knees 
and love you too hard.

I will destroy you
in the most beautiful way possible.

And when I leave, 
you will finally understand, 
why storms are named after people.”

- M.K., Katrina

[dancing-satellites]

I left my heart with you

Someone said that leaving home changes you & when you come home, you & it are not the same. It is indeed true. I left Manila a week ago and i find myself having a hard time letting go of it and settling down back in our home. Mostly im just not ready to move on from the month of perfection i had.

In the past month, home has been sleeping in your arms, talking until late in the evening or early in the morning, opening the door to let the cold air in, cuddling, and waking up next to you. 

Home has been the smell of your deodorant, the touch of your lips, the warmth of your hugs, the tickles, the hugs after every nightmare, and the look in your eyes.

Home has been eating meals sitting on the floor while watching a movie or an episode of our favorite tv show, buying ice on nearby stores and making iced tea, walking to the ministop late at night for midnight snacks, and wiping ourselves with damp cloth when laziness strikes and taking a bath after a long day seems too tiring.

Home has been staying in the office until the wee hours during weekdays, getting drunk on friday nights, and staying in for the weekends or going out for moviedates.

Home has been segregating laundry, cleaning up the room, and heck even the endless fixing of the curtains.

Home has been anywhere you and i were at or in.

I wonder how long it takes for home to feel like home again?

[dancing-satellites]

Dear Future Daughter,

1) When you're at some party, chain smoking on the roof with some strange girl with blue hair and exorbitant large dark eyes, ask her about her day. I promise you, you won't regret it. Often times you'll find the strangest of people have the most captivating of stories to tell.

2) Please, never mistake desire for love. Love will engulf your soul, whilst desire will emerge as acid, slowly making it's way through your veins, gradually burning you from the inside out.

3) No one is going to fucking save you, anything you've read or heard otherwise is bullshit.

4) One day a boy is going to come along whose touch feels like fire and whose words taste like vanilla, when he leaves you, you will want to die. If you know anything at all, know that it is only temporary.

5) Your mental health comes before school baby, always. If its midnight, and you have an exam the next day but your hands have been shaking for the past hour and a half and you're not so sure you want to be alive anymore, pull out that carton of Ben and Jerry's and afterwards, go the fuck to bed. So what if you get a 68% on the exam the next day? You took care of yourself and at the end of the day that will always come before a high test score. To hell with anyone who tells you differently.

- Abbie Nielsen

[dancing-satellites]

Do not try to be pretty. You weren't meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just pretty.

Things I wish my Mother Had Told Me | d.a.z

[dancing-satellites]

you could take me on a date anywhere and id be happy. like it could be the movie theater. or watching a movie at your house. you could take me outside and we could look at clouds or climb trees i do not care as long as we hold hands or something at some point

[dancing-satellites]

8 Ways To Say I Love You

1. Spit it into her voicemail, a little slurred and sounding like the shot whiskey you downed for courage. Feel as ashamed as you do walking into work in last night’s clothes. Wake up cringing for days, waiting for her to mention it.

2. Sigh it into her mouth, wedged in between teeth and tongues. Don’t even let your lips move when you say it, ever so lightly, into the air. Maybe it was just an exhalation of ecstasy.

3. Buy her flowers. Buy her chocolate. Buy her a teddy bear, because that’s what every romantic comedy has taught you. Take her out to a nice restaurant where neither of you feel comfortable and spend the whole night clearing your throat and tugging at your tie. Feel like your actions are more suited to a proposal than the simple confession of something you’ve always known.

4. Whisper it into her hair in the middle of the night, after you’ve counted the space between her breaths and are certain she’s asleep. Shut your eyes quickly when she shifts toward you in askance. Maybe you were just sleep whispering.

5. Blurt it out in the middle of an impromptu dance party in the kitchen, as clumsy as your two left feet. When time seems to freeze, hastily tack on “in that shirt” or “when you make your award-winning meatballs” or, if you are feeling particularly brave, “when we do this.” Resume dancing and pretend you don’t feel her eyes on you the rest of the night.

6. Write her a letter in which the amount of circumnavigating and angst could rival Mr. Darcy’s. Debate where to leave it all day – on her pillow? In her coat pocket? Throw it away in frustration, conveniently leaving it face up in the trashcan, her name scrawled on the front in your sloppy handwriting. Let her wonder if you meant it.

7. Wait until something terrible has happened and you can’t not tell her anymore. Wait until she almost gets hit by a car crossing Wabash against the light and after you are done cursing at the shit-for-brains cab drivers in this city, realize you are actually just terrified of living without her. Tell her with your hands shaking.

8. Say it deliberately, your tongue a springboard for every syllable. Over coffee, brushing your teeth side-by-side, as you turn off the light to go to sleep – it doesn’t matter where. Do not adorn it with extra words like “I think” or “I might.” Do not sigh heavily as if admitting it were a burden instead of the most joyous thing you’ve ever done. Look her in the eyes and pray, heart thumping wildly, that she will turn to you and say, “I love you too.

R. MCKINLEY, DEC. 1, 2012

[dancing-satellites]

Wallpaper goodness.

Just wanted to share some of the wallpapers i've been dying to use for my laptop. It's a shame that you can only use a few wallpapers at once. Maybe this can be of help to those who are looking for new wallpapers. Enjoy! 

credits: unsplash

[dancing-satellites]

I've been doing my own countdown ever since February started and it's finally come down to 1. It's 2am and i still don't feel like sleeping. I'm having midnight blues and you’re also still up, texting with me. 

I've tried thinking about us reaching 6 years already and how its so amazing and how it's something we can be proud of. Because after everything we've been through, after all the ups and downs, especially the downs: the small fights, the ignoring, the being late all the time fights, even "the breakup" which was followed by a lot of people going against us, and even the years of being in a long distance relationship; we're still together. We were able to get past all of them although we both know how painful all those were. Look at where we're standing now, we're so happy being together especially now that it feels like we've been so blessed to be in the same campus. All those arguments and painful moments seem so little because of everything we have now and i'm so thankful.

You always make me feel so loved and taken cared of, sometimes i even feel like you spoil me too much. You always think of me first, if i'm comfortable, if i'm hungry, sad, homesick. You always try your best to give me what i want and what i deserve because you love me that much and i feel so lucky to have someone like you. Although sometimes i take these things for granted. I'm sorry for all those times and i'm sorry for making you feel like i don't care sometimes. But Jap, i love you so much i really really really am very lucky to have you. I love you so much i'm so happy to have you. You make me want to do my best in everything i do. You push me out of my comfort zone but pull me back in when i'm overdoing it and help me carry the load when it becomes too heavy. Thank you. Thank you for being there, for listening to me rant and for putting up with me during my bitchy days and tantrums. Thank you for going along whatever i randomly think of doing. It's always fun doing spontaneous things with you. Thank you for not getting tired of me. I wouldn't say you're the boyfriend everyone would want to have because they might want you and id like to keep keeping you for myself. Thank you. I can't say thank you enough.

Now its been 6 years, and heck that's like 1/3 of my entire life. I've grown up with you, you're like my teen version of a childhood best friend. You're the person who's going to be my problem but would still be the one i'd be talking my problems to. The person who will be on the same side as I am, holding my hand and taking on the sucky life with me or better yet making it all better. Thank you. And rest assured, for everything you've done for me, know that I will be here to do the exact same thing for you. I love you. Happy friggin' 6th anniversary love! :*

While writing all these down, my tears just won't stop falling. I just can't help reminiscing a lot of stuff and they're overwhelming. You've slept already and i'm so dying to hug you right now. I love you so much. And i will always do. Now, i have an exam tomorrow soo, ill be putting this on queue. Goodnight, love. :*

[dancing-satellites]

Suck and Sweet

Suck and sweet. Today's probably not my day. A lot of suck than sweet and it's making me a crybaby.

Today's sweet would probably be playing in the field earlier this afternoon. It's been a long time since i last sweated so much by doing physical activities. It was fun forgetting all the other things we had to do at least for a moment.

For today's suck, well i've got lots of it. Grab your popcorn loves.

For one, tomorrow's jp and i's anniversary and we sort of had an argument which is so irritating. We just had to argue right before our anniversary, so awesome. Thanks.

Second, i missed the guy who gives us allowance in the dormitory. I kinda need the extra cash and i was seriously looking forward to him but shitake i missed him. My friends didn't even tell me he was there, it pisses me off. Or maybe one did but then it's too late.

Third, the new lady guard is too irritating she always mentions being outside late in the evening and scolds me even if i have a late night permit. Once, she even told me to sign on the violation logbook even though i had a late night permit. She annoys me too mcuh. She's a nagger.

Fourth, i have an exam tomorrow and i haven't even started studying. I don't feel like studying either. More especially because fifth, i miss home so much, living here in Manila, being responsible for myself in whatever i do, is too frustrating and hard and sad. The pressure in school and from our professors and classmates is just too much it makes me nuts.

I wanna go home. I want my Dad's cooking, my mom's hugs and my sister's annoying gestures. I'd do anything to be home right now. I can't help but cry. There's just too much i can take. I can't even study properly. :'(

[dancing-satellites]

I said that I wanted to travel and he taught me how to use my arms as runways for seven-four-seven airplanes, how to carry my heart in my chest in a bag in a flight, and how to disappear without ever moving my feet.

[dancing-satellites]

In a parallel universe..

I just hope i’m already in deep slumber, excited for the following day. I'll be going to a class where i'll be learning to sew, draw and mix match clothes in a lovely classroom, in SoFA probably, instead of doing PCRs and electrophoresis in so many different laboratories. I'd be a good apprentice or intern to Camille friggin Co, or be part of the StyLized team, and indulge myself to the glamorous life of fashion industry's goddesses. The so-called internship and lessons would be hard but it’ll be fun because you love doing it. Sewing, styling, blogging, traveling, drinking coffee, going to brunches and poof. 

[dancing-satellites]

Junk from the Heart

It's been a long time since i last sat down and just contemplated on what's going on in my life. I skipped my classes today wanting to just do nothing or think of nothing heavy. I miss my routines, doing the things i love doing, blogging, editing, reading and searching. It feels good to have the time now. In this cold weather, a cup of hot chocolate and blogging would be great. I'd like to spend this quiet time to appreciate the little and big things that made me happy these past few weeks.

My mom's home. It's so good to have her around especially after everything we've been through. It's better to have both parents present because sometimes it just feels like we're all too much for just our Dad to handle physically. Mom's home and i know everyone's so happy. 

Im in Diliman! Although at great expense which i wouldn't have prevented in any way, being able to study in Diliman has been one of the rainbows after the rain.

LDR no more. After years of being in a long distance relationship, jp and i are finally together. Transferring here in Diliman has been very good in some ways. Being together and seeing each other often is so damn good.

My savings is pretty much going well. Ive been doing my best to save for something ive always wanted and its good to see it paying off. Im getting closer to my goal.

The dormitory i'm staying at is just right across our institute which makes waking up 15 minutes before my class (7am) possible!  

I have the greatest roommates and neighbors. My friends and i are staying in the same room and its so great to have them around as roommates and neighbors, it makes life in Diliman and Manila much less lonelier and more exciting.

It's the first time i have been and will be away from my family for a long time. And i miss them. But being here, and independent just feels good at the same time. It somehow temporarily feeds my hunger for new places, more places and new people and environment. But of course i know my family's always there to support me. I just feel so free right now. 

I guess that's it for now. The weather's so cracked up, its too cold. Put on your coats and socks loves, it's gonna be a cold day. Try not to be sick. :* xoxo

[dancing-satellites]

And in the end we we're all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness.

Christopher Poindexter

[dancing-satellites]

Second Chance

My tumblr is dying. I've been meaning to blog but everytime i open tumblr i'm just in loss of words. But i've missed tumblr so much it feels good to be scrolling down to an infinity of good stuff again.

The past 2 months have been very extreme for me. As you may not know, i live in Visayas, a few towns away from Tacloban which yes, makes my family and home part of the places greatly affected by the  typhoon. Believe me, you would never want to experience anything like it. Especially the events that followed. I'm just glad my family and i are safe.

Going back, i'm excited to start blogging again especially now that ive got my files back from our old laptop! Thank you for sticking with me all this time. Im still shocked at the number of followers im getting even with so little updates. I'll try updating more often. And btw, HAPPY NEW YEAR! It's still January so its not so late. Another year to make things right. :)