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We are reunited once again :) #collegelife #theyremagicallydelicious! #favoritecereal #lifeiscomplete

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T'was a blessing

Ashley: We've had so much history together the past 17(?) years and I'm glad that we were able to make so many more new memories together this past weekend. What I enjoyed the most with you was just the plain simplicity of being with you. Talking with you. Being present around you. When I am around you, I feel a sense of joy, peace, and happiness. One of my most favorite things to do is just be with someone and just talk. And so I really enjoyed that time where we just got to talk together between you, your mom, and I after that amazing breakfast of crepes! You've grown to be such a beautiful girl and I hope you know that. I really think that God has made you to shine His glory BRIGHTLY into people. So smile :] and know that you are a daughter of God. Even though you may not know what major or career you want to pursue for college, don't worry about it too much. Don't be so focused on what you need to do, rather shift your thoughts on who you are in God's eyes and let that determine what you do. You are a daughter of God. A fellow of heir of Christ. An ambassador of the amazing gospel, the message of Love!  Okay enough of my Christian blabber haha. Ashley, I love you and will always cherish as one of my most favorite cousinssss forever and ever and ever. No matter what mistakes you make throughout your life, I will always continue to support you. If you have any questions, concerns, frustrations, or even just something you feel happy about, feel free to call or message me. I will mourn, praise, be frustrated, be joyful alongside with you haha. Be good to your family and be that role model to your siblings/youth friends now that you're a senior! I know that it may be hard sometimes to get along with your siblings, but find patience with them :] Joshua: Boy you've grown so much since the last time I remember seeing you during our childhood. SO MUCH. Thank you for taking care of Sam and I while we were staying at your place. I could really see the effort from you to make us feel welcome and I really appreciate that Josh :] Bro, as I was with you for the past few days I really felt like God put a lot of leadership skills in you. And also deep inside your thoughts, words, and actions, no matter how other people may interpret them, you do it all because ultimately you care for other people. I see you concerned for your mom whether it's making sure she eats or if she needs help with shopping. You do your dishes to help the family out, even when other people may be doing something else. You try to be reasonable with money, keeping in mind your parents' financial obligations. And yeah some of these things I saw may have been for different motives. Maybe I was completely off. But the point is that I saw love in you Josh. I really think God made you to be a loving/caring/serving person for your family and friends Josh. And what an awesome calling that is right? As you go through your high school years, I hope and pray that you would grow to be that kind of person. Whether it's your family or your friends, really make that a priority, because He has definitely blessed you with that skill of just caring/serving other people. I hope you can cultivate that kind of lifestyle throughout your high school years. Thank you once again for taking care of Sam and I so well. You are literally a brother to me and I love you bro. Let's continue to grow up together until we're all adults and doing great things together! Keep seeking the Lord Josh. You're caring, a servant at heart, loving, AND handsome. Dang... what more could you ask for hahaha ;]

Eunice: Oh Eunice... ahahha every time I think of you, I just smile :] You are one of the biggest joys of my life. I remember ever since you were little, you were always that clingy person. I honestly don't think that's a bad thing. It's only bad when you do it around you friends, because they may not like that. But your my cousin and I don't think I'll EVER get sick of it, so please... continue to be that love bomb with your family. I know that since you live with your brother and sister, it's easier to pour insults at them rather than love on them. But I think if you showed the same kind of love and care you did for me and sam to Ashley and Joshua, there would be sooooooo much peace in your family. Wouldn't that be awesome? Rather fights and arguments with your siblings, what if it consisted more of laughs, happiness, joy, and love? I think God has made you to be that influence within your family Eunice AND even your friends. You have a certain shine on you that not a lot of people have. You have a way that can make people smile :]! I hope you grow to be that source of encouragement towards others. Shine God's light, Eunice, and you'll see how much of a difference it can make with the people around you. Eunice thank you for being so loving towards Sam and I while we stayed over the past weekend. It made us want to stay longer with you guys, but reality calls you know? Haha. I will always ALWAYS ALWAYS love you, no matter what you do. Pleaseeee remember and know that. Don't let the insecurities of this world control who you are and what you do. Find security in you family's love, your church's love, and most importantly God's love. I know that image is a big thing around your age and gender. And it'll become a bigger thing as you go through high school. But don't let those things define who you are. Seriously, you are so beautiful and cute just the way you are. NOT because of the diet you are on, how much you run, or how you dress even. But because of what I see in your heart that I believe God put in for a reason. I love you Eunice! And I hope and pray that you would grow to be an even much more AWESOME woman of God as we grow old together haha. Cheers to the many years of family bonding time to come!

자근아빠, 자근엄마: I'm just going to say Aunt and Uncle for the sake of effective typing haha. Words can't express how thankful I am for you hospitality this past weekend. But I will try to express it as best as I can anyway... THANK YOUUUUU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHHHH!!!!! JKLJFD;JAFALJE;LJF;LWAJFWA;LFJ;DLJAS;!!! I always look forward to being with you guys because I feel like you both understand the best where I come from and what my desires are. Aunt, when I think of you I always get excited because I feel like I can talk hours and hours with you. I feel like you understand me and you always reply with words and advice that contain a calming/soothing tone to it. Thank you for listening to all the thoughts I've been having in my head about life and giving me advice about the direction I want to head with it. I will always cherish your caring/loving personality for Sam and I. You must've been physically very tired after doing your best to make our St. Louis experience the best. And so thank you for investing all your time and energy to to let us feel welcome. The places you took us out to eat were phenomenal and very costly as well.. I will repay you someday!!!! I enjoyed every moment I was with you during these past few days and look forward to more. Uncle, even though you're my dad's twin, I feel more comfortable talking with you. The tone of your voice is also just very calming and understanding. Unlike my dad's... -___- he sounds like he's just 잔소리-ing me/yelling at me/looking down on me. At least for you it sounds like we're talking at the same level. If you know what I mean... So yeah, I feel like also with you I can just talk in a more comfortable manner and I'm so thankful for that. I cherished the moment we had together at the dinner table yesterday, as we were looking at pictures and reminiscing with joy the beautiful moments we've had together in the past. I'm so thankful that I have an uncle like you who has more of a Christian perspective and that I can relate to. Thank you for letting us in your household, feeding us, and playing with us the past weekend. Even though we didn't get to see you that much, you took the best of your time and energy to invest in us whenever you were. I will always respect your character and sacrifice for the family and will look up to it as I make my own family as well. Ashley, Josh, and Eunice have grown to be quite the children haha. More than the struggle, frustration, and anxiety raising a family may be, I saw patience, understanding, perseverance, and the ultimate representation of the Father's love in you and and Aunt. I will look up to you guys forevermore as I grow up. Thank you once again for all the sacrifices you made for Sam and I. I know we can be quite expensive (just kidding haha). Thank you for the card and gift you gave us and we will use it to transfer well into the new environment of college. I look forward to the many days/months/ years we have together until the day of Christ Jesus! I love you Aunt and Uncle!

Ashley, Joshua, and Eunice.  I bookmarked in your personal bibles a favorite passage of mine that I recommend you guys' read and really hope you make it the anthem of your life within your family and friends. It's 2 Timothy 2:22-26. Make sure you read it from your actual bibles because I have it bookmarked with something special (not that special... ;]). All three of your guys' bibles are in Josh's room so try to find them... I didn't hide it anywhere hard haha. (Hint: it's where Josh usually places his Bible) LOVE YOU GUYSSSSSS

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Honor your father and mother

One of the most simplest, yet hardest things to do...

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A Friend of God

John 15:15 ...But I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you

I don't know why but this idea of being God's friend really hit me today... It's just such a word of encouragement to the things I've been doing with God these past few weeks. 

When you realize that you really are a friend of God, you definitely should have a desire to just be with Him and hang out with Him. As I was praying, He gave me a picture of my friends and the many times I hung out with in fellowship. So much laughter :] so much happiness :] so much love :] And I realized that that's what God wants to do with us. He wants to just hang out with us. And man have I had a desire to hangout with Him these past few weeks. As you hang out with your friends you start to get influenced by them, don't you think? Their thoughts, their beliefs, their actions, their behaviors. They all influence you the more you hang out with them.

I want to learn more about my friend, God. I want to be more like Him. I want to be a living testament of my friend Jesus Christ. All His actions/behaviors, I want to cultivate in my life. And I pray this over my life all the time, but what way is there to get influenced and transformed to be a like a person other than to just plainly hang out with that person?  This is why I do Intimacy. It establishes a time for me to just be with Jesus, worship Him, dance with Him, pray/talk/converse with Him. I loveeee hanging out with my friend Jesus because He gives me peace and comfort. He fills me with His love. Just as I love hanging out with Tyler, Edwin, Susie, and alllllll my other friends (tyj for all these awesome friends you give me btw ^^), I loooooooove to hang out with Jesus. And as I commit to hanging out with Him more consistently, I'm excited to see what He has in store for me to shape me to be more like Him.

Thank you God for calling me you friend. For tearing the veil that I may have an INTIMATE relationship with you and just BE with you. As a friend, you want to pour all your thoughts and secrets into me and the rest of humanity here on earth! God i am so intently listening, because your wisdom, your thoughts, your ideas are so true, honorable, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and worthy of praise :] (Philippians 4:8) I encourage all of you to just BE with Him. Establish a time to just be in His presence, and if you intentionally do seek Him. He WILL appear. He will show up in your life in such a powerful way. I can't beginnnnn to describe how muchhhhhhhhh He just wants to hang out and be with you.

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Feeling like everybody's against me these days...

God, if I'm doing something wrong just let me know please. Psalms 139:23-24 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart!     Try me and know my thoughts! 24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,     and lead me in the way everlasting!

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There is an AWESOME Father who wants to love you and bring you into His family. And the best thing... YOU DONT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING, just BELIEVE. Believe that He died for your sins and brought freedom for you after raising up from the dead. He wants you to be His hands and feet for this world. He wants to release ever resource of heaven through you! He wants to empower you as His son/daughter. Think no less of yourself :) He is the author, perfector, and FINISHER of our faith (Hebrews 12:2)!! AWESOMENESSSS

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God.... here we go again...

So many decisions to make for the near future and I don’t know which is way is the right way you want me to go.  I know that you will honor whatever decision I make, but sometimes I just want YOU to tell me what to do…

1) To go to 21 Project or not… Circuit Riders was amazing and the fact that they’re having something related to it from July 12 to August 2… I really want to go. To get equipped. To get trained. To break my passivity and fear. To gain leadership. To be an impact for this city, this country, the nations. But will my parents even let me? I know they want me to work for the summer to save money for tuition… but if I do this conference… boom there goes my summer… And I JUST started working at Coffeehaus like literally today… would my boss even let me go out for 2.5 weeks? Oh AND also if i do go to 21 then i wont be able to do Jgen...  2) Student Ministries Internship at Community Fellowship Church. This looks like such an awesome opportunity… I get discipled by leaders there and I get to disciple jr.highers and high schoolers, counsel over them, and be a leader over them. AND I’ll be getting paid for doing this?! $5000 per year??? That could definitely help with tuition… But so much commitment… I need to be committed to the program for 2 years and I would have to regularly start attending that church during the internship. Meaning I can’t come to Newlife. No more seeing my friends every sunday… No more seeing my pastor… no more seeing her… So much sacrifice… And with this internship would I even have the time to study well during school? I mean I need to do well in school too… and do research for grad school, and study for GRE’s…  jlkjf;dalflajl;ak but the salary could definitely help with my tuition… AND I’m getting discipled as well… AND I get to disciple teenagers…  And if I do decide to do this internship… I’m pretty sure I’ll be missing out on Newlife. India mission trip I really wanted to go… I’m pretty sure Community Fellowship is not charismatic either… 

But my dad even said he didn’t want me to go to Newlife during my 2 years at Wheaton. He wanted me to explore and find a different church for undergrad instead of being in my comfort zone with Newlife. I guess that internship would satisfy what he wants me to do.. plus it would help him with paying for my tuition… but… would I be able to do it? I don’t even know if it’s wise to do it when I have so many things to do at Wheaton as well probably… What the freak… why is life so hard and frustrating and confusing. Goddddddddddddd I need your love and peace please. Everything’s confusing again… >.< Girls are confusing, life is confusing, school is confusing, jlj;fje;a head spinning head spinning head spinning.  take me into your secret place God. I just want to be with you and just stay there. just stay there.

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Once you encounter God's love:

You.will.get.wrecked.

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Stay With Me

What can explain this love This love that I have for you My heart yearns for your Spirit

Words can't explain my love for you I don't want to leave this place. I don't want to leave your presence, God. Take me in to your throne already That I may be with you Just be with you forever Stay here with me  Stay with me God Let us dance all night long I'm in love with you, Lord

Stay here with me Stay with me God Let us dance all night long I'm in love with you, Jesus

Here in this secret place.  It's all I want. It's all I need. All I desire is You! Never leave me Jesus. Stay here with me Stay with me God I want to play and dance with you all night long. I'm in love with you, Father. I don't want you to ever leave my side. I don't want to ever lose you. nevereverevereverevereverever

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God you are just wrecking me, owning me, wrecking me, owning me.

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Originality is Dead. on We Heart It.

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God I don't want to leave.... I really don't...

Why can't this be everyday....

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God I will honor the process

I will honor the growth period.

I will be faithful to You.

Please help me be fully present in each moment.

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God... this conference...

Why are you so good to me? You literally laid out everything about my life and explained it all... holy jfldjafl;je;aj;ljl;eajfl;jalk;jl

Btw, Circuit Rider staff, you guys are awesome. So much respect and honor for you guys. You guys are the role models I look up to.

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Circuit Riders... You guys are awesome

Isaiah 8:13 Make the Lord of Heaven’s Armies holy in your life. He is the one you should fear. He is the one who should make you tremble.

Today's morning session at Circuit Riders was life-changing. If you ever get the chance to go to a Circuit Rider event... go. You'll be doing yourself nothing short of AWESOMENESS. People say it's a life changing event, and I was a bit skeptical, but man those are the exact words I would testify too if I were to say anything about it. It's only the 2nd day of conference and I encountered God in such a new and deep way that has changed me life forever. I AM FREE. FREE FROM THE FEARS OF THIS WORLD. And I'll explain what has given me such a big confidence about this.

I realized that I actually had a lot of fears about this coming conference. If anything, I knew it was going to force me to come out of my own comfort zone. And it truly did. Right into the first session of the day we had to approach people and practice sharing the gospel to them. It was like mini-evangelizing "practice" sessions with the people who were at the conference. And the reason why I say "practice" sessions is because two of the days out of our 5 day conference, we were going to have an outreach session where we go out to the city and evangelize to people. My heart dropped when I looked at the schedule and heard we were going to do that. This was wayyyyyy out of my comfort zone. I never imagined in my life doing something like going out to the streets of a regular city and evangelizing to people about the gospel. You could tell all over my face that I was not looking forward to such an event. 

God wold not have any of it though. In fact, I think He got a little bit annoyed with my cowardice/passive personality and thought, "enough is enough, I'll show Him what real fear is". And boy did He show me something... The verse that I quoted above is something I experienced word for word during the 2nd day of the conference.

Sammy (one of the leaders of Circuit Riders) was talking about the Holy Spirit and how Jesus sent the Helper (Holy Spirit) for us after He had risen to heaven. The Holy Spirit empowers us to do effective ministry for the commissioning God has given us to do, "to be His witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the Earth" (Acts 1:8). And so at the end of the session, a few hours before we went out to do outreach that day, Sammy wanted to open a time of an impartation of the Spirit into us. A time for the Spirit to fill us so that we could be witnesses for the city of St. Joseph that day. Whether it was the first time to be baptized through the Spirit or a refilling of His power/presence, we had a two hour session to be empowered and prayed for by the leaders. And this was where everything happened...

As we gathered to the center of the sanctuary, Sammy said one more important thing to us. "I know that during these times of prayer, we expect something to happen to us, we expect some kind of emotion to hit us, we expect to feel something. But I just want to tell you right now that your emotions are not what bases the authority of God, it is the Word of God and what He has promised through this book! Jesus has promised us the Holy Spirit and He now lives IN us thanks to the accomplishment of the cross and His resurrection. You need only to believe. If you do feel something, then praise the Lord! There are some people who don't feel anything though and that's totally fine too, it's just the way how God planned it out to be for you. When Billy Graham got saved, he said that he didn't feel anything the moment he turned Christian. But what he DID know was this, that his heart was for God and for Him only and he was only going to live FOR His kingdom. He believed and received in faith the grace of God, and therefore the empowerment and filling of the Holy Spirit that brought him to be one of the greatest evangelists today"

So as we were standing there in the center of the sanctuary ready to receive prayer for the filling of the Spirit, Sammy asked us to pray these words over ourselves, "I receive in FAITH, the power of the Spirit, and not by my own emotions" 

I started to repeat this phrase over and over again, and as I was closing my eyes a sudden darkness came over me. I started to feel afraid... like I felt like something big was going to hit me. I was so afraid that my body went stiff for a few seconds. Then all of a sudden I felt this wave of heaviness start to press me down. This is the only way I can explain the sensation. I just felt a sudden pressure that was trying to push me down to the ground. All I can say to describe the feeling was HEAVINESSSSS. My body was trembling as it was trying to fight this force on me. In the midst of all this happening, I heard, without a doubt, God starting to speak to me.

God: "Dan, why are you so afraid? Why are you fearful of this world? You fear man, you fear what they would think about you, you fear the judgment they could potentially pour on you, you fear rejection. Why do you fear such petty things of this world?" Me: "God, you know my life story, you know my whole life I've feared the rejection of the people around me. You know how insecure I am around people and what they might think about me. What other greater fear is there than to not feel loved by people?! I'm only human, God." God: "Fear me, Dan. There's nothing to fear except me, to fear my power, my perfect holiness, my righteousness.  Me: "Okay... but see God, i don't even know how to fear you... Like how do I even perceive your power, your holiness, and your other characteristics? I have many other things that I need to worry about here on earth anyway.

Then all of a sudden I felt the same pressure of that "heaviness" fall on me again, only the pressure was stronger this time. It literally felt like a work out. My whole body was trembling and it was a force that I literally couldn't stop. It felt like my body was reacting as if it were scared... but in "shock" at the same time. Like you know in the movies (or in real life) when someone gets SOOOOO scared of something the only way their body reacts is just being paralyzed and shaking in fear? It felt like that... I tried to stop the shaking, but my body just wouldn't stop! And I also realized that I couldn't lift my head up either. It was tilted toward the ground, and I even if I tried as hard as I could I could lift it up.  

In the middle of all this happening, I heard God non stop "yelling" at me. Although it was a yelling with a tone of anger, but rather a tone of desperation, as if God wanted me to realize something. He kept yelling, "DAN, WHY DO YOU FEAR SUCH PETTY THINGS OF THIS WORLD, WHEN THE ONLY THING YOU SHOULD BE FEARING IS THIS!" And then BOOM a wave of the heaviness came upon me again. My body trembling, as I'm trying my very best to stay up on my feet. But man was it hard... my legs started to feel numb from the pressure bringing me down, and my abs were starting to get sore.... Right then though I realized... this heavy atmosphere I was surrounded by, this force or pressure or whatever it was, this was the presence of God. God was letting me literally ENCOUNTER His presence. He kept on yelling at me,"YOU WANT TO KNOW FEAR?! HAVE SOME OF THIS?!" BOOM, WOOSH, wave after wave, God was hitting me with more of His power. I was literally in the presence of God. And the reason why I couldn't ever lift up my head was because I did not feel worthy enough to even lift it up. His presence. His power. It is soooooooooo holy. I could literally feel His holiness surround me and I DARE not look up. I felt sooooo unworthy. I realized my body was shaking in fear of God's power, His presence, His holiness. And it makes perfect sense. I mean what human being can withstand the presence of God and His power, His perfect holiness and righteousness? I COULDN'T! My body was literally shaking out of fear of His presence, my head could not even move an INCH from looking at the ground. He kept on yelling at me and saying, "HERE! HAVE MORE! ::BOOM:: BOOM:: THE THINGS YOU ARE FEARING OF THIS WORLD ARE NOTHINGGGGG COMPARED TO THE POWER I HAVE OVER IT DAN! ::BOOM:: I told Him to stop and that I understood what He was trying to say, but He wouldn't... He just kept on slamming more and more on me... I was getting freakinnnnggggg worked.... I got owned... I even started to cry because I couldn't take it anymore. His presence, His power, His holiness was too overwhelming. Eventually my body couldn't take it anymore and my legs gave up. I was on the ground. I literally couldn't feel my legs. They went numb. Like... THEY WENT NUMB!!! After all that struggle in trying to keep standing, I just couldn't anymore. Even after the prayer session... my legs felt very tingly and my body didn't feel right. It probably took an hour for my body to adjust to normal again. But man... after this experience... After what God showed me... He definitely BROKE FREE my fears of this world. I experienced freedom.

Near towards the end of the morning session, God was constantly giving me a verse: Isaiah 8:13. And as I read the verse, I realized that it was the very words God had been trying to tell me but I would've fully understood without what I experienced at the morning session. The only person that deserves to be called holy in our lives is God (A). Our God is freaking holy... holy to the fact that if you were to ever seriously encounter Him and His holiness, His presence... let's just say that your body is going to get destroyed... you WILL get owned. HE is the ONLY one we should fear (B). The fears of this world are NOTHING compared to the fear we should have for God and the power He withholds within Himself. HE should be the only one to make you tremble (C). And I literally experience that... my body was shaking like no other in His presence.  I never encountered God in such a way... but I believe He thought it was necessary to let me experience such a thing because my fears of this world were getting too much in the way of doing His good work. I can proudly say that my fear of outreach, evangelizing, or just in general my fear of approaching people and what they might think of me, HAVE ALL BEEN DONE AWAY WITH. There is NOTHING I will fear but His presence. His holiness. His righteousness. There NOTHIG I will fear but that, because it is true. What is there to fear except that? He's made me really realize how petty the things of this world are compared to His power and I know that these petty fears may come back, but I'll be looking forward to the ways God will continue to remind me of His power, His presence. Well "kinda" looking forward to it... because it definitely was scary... you definitely feel the weight of His heaviness... and how much He can destroy you... Don't get me wrong though... even though I was scared, at the same time I was in awe. Just in awe of the amount of power He has. Of how HOLYYY He is. How PERFECTT He is. And it gave me peace to know that I have God like that on my side now. But continue to fear the Lord. I exhort you all to fear the Lord and get rid of such petty fears that belong to this world. Have fear and reverence for the Lord.  God is so mysterious... He has this character of perfect holiness, amazing power, justice, and righteousness that makes us very afraid of Him because even just being around Him could literally crush us... but at the same time we're drawn towards Him because there's this feeling of amazing love, joy, and peace around Him too.... Man God... you are so mysterious. May I never lose my wonder for you. I will walk in fear of you. AND YOU ONLY. There's no reason to fear anything else. I will walk in reverence for you. After what I experienced today... there's no way I'll lose that honor, respect, reverence I have for you God. God thank you so much for this conference. Thank you that you sovereignly ordained this time in order for me to break through my fears and find joy in sharing your gospel to random strangers. Outreach and evangelizing is so fun now :] You truly have changed my life through this conference... AND I PRAISE YOU. I EXALT YOU FOR THIS! WOOOOOO

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PARTY WITH JESUS AFTER OUR FIRST DAY OF OUTREACHH WOOOOO! #FREEDOMMMMMMMM #circuitriders #tyj #thereisjoyinyourPresence

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Girl's please get a little advice from this girl... "Does what you do out here, match what you feel in here" Love Anna Akana (the swearing could pass though...)