davethedreamer

[davethedreamer]

City of Angels || 30 Seconds to Mars

There was truth There was consequence Against you, a weak defense Then there’s me, I’m seventeen Looking for a fight All my life I was never there Just a ghost running scared Here our dreams aren’t made– They’re won. Lost in the city of angels Down in the comfort of strangers I found myself in the fire burned hills In the land of a billion lights Bought my fate straight from hell Second sight has paid off well For a mother, a brother and me The silver of a lake at night The hills of Hollywood on fire A boulevard of hope and dreams Streets made of desire Lost in the city of angels Down in the comfort of strangers I found myself in the fire burned hills In the land of a billion lights I found myself in the fire burned hills In the land of a billion lights (Of a billion lights, of a billion lights, of a billion lights…) Angels Angels I am home, home, home, home Lost in the city of angels Down in the comfort of strangers I found myself in the fire burned hills In the land of a billion lights One life, one love live One life, one love live One life, one love live One life, one love The city of angels The city of angels The city of angels The city of angels

[davethedreamer]

Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance (2006)

When I was a young boy, My father took me into the city To see a marching band.

[davethedreamer]

City Of Angels || Self Para

 TAGGING: Dave Karofsky and Michael Allbright. 

TIME FRAME: September 5th, 2020. 

LOCATION: A Starbucks in Los Angeles, CA. 

WHAT HAPPENS: Sometimes, things happen in life that are unexplainable. Miracles happen, and we find ourselves coming full circle in our strange and crazy experience that is somehow called life. It isn't something that should be possible, or even make sense necessarily, but it does. And that's the beauty of it. 

OOC NOTE: Thank you all, truly, for an amazing two years. I really hope you enjoy Dave's ending. I love you all, it's been one crazy, amazing ride. ♥

Dave really couldn't believe the summer was over. Honestly, it was one of the longest summers he'd ever had in his entire life, and while he hadn't wanted to admit it to himself for some time, he knew exactly why. Yes, he'd been spending his time doing things that he had spent his whole life working towards, and he was part of a graduate program that he was really proud of, but in the passing months, he couldn't really shake the feeling of guilt that he had in the pit of his stomach when thoughts of being with someone came into his head, which seemed like it was happening a lot. Everyone around him in his grad program and some of his other friends seemed to be getting married, or close to tying the not, or settling down, or having kids. Everyone was expected to be with someone or be getting married at this point, and Dave was 27 and more single than ever. And he knew it was probably his fault. He'd gotten himself caught in between two different relationships of his past, which meant that he couldn't have been fully committed to either one, and while it started with him and Kurt not having closure when he and Sam got together, he just felt bad for the way it was handled. He felt kinda stupid, honestly, and resented himself for the way he'd handled it and for how his and Sam's breakup had turned out. He wondered really who Sam would end up with or how his life would turn out, even if he knew that one way or another, San would find a way to be happy. He always did, and that was something Dave had always loved about Sam. He just hoped one day that he really could truly apologize for the whole thing and that Sam would forgive him, or that things would work out the way they were supposed to. But lately it didn't feel like that at all. Sure, Dave had his friends in the grad program at Berkeley and had met enough people to keep him from being completely alone, but at the end of the day he always came home to himself, and had yet to find interest in someone romantically up in Berkeley. His writing had suffered because of it honestly, and he'd found that for some reason, he was stuck in the middle of writing his second book. He had a deadline to meet by the beginning of September, and all summer he knew that the deadline was coming, but his writing had almost just been put on hold in his head as less and less seemed to actually be written down. 

What was happening to him? 

He'd gone from being on this crazy high only a year or two ago to this, and somehow it was hard for him to wrap his head around how he'd gotten here, or why his muse was suddenly gone for his second book. But there wasn't really anything he could say now, considering that after the entire summer of having the writers block and of watching countless friends of his get engaged or have kids or move in with someone, today was finally the day that he was supposed to meet with his publisher in Los Angeles to review the draft that he had yet to finish. He knew the meeting wouldn't go well, and that they likely wouldn't be happy with him, especially if it meant they would have to push back the publishing date. 

--- 

Dave pushed the door of the Starbucks open, of course only to discover that the Starbucks, was in fact, packed. Which he should have expected if the meter parking outside had been so bad, but still. It was his first time in Los Angeles since he'd broken up with Sam, and somehow he'd almost forgotten how crazy slammed a Starbucks in the heart of downtown Hollywood could get, even if there was another one a block or two down. He was lucky at least that he had a little time to kill before his meeting, and had come to the Starbucks in hopes of getting at least a little bit of time to gather his thoughts and to let the coffee wake him up a little more. Maybe if he was lucky, he could write down at least the outline or idea for the rest of the pages he still had to write, so he'd at least have something to give to his publisher when they met.

He let out a long sigh while he got in the back of the line, listening to the noise and chatter around him. After a couple of minutes he began to notice how sticky and hot it felt in there, which of course, made the whole thing even less favorable. He forgot sometimes when he came down to LA how much hotter it was down here than it was up in Berkeley, especially for September. But he was quickly reminded, and by the time he got to the front of the line and out of direct contact with people on both sides of him, he was pretty happy about it. Dave quickly gave the barista his regular order, stepping out of the line as fast as he could and moving over to sit at an uncomfortably tight table in the back of the place. It was the only one that was available, and as Dave momentarily sat down, he began to understand why.

Dave tensed his jaw, setting his stuff down on his chair at the corner table and standing up again and getting his coffee the second his name was called. He shuffled his way over to the barista counter, grabbing his drink sort of hastily and returning as quickly as he could to where he'd been sitting, caught in the midst of his thoughts. He felt a bead of sweat roll down the side of his face, and knew that the heat wasn't exactly helping his current mood. Dave let out a sigh, reaching down to pull out what he did have of his draft to look over, but as he reached down, he noticed that someone was sitting across from him for the very first time. Dave froze, becoming all too aware of it and self conscious of the haste that he'd just been moving in. He slowly brought himself back up to be properly sitting at the table, looking for the first time since he'd sat down the second time at the person who'd sat down next to him. 

But for a second, Dave had to have sworn he was dreaming.

Was he losing it? Was this somehow some trick his mind was playing on him, or a memory in the coffee shop that he'd never gotten back or known about? He'd never been to California when he'd met him before, they'd been in boot camp and deployed the whole time. This couldn't be his imagination...

But if it wasn't his imagination, it meant that the wide grin that formed across the sweet boy's face across from him was real. 

Michael. 

"Hi, Dave." 

How was it possible? How was it real? 

Dave sat there dumbstruck for a solid number of seconds, becoming unaware of space and time for a second as his jaw naturally dropped at the sight of the boy, a face and a person he thought he'd never see ever again. 

"M-Michael? ....Is that... is that you?"

"Yeah it's me.... and I know what you must be thinking... you've lost it? This is a dream? But no, it's not... it's real. We've got a lot of catching up to do."

"I uh.... yeah, we do... but I have this uh, meeting with my--"

"Oh don't worry about that....they know I'm here. Maybe it'll be the ending to your story that you need. So if you don't mind.... I'd like to tell you everything."

With a simple nod of Dave's head, Michael began. And as Michael spoke, Dave only found himself leaning further and further forward in his chair as he listened to exactly what the younger boy had to say. And to Dave's amazement.... every word that came out of his mouth came from a place of pure strength.... it was a strength that Dave had never seen in Michael back in the times that he'd known him.... and it was a strength, as he slowly began to learn, he'd acquired with experience. Michael had been mistaken for another soldier who had also been near the bomb where the two of them were who had died instantly from impact. Michael, on the other hand, had in fact survived, but had dragged himself so far away from the site because of his own fear, that when the rescue team came for Dave and the soldier, in his weakness and with his injuries, he could not signal them over to his direction. Michael had been left out there, and if it hadn't been for a man who lived in Iraq that found him and took him in 24 hours later, Michael would have died on site. He suffered his own memory loss, and severe injuries, though had somehow managed to survive. But he had no way of getting home, and was stuck out there for years. He stayed with the man, who kept him safe from all of the shootings that constantly happened in the village where he stayed in hiding. Michael explained that he owed his debts to this man, and how it was because of him that eventually, American army troops found him and were able to take him back to America. 

But it wasn't until way later, and until Dave had apparently been in the process of coping with his own PTSD and memory loss that Michael returned not only to the States, but to the safety of his family. Sooner or later Ben started dating Dave, but his family agreed that it wasn't the right time for Dave to meet him, and so Michael hadn't been at the Carver-Allbright residence when they'd all had dinner there. Eventually however, Michael came back, and while at first he had to readjust to living back in the United States and recover from his own bits of PTSD, he'd eventually moved out to Los Angeles and had pursued something he always wanted pursue in high school: acting. He'd go out for auditions, and he enrolled in the The Los Angeles Film School and gotten himself a degree there with the support of his family. Since he'd been in a few films here and there, but had yet to make it big, and even worked behind camera sometimes. Dave just took it all in, listening to Michael tell story after story in absolute disbelief, putting the pieces of his life together in this new way that he'd never ever imagined it to come true. 

All along, Dave liked to think that what happened to him somehow had made him stronger, and that it didn't have to be just a sad story. He told himself that now, especially after he'd made it through the ringer. He'd always wanted to think of himself as a good person, or maybe even a hero of some kind... and yeah, he'd had a lot of failed attempts and made a ton of mistakes along the way. But ultimately, somehow and someway, life had given him this. They'd given him this... perfect piece of existence and this true miracle, and really... there was something about that that didn't just make Dave happy... it made him feel like he was home. Tears streamed from his eyes as he heard the end of Michael's story, and as he really began to process that it was real, and that Michael all along had survived, and that Dave hadn't been a failure in saving him necessarily... and in that moment, it was every last bit of anything he could have ever wished, or desired. 

It was his happy ending. 

And as Dave quickly learned with Michael Allbright coming back into his life for good after that, Michael was his happy ending too. Maybe he wouldn't be one of those guys who ended up with someone he knew from his hometown or high school, but this was better. He'd fallen for Michael, and the ways that old parts of his personality still remained, and the ways that the new him had changed. 

Of course there was more to the story than that, but maybe that was why Dave loved writing so much. Because even when he'd written out so much of the darkness that he had, and even when he'd been falling apart.... there always was a part of him that wanted the ending to be good. 

And now, at long last, it was. 

[davethedreamer]

After Dave had found himself caught in the middle of Kurt and Sam, only to be the cause of the end of both of those relationships, he found himself spending the summer of 2020 on his own, teaching classes in Berkeley. He tried to write more of his second novel, but something about his muse seemed to be dwindling that summer as he couldn’t help but wonder more and more how long it would take for him to really settle down, and for things to work out for both parties the way he saw it work out for so many of his friends. He knew it was is own fault in the end, and his being caught between the two of them that made both relationships not work out more than anything else, even if there was other factors like him not wanting kids and Kurt’s career stuff, but the feeling was unsettling. The summer dragged on, and Dave was late on getting the first draft of his book in. By the time that he was supposed to be meeting with his publisher in LA to give them a draft in September, it still wasn’t fully completed. He knew he’d face some penalty for that, or that at the very least, they wouldn’t be happy about it, so he wasn’t really looking forward to his meeting with his publisher in LA. But the morning of said meeting, which was supposed to happen in the afternoon, Dave stopped at his favorite Starbucks in the immediate area and sat down at a table with his order, thinking a quite a bit to himself. But nothing could have prepared him for Michael Allbright entering the Starbucks moments later and sitting down right across from him, looking at him clear as day after all this time. 

Michael explained everything to Dave, how he’d never died and how everything had been a work in progress for so long and why Dave hadn’t found out until now. He’d spent years trying to get back to America and to cope with the trauma on his own, and expressed that reading Dave’s book had made him emotional because of it (see self para for this full explanation). He’d found Dave because of his book, and making a few calls to his family and publisher to determine his exact location and when a good time to meet Dave would be. Michael had been based out of LA for some time now, working as an actor and being cast in a couple of different smaller and more independent film projects. And it wasn’t until that moment that things finally started to click for Dave. It was almost like his life came full circle and he became overwhelmed with this strange and full kind of happiness that he’d never felt before in his life. Dave felt like he was home. And while all those years ago Dave hadn’t necessarily considered Michael a romantic interest by any means, even if they’d had a connection… having Michael back in his life just meant everything to him. It meant that everything could finally make sense again. The two stayed in contact after that, Michael living in LA for a while and Dave returning to Berkeley. At first it started out as the friendship that they’d once had all those years ago when they were just two confused kids who had enlisted to try to prove something to someone who didn’t believe in them because of their sexuality, and eventually the friendship budded into a romance for both of them. The two began dating, and Michael made the executive decision to move more permanently up to San Francisco to be closer to Dave, choosing to make trips to LA when he needed to or to stay in LA if he was working on a project. At that point he also made the executive decision to have a more distant relationship with Ben, especially after what Ben had not only done to Dave, but him as well by lying about everything. Dave published his second book later the following year, and received a large amount of success from it. The book brought his first book up in popularity as well, and Dave’s readers seemed to be expanding. Dave was invited onto a couple of talk shows to talk about his books, and because of the inspirational content and his moderate success with his books, TEDxBerkeley asked him to speak from his own experiences and as a Ph.D student at Berkeley, and he couldn’t help but accept the opportunity. Shortly after his graduation, he also went on to speak at TedxSanFrancisco. During Dave’s final year as a graduate student of UC Berkeley, he applied for a number of faculty level positions at a number of universities, only to accept his first job at Stanford. After having dated Michael for the remainder of his graduate career, he made the decision to propose to Michael right after his graduation in June 2023, to which Michael accepted.

A little after a year following Dave’s proposal, the two of them got married a few days after Dave’s birthday, on July 15th, 2024. All of Dave’s immediate and extended family attended the wedding, included Deborah and his dad and Deborah’s son, and all of the Brown’s, his mother included. Michael’s biological mom, his dad, and Ben’s mom attended the wedding. Ben and Missy did not attend. Members of the Glee club got the opportunity to meet Michael through the reception and ceremony, and some of his closer friends of the past attended his wedding. Michael and Dave shortly after their wedding and brief honeymoon settled into their own small house in Stanford, where the two of them stayed. The two had discussion about children, and while even Dave found himself considering it again, both he and Michael mutually agreed that they did not want children. And other than the occasional trip that Michael took to LA for a few years more for acting opportunities, some bigger than others, the two lived happily together in Stanford. Dave had his successes, and Michael had his. And that was the way it was, for both of them. It might have been crazy how Dave’s life had somehow turned out, but after all this time, he’d come to accept what happened to him and Michael all those years ago. Life had a mysterious way of working itself out, and now more than ever, Dave was ready to face the world head on and to seize every opportunity he could. This really was their time… and he never wanted to look back on the bad, only the good. Only the few people of the past who had managed to maintain a lasting relationship with him in his life. And really, it was through his ability to do that he realized that if Ben was ever right about something, it was that maybe, just maybe… he really could be extraordinary if he wanted to be. 

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *sighs* Yeah. Um... thanks for calling me. And be happy, okay? I believe in you.

Dave: ...yeah uh, no problem...I'll do that. Oh and Happy Birthday, again.

Dave: -hangs up-

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *softly* I am. I really am.

Dave: *weakly* Good. *changes subject* Well, I guess I'll let you get going, you probably have a lot of work to do to get ready for your trip...

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *in a quiet voice* I... I'm sorry. *picks up the mood a little with the change of topic* Europe. Asia. Everywhere.

Dave: *swallows, trying to avoid the fact that his emotions seemed to be hitting him in the face while he tried to keep the conversation going* Wow... that's... amazing, Kurt. I'm really happy for you. And I uh, hope you're happy too.

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: It is--it does. I think at one point it was something I would have wanted but I've changed. I'm not the same person I was back then. And I want you to be happy. Let's promise to each other to be happy, okay? *pauses for a moment* I guess I should tell you something. I'm going to travel this summer.

Dave: ...okay. I just...you say you want me to be happy, but I wanted to be happy with you. *feels an uneasy feeling enter his stomach as he realizes how much he messed up, especially with Sam, but is distracted temporarily by Kurt's mention of travel, and tries to sound as supportive as possible* You're traveling? Awesome... where to?

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *bites down on his lip lightly, really not wanting Dave to take this a bad way* I just think it's finally time to let go. I'm about to go on a self-discovery journey and I think you should find something that's right for you--I don't think it'll come if you continue holding out hope for me. I don't want to hold you back anymore. Promise you'll give yourself a fair chance at happiness without me.

Dave: *cracks slightly in response* ....yeah, I get that, but... I always thought you wanted that. That you'd want it with me someday...but I want you to be happy, Kurt. More than anything else. So if this makes you happy... that's what I want.

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *goes silent as he takes it all in, vividly remembering that moment at Paul Karofsky's wedding when he got scared for a moment that Dave was about to propose to him, and the relief that followed shortly after when he realized that that wasn't the case. Why had he been so scared? He isn't sure, but now being asked the question like this and being put on the spot, he realizes that he still has no idea how he would--how he /should/ answer that. And then he realizes that he's taking too long to answers and decides he has to say something quickly before Dave thinks he hung up on him.* Sorry, I just... I'm just trying to think about it. Back then, I think it might have scared me away, and it's actually pretty scary thinking about marriage now. *He pauses to breathe and then sighs, talking softly.* I don't think I'm anywhere near the point to be thinking about marriage, to be honest. If I'd gone with you, maybe. But right now I just feel like I have so much growing to do and I'm about to embark on a new journey--I guess what I'm saying is I don't think you should tie yourself down to the idea of marrying me. I want you to be free, go out and date other people, find happiness--I want you to be happy.

Dave: *feels himself sink and a heaviness come into his chest as he is surprised in many ways by Kurt's answer. He'd been so hopeful that Kurt would have said yes, or that everything would work out for the both of them, but with this? And what he'd said to Sam? What was going to happen now?* "....oh. Well.... okay, I can respect that." *pauses, taking in a deep breath* "Thanks for being honest with me, I guess."

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *pauses for a moment, wondering what he was about to be asked, and then finally answers* Go for it, I'm listening. *He sits down*

Dave: *takes in a deep breath, bracing himself for what he's about to say* ...back when we were still together...at my dad's wedding and stuff with our families together, and when we were dancing together and having such a good time.... I always wondered if that was gonna be us someday. If you were ever going to walk down the aisle to me and if we'd ever get that chance. I kept thinking about it for a long time... and I honestly was gonna propose to you some point after you came out to Berkeley with the original plans. I know, it was a stupid idea to begin with, it really was, cause nothing could take you away from your career, but.... *pauses, swallowing* I guess what I'm wondering is...if I'd asked you to marry me back then, or if you'd somehow come with me and I asked you to marry me, would you have said yes? Would you ever say yes if the opportunity presented itself, or if I came back to New York after grad school?

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *some shuffling sounds are heard and then stop as he listens in* Of course. What is it?

Dave: *hesitates before speaking up* ...it's kind of a big question...I hope that's okay.

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

Kurt: *sees the name on the display and picks up* Hey, how's it going?

Dave: *speaks tensely* ....Hey. It's fine, I guess. Can I ask you a question, Kurt?

[davethedreamer]

Phone Call || Kurtofsky

-May 28th, 2020-

Dave: *phone ringing*

[davethedreamer]

What Lies Between the Lines || Samofsky

TAGGING: Dave Karofsky and Sam Evans.

TIME FRAME: May 17th, 2020. 

LOCATION: Los Angeles, CA. 

To say that his life was going well was an understatement. There was so much going on with Capitol and him and Dakota working on songs together. Even though Sam had been deep in thought of what love he wanted the most at the start, he was reassured that Dave was the one for him. They had their weekends and more to be a true couple and whenever they held hands or went out for a simple lunch, Sam just knew that he shouldn't be doubting. Dave was someone so special to him and he wanted to wake up next to the male every morning, he wanted a family with him. To have a place together and finally feel like he didn't have to try so much. Sam was a hopeless romantic. It was a curse and a blessing for the most part. The fact that he had questioned his feelings for Jeff again was crazy of him. Jeff had moved on. Jeff and Harmony were a couple. He couldn't disturb that. There was chemsitry of course but that was in the past. Sam didn't need to think of the past anymore. He was thinking of the future and that was with Dave. No questions about it. Though when it came to the thought of future and family, Sam was thinking over the options. The blonde had to talk to Dave about it and he was hoping for the same reaction and to feel great about starting a family. HIs boyfriend was on his way to his place as Sam felt like a gitty school girl. Waiting to tell the news. When there was determination in Sam, he went full speed. That's how his career worked out so well and was still making a huge impact in the music industry. But besides music and movies, Sam was ready to think of his own happiness and that was to marry Dave one day and have a family of their own. After some talks with Dakota that wasn't all music and debates of the The Amazing Spiderman movie verses Spiderman movies, she had agreed willingly to be a carrier. So that Sam and Dave could have someone special tha tthey could say is their child. It was either carrier or adoption and going through all profiles of children would make Sam want all of them. With the papers legit and Dakota's signature, Sam was all the more ready to tell Dave what he hoped was a good plan for their future. There had been a lot of the press thinking that Sam was with Dakota, but they were all false. He was with Dave and having to state that multiple times, they finally got it to their heads that Sam was happy with Dave. Him and Dakota were great friends and cared about each other enough to be best friends. Sam's train of thought had took a hault as he heard the knock of the door. Getting up to answer the door, he was quick to draw his arms around Dave and give him a sweet kiss on the lips then one on the cheek like he always did to the male. Allowing him in and going to the kitchen, Sam yelled out if he wanted anything. The male was here for another weekend and to talk which was important since Sam had big news for them. It wasn't a now situation where they had to have kids, but this was a plan for the future. Coming back to sit next to Dave with that wide grin on his face when he was around the male. He handed over his drink and drummed his legs. "It's like you can live here with me now. Since I'm not flip flopping between here and NY. So how are you babe?"

Life had been flying by, and lately it felt like Dave could hardly catch up. The end of his first year of grad school was quickly approaching, and even if he knew he'd been in school for quite a few years more, it still felt surreal. He felt like really it was just yesterday that he'd gotten his acceptance to Berkeley in New York. His life had changed so much over the last year, with the publishing of his book, his breakup with Kurt, and in recent events, making it official with Sam. Sam had been in a lot of ways unexpected, which was why he still felt some remorse for not telling Kurt about it before the reunion, but at the same time, not even he could have seen it coming. He'd forgotten just how much he loved Sam's company, and even if the two of them couldn't live in the same city, they found ways to make it work. Dave visited LA whenever he could, and Sam would visit him. The two were constantly back and forth and going the extra mile for each other, and that meant something to Dave. So much of it meant something to Dave, but really when it came down to it, he knew he was just having fun. He and Sam were having a good time together, and it really was a relationship that he considered the two of them to have fallen into. They always seemed to do that, crossing paths with each other unexpectedly and maybe even suddenly. And Sam had always been his security when he didn't have it, or at times had needed it. But it was interesting how for some reason, even Dave knew that his relationship with Sam was really just fun. He just enjoyed Sam's company...and that's all there was to it. Not that there was something wrong with that. But Dave knew that carefree things eventually lead to more. And with the people around him beginning to think about marriage, and even kids, it was something that had begun to enter Dave's mind too. Honestly he didn't know how he felt about it for himself right now. There might have been a time in his and Kurt's relationship where he would have proposed to him, but he never had, and Kurt wasn't in Berkeley with him and clearly had other life plans. So that ship had sailed, and Sam had just sort of walked back into his life unexpectedly. And that wasn't a bad thing...but it didn't make Dave any more sure of whether or not he was ready to settle down either, let alone with Sam. Kurt clearly wanted to stay in New York City...and Dave wouldn't be out there for at least another four years, and Dave felt wrong to think about Kurt in the first place because he was with Sam. It was amazing how much his thoughts seemed to drift though, especially dancing around the subject of marriage. Was he a horrible guy for thinking of someone else about that serious stuff? It wasn't that he didn't like Sam...he really really did. He just saw him in a different, more casual kind of a way at this point. And Kurt had been his first love. It seemed only natural to wish that could happen for him, but more than ever, Dave knew that Kurt was going to put his career before anything, and for all Dave knew, might not look back. And that was okay...at least, up until it met how he felt about everything. He didn't know what to think anymore, so it had been easy to just go with the flow, and to focus on his classes and writing. But part of him was beginning to wonder if he couldn't do that forever. Dave knocked on Sam's front door in Los Angeles, drumming his hands on his jeans while he waited for Sam to answer the door. Of course the second the door opened, a familiar smile came to Dave's face as he saw his current boyfriend, trying to not think about what had just been on his mind too much and greeting him with a kiss. But before Dave could even step inside the door after that, Sam started talking, and really he said something that only brought Dave's thoughts full circle. Dave shrugged almost nervously, giving Sam a more serious expression as he answered, wondering how he would get his point across. "I know....it would be amazing, really, if I could live down here, but I still have school and writing stuff to deal with. I've gotta stay up in NorCal for now."

Sure there was always that deep friendship that him and Jeff had, but the other blonde had his own future ahead of him. Sam wanted to start making one for himself as well. He didn't want to pressure Dave and although he had this agreement met with Dakota, if Dave didn't want it then so be it. He wanted to understand and be flexible with what Dave had to say. This was why they were talking today and of course having their normal hangout and cute lazy weekend together. Or they could venture out to eat at one of their favorite restaurants or maybe see the new Spiderman movie. The fans seemed to love him and Dave together and although most of the websites and gossipers thought it was better with him and Dakota, he knew that Dave was the one for him. Sometime soon he would proposal to the male. There was no one else he could think of for starting a family right now. Coming from such a line of people he had been through. Such a development from learning his mistakes. To be more understanding and work with your partner on any situation that could come as a problem to the two of you. If he could, Sam would write a book or a guide on being the true lover for a relationship. It would be a great movie that would fit under some comedy if he tried. He was already a producer and what more then to make your own movie as well. That could be a goal in his future as well. For now though, Sam was just wanting to have a normal life and hang with his boyfriend. With his playful smirk on his face, it turned smaller when he noticed the serious look on Dave's face. Still giving a smile to him though. Putting his hand on Dave's knee, he nodded. He knew that Dave had his school to finish up and writing. "I know, I'm glad I get to see you on the weekends though. Isn't the semester almost over?" He asked knowing that schools were finishing up everywhere. Seeing that he had the papers on the table still, Sam kept his hand on the male's leg as he drummed his fingers. "Uh.. so I have something to tell you and you can be totally honest on how you feel about this" He started off, thinking that it was a good way to start it. Looking up with a more serious tone, Sam took a deep breath to take away the nerves. "You and I are amazing and I love you so much. I couldn't be any happier in life. I get to see you and wake up happy in your arms and I can see use having a family. Having you know.. children." Picking up the paper, he shrugged. He couldn't back down his words now "I know this could be much but whatever or whenever we decide to have kids, we can adopt or have a surrogate and I had talked about you so much to Dakota and we started talking. But if we do need a surrogate, she agreed to help us."

Dave felt himself swallow as Sam asked the question about his semester, entering his own thoughts for a second. He'd only just found out that he was going to be spending the summer teaching up in Berkeley while he was writing as part of the grad program, and he'd been hesitant to tell Sam about it really because he knew that Sam would want him down in LA for the summer. And Dave wished he could be in LA for the summer too in some ways. His publisher was now based out of the LA office instead of the New York office, and he had plenty reason to be down in LA. Not even for his own reasons, but for Sam and Sam's fans too. He'd liked the last couple of months, and the fun that he and Sam had together. Of course Dave hadn't really considered himself to be someone who was all about the attention and the limelight, but it was a bit more fun than he'd anticipated to have so many supporters of his and Sam's relationship. And that was something he knew would have to be put on hold once again if he was going to be teaching through the summer. Dave took in a breath, looking at Sam with as earnest of an expression as he could. They had to talk about this eventually, and who knew...maybe it wouldn't be the end of the world. "Oh... well yeah, but I actually am supposed to teach this summer English class at Berkeley for undergrads. I won't be in classes myself, but yeah...they want me to teach. I was gonna tell you sometime this weekend, I'm sorry..." But Dave's voice trailed off as the thoughts practically evaporated into thin air at the mention of what Sam said next. And really, when Sam finished, Dave had to wonder if what he'd just said had really happened. Children. Sam wanted children, at least sometime in the future even if it wasn't now. He wondered while he listened to Sam where all of this had come from, and why they'd started this conversation now. Really he'd thought he was just coming down to LA for another weekend with Sam and to get away from his life in Berkeley for a bit, but everything felt like it was colliding in his mind when he tried to wrap his head around the idea of kids. It was something he'd only vaguely thought about really over the years, especially with the addition of Maddie to Sugar's family and with Rachel's kids and stuff. Tons of grad students were getting married and settling down to have kids in his program and he knew that right around now should be the time that he'd already thought through a lot of that stuff and was ready for it. And Sam had been nothing but good to him, truly. But if Dave was being honest...he didn't know how much he really pictured himself being the kind of guy to really have kids. Not on his own anyways. Having kids was hard... it was a responsibility, and one that not everyone could handle. Over the years Dave had watched his mother time and time again disappoint him, and even if she'd sort of come around over the last couple years and they maintained a civil relationship now mostly because of Taylor, there was some stuff he'd never forgive her for. He wouldn't ever forgive her for walking out of his life when he first came out. He wouldn't forgive her for divorcing his dad and seeing their relationship as unfixable because of her own homophobia. There was so much that Dave resented, and so much she'd done wrong. And yeah, he'd been lucky to have a dad who did a lot of things right, and who had always been there for him, but he'd also watched his dad break on his behalf time and time again and Dave wasn't sure if he'd be able to handle that the way his dad did. There was a part of him that was afraid of it, really... the idea of kids, because he felt that whoever had kids should be someone who was meant to have them, and who could handle a tragedy if their kid went through one. And...what if his kids went through the same thing? Or not the exact same thing, but what if they got in a car accident? What if they suddenly died or almost died and Dave was supposed to just move on after that? They were questions that Dave had thought about a lot in regards to kids, and really, he knew he had his own unique perspective on the whole thing cause of what his own experiences had been. But if someone wanted kids, especially if that someone was Sam... he couldn't bring himself to stop that, could he? And this had nothing to do with anyone else or with any of the other thoughts that had already clouded his mind. This was different. Dave blinked, overcome with the sort of sting that entered his throat suddenly at the mention of kids, taking a couple of steps back to look at Sam. "Wait woah Sam, slow down... where is this coming from? ...How long have you been thinking about this?"

There was no pressure that Sam wanted to bring Dave on the whole children and family ordeal. All he wanted to talk about was when and how they could make it work that there could be a plan. Dave was still in school and Sam was once again in the recording studio, probably to plan a tour in the next year after his album drops. When they did have children, Sam would take a break from music to raise them right. He wouldn't want to be one of those rockstar parents that ditched their kids or took them on tour everywhere to have them not gain good social skills through going to a stable school. The blonde would want to have his family be as well mannered, well rounded like his own. All the kids that his friends were having did put Sam in a baby fever so to speck but this wasn't just his dicision but Dave's as well. Looking up and keeping his gaze with Dave's, he still had a small smile on his face. Though the news of him teaching classes over summer sucked that he couldn't see Dave that much, but Dave had so much going for him, he couldn't tell him not to take the opportunity. "It's okay, this is a good opportunity for you and if you don't, those students wouldn't know how wise and mighty you are." While going through the papers and holding them in his hand, he was about to pass them off for Dave to take a look but the movement back and away had Sam really worried. He didn't know what Dave's thoughts were and that's why he told the male to be honest with the idea of children. The Evans family tree was huge and Sam was always one to keep the family tree growing. The idea of children was music to his ears. He had raised his brother and sister helping his mom and dad in their rough patch of money, he had so many cousins he couldn't even count with just fingers. In the next ten years he wanted to come to family events and add to the numbers. Sure there would be stresses with raising them. Their teen years, them going off to college at some point and Sam would always be a supporter for his children like his parents were to him. He could handle responability like no other and there wouldn't be judgement. Just sharing the parenthood with Dave also had Sam head over heels loving the idea. Massaging his bottom lip when Dave had to holt the topic to think of what was going on, Sam held his words back. "I just want to have a plan set. And I've been thinking a good while about this. Everyone else is having children and it gets me this baby fever. But we don't have to do this now. I promise you. This is just a plan for our future. If you want that.." Sam stated a bit timid with how Dave would respond.

It was a solid couple of seconds before Dave could even begin to process where his mind was at the moment in all of this. He knew that what Sam proposed was a big deal, a really big one, and one that would involve the two of them having and raising kids of their own. He knew it was one that he couldn't take back, and if the two of them had children, he would want to be completely sure. But the more and more that Dave thought about it, the more and more sure he seemed to become of the fact that he wasn't sure. He didn't know if he wanted kids... and he didn't want to keep that from Sam if it was a definite thing for him. Dave needed time if nothing else... but something told Dave that it was more than just time. He didn't want to just put it off or drag it on if it was something he really wasn't sure he wanted. And yeah, having kids with Sam wouldn't be bad at all, he knew Sam would make a great dad and that their kids would probably turn out just fine and all that, but maybe it was his own parent's mistakes that somehow made it hard for him to wrap his head around the idea of having kids when he wasn't 100% sure. So he had to be honest about that. It was only fair to Sam, and it was the right thing to do, as much as Dave wished he didn't have to. He'd never been a guy who liked dealing with conflict.... but right now he knew he had to. Dave took in a deep breath, looking at Sam and letting his expression match how he felt at the moment. "I guess I just.... I've never been sure if I want kids or not. I don't know if I can promise you that for sure..."

Maybe this weekend wasn't the best to start off with talk about children but he didn't want to spring it on and have to think crazy right before they do have a talk on children, if Dave wanted them. Playing his finger against the corner of the papers, Sam stared at the floor for a moment before looking back up to Dave. He had that serious look that gave Sam the impression that he wasn't thinking this. He wasn't sure if kids were a thing in the future and hearing it out loud in all the words. It stung, granted but he was asking for this. Sam had told Dave to be honest because this was a serious topic. They had to be grown adults with this matter and Sam choked back all of the shattered part of the future plan to get Dave's understanding of it all. Telling Dakota this would be another thing because if kids weren't going to be a thing, he didn't want Dakota to have to deal with Sam's issues. It would be too much. Sam tried not to sound as sadden from Dave's words as he responded. "Like I said, I don't want to pressure or change your mind on what you think. I just.. none at all?" He thought it over and over. If this was because of them being both of the same gender, that shouldn't stop them. If this was more so of maybe Dave not feeling fit to parent, then he could get a better grasp of it. Shaking his head, Sam contained himself for the most part. Setting the papers down on the table in defeat nearly. "Okay, so that's done... but you do see us together in the long run right?" Having to ask just so he knew what Dave's plans were. If his were down the toilet.

Dave let out a huge sigh, bringing his hands up to his head and rubbing his eyes for a second. This isn't how he wanted things to be, or go at all. And something told Dave that regardless of what his answer was going to be... if he had to be honest right now, it meant that he was going against the risk of hurting Sam. It had always been a problem of Dave's, or something he wanted to avoid. Ever since he'd found himself his senior year of high school, it was almost like he developed this fear of hurting someone again because he hated who he used to be. He really was ashamed of it, and when the grads at his school got debriefed on harassment in the college setting and work enviornment before he'd ever started teaching, he couldn't help but feel guilty of exactly that from the past. He wasn't proud of his past, and it was a past that had made him ever since want to never hurt anyone, in any context. He was afraid of it really, because he was afraid of who that meant he was. And even if this was extremely different, and he knew it wasn't really comparable to his bullying Kurt and so many people in the Glee club when he was younger, it would still likely hurt Sam. And he was realizing more and more that he had to face that right now. He just hated it. He had his regrets from the past, and he didn't want this to become another one of them. A sting came into his eyes as he stood there, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with the guilt that he had for the situation, words beginning to flow out of his mouth like word vomit. "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry... I'm just not ready to have kids, and I guess I don't know if I want them... my parents had such a hard time with me, and my mom messed up so much... I don't want to ruin someone else's life with my parenting. It's a lot of pressure, Sam... and I don't know if I can handle that. You deserve someone who can handle that pressure... and I guess I've been just going with the flow with our relationship too when I have a lot of unanswered questions about it. I don't know.... I care a lot about you, Sam... and I don't want to hurt you... but I don't want to lie to you and hurt you even more later. I guess... I think it's better to just tell the truth."

With his hands holding Dave's, his rough calloused hands brushing with Dave's smoother skin. Though his mind was railing with the questions of what Dave was thinking. Sam had to find out the hard way and he had to embrace it. As much as he was saying he didn't want to pressure Dave it was a very high end moment. Everything that Dave said in frustration, just getting his say out was making Sam feel horrible for doing this to Dave. Of course they cared for each other. Too much that they could've done a different approach with this subject but that didn't seem to subside. He was feeling selfish when Dave said he didn't think he could handle or teach them right since his parents didn't do the best job on him. All Sam did was nibble on his bottom lip, nodding to acknowledge Dave from what he was coming from. A waver of his eyebrows wrinkled the top of his forehead as he thought of the unanswered questions part of the statement. "What would you lie about?" The question slipped as his finger brushed Dave's palm. "Yea, lets just tell the truth and for me, I just feel like music is already a big goal but being a family person, I just want the people around me that love, care, and support me more than my career right now"

Dave felt the way that Sam's hands brushed against his, almost wishing he could just close his eyes and escape the conversation somehow. Conversations like this were never easy, to say the least, and it was one that he had dreaded and wanted to avoid for as long as he possibly could. But there they were now, and nothing was going to change that. Dave squeezed Sam's hand, taking in a deep inhale and looking him dead on in the eyes, preparing himself to ask a question that he really wasn't sure he was prepared for. He didn't know how Sam would answer, and really felt that one way or another, the answer wasn't going to be an easy one to hear. So he braced himself for the worst, even when he wasn't sure what the worst was, and just came out and said the question that had been on his mind for some time now out loud. "Sam... when you think about your future, your kids, family... do you completely picture it with me? Am I the one you've always wanted to spend the rest of your life with?"

The squeeze of his hand was reassuring and yet the question still remained in the air, what was who lying about? He wasn't lying to himself and as he watched Dave prepare to ask the big question, Sam was ready to answer. It was a question that Sam had went through with so many people before. He had thought of that question with Jeff once upon a time but all he saw now was Dave. Not just as a last option but because over the years, they have made their connection stand above all the others. Sam really thought that Dave was the one that he was suppose to be with. "I do picture you Dave. You've always been there for me and we've managed to cross paths for a reason. This means something and that something tells me that I want you and only you. I love you Dave Karofsky and that'll never change."

Dave kept is gaze on Sam as much as he could, trying not to lose his train of thought or the rhythm of what he was saying. It was only natural, knowing Sam for him to say that he wanted to be with Dave more than anyone, and he believed that. The two of them had been through a lot together, and Sam was someone that Dave had grown to care about so much over the years. He really did love Sam in his own way. He just knew that the problem was that it wasn't that simple... and part of him knew it was because he'd never gotten closure with Kurt, and part of him knew it was because there was just more to it than that. Dave pushed forward in what he was saying, trying his hardest not to somehow choke on his words. "Good. I'm glad, and I could picture myself with you too... there's just... factors. I dunno... I mean I'm not gonna lie to you, Sam... I never really got full closure with Kurt. I wish I had, cause it would make this way easier...but he just didn't want to move to Berkeley before cause of work stuff, and I respected that. It was a sudden decision. I went from thinking he'd be in Berkeley with me to him cutting all our ties, and I never got any more of an explanation than that. And then of course, I met up with you again, and stuff went well like it always does and here we are. But I dunno, maybe it's the lack of closure talking... but I don't think I stopped really ever thinking about Kurt, and the reunion didn't help a couple months back. I know it's so wrong to even think about it...and I'm so sorry about that...we just broke up kinda suddenly with him saying he didn't want to move, and I've been so happy with you, really, I have, but... part of me has to wonder."

There was no doubt that he and Dave weren't meant to be. They were always by each other's side and everything was easing going with both of them. They helped each other out in the best possible way. Seeing the family and future with Dave, he wasn't going to question that for his life. It seemed perfect in his head and of course they would have some complications but they would work it through. The kids learning how to ride bikes or play football. All in which him and Dave would make a great partnership with. Closing his eyes as he soaked in every single word that Dave had, once the mention of Kurt was set. Sam looked up with his eyes meeting Dave's. Now he was feeling even more selfish, stupid. Dave still had lingering and left over thoughts of Kurt. Sam had some of Jeff awhile ago but he had come to conclusion that they weren't meant to be. He couldn't keep the man from always having the what if's and as much as he didn't want this to be the end, Sam stepped back letting go of Dave's hands. "I can't hog you.. when you are thinking of someone else. It's not right to have you completely ignore those feelings you have. You shouldn't have to wonder. I'm sorry" With all he held back from this emotional conversation, Sam was ready to break. The blonde leaned in once more to kiss the male's cheek and give a somber smile. "Take care okay?" He whispered in his ear. Keeping Dave for his selfish reasons was wrong from Dave holding what he had with Kurt.

Everything happened so quickly before Dave's eyes as he watched Sam respond to what he was saying. From the second that the word "Kurt" had come out of his mouth, he watched as Sam's expression changed and how he'd closed his eyes, and it tore Dave apart inside. He shouldn't have gone there, he firmly believed he shouldn't have. The whole situation, truthfully, just made him feel more and more selfish. It was selfish for him to want to be in a casual relationship with Sam, in the way that they'd dated in the past, without seeing past that. It was selfish of him to jump into his relationship with Sam to begin with when he and Kurt hadn't gotten a full sense of closure. Questions still lingered on Dave's mind about Kurt, and one question in particular really burned through his brain as flashbacks to his dad's wedding a few summers back came to mind. Everything had felt so good then... it had felt so right. He'd been happy. What had happened to that? Before Dave could really even process it, he'd gotten himself into this situation that was hurting not only one person he cared about, but two. And he couldn't forgive himself for that. Sam truly deserved all of the things that he wanted in life. He truly deserved that big family and someone to settle down with and marry right now. He deserved everything and more, and Dave really did hate himself for not being able to give that to Sam. And as Dave felt Sam kiss his cheek once more in that moment, a shiver went down his spine as he felt this almost queasy feeling in his stomach from what he'd just done. Dave knew he wasn't ready to commit, and he knew that he still had his own unanswered questions, but he hated more than anything that it had to involve Sam in this way in the process. It wasn't fair, not even a little bit. Dave felt the stinging in his eyes turn into a more full layer of water in that moment, as much as he tried to keep his composure. There was a voice inside of him that was practically screaming at him, telling him to tell Sam that it was all a lie, or that he didn't mean it, or that he wanted all the things that Sam wanted right now, but Dave's better judgement told him that those things would be all lies. And Dave had already been in a relationship founded on lies, so he wasn't going to put Sam through that now. So instead of all the things he wished he could have said, he said the few things that he could muster, and the few things he knew he needed to say that were the absolute truth. He took a few steps back and away from Sam, giving him his space after that final kiss and exchange and looking at him one final time in the eyes. "...I'm so sorry.... I'm an idiot, I know. You deserve to have all of those things Sam...and you deserve to have them right now if you want them. I just...don't wanna lie to you. Or disappoint you. I've been lied to and disappointed to by someone before and it sucks.... and this sucks too... but I just hope you know that I'll always care about you and that it's not because I think you aren't enough. It's the opposite." Dave clenched down on his jaw, biting it tensely in his mouth as he turned around completely, walking the remainder of the steps towards the door. He didn't know what he was going to do now really, especially because he'd anticipated an entire weekend down in LA with Sam as they'd usually spent together, but that was his problem now, wasn't it? Dave stopped himself at the door, standing with his face to the wood of the door for a second before turning his head half around one more time and just looking at Sam for a second longer. He blinked, standing there and hesitating for a second before lowering his head slightly and nodding at him. "Bye, Sam." And just like that, Dave opened the door that he'd just come through only a short time ago and closed it behind him, sending him outside and back towards his car, where he wasn't really sure what he would be doing. Everything inside of him was in knots as he sat in the drivers seat of his car for a second, practically numbed over by what had just happened. He couldn't believe that he'd actually done what he did... it came as a shock to even him, but as Dave sat there and looked at his surroundings from the car, he knew that it really was the right thing to do. Or the closest to the right thing that he could really manage right now. After all of the back and forth, Dave had finally done something to set things right...he'd come clean, and he'd been honest with Sam. And Dave had to hope it meant Sam could go on and live that amazing life he really deserved. He hoped the two of them were going to be just fine one of these days, even if it took time. All he ever wanted for Sam was for him to have all of the things that he wanted when Dave wasn't sure himself if he wanted the same thing. But if there was one thing Dave was sure of... it was that he still did have unanswered questions...one question in particular, and it was a question that could only be answered by one person. Kurt Hummel. So he'd give it a few days, let himself finish out the school year in Berkeley and settle a bit after what had just happened... and maybe, just maybe he'd finally ask the question that had been on his mind for some time now.

[davethedreamer]

Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues  Oh, the movie never ends, it goes on and on and on and on 

[davethedreamer]

Yeah exactly, ha. But yeah, sounds like the usual for you but that's good stuff. I'm glad you guys are happy together. 

Guess it's looking like I'm teaching summer sessions this summer.

Well darn, guess you’ll have to wait for those benefits. Oh, you know me man. Working mostly, with some girlfriend time thrown in.