deadlynightshade143-blog

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

“Ignorance is bliss”

I may get hate for this. Though I have to say ignorance is bliss.

I see it everywhere I go, I see it in my family, and when I walk out the door. We are quick to ignore that of which we do not wish to see or hear. We are quick to look away to something terrible so it doesn’t effect our everyday life. Looking away effects none?

Well it certainly doesn’t effect you. Though it can effect the receiving party. I even think ignorance can kill.

If you seek the whole truth and nothing but the truth well thats a journey you’re going to venture alone.

Real truth, takes real commitment, and sacrifice.

If you give a man a mask he may tell you the truth, because theres something about being anonymous that makes it easier for us as individuals to actually be honest with each other.

Maybe its our reputation and how we dont want to mar or make our name look bad. Seeing that our name is the only thing we have and keep even unto death.

I mean living an ignorant lifestyle in your own little bubble in your own little box in your own little head seems to be a pretty good life. Although you cant kid yourself into thinking that its actually living.

Some people like that way of life, and there are a few of us that are painfully aware of the chains that dangle and drag on our wrists; as we are forced to accept our new social norm that changes with every passing generation.

True commitment is hard to find. Most people will claim commitment until things get uncomfortable to find a reason to opt out. Its so rare its almost considered a concept in the human mind.

“Ill stay committed to you as long as you have something to offer me. If not bye.”

Thats the mindset I feel we have adapted in our ignorance. But maybe thats my own ignorance speaking. Or someone would call it that. Who knows the line of truth has long since been blurred.

Seeing that truth itself is rather subjective. Everyone hears and witnesses only their own version of the truth. You wont get the whole story only the portion that is convenient for them. Only the part that matters most to them, is the truth you will hear. Who bothers with the rest? ~ no one.

The journey to truth is one that you have to go on alone. I mean it, Im serious. No man will tell you the truth. Not everything you hear is the whole truth there may be partial truth to it but eventually you start to see that line.

The line you should not cross, the line that you are subjugated to follow to be a law abiding citizen under the cloud of ignorance that blinds and smudges the truth.

We are all guilty of it at one point or another. I have to admit my family is very happy with their given slice of blissful ignorance because its okay as long as you are abiding by the laws.

Who cares? Thats my fathers logic. If Im not doing anything wrong, and I have nothing to hide who cares if I am being watched. Who cares if true privacy doesn’t exist.

Who cares if they violate my constitutional right. What other rights will the violate next? What rights are violating now? What can I do next to allow the system to take advantage of me even more. I mean it doesn’t matter anyway.

Its system that I know, doesn’t work in my favor and cares next to nothing for me but is still a system I am forced to abide by and follow. The system we are all enslaved too. Some us get more benefits than others in this system. Some of us dont have any benefits at all. Running the rat race, climbing that latter of life. Its pain really.

Though It doesn’t matter. then again, it will matter when it starts effecting you. I have no problem with it either. Im okay with this “ignorance” because it takes away the constant and real awareness of reality. I have nothing to hide but I do get bothered by the fact that people choose to look away. It makes me feel like Im in the hunger games. Living like the people in the capital. Enjoying watching 24 kids of all ages kill each other until theres one left and they get crowed a victor. Yet their torment never ends because then they are forced into total transparency and become capital darlings where their lives are used to fuel the bubble of ignorance.

I mean its not all different we just haven’t gotten to the point of killing each other on tv for entertainment. ........

I cant clarify to what extent Ignorance is bliss too, but I know that many people will hate me saying this.

And thats okay. I dont mind your disagreement, we are all different we dont see the world the same way.

We each have our views.. but even so it falls back to the notion that ~

“Ignorance is indeed bliss.”

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

“You are like a diamond. A diamond thinks of itself as nothing more than rock. Its beauty is seen and admired by all others. Until the diamond realizes its a jewel, then and only then will it understand its true inner and outwardly reflected beauty.”

~ G. Araiza

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

Maybe its not the idea of love itself that makes our heart ache after its gone, but more the left over bits and pieces. The routine shared in the company of another. The small reminders of their presence in our lives. The details we subconsciously remember that we wish we could forget; that pries at the strings of our hearts. Maybe that’s whats so painfully risky about love.

~annonymous

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

•Empty•

Flickering lights and starry nights;

Smooth paved roads, and cracked sidewalks.

Images bursting in color, echos of joy anger love and loss-

A paint brush of words and ink added splashes of sentiment and strong emotion color in a world of grey.

A world built from nothing, empty walls empty halls, fingers tracing the outline of a door frame.

The skeleton of a place that echos deep inside your bones with the word home.

The lights are all on, one by one; slow and shaken steps.

Say Goodbye to these halls to the windows that will no longer be looked out of.

Windows that no one will ever bother looking into. The feeling of something lost that cannot be found.

A outer shell being shed for a new one to grow. That lack of life.

The moment after, everything was exploding with life changes and passes,

Goodbye....

Goodbye....

Goodbye...

One by one, shaken but steady, its time for a farewell, each light flicking off.

Each room vast and abandoned, each memory left behind in cardboard boxes. Tattered and torn the word “goodbye” echo’s loudly in each room.

So very...

Empty.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

•Remember me•

White.

I saw only an empty room that was completely white. I felt like my reality had shattered, a thin glass screen of my life as it was or I think thats what it was just crumpled to the ground right before my eyes like a piece of paper. When torm away it revealed this white room, flashes of flames and faint screams echoed in my ears but it all felt washed out.

It almost felt like some sort of virtual game. A scream rang loudly in my ears high pitched but made out of love.

"Alex, run get out of here!" It shrieked but I wound up here in this room. Based on appreance there was no exit sign or any window or door.

I couldn't place this voice or where it came from. Flashes of faces of people I couldn't place a name on, but I felt like I had known them somehow struck me painfully. Sort of like a movie placed on fast foward and then stopped and rewound.

"Alex, wake up!" A voice called to me and I awoke to a blonde haired, sky blue eyed woman. She smiled at me as I blinked awake.

"Well, Good morning sleeping beauty." She teased, and I looked at her confused as I rubbed the drowsiness from my eyes.

"Sorry If this comes out rude but Who are you again?" I asked my voice coming out thick with sleep.

She just looked at me and laughed handing me a warm cup of what appeared to be coffee. I stared at the room green spotted carpet alined the floor. A phillips tv set, sat on a dresser at the foot of the queen sized bed I was laying in.Tacky curtains that where an absurd maroon color hung by the windows, and there was a small desk with a coffee maker on it full of freshly made black coffee. My guess is I was in some sort of Country Inn hotel room.

I glanced at the woman once more, and realized she had blue highlights mixed in with her dirty blonde hair. She wore an oversized t-shirt with nothing but black lace underwear which for any guy would find to be rather attractive. I blinked several times and forced myself to sit up only to be welcomed to a searing pain on my temples and a massive headache.

"Seriously though who are you?" I asked her again and she looked me with a sarcastic grin.

"Wow, that alcohol must've really knocked you out flat if you don't recall it by now. Its me Alice." She said in raspy concerned tone.

"Alice?" I repeated trying to recall any kind of recollection of her and like predicted it all came up blank.

I winced as the image of someone else hit me painfully and I saw flashes of a different beautiful woman with fiery determined golden hazel eyes and long wavy light brown hair mixed with rebellious red and black highlights entangled randomly in her hair.

I shook my head and focused on this Alice as she looked on worried about me.

"Here drink some coffee, it'll come to you after you've woken up some. I brought you breakfast from the complementary stuff they offer downstairs in the lobby. It all looked gross so I just grabbed some muffins and coffee. You should eat something while I take a quick shower." She said soothingly to me and pecked me on the cheek with a kiss and headed for the showers.

She seemed rather self confident as she got undressed with the door wide open at the perfect angle as if to leave an open invitation for me to join her. I felt repulsed by the notion and completely ignored it. I decided on grabbing a fairly still warm freshly baked blueberry muffin. Just as I was about to take a bite another flash hit me and I stumbled sideways as if being shoved.

The woman I had seen before, for a moment I could have sworn was actually standing next to me. Her beautiful smile as she snatched the muffin out of my hands and took a bite out of it, and ran off laughing.

"Thanks for the muffin, bird brain!" I heard her say.

She vanished and I was back in reality staring at the muffin in my hands no bite marks or anything. Who was she? Why was I seeing her. Why didn't I know who Alice was? All these questions racing through my mind.

I listened to the sound of the shower and a brief moment of silence passed before I heard a soft but sarcastic voice call out.

"Hey feather brain can you hand me a towel?" The same voice from before hit me and I shook my head.

I thought about asking Alice to see if she had been the who had spoken. Then I thought against it and possible outcomes on how someone would react to a person who hears voices and sees things.

I chose to slip out unnoticed while Alice was taking a shower. I slipped on my jeans and black shirt and torn up converse and took off leaving the muffin behind untouched.

I was welcomed by the smell of car exhaust and the busy and lively city street as I walked down the uneven sidewalk kicking a rock as I passed.

I glanced and almost jumped backwards and fell seeing her again in front of me walking back wards smirking at me.

I watched staring at this image as she laughed and seemed to walk beside me.

I knew her, I swore I knew her, images of her laughing, her smile that I never wanted to disappear all these feelings I knew from somewhere deep down inside me.

I watched as she randomly broke out singing and dancing in the middle of the street and would sometimes make me dance with her.

Why couldn't I remember her name? Who was she?

A vibration in my back pocket made me jump out of this constant vision I seemed to be having of this girl.

I stared at the cellular device and unlocked it answering the call and suddenly having an earful of shrieking and some sort of banshee like noise demanding where I had run off too. Without a thought I just hung up the phone and dropped it in the nearest trash bin.

"Was that another one of your failed attempts at love with paradise barbie?" I heard her voice say in my mind but I knew it was just another image... Maybe a memory of this woman.

And oddly out of instinct I felt myself say aloud; "Oh shut up, Pheonix." I could feel her smiling at me the way she always did when she teased, and I stopped midstep as a slow realization hit me.

I froze, wait did I... My eyes went wide...Pheonix!!!

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

“Theres a part of her heart that is off limits, because someone somewhere in the past broke it. Don’t take it personally, it was unbelievable hurt that she was sure would kill her, but it didn’t. But You must know she will never bargin that piece again.”

- jmStorm

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

•Broken Love•

Often times I sit alone at a desk gazing out the window into the gloomy washed out gray color of the sky. Every single color drained from world. I sigh slightly tapping my pencil on the false shiny wood surface of my desk, the sound being the only thing to echo in my room besides my hearts faint steady beating melody.

I remember your ice like blue eyes and how I would often get lost in counting the different shards of colors found in them. The intensity of your expression when you would often glance at me with an eyebrow raised. That would cause my stomach to twist slightly.

I remember your sarcastic smirk, and how you would go out of our way to make me smile. How you you would make my imagination take wing, with the stories we wrote together. You gave me dreams that I never considered, the courage to face my darkest fears and the strength to carry on without you once it was time for you to go. You where always there even when the world turned around and I felt like I was the only one standing in the harsh spotlight of the prejudice society of today.

I often hear your voice reminding me that I can do anything if I truly want too. Everything I am I owe it all to you, you saw the world in a way I never understood, moment after moment, I soon fell in love with you. But you are gone nothing is left of you but the pale traces of memory burned into my mind that fade more and more as time passes. I took your friendship for granted. I was a fool to think you would always be there for me, the world brings change and with the ticking of the clock everything eventually comes to it's end.

I was blind to not notice we where only meant to be for a season, not forever as I had wished secretly for many years that we would be. I thought our friendship would never be destroyed, that nothing could ever get between us. Your smile could brighten up my whole day, you taught me to see the light of the world rather than focus on the darkness of the past that cannot be changed.

Even today as we go our separate ways and though you would never give me a second thought, I would fight for your happiness. I would conquer the world if it meant you would smile. The fact of knowing you are happy allows me to live with the rest of the world. The world seems colorless without you, but I know even if I lost you, I know you are out there coloring someone else's world as beautifully as you colored mine, who probably may need it more than I will. Although it hurt to say goodbye when you turned your back on me you are someone I will forever cherish.

My love will never die it will rage on as long as my heart continues to beat I will show the world all you have taught me. You will forever be my best friend that no person can ever replace, and with each prolonged ache of each new day without you I will remember the love you taught me to have.

Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have had someone like you. I will never forget you and forever you will remain, my greatest treasure.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

•Bottomless Void•

There's a pit a hole hollowly constructed deep into my existence that I've come to notice nothing can fill.

No passion, no excitement, no physical or emotional object could ever be enough to fill this ever growing bottomless hole.

I lay in bed helplessly my body scarred with the reminders of this existing void. The reason they where even made the brink of insanity it's driven me too.

I am on the edge of life, I'm drowning in oxygen. I have searched far and wide for something to fill this hole that formed so long ago.

Nothing is enough, I can not heal this I cannot rip it out I cannot ignore it's existence. It yells my name everyday, it grows bigger with every second.

I can be in a sea full of people I love, who are smiling and loving on me and yet this void will destroy the moment and remind that I am always truly on my own.

The reminder that I want to stop from echoing in my head, the darkened bags under my eyes that grow darker everyday.

I am exhausted I want my body to give out and somehow find a way to make it disappear but it can't, it won't, it refuses to let go of this thing that I cannot ever put my finger on and make vanish.

This void this eternal darkness I fear will haunt me for the rest of my days. My own personal hell, in my own personal mental cage, and physical body.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

~The Tower~

A tall lean tower built many years ago. Locked away and forgotten with many secrets hidden inside. The exterior walls though rough and enduring, slowly began to crack against the forces of nature.

The tower firmly placed sways ever so slightly with the wind, and the beating of powerful storms. Forgotten and abandoned this tower stood in ruins by the cliff side. Through stormy and sunny weather its constant companion was the sounds of the waves below, crashing and roaring against the cliff side.

Vines of ivy grew around this small tower and gradually wither away more and more.

Strong and welcoming this tower stood but hollow and empty with darkness inside. Walls broken and shattered lay at its feet, the smell of salt water found thickly in the air.

This tower though it appeared alone, it was the roar of the waves fury that proved otherwise.

The deteriorating cliffside which the waves crashed against sprayed the air with shimmering mist of salt water. The ocean with its fury and cool calming exterior was the only thing the tower saw. The ocean though shimmering in the glow of the sunlight, pushed and pulled in a constant continuing cycle never changing its stubborn movements.

Though the ocean silent as ever hosted many riches and secrets, and could drown out any fear or worry. Its stubborn nature never changing never failing was the only comfort this lonely tower had.

The ocean had its losses but like the tide it accepted anything that came and washed everything clean.

Though bitter and salty and sometimes cold, the ocean had its warm welcoming glow, and was always full of life and joy with new things to explore. Even though filled with unsolved mysteries and different theories, it was in the ocean that the tower found its beauty.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

❄️ Sweetest Dreams ❄️

A fluttering heart, beating like the faint hum of a hummingbirds wings. In an instant your breath is captivated by a world unimaginable. Cascading waterfalls of diamonds, and bright crystal shimmering marble castles.

The clear cloudless and endless sky, the shade of blue of a robins egg. That feeling of exhilaration pumping through your veins.

The trees ignited in a fiery copper red, with trunks that glisten like gold. Unmovable and firm, captivated by bubbly memories that fly past like golden colorful orbs of times you wished to be stolen away too.

The times of worry less nights, and beautiful wild roses in shades of blush pink, and bold crimson red.

Wild grass that blooms in an assortment of flowers, and butterflies that flutter down from the heavens and bring color to the sky.

You find yourself lost in this world, a paradise without currency full of endless possibilities where your imagination can run wild.

The sweet smell of cedar, oak and applewood filling your lungs. Cool damp soft soil comforting the soles of your feet. The exhilaration of the wind by the cliffside as it cascades into a landscape of golden and wine red, the color of lime green mixed in among that beautiful landscape. Too perfect to be captured on a canvas that is true to its own beautiful design that can't be copied.

The bed of fallen amber colored leaves you find yourself laying in, the warmth and comfort of the bright never ending sun.

This is what dreams are. And I wish everyone to have wondrous adventures as the day turns into that crystal starred silk sky, like the gems embroidered in a silk white lace gown of a beautiful bride.

Sweetest dreams my lovelies.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

•Day Dreams•

I dream ..

Of laying next you, the odor of freshly cut grass surrounding us.

The glitter of fireflies that glint though the air and the soft sounds of toads in the distance.

I dream..

Of the smile on your face that melts away the worries of the world.

Of the feeling in my chest when you hold my hand and I daze into your eyes, illuminated by the colors of the setting sun.

I dream..

Of the laughter that rings on through the years of life together.

The feeling of your kisses soft gentle and full of love, and your irresistible desire to always make me smile.

I dream ..

Of living everyday to hear the words “I love you.” Of the endless smiles, and summer days.

Of the autumn season and winter nights together.

I dream..

of being with you forever.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

~Whispers~

Whispers in the dark, a warm little gust of wind, the small exhale of a breath.

Heart pounding, teeth clenched, muscles tense.

The secret is shared, its not yours to tell.

Its wrong, its cruel. Unfair and unjust, little whispers in the dark.

Watch and wait, listen don’t look away.

Don’t avert those lovey little eyes

filled with wonder and surprise.

A confession of love, a conflicted heart.

A lying tongue.

Shattered reality, another pulse and a sigh of relief.

Watch, the best is yet to come.

Bound in chains by your little whisper in the dark.

A burden is released, so innocent and sweet,

nothing you can do but put a lock on this little thought, throw away the key.

Whispers in dark, her silhouette follows in his shadows.

Her steady intense gaze, no wrong moves, watch your step. Shes a clever fox.

A smile like white rose petals, and a fragrance that lures him in.

Whispers in the dark, silk and lace in between his teeth.

Skin to skin, its hot, he cant keep it in.

Whispers in the dark, now screams in your head.

The.

Voices.

Wont.

Stop.

You see Her face, her trusting gaze, her open heart, fragile in your shaky hands.

Whispers in the dark,

tossing and turning, blood boiling,

so gentle so fragile a thin glass rose heart.

Broken shattered in bloody pieces and scattered about.

Whispers in the dark......

You broke her heart.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

“And One day, your name didn’t make me smile anymore.”

-annoymous

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

Breaking the chains

A drop of blood in a fragile glass surface of snow, so vibrant and beautiful against its pale surrounding counterpart. Warm against the cold. I love him. He needs me. My heart pounds, as I willingly give up my phone for his hungry eyes to devour. He's so warm, his embrace so strong. His voice warms the coldest confines of my bones. Everything is perfect in a sense. He slaps me, the sting is unexpected im surprised. What did I do to upset him? "YOU FILTHY HETHEN YOU TOLD ME YOU WERENT SPEAKING TO HIM." The words add a new sting as he pulls up an old message from months ago, my face pales. My heart aches. What do I do? He starts to cry, should I comfort him? Of corse he loves me. I want him to love me. The sight of his broken vulnerability takes hold. "Im so sorry." I whisper. His tears leaving burning traces in my mind "Ill never do this again, I promise." "LIAR!" He yells. The words echo deep inside rattling me. I am a liar. Am I? Slowly my life seems to have rotted away but Im happy? He loves me. He just wants me to be his. Its not right. The faintest fragrance of an old desire of the ghost I was. I cant leave him he needs me. He will die without me. He swore he would. -- im not a murderer. Don't do this to yourself. I love him! I yell inside myself. Nothing will change. Another slap, that leaves a stain of purple across my face and Im left alone tattered in pieces. A rag doll useless empty undesired. I messed up. I cant mess up, no more mistakes. Maybe if I do something sweet he will forgive me? Brown thick icing stains the walls and numbing yells echo in my ears. That didn't work how I had hoped. What can I do? What should I do? The pungent perfume of alcohol stings my nostrils, as it lingers in his breath. He doesn't want that. Im not ready.. im not ready. Ive seen, These invisible chains that clamp tightly around my wrists and ankles. He dangles me, I have no control. "I love you. Im sorry I hurt you." The casting waterfall of roses and presents and kisses and hugs. His warm embrace... the embrace I fell in love with its back. NO! STOP IT. ITS A CYCLE! I see the chains, I see the darkness in his eyes. The lie in his words, the ill will in his blood that lingers like unseen poison. This love will not last. Its time to break these chains, and take to the skies. Never looking back at the scars and in the dark.

[deadlynightshade143-blog]

Marionette

You let me violate your passion for justice and the essence of your morals, You allowed me to desecrate the very porcelain fragrance of everything you love. You let me penetrate, your clear untainted soul that blooms like beginning of a white rose. You gave me permission to complicate and recreate the clockwork that makes you tick into an thick maze that you can't even understand. And, you still have the audacity to think you're entitled to this delusion of freedom? Think again. Your soul belongs to me; You belong to me. You cant fight that. You're not strong enough, like a marionette I control your very movements. Your emotions are just a bonus, an added feature for me to mess with. I love you- I control who you talk too, and I get upset and thrash out when you go against me- I hit you, the sting leaving a fresh natural blush on your perfect features. Your tears flow like diamonds down your make up stained cheeks and, I swear over and over I'll never do it again. I love you but, You're the one at fault here- the liar, the cheater, but still I love you. Im only trying to protect you. I don't want their influences to rub off you. You're mine. I love you. I fight to keep you untainted by the sinful touch of the world. My beautiful white rose. Alack in color and charmingly dull. I love you. My porcelain doll, which, Im well aware of how fragile you are. As I drink away to your faults and sorrows with every false apology, and return them with dark kisses of purple on your flawless skin, and bleeding traces of red until theres nothing left of you my darling. No trace of your lingering beauty, and delusion of freedom. You'll never escape me. I wont let you; because I love you. My perfect little obedient doll, how lovely you are, all mine forever, can you imagine how beautifully perfect you are broken in our blood red sunset of forever.