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Peter Doig, Figures in red Boat, 2005-2007

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twitter  🧡 PATREON

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how i draw regents(more known as pompadour) the layout is all over the place, i hope it can still be understood. the hairline is OPTIONAL but u can use it as a guide of how the direction the hair follows 

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Finished BTS pencil eyes series 👀 Hope you like them!

Redbubble | Facebook | Twitter | Instagram | Youtube

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she guessed my favorite color first try..

but between me and u……. i didnt even have a favorite color until she yelled out yellow!! she was hella excited n smiling like a little kid. so i told her she was right and i havent seen yellow the same since, its in everything. i could probably live in it now. 

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Poetry Self-Publishing Project

All eight poems I have written are below; contest entry screenshots provided below as well.

Genesis

The biblical story of Adam and Eve

depicts the fall of the rebel angels 

created by God to only grieve

the apple of temptation rang like bells.

Eaten, was the forbidden fruit

and all of mankind was inevitably cursed

The loss of our purity was resolute

and this tragedy could not be reversed.

The truth is there, but we can not see

the truth in ourselves, something we need

is what we believe, what we had to be

thoughts planted by you with a small, tiny seed.

The apple, which represented our lies

was dropped, when you covered my eyes.

Veni Vidi Amavi

I came and found out

sometimes home wasn’t four walls

but two, pretty eyes.

I saw, and I turned

people into homes, only 

to end up homeless. 

And I loved; before

they all left me. I’ve always

been alone and scared.

Birth 

(Found Poetry – Demian by Hermann Hesse)

Who would be born must first destroy a world.

Every individual must destroy before he can become himself.

Never in my life had I felt so distressed,

Never had I felt more hopeless, more enslaved.

I realized the futility of these prayers.

I was mentally prepared to take my life at some point.

I try again and again to pick the flowers

that grow in the midst of hell.

There are numerous, mysterious things with a face that obey the laws.

Others sense their own laws within them.

Sooner or later, each of us must take the step

that separates him from his father,

from his mentors.

And a recurring nightmare

led me on to commit the most horrible crimes –

a murderous assault on my father.

I was in the hands of fate and it was useless to try to escape.

3AM

Your words were like vodka

almost too strong for me to take.

You seemed bitter but you smelled like vanilla

in the end it was all the same.

Silent need for approval but never getting much.

But you, my love, were different;

there was no bite to that bark

and you taught me how to touch.

Anger was just a way

to hide all the pain,

and I’ve realized that anger can be killed

by a soft, sweet kiss in the rain.

Our fingers fit like puzzle pieces

and despite the world and their cursing

our love only increases.

You cured my Monday Blues

and each time I craved that love

you satisfied my fuse.

And at this time, on this day

through all my anger and confusion,

my words are pained but worst of all true,

It’s 3AM and I love you.

Honesty

The only ones who are admirable, who are beautiful

are the people that died.

The rest of us are petty, stupid,

and vulgar as we grovel on the ground,

desperately trying to stay alive.

But you were like a sunflower,

always gazing towards the sun with neither hate nor regret.

Yes, you were petty, stupid,

but definitely not vulgar.

Even through strong winds and heavy rain,

you continued to look up and smile

patiently bearing the pain.

You waited every night for the sun to shine once again.

It’s hard to head straight towards a goal

if you’re not quite sure what you want.

But you never lost track;

you knew what you wanted from the start.

You wanted the sun, the warmth,

but it was something he couldn’t give.

It was something I, couldn’t give

because I was petty, stupid,

and the most vulgar of them all.

Tea and Honey

Together, we found love

Ending our streaks of lonely

And sleepless nights.

Amazed by how each touch

Never failed to send electricity down our spines.

Dreams blossomed like the petals of a flower.

How bittersweet it was to feel lonely

On days you were not near but

No darkness could last forever,

Especially when you would come back home

Yearning my warmth.

Apple of Youth

I know it’s pathetic to not have a dream like everyone

but if I did what I was told, I thought I’d be okay.

To walk a traditional career path,

to go to a traditional college,

I thought it’d be okay.

The me who believed in those words were an idiot.

They pushed me hard and tried to make me believe

that my only purpose as a student

was to sacrifice everything I had.

Though it wasn’t just me,

it sure felt like it.

It seemed like everything was about fighting

and competing with one another.

Even your closest friends were your enemies

as they meddled in your way to success

by demanding your time

or by planting self-doubts inside of you.

This obsession with education was killing us -

killing young people full of talents and potentials

by making them think they were not good enough

and never will be.

“Pull yourself together,”

were easier said than done.

We’ve all tried to vent out our anger

but if you’ve only got yourself,

what was the point?

Such problems seem huge to me now but several years later

perhaps I wouldn’t write with such words I do now.

But the problems I’ve faced won’t seem any smaller

just because I have overcame them.

Though I cannot stop myself from changing as I age,

as I accumulate more experience on my shoulders,

I can promise that the memories of unfairness I had felt

will not be forgotten by the passing of time.

Things don’t become more ‘right’ the older I get.

I won’t sit back and roll with the punches

but rather, create a conscience to the murders of the youth

during their most beautiful moments in life.

Growth

The time we called puberty

I had nothing to fear.

A few defeated battles

wasn’t too much for me to handle.

But as I grew older,

the root of my creativity has tasted

the bitterness and dirt of this world.

Sorrow created me,

but the taste of failure and frustration

were like energy drinks that fueled me.

“We are too young and immature to give up,”

I had those words engraved in my chest.

Your beginnings will seem humble

so prosperous will your future be.

You may say I couldn’t do it

but it’s because I didn’t.

So forward will I go,

to show those who prayed for my downfall

that I can be better than them

in every aspect of my life.

–

Contest Entries

-

http://cty.jhu.edu/imagine/guidelines/contest/creativeminds.html

Submitted Genesis, Honesty, 3AM, and Growth.

-

http://www.vancouvertagoresociety.org/

Submitted Veni Vidi Amavi.

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[Artwork By OP] 너의 손길로 눈 감겨줘 어차피 거부할 수조차 없어 [Do not reupload or use without permission]

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Intern

I knew nothing was easy in life but I never imagined it to be this physically as well as psychologically draining. My internship taught me how hard it really was to work in the medical field. Despite the demands of patients old folks mumbling encourent words, I found some other things to be more draining more heartbreaking. I witnessed the death of an eight year old taken away by a severe case of leukemia. The patient’s parents were bawling their eyes out and I couldn’t hold back the tears of my own and cried with them. But those weren’t the most depressing things I have witnessed during my internship. I watched a small boy’s parents wishing for their son’s death just so they could get the insurance money from his passing. I’ve witnessed fights between siblings trying to argue and win their rights for the biggest percentage in their inheritance. Those moments were the most upsetting for me. The shallow minds of human beings and their unquenchable greed for wealth and power, Fed. Me. Up. No wonder there were so many suicides within hospitals the highest numbers being the nurses and doctors themselves. They lost the reason to what they were fighting for who’s lives they were saving The will to help.

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Poetry

“There’s nothing poetic about being empty.

The thing about breakups is,

it isn’t all about sad guitar chords or

lonely flowers 

growing in hard-packed soil or cement grounds.

And it definitely isn’t about the black and white stock photos

or sitting in bed alone and staring out the window,”

A pause.

“Your point is?”

“Poetry is easy. Poetry is just

shitty things in pretty words.

Instead, breakups are really just about

oversleeping your alarm, which makes you miss your first class

and damn it,

that takes attendance.

It’s about accidentally ripping your shirt because it got caught on a door handle

and holding two eggs for breakfast so tightly,

they end up breaking each other’s round shell in your hands

and all you can do is watch and wonder just where

this unconscious strength of yours came from.

You see, I used to expect nothing from others,

so in the end

I expected the most from myself.

And with those three, damn words

that person managed to oh,

so easily,

break down the walls that took me years to build up.

With just those three words,

repeated like a mantra,

I ended up falling for them.

But love is a word used too much

and much too soon.”

“You know that time doesn’t wait for anyone;

sulking won’t do you no good.

We have literature next and if we don’t go now,

we’ll be late.”

“...I finally realized why

I never took a liking to literature or poetry,”

“...why?”

“Because heartbreaks and breakups

aren’t as they are written about.

Basically, they were just lies 

that made things sound more beautiful,

when really, they weren’t.”

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Chunks and Bumps

'Milk, Honey Nut Cheerios... ah, right, toilet paper. I need that for shit... haha, shit. Good one.' Brushing the blonde locks away from her eyes, Sunny Kim, a lame, awkward stay-at-home-and-compose-more-songs type of girl liked to keep her cupboards stocked at all times. With cereal and instant coffee. Sometimes, bread and jam.

'Maybe I should spice things up a bit and get white bread. No, I'll become fat and unwanted by the age of 30.' Sunny hummed a little tune she was working on while looking through the aisles. It was 3AM, no one was around to hear her meddling tunes.

'Unlike Henry, I don't 'work out'. I'm a busy woman with things to do, like...'  She grabbed the loaf of whole grain and threw it into her cart. '...buying bread.'

The blonde did one last check before nonchalantly heading towards the register. She was placing her last item towards the cashier (who looked more than dead then herself at this hour) until her short attention span was grabbed by a loud crashing of cans. She spun her head around to see a flash of orange and flustered hand gestures in the canned food aisle.

"S-Sorry! Sorry, my good 3AM convenience store worker and... customer." This strange man's cheeks had a dust of pink as he gave a sheepish wave towards their direction.

"Damn it, Jim! You always making more of a mess for me. I don't get paid enough for this..." The guy behind the register sighed dramatically and continued struggling with the scanner.

Sunny observed the strange man with the orange hair curiously. His hair reminded him of sweet tangerines. 'I bet he smells like tangerines... what. No. Ew.'

Turning back to her goods, she handed the man a twenty dollar bill and waved at him to keep the change. It wasn't like she didn't have any money. I mean, she was pretty good at her job as a composer... at least, in her opinion.

Once again, her train of thought was cut off by the soft grumbling from behind her.

Tangerine boy.

Curiosity getting the best of her, Sunny turned and walked towards the man with the flock of orange hair, her shopping bags in hand.

Sunny could tell from one look that he was incredibly frustrated. He looked as if he could burst out into tears any second now. He was probably doing so internally. The blonde could tell that tangerine boy was trying to act like a well put together adult who wouldn't break down in public over a food product. At least, that's what Sunny hoped that the man in front of him was trying to do.

"Hey, man, you good?" Sunny questioned this, 'Jim', who was biting his lip to prevent himself from screaming and throwing the cans down the aisle, bowling-alley style. She couldn't help but jump when tangerine boy slammed the cans back onto the shelf with a bit too much force.

 --

 Jim blinked away his tears. He thought the convenience store was deserted by now, except for the grumpy cashier who completely ignored his entire existence.

"Um. Hello? Mr.?" The rough voice of a woman startled Jim once more. He turned his head quickly towards the source of the (nice) sound.

"Yeah? Hi, what's good-"

"Sorry, you just looked like you were having a mental breakdown and were about to straight up cry in the middle of the aisle. Do you need like...help or anything?" the woman asked cautiously. She didn’t seem like she knew how to approach a grown man who looked like they were planning to crawl back into their mother's womb. Neither did Jim, to be honest.

"Oh." Jim, the one proclaimed by Sunny as “Tangerine Boy,” blinked. "Was I that obvious?"

"Uh. Yeah. Sort of."

He squinted at the woman and inspected her, if he even could with this eyesight of his. From the blurry figure he could vaguely make out, the woman in front of him had blonde hair and a small stature. She had a... not really small but strong shoulders and was wearing a plain white tee with track shorts. Jim internally chastised himself for being careless of all days. This girl could be cute for all he knows and here he was, wearing a baggy hoodie and sweatpants.

Shaking his head, Jim cleared his throat and shook his head slightly.

"Well, uhm, I’m Jim and I… I’m looking for this and it’s just that I, ugh-“ he tousled his orange hair exasperatedly. "I'm looking for this sauce and I took out my contacts but forgot my glasses at home and-"

"Woah there, Jim, slow down. I’m Sunny, to put a name to this face,” she added before continuing, “You're blind as a bat. All this for some sauce?" she snorted but couldn't help the lop-sided smile appearing on her face. Jim wished he brought his glasses because that smile could have been cute... if he could see, damn it.

"Look, I've done a lot of stupid things in my life but forgetting my glasses before heading out of my good ol’ home is, well, nowhere near the stupidest but it's still pretty damn close, okay? And I don't think you're striking the proper tone here," Jim squinted hard at the two cans of (what he assumed to be) tomato sauce in his hands. His nose was practically touching the labels as he tried to decipher the blurry blobs of text.

He couldn't see a thing.

Wait. "Hey!" He brightened up considerably, turning back to the hot? not hot? lady with his signature eye smile he knew was endearing. "Help me out!"

The blonde raised a brow and took a step back, only to have a small (warm) hand reach out with lightning speed to grab her wrist. She looked incredibly assaulted, judging by the way her eyebrows shot up and the loud, “What the fuck,” that left her lips.

Taking the silence afterwards as a 'yes', Jim lifted the two cans he was inspecting earlier in front of her face obnoxiously. "Which one is the one without the chunks?"

There was a beat of silence but was broken with a soft... laugh?

"Um, excuse me? Why are you laughing?" Jim put a hand over his chest as if he was seriously offended. "This is a deathly serious matter. My sauceless pasta is waiting for me at home and I refuse to let their pure, defenseless lives be sacrificed because of my lack of ability to read labels at this time of day…or, well, night."

Contrary to his belief, this only made the blonde laugh harder. Was she choking or?

"You're... You're telling me that you look like you just heard news your mother died because you had an impulse to make pasta and came out to buy sauce, might I add, at 3 in the morning?"

"No, I look like I just heard news that my mother died because I left my freaking glasses at home and I can't read the damn labels."

The cans were taken from his hands and were replaced with another. The orange haired fellow looked down at it with a cute pout.

"That's the pasta sauce without the chunks. The other two were tuna."

Sunny’s cheeks were hurting but the dust of pink on Jim's face made up for it. The locks of orange hair flopped around as he nodded thoughtfully, trying to hide the fact he was downright blushing.

"Thanks! I'll go pay for this and maybe I'll give you my number or something. I hope you're cute,"

Without waiting for an answer, tangerine boy turned to the direction of the cashier-

and promptly walked into a shelf.

There goes being suave.

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The Lover

I met him one night when I was alone and weary. He held onto my wrists and kissed them gently. I was a former shell of myself empty; emotionless. I was envious of the way he smiled, laughed, cried.

The most I could feel was frustration towards the world, myself, my incompetence. I wasn’t swimming nor drowning merely floating, only breathing.

But he ignited a flame within me I didn’t know I still had. It wasn’t love, happiness, or even a strong dislike towards his toothy grin. Rather, excitement whenever he touched me, kissed me, held onto me like I meant the world to him.

My friends were worried about him told me his existence wasn’t healthy. They couldn’t see how he was saving me from the ocean currents that could have drifted me away.

He has always told me that I only ever loved myself that I only thought for myself but that wasn’t true. I loved him so, more than I could ever love myself.

On some nights, he would hold onto my wrists and kiss them softly telling me he didn’t want this.

Didn’t want what?

Sooner or later, I started to realize whenever he was with me, I was soon left alone with hands drenched in blood. At first, I was confused. I thought he would hurt himself deliberately; worry gnawed at my stomach relentlessly. I was afraid that the blood on my hands were his.

But reality soon hit me, that the man who made my heart soar with liveliness was the sharp, steel blade in my hands, that drew lines down my arms like figure skaters treading ice and every time I craved for the attention of the cold metal against my skin, he was there with sadness in his eyes.

I had never craved for someone to this extent I was addicted to the man called pain and self destruction. Though I loved him and he loved me all he left were scars and ghostly kisses. And from the way his eyes glistens with  tears, a pained smile forms on his lips I can tell he wishes for me to stop as well.

But I yearn to see him every time he disappears from my sight to hold his warmth once more until I no longer can’t anymore. 

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Nicolas Rivals

La Línea Roja

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Another Word For

Was this a dream? Was I finally free From the borders made by adults?

My life used to be trapped in between thoughtless parents And good for nothing mentors Who thought they knew everything but truthfully, had a glass mentality. Every single day was a repetition of the same sun, the same moon. It was a cycle of school, home, or the web. Everyone lived the same life. We were pressured to be either number one Or to drop out. It was the survival of the fittest When it was to becoming an adult. I believed this island was different With different morals and dreams.

However, this island was becoming the same Like the world where adults used to roam. I wanted to play. I just wanted to eat. But their view points already become crooked. Some of us were already morphing into my biggest fear And the title, “Leader”, Made me feel like an adult. I wanted to become happy, strong on this beautiful island but why was I only growing weaker?

I was finally free From the borders made by adults But a new wall was built by the children And I realized This wasn’t a dream But a nightmare.

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Good Boy

Truthfully, I was frightened.

I said I’d show them all but

I was afraid of proving myself.

I was afraid that I would stand asymmetrical 

to this new society’s expectations.

The fact that a good boy

who grew up on music sheets and notebooks

was now surprising entire groups

frightened me to no end.

It was, at first,

a bluff to seem tough.

But I was one of the oldest,

the strongest,

the wisest boys.

I had a loyal choir, 

who were much more useful than a mere conch.

And I really am

a good boy.

Truthfully,

I am still frightened,

but I will show the others

how much of a good boy I can be.

By keeping everyone alive,

by shedding the blood

of a pig,

by shedding the blood of anyone

who gets in my way.

Because I really am,

a good boy

and good boys deserve to lead.

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BTS @ MAMA 2016 Appreciation Post

((This is for my own satisfaction because I’m very happy this happened and aaa))

Because one of my biggest joys in life is BTS and no one can tell me to stop loving them.

    First things first! They really, finally won (not just one but two) grand awards today at MAMA !! ((MAMA, abbreviated for MNet Asian Music Awards is a major kpop music awards ceremony that involves the participation of some well-known actors and celebrities))

    Coming from a group who only started in 2013 and under a record label that isn’t the Big 3 (SM, YG, or JYP) is a huge feat. They started off with little money; they could barely afford their necessities. They went through Blood, Sweat, and Tears to get this far and I’m so so happy for them. It made my heart soar to see them happy, just as much as they made me feel on a daily basis.

    BTS was the first group who won The Artist of the Year award at MAMA who weren’t from the Big 3 Entertainment companies. Words cannot express how much they deserved that award. Not just that but Best Dance Performance as well! It touched my heart to see Rap Mon push our main dancer, JHope (the one with the pink hair), to the front for their acceptance speech.

      ((Two of the members came back from the washroom and they were so confused, it was cute. They’re all cute. They still ran up to the mic to scream “I love you”’s to the crowd.))

      They never fail to amaze me with their hard work. They have so much passion, love, and strength of character in everything they do. I love them not because they’re handsome (but they are) or just because they’re undeniably talented (which, in fact, they are), but because of who they are as individuals, as a whole, as a family. They’re so genuine it hurts.

    “Oh, they’re just a kpop group, though?” Shut your talking hole and sit down right there. They are so much more than that to me (and probably to a lot of the fans out there). They gave us, me, hope and messages through their music and touched on subjects not many artists do in their lyrics & with their voice. They’re also active on their social media accounts and are always seeking out ways to communicate with the fanbase.

    Through their music, BTS have talked about (Korea’s) society’s standings and how people of higher positions don’t allow playing fields to be equal, while saying that it is justice, which references the conflict between the privileged and the poor. They’ve touched on topics many do not think of, such as: younger generations who are blessed with fortune showing zero gratitude to their parents, how high school-er’s these days struggle to find a dream to call their own, how school can be almost like a prison / ring where students fight for grades or a place to fit in or, despite the education system being robotic and repetitive, we will all break free from it someday. They’ve talked about moving on to better places, even if it means to leave behind bitter sweet memories of the past and that tomorrow will always come, and it will eventually get better. Individually, they’ve touched on mental health issues and being who you are without listening to mindless voices around you. They have their fair share of love songs and hip hop tracks but they all hold deeper meanings to them if you read between the lines. All of this, while still keeping an upbeat tempo and catchy rhythm. I’d like to thank the HYYH era for really showing the world how talented they are.

((Plus, they’re silly when they want to be.))

    And in their newest album, WINGS, BTS touched on several more subjects. They all had individual tracks this album, which, by the way, was their 2nd full album. BTS wrote, composed, and sang (once again) about their government and society, women empowerment, finding your way despite it feeling hopeless, and let’s not forget their song dedicated for their fans (us). Most fan songs are happy and sweet, but this? Oh, it was so much deeper. “Saying that there will only be good things from now on, saying that you won’t get hurt. I can’t say that, I can’t lie like that.” Being a fan of a popular and ever-growing group is tough; haters only increase. They know. They know fans also have hardships and they’re saying sorry for showing their weak sides on rare occasions, when all they wanted was to bring us joy. And yet, they sing, “Still, hoping for good days,” “Hoping for many more good days together.” This song is filled with so much raw emotion and genuine love, I can’t help but tear up every time I listen to it.

Their genuine happiness when they got the Artist of the Year Award even made me bawl my eyes out. Even their music producers back at the company were watching and crying (True Family). BUT! There were two main things that really got me sobbing ((I love all of them but these two hit me harder than ever because it was rare to see them cry this much)).

    Suga, a.k.a Min Yoongi, a.k.a Agust D the most savage yet kindest rapper/producer/artist/man alive, promised he’d never cry until they’d win the grand award. That promise was close to being broken many times but he kept it. And today, he let those tears he held onto for so long freely flow from his eyes.

    This man right here did so much to pursue his dreams. His family didn’t support him at first so he had to do so himself, emotionally and financially. He’d go to school at day, practice for long hours until night, and then work part-time until dawn. He was a little boy once, in love with his piano. He grew up to realize life was cruel and it wasn’t easy, but he persevered. He has went through many hardships, one being social anxiety and mental health. He asked for one grand prize but he got two. He deserves the world. He is one of the reasons why I keep hoping and dreaming for a better day, a better future. He is one of the reasons why I tell myself every morning to get up and keep trying. But you know who else deserves the world?

    RAP MONSTER. The leader of this group and without him, BTS wouldn’t have existed. He isn’t the oldest but he shows how much of a leader he truly is through responsibility and kindness. He treats his older members with respect and loves the younger ones equally. He is incredibly talented and deserves this award more than anyone else. He also went through a lot and was stuck on the label, “idol” for several years. He wanted to be more than an icon, a “kpop group”, as he used to do music underground where he could more freely express his emotions without filters and censors. He thought that if he became a stereotypical boy group, his own thoughts and music could never be heard in the end, since it would be so manufactured. However, he overcame most of that and now looks at himself as just “Kim Namjoon”, leader and rapper/songwriter of BTS. He is philosophical and has self-doubts, as any leader does but he tries so hard to meet everyone’s expectations; to meet his own expectations. He expresses himself and tries to stay true to his music and not to come out as artificial. He is real. He is a man with the IQ of 148. Who is also fluent in English. Just saying.

    AND LET ME TELL YOU NOW! They SO deserved those two awards!! (More, if I was to be honest!)

      This was their intro to their performance. For this Music Awards show. This. Was. Their. Intro. Jungkook, lifted in the air on a swing.

    And THIS. JHope, Mr. Pinky, our main dancer, did fantastic with his opening and I definitely didn’t expect Jimin (Keep in mind, he’s BLINDFOLDED) to dance with him! They were so synchronized, it hurt.

    And then the bridge. Of course, that one with his jacket & shirt down is my favorite member (It’s no secret). V’s his stage name. And Jin, the other handsome fellow, made this part so perfect. It definitely was a crowd-pleaser.

    To wrap it up, I’m happy. I’m incredibly happy because they’re happy. They’ve grown so much since 2013 and I can’t wait to see them grow even more as they explore new music and styles. No matter where they are and what they do, I’ll always love them, and I’ll always be a fan. ((Taehyung/V notice me please.))