daveofhonor

[daveofhonor]

“Medieval peasants couldn’t handle my Spotify playlist” but could YOU handle a medieval bard relaying the epic of Beowulf over the course of an hour? Humble yourself.

[daveofhonor]

i find it v cute when rpgs offer me, someone whose sole strategy is “attacking enemies,” status changing effects. “this lowers your enemy’s speed” you know what else would lower their speed? being dead, from my fists

[daveofhonor]

[daveofhonor]

ily, menswear guy

[daveofhonor]

[daveofhonor]

This is Gilbert. He’s been around a while. Attributes his long life to many, many years of always getting what he wants

[daveofhonor]

let’s get on mama’s last nerve

[daveofhonor]

gods greatest punishment was putting 1 trillion cool rocks on earth and no one with eyes big enough to see them all

[daveofhonor]

A priest hooks a huge fish

Helping him reel it in, a sailor says “Whoa, look at the size of that fucker!”.

“Hey, mind your language!” says the priest.

Embarrassed, the sailor thinks quickly and blurts out, “Sorry father, but that’s what this fish is called, it’s a Fucker fish”.

Accepting the explanation, the priest forgives the sailor and takes the fish back to church.

“Look at this huge fucker” says the priest, spotting the bishop.

“Language, please! this is God’s house,” replies the bishop.

“No, no that’s what this fish is called, “says the priest.

“Oh,” says the bishop, scratching his chin “I could clean that fucker and we could have it for dinner”.

So the bishop takes the fish, cleans it, and brings it to the mother superior.

“Could you cook this fucker for dinner tonight?” he asks her.

“My, what language!” she exclaims, clearly shocked.

“No, sister that’s what the fish is called - a fucker”, says the bishop.

Satisfied with the explanation, the mother superior says, “Wonderful, I’ll cook that fucker tonight, The Pope is coming for dinner!”

The fish tastes just great and The Pope asks where they got it.

“Well, I caught the fucker!” says the priest.

“And I cleaned the fucker!” says the bishop.

“And I cooked the fucker!” says the mother superior.

The Pope stares at them for a minute with a steely glaze, leans back on his chair, takes off his cap, puts his feet up on the table, pours himself a whiskey and says:“ You know what?, You cunts are alright.”

[daveofhonor]

[daveofhonor]

clicker training but its just a single piano key that makes you sad

[daveofhonor]

Person in my gas station talking to someone on the phone: ...We're in Ohio...

Me, knowing we're in Utah: ????

[daveofhonor]

Things cats were right about all along:

Fuck staying hydrated by drinking enough water - eat! more! wet! food! (watermelon, cucumbers, SOUP!)

Feels great to be really high up in your house where you can see the whole place (loft bed loft bed loft bed loft bed!)

Express yourself as clearly as possible when people are touching you and you don't want them to.

Optional, but you can also express yourself clearly when your people are not touching you and you want them to.

Sometimes it's important to just go "hmm. actually, I don't care" and wander off.

You don't have to be the strongest or toughest to defend yourself, it's enough to just be difficult enough to not be worth the trouble.

Ghosts will eventually leave if you stare at them for long enough.

[daveofhonor]

so simon & schuster sent my boss and i a bunch of scanned nancy drew covers so we can use them for various parts of our project and most covers had two files, one with text one without

except for nancy drew and the hidden staircase which i guess they started to remove the title on and then stopped so they just sent us

[daveofhonor]

Rook’s been stuck there for 45 minutes because she doesn’t wanna wake him up

[daveofhonor]

favorite johnny bravo scene