deartaylorloveannissa

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Sunday, September 6th, 2020

Dear Taylor,

I hope you have been having a beautiful Labor Day weekend! Congratulations on your milestone record!!!!!!! I’m such a proud swiftie! folklore is a perfect album and I hope it stays at the top forever 🤎

I didn’t confront my boyfriend about the whole “I love you” thing this weekend but stay tuned because that’s coming 😅

My Thanksgiving Walt Disney World trip with my family is offically happening and I couldn’t be more excited! It has preoccupied my mind all weekend! I even ordered some Thanksgiving themed Minnie ears from Etsy as well as some Toy Story ones!! You might not know this about me but I personally believe Toy Story is the greatest movie franchise ever and in a few months I will be walking through Toy Story Land and that is a DREAM!!!

I have also been reminiscing on past concert tours of yours and it got me thinking about Lover Fest! Obviously, I’m still sad it didn’t get to happen this year but I’m still holding out hope for next year that it will be safe for all of us to party and celebrate the brilliance of Lover with you! I heard a rumor that you might include folklore songs to the Lover Fest setlist! I would love that because I am dying to hear those beautiful songs live as well! Can I ask a favor though? I’m a weirdo who wants to make sure that you sing every song you’ve ever written live at least once. It brings me so much joy! So for Lover Fest, assuming this was your original plan, I would still love if you could include every song from Lover on the setlist (with the exception of Soon You’ll Get Better of course 💞). I love this album so much! It’s so beautiful and fun and brings me back to a truly happy time in my life where I was falling in love for the first with my first ever boyfriend at 23 years old and I just wanna make sure it doesn’t get skipped over because it deserves to be seen all the way through to the end. And I want the same thing for folklore! folklore is my favorite album and it’s so unique and different from not only Lover but anything else you’ve ever done. I would love to see how a folklore concert would be and how you would sing older songs in that same folklore style during the show as well! In my head I imagine them as separate shows but that’s just me! Whatever you ended up deciding for Lover Fest and folklore, I know there will be good reasoning behind it and I know that it will still be one hell of a great show where you can find me screaming every lyric to every song and dancing/jumping the entire night 🥰 I absolutely can’t wait until it happens!

I love you so much Taylor! I hope you have a great Labor Day tomorrow and I look forward to anything and everything you have planned for us for this year and beyond!

Love, Annissa

(P.S. My cardigan recently shipped and I can’t wait for it to arrive!!!!)

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

September 3rd, 2020

Dear Taylor,

My boyfriend Wesley and I have been together for about a year and five months now. It has been wonderful! I think we’re so great together. But there’s something that hasn’t happened between us that will occasionally weigh on my mind and heart..... he hasn’t told me that he loves me yet....

It’s funny because when we first met (on a dating app) he wanted to meet right away but dating apps are scary and I wasn’t comfortable with that. So we started by talking on the phone. Our phone conversations would last hours and hours and we would talk most every day. Then he was begging me to at least FaceTime and I was so nervous because I’m very insecure about my appearance so I put it off as long as I could. But then we did and like our phone calls, it was amazing and lasted hours. Then after about 3 weeks from our first message, we finally went on a date. He was so patient and so wonderful to do that. To understand my uneasiness and wait for me. He even makes fun of me now cause he said he hates waiting that long but it was worth it for me. Then after about a month of dates and hanging out every weekend, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I wasn’t ready to say yes. I had never had a boyfriend before, I truly thought it wouldn’t happen for me and while I loved spending time with him, I was still a little hesitant about him. And he understood that so we kept doing what we were doing. Then probably more than a month later I finally asked him to be my boyfriend and obviously he said yes and were official. He was always the forward one, always the one to jump right into things. I even remember thinking that he would say “the L word” way before I was ready, just considering our entire history of how we became official. Well, I was wrong. So wrong.

After our 6th month anniversary, I started to realize that I did love him and I was freaking out about it. I didn’t know what to with that information. I wanted to say something but I felt like I needed him to say it first. I even did ridiculous internet research about when people in relationships typically say it and who says it and feels it first. Usually, it’s around the 3 month mark and it’s the guy who feels and says it first. I also read that it’s important for the guy to say it first. Not because he’s the guy and that’s “tradition” but also because it means more to the girl if he does. And the girl saying it first could potentially ruin a very special moment for her. So I tried to wait because it couldn’t be that long right? Well one weekend, I was in a funk. I couldn’t get myself to be happy. And then I found an old notebook of his from college that he said I could look through. And in the back of it, I found all of these sad love quotes. There were so many of them and when I read them all, my heart shattered and I just started crying. They were so sad and so passionate. I couldn’t help but think that he wrote them thinking of someone in particular and I just couldn’t imagine him feeling that way about me. He’s not the most lovey-dovey in his feelings kind of person at all. Even though he’s goofy and fun, he has a very stoic personality as well and just doesn’t really get affected emotionally by a lot of things. So it hurt to think that he potentially was emotional about someone else. That night, he went to bed and I stayed up and just re-read all of them and cried four hours. It really hurt. The next day, I was in the worst mood and he kept asking me why and I just couldn’t give him an answer because again, I didn’t want to force anything out of him. But I eventually just had to tell him what was bothering me. I told him that I loved him and that I thought he didn’t feel the same way. And he said I was right. And girl, I can’t even tell you how much that hurt. I instantly started crying. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so bad. But he told me the reason was because he had never felt that way about anyone outside of his family and he just doesn’t know what that feels like. But he’s had previous long-term relationships with other women so when I asked about them, he confessed that he did tell some of them that he loved them but that he didn’t mean it. He might’ve thought he meant it at the time but looking back, he didn’t and felt obligated. So then I brought up the notebook and those quotes and he said that after college, he was seeing someone for a short time that he really liked but she betrayed him somehow ()2 was also being jobless) and wrote those quotes down because it was just a hard time in his life. He assured me that it wasn’t because he was in love with her but that he was just sad. And I believe him but a small part of me has a hard time accepting that. He could’ve been in love and just didn’t realize it. Anyways, I was so upset and I thought that it might’ve been over between us but he told me he still wanted to be with me. I took a day to be upset and to think things over but obviously we’re still together. When I was feeling better, I even made a goal to get him to fall in love with me lol.

We went back to normal for the next 9ish months but it’s always something I just kind of think about. Especially if something’s coming up, I’ll think “hmm... Valentine’s Day is coming up, maybe he’ll say it then” or “he will definitely tell me on our anniversary”, and “literally all I want for my birthday is for him to say it” but he never does. Near the end of May, I was going through one of my rough, sad weeks so I had a “check in” with him about it. I wasn’t hysterical this time and tried to make it kind of easy & casual. Honestly, I don’t remember much of that whole conversation but the gist of it was that he was still not ready to say it.

So that brings us to now. These last couple of days, it’s been all I can think about and I feel like I might have to have another check in with him. But I’m so scared to. Whatever happens, I just wanna make sure that we’re still together. He’s so sweet and I know he cares about me so much! He’s always interested in everything I do. He encourages me in all of my weirdness and has helped me stay positive during these last couple of months of unemployment whereas last time, I was deeply depressed. He gives me a wake up call every morning and an afternoon call when he’s done with work because he wants to. He’s not the most romantic person but he makes up for it in smaller ways. He’s the only person in the world that I’ve told absolutely everything to and without hesitation. He’s never judged me for any of my interests or hobbies or anything. It’s cliche but he is the greatest, most loyal and bestest friend I have ever had and that’s a big deal for me. I grew up thinking no one really enjoyed my company but he does. I can’t loose that. I’m just nervous that if I bring this up again, he might start to think “well, it has been awhile and I still don’t love her and clearly she needs to hear that from someone but that can’t be me so I have to breakup with her”. And I’m even more terrified of if we do breakup that he’ll meet someone more beautiful and more confident and someone who is just better than me in every way and fall in love her and actually tell her that. Then it proves that I was the problem all along. That the assumption I’ve always thought about myself being unlovable is true. And I don’t know if i could recover from that. I’ve always been a very insecure person so validation from anybody has always been important to me. I’ve just always wanted someone that’s not a family member to love me. I need it.

So, extremely long story short, I think I might tell him again this weekend but I’m so scared to. I love him so much and I can’t loose him, and I don’t want to ruin our relationship.

I really needed to vent about this so thank you! I love you so much Taylor, and I hope you have a great weekend!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Dear Taylor,

Sunday, August 30th, 2020

Turns out, all I needed the other day was some sleep. When I woke up on Friday, I felt so much better. Whatever was making me sad went on a vacation. It will come back though, it always does but I’m so happy I was able to have a great weekend with my sweet boyfriend! I definitely would’ve regretted not seeing him. He’s infuriating sometimes but he always manages to cheer me up! Even without trying or doing anything!

Also what might also have helped my good mood on Friday was I received my signed copy of folklore and it made me smile from ear to ear! I can’t wait to get it framed! I now have a small goal to get a signed copy of every album lol. Thank you so much for allowing so many of us fans to get a signed CD from you this era! It means so much to every single one us!

Another piece of good news: my mom texted me today and asked if I was available the week of Thanksgiving. This was a very odd question because 1: Thanksgiving is our families biggest holiday celebration and I have never missed it in all of my 24 years of life and 2: I’m unemployed and therefore not schedule to work. She then called me and told me that one of our family friends’ family are going to Disney World that week and invited us to come along! And that ended up working out perfectly because apparently none of our family will be making the trip to Lubbock this year for Thanksgiving so we’re free as a bird! It’s not a done deal yet but I really hope it happens! Disney is one of my passions and Walt Disney World is one of my favorite places in the world! Also, since Corona and being laid-off from my job, I just haven’t had anything to look forward to this year. And for me, that’s always been so important. Because I’m a type of person to randomly get really down for periods of time, one of the only things that ever kept me going was something to look forward to. Like in 2018. I had just graduated college in December of 2017 and was unemployed for nine months after. It got really hard and I got really depressed. But also during that year, I went to South By Southwest in Austin for the first time which is one of the best experiences I’ve ever had, I got to go to Disney World on my 22nd Birthday and I got to see you live and in concert twice during the reputation Tour! If I didn’t have those things to hold on to, I’m not sure I would’ve made it. I really hope this trip can happen! I even told my parents I would pay for my share so it would be a little less expensive for them!

I hope you have had the most wonderful weekend and congratulations on winning Best Direction for The Man at the VMAs! That music video is a masterpiece and you totally deserved it! I’m a proud swiftie 💕

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Dear Taylor,

I think I spoke too soon the other day. I haven’t been feeling happy this last week and I’m not entirely sure why. What I do know, is that I seem to have lost motivation and I can’t seem to get inspired by anything. It’s been almost two full months since I was laid off. I have applied to hundreds of jobs and I’ve only gotten a couple of responses. The job that I was feeling confident and excited about getting, I no longer feel that way about. I’m just waiting for that classic “we’ve decided to no longer pursue you” email to come any day now. I’m having a hard time continuing to look and apply. I feel so burnt out by it. I’ve been having a hard time sleeping and making myself eat and drink anything. I just hate how this feels like I have no purpose for anything right now. I have nothing to look forward to or to get excited about. And I know so so so so many other people have it far worse than I do. I am so grateful for my family and boyfriend who would be there if things got really bad for me like if I ran out of money or lost my apartment. I’m not in any danger of that right now but so many other people who have been affected professionally and financially by this pandemic are and that breaks my heart. I just want this all to get better.

And I also have the sweetest boyfriend who tries so hard to motivate me. He calls me early every morning to try and convince me to wake up and “start my day”. He is constantly suggesting job ideas, work out routines or other things I can do to fill my time. He’s always telling me to be happy and to positive and to be grateful for what I have and to treat every day like a gift. He’s so wonderful but it’s so hard for me to be happy and positive sometimes and he doesn’t get that. He just sees a problem and an easy solution. When I feel bad for bringing the mood down, he will say “well if you recognize yourself doing it, then do do it”. Things like that. And I see what he means. It sounds so easy but it’s hard to just ignore your thoughts and feelings and the way they make your body feel. I’ll get into these funks for about a week or so and usually I’m good by the next week. Sometimes I just don’t understand why he puts up with this. He deserves someone who’s beautiful and who’s confident about themselves and someone who’s determined to make the best of everyday despite hard circumstances. I just don’t feel good enough for him. But I’m also selfish because I truly think I would be in a much worse place if he wasn’t in my life.

We usually go climbing on Tuesdays and Thursday’s. Before I climb, I like to do my workout in the gym. I really didn’t want to go today but I did. But after my workout I decided to not climb. He was a little disappointed but understood. I figured he and his friends would have more fun without me anyways. When he called me afterwards, he told me he completed his first green color route (that’s a pretty hard level that I’m no where near). I was sad to have missed it but part of me thinks he got it because I wasn’t there. I don’t know it probably doesn’t make sense. He says he wants me to come over this weekend like we do every weekend. And usually, yearn for the weekends just so I can spend time with him. But I don’t know if I should. I don’t want my state of mind right now to ruin or put a damper on his weekend at all so I’m not sure what to do. I know I would hate being here by myself but I just want him to be happy and to not deal with my Annissa-ness. Maybe I’ll magically wake up and feel better tomorrow. It’s happened before.

I would never say that I’m someone who struggles with anxiety and depression. I think I do but I’ve never been diagnosed with it. And I wouldn’t ever want to make that claim because there are actual people who have been diagnosed that have it more severe than I could ever. I’m just sad, confused, tired and should probably drink water.

I’m sorry if you do come across this post and it bums you out. I’m also sorry for how poorly written it probably is and for all my inevitable grammatical errors. But thanks for listening anyways!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Dear Taylor,

I’m sorry I haven’t written in awhile. I told you I wasn’t very good at writing in journals. Truth is, I really only ever feel the need to write stuff down when I’m sad or feeling anxious and I haven’t been feeling that way recently. Even though I’m still unemployed due to COVID, I’ve been pretty happy. I have a wonderful boyfriend and even though he can drive me crazy sometimes, I love him and I feel so lucky to be with him.

Happy belated 1 year of Lover and 1 month of folklore 💖🤎 this past year has been so rough for not only me but many other people but I know that these two wonderful and beautiful albums have definitely made me and others smile so thank you so much for creating them! I really hope this pandemic can wrap up soon because I am eager to hear these two albums heard live.

I also want to thank you for something. Last week, I tried so hard to get a signed copy of folklore that you sent a couple of the local record stores in Dallas (such a sweet & wonderful thing for you to do by the way!) but unfortunately I had only just missed them each time. After the first day, I wondered if you might send any to my hometown in Lubbock, Texas. At first I didn’t see any of the local records stores post anything so I assumed that you didn’t. It’s a smaller town so I figured that it wouldn’t have been immediately thought of compared to the bigger cities. But when I checked a couple of days later, I saw that you did send some to one of the stores. And I have no idea why, but that makes me extremely happy! I don’t know if it’s you or your team but I love so much that you’ve included Lubbock on occasion for special little events like this. While I don’t live there anymore, my family still does and it’s where I’m from and it’s still the place where I feel the most at home. Not many people would probably say this but I loved growing up there and I’m so proud to be from there. I’m 24 now but I still freak out about you coming to play there during your Speak Now World Tour when I was 15! It absolutely blows my mind and I’m forever grateful to you for that. It was the first time I ever got to see you in concert and I haven’t missed one since. I still remember everything about that day. And just this past January, you released Miss Americana to a very small number of movie theaters in the country and Lubbock was one of them. I couldn’t believe it, it made me so happy. I considered driving back home just so I could watch it there instead of Dallas. It’s such a small thing but it makes me immensely happy to see you notice the city where I’m from, the city that made me, the city where I first listened to your music and where I first saw you in person. So thank you so much 💜💗🤎💜💗🤎💜💗🤎

And by the way, while I sadly wasn’t successful in my adventure to get a signed copy at a local record store, I did purchase one from your website and I can’t wait for it to arrive! Thank you for doing that as well! And now that it’s coming, I now want a signed copy of all of your albums 😅 I recently decided to take old pictures, concert tickets and everything I’ve collected from each era and make a frame and/or shadow box for each one. I’m really excited to do it and a signed CD for each one would make them more special so I would have no problems if you released them as well 😉 but if there’s one piece of merchandise I could bring back, it would be the Lover Snowglobe. I’m not kidding when I say my heart aches everyday when I think about how quickly that sold out right as I was about to hit purchase. One of my bigger regrets in life as that would’ve been perfect for my family’s 2019 Christmas snowglobe, a tradition we’ve had since 2001!

Anyways, I should probably shower and go to sleep now. Thank you so much for making me smile and happy and every single day! I hope you’ve had a great month celebrating folklore and a great year of celebrating Lover because they’re both fantastic albums and you deserve it!

I love you so much and I’ll talk to you soon!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Wednesday, August 12th

Dear Taylor,

Today was a pretty normal day. I went to the gym, talked to my boyfriend, read and watched Beyonce’s Black Is King visual album for the Lion King while wearing my Lion King T-Shirt. It was spectacular! Have you had a chance to watch it yet? Brown Skin Girl made me cry!! If you’re ever interested in creating a visual album, you have my full support 😁

But I kind of want to talk about yesterday, Tuesday, August 11th. Again a pretty normal day up until I went rock climbing with my boyfriend and his best friend. I love climbing! He introduced it to me back in January and we try and go multiple times a week (with our face masks on of course). But sometimes when, we go, I get really self-conscious. Now, I’ve gotten used to all of the gorgeous, skinny and very good at rock climbing women that walk around me unintentionally making me feel inferior about every part of myself so it’s not that. But lately, when we go, I feel like I can’t complete a single route. I’m not the best or most experienced rock climber by any means but i’ve come a long way since I first started. So when I see my boyfriend or his friends just flash all of these hard routes and then when I try and do an easy one that I know I should be able to get but don’t, I feel so terrible about myself. And they are so great, they always tell me that I’ve got this and encourage me the whole way but for some reason, that makes me feel worse. In the back of my head, I know they wouldn’t think less of me if i couldn’t complete a route but I still want to be impressive to them. And when I can’t do something, my anxious brain flips on to overdrive and I can’t shut it off. So while we’re supposed to be having fun and working out, I’m sitting there being negative and down on myself because I can’t get anything. And when I do complete a route, and they congratulate me, I always lessen the accomplishment by saying stuff like “it took me forever”, or “im not sure I even did it right”. Like i can’t even be happy that I did something right. It’s a lose lose situation all the time. And I’m aware of everything. I see myself and I hear myself act this way and I know it’s ridiculous but I just get so trapped in my head where all these bad and negative thoughts live and it’s so hard to break out of it. I seriously don’t know why I get this way all the time. And my boyfriend is so great! He has to be the most patient person in the world if he’s with me. He only ever tries to help me get passed these thoughts and to be positive and I’m so lucky to have him. But because he’s so great, I sometimes feel like he should be with the most confident women out there because he deserves it. But I don’t want to lose him. I would be mortified and so much worse off if we weren’t together. Tomorrow we go climbing again and I’m going to try so hard to not be so hard on myself. I really hope I can push through it!

“they told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential” from this is me trying has been stuck in my head these past couple of days so thank you!

I am now going to sign off, take a shower and read! I hope you are having a great week and I hope to see you online soon! We all miss you!

I love you, forever and always, to the moon and back ❤️

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Dear Taylor, Happy folklore release day part 2!!! This morning, I went to Target to pick up my “meet me behind the mall” copy! I squealed when I arrived at the CD section of the store and saw it! It made me so happy! I’ve already listened to the lakes a few times and I absolutely love it! I can’t wait to have it completely memorized! You really out did yourself with this entire album and I’m such a proud swiftie! 🤍🤎 I also can’t wait for my “in the trees” copy that I ordered from your online store to arrive as well! Some of my family is in town this weekend and tonight, my boyfriend is finally going to meet my mom and my sister! He’s already met two of my brothers and my dad. He’s also going to meet my Papa and his wife and potentially my aunt, uncle and cousins. I’m a little nervous! My family can be a bit much sometimes and I tend to act differently around them then I do around him or my friends. I just hope he still loves me when the weekend is over! I really hope it goes well! I hope you are having a beautiful day! I love you so much! Wish me luck! Love, Annissa @taylorswift @taylo

[deartaylorloveannissa]

Tuesday, August 4th, 2020

Dear Taylor, 

I’ve always wanted to be one of those people who wrote in and kept up with a journal or a diary. I’ve tried so many times but it’s never been something I could ever make myself do on the regular. When times are tough, i’ll write down what i’m feeling in some random notebook or on a loose sheet of paper both of which usually get lost or thrown out. I really do like writing down my thoughts going back to read stories and remember specific instances that I was going through that had left my memory (see post before this one, wow that was a doozy of a read 😅). I think it’s really fun and i’m sure that’s how you feel with your songwriting. But maybe i’ve never been good at keeping up with it because talking to myself was never good enough. So that’s why i’m writing to you. You’ve had such a huge impact on my life; more than you could ever know. I feel comfortable talking to you and telling you about my days even though odds are that you would never see this. I don’t even know if you use Tumblr anymore these days but I wanna give this journaling this a chance again and I think this will be a fun way of doing it!

So hello! If you’re not too familiar with me, my name is Annissa Michelle Riojas, I am 24 years old from Lubbock, Texas, currently living in Dallas. I have been a fan of yours since I was 11 years old. The first song I ever heard from you was Teardrops on My Guitar but it was actually Our Song that made me a swiftie. We’ve actually met before! I was one of the Grand Prize 1989 Swiftstakes winners. We got to meet, hug, talk and take a picture on October 17th, 2015 right before your incredible 1989 World Tour concert in Arlington, Texas, which is still my favorite day that i’ve ever had. Thank you so much again for that day and for giving me that opportunity to meet you.

So let me tell you a little snippet of my day today since that’s how this will usually go lol. I woke up this morning to a call from my boyfriend, Wesley, who calls me every morning since he’s the sweetest. I woke up and actually stayed awake for once. I unfortunately got laid off from my job about a month ago due to the pandemic so it’s been a little hard to find reasons to wake up these days. But I did today and I went to the gym for a couple of hours. I like to bring my iPad to the gym to catch up on TV because watching something distracts the part of my brain that’s telling my body it’s tired or that it should it quit. It also allows me to set timed goals like, “Annissa, you can’t get off this elliptical until this episode of Station 19 ends.” After the gym, I came back home to eat some lunch and start another session of job searching. Not super exiting. However, one job application had me do a timed assessment with english and math sections! It was super random! While most of the questions/problems were very simple, they only gave me a short amount of time to do it and I’ve never been good at timed tests so I’m a little worried that could’ve prevented me from being considered. After that, I fooled around a little on my phone and then met up with Wesley and one of our friends to go climbing which is always fun! However, I was having a hard time completing routes today but we still had a good time. And then I came home and watched some TV. I am currently catching up on the latest seasons of Grey’s Anatomy & Station 19 and I just watched the episode where Alex leaves and I’m still very emotional about it because he was my favorite character 😭😭😭.

And that pretty much sums it up! I promise my entries won’t be as boring or as long as this one and will probably be more about what I was feeling that day versus what I did. But I just want to end this by saying that, I love you Taylor. I might not be the most creative fan or one that’s always present on social media but I’m here. I’ve always been here and I always will be. ❤️ Congratulations on your incredible achievement the other day! I’m so proud! folklore is a wonderful that has managed to surpass Red as my favorite one from you which I didn’t think was possible! I listen to it all the time and my current favorite is august!

I hope you and your loved ones are staying safe!

Love, Annissa

@taylorswift @taylornation

[deartaylorloveannissa]

@taylorswift, thank you so much for writing “Gorgeous”! This song could not have come at a more perfect time in my life. So I’m 21, and I’ve never ever had a boyfriend. I’ve never even come close I don’t think. It’s a huge insecurity of mine because I’m constantly thinking and wondering what is wrong with me. Why am I always overlooked and why do I never get a second thought? I’ve come to notice this last year, that the guys I’m interested in are either taken or LIGHT YEARS out of my league usually the latter being the most common. If a guy ever is interested I can NEVER tell. Speaking of which, I’ve recently stumbled myself into a situation that I’m having trouble reading. So I started going to happy hour every Wednesday with this group of 4 guys, one of which, let’s call him Garry, I’ve always thought was really cute but unfortunately has a girlfriend. In just a matter of weeks, this weekly gathering turned into a really really close friend group who talks and hangs out most everyday and it is my favorite thing. A couple of weeks ago, Garry messaged me around 9:00 or 10:00 at night about a paper we both had for a class we have together. We ended up messaging til 5 in the morning. It was all very harmless, getting to know you talk but it always amazed me how he would continue the conversation every time I thought it was over. It was very fun and I honestly missed that thrill of messaging someone. But of course, in the back of my mind, I’m like this guy has a girlfriend of a year in a half, one who he mentions all the time and even refers to her family as his in laws even though they’re not even close to being engaged. So I had to keep reminding myself that he’s just being a friend getting to know another friend. Another week goes by, we only talk in class or in our big group message. But then on Wednesday after happy hour, I’m in my class and he’s out shopping with another guy from our group and messages me “hey I wish you were here, shopping with ____ is like shopping with every female in my family at once” and of course this made me laugh and smile but I was also a little thrown off from the “hey I wish you were here” part. It was probably harmless on his end and he didn’t mean it like how I would’ve wanted him to mean it but again, I CANT TELL!

On Friday, we all went out for 2 dollar margaritas and me being a little tipsy asked the group “hey am I too much of a bro that y’all and other guys can’t find me attractive?” And I asked that because all of them but 1 (who’s gay) has a girlfriend but yet I’m the only girl in our friend group. And they told me “Annissa, absolutely not, you’re beautiful and you’re so cool” and then Garry said “Annissa, you have nothing to worry about. I know that I would want someone like you who’s fun and has a good sense of humor and doesn’t get offended or freak out anytime we say or do anything”. I said “aww thank you” but I what I really wanted to say was “okay then where’s your girlfriend? Is she not like that? Is she not the kind of girl that you want?” But I didn’t. Maybe an hour after that, when it was just us two at the table, he brought it back up again telling me that I had nothing to worry about and started to tell me a story about something in his past but we got interrupted. He then messaged me a few seconds later and asked me if I would like for him to tell me that story later which I of course replied yes to. Much later in the night when we were all kind of drunk, one of our friends was having a really tough time and it sparked this really deep heart to heart between all of us that definitely made us grow stronger as friends. It was honestly incredible. Now, I’m not a big sharer of my problems and our conversation was mainly focused on the friend going through a tough time so I didn’t say much. But when I got home, I received a message from Garry saying “hey... I just wanted to let you know.. that I think you are a wonderful person and I love spending time with you... please let me know if you ever wanna talk because I never want you to feel down about yourself”. That honestly made me cry and feel so good. But it also confused me... Does he have feelings for me in any kind of way or is he simply just being a really really good friend??? It’s come to the point where I think about him a lot. He’s really cute, he’s so nice and he’s hilarious. As of right now, he has a girlfriend so I’m definitely not going to do anything. I know he would never be the kind of person to cheat because he once at happy hour lectured us about how he doesn’t condone cheating. He’s just a really good guy and this is driving me crazy! “YOU MAKE ME SO HAPPY IT TURNS BACK TO SAD, THERE’S NOTHING I HATE MORE THAN WHAT I CANT HAVE” I just can’t tell if he likes me. Am I reading way too much into this simply because I’ve never had a boyfriend and I have little to no experience on what this is like? What do you think?? Lol I apologize profusely for this long message. It’s just been bothering me for a few days now and I just felt like I needed to write it down. Thank you so much for everything Taylor! I love you forever and always, to the moon and back!

PS IM AM PUMPED FOR THE READY FOR IT MUSIC VIDEOOOOOOO! 😘💕