deathbyleche

[deathbyleche]

Only a couple more days until I move out.

I’ve been cleaning out old stuff. Tossing and donating stuff I dont need.

Finding the 2017 diary was a hard one. We weren’t happy for so many months before that Cutty Flam show. I don’t think you honestly loved me. I think you just liked being liked. You certainly kept getting enough girls numbers each week to prove that point.

Was also sad finding photos of me and andrew. Photos that he had ripped up and I tapped back together. I hate that I stayed with someone that was abusing me for so long. I hate that I felt like i deserved it.

I’m glad I’m moving out. The last two years have been a lot of good changes. Working on the childhood trauma, finding friends who aren’t shitty people, trying to be confident in my abilities. Its not fucking easy but Im glad to finally be able to take care of myself first

[deathbyleche]

Sometimes I just need to admit that IcyHot is the answer

[deathbyleche]

Alright was no one going to tell me that in the middle of the Nevada desert is an old cemetery that contains the bodies of a bunch of miners who died in a fire and next door is a haunted clown motel

Why are we still setting horror movies in generic Victorian houses in the woods when this is a real place in the world

[deathbyleche]

you'll be hanging out with the sweetest person ever and they'll randomly tell you a childhood experience that would have vaporised you and you're like oh we should find your parents and murder them irl

[deathbyleche]

[deathbyleche]

if i worked at nintendo i would try so hard to make it canon that mario and luigi are red/green colourblind and think theyre wearing the exact same outfit

[deathbyleche]

Being an adult in this recession and being like wow I am totally "splurging" on 3 new sets of cotton underwear and 3 pairs of socks like whoaaaaa hold your horses duke of the land where's all this money gonna come from

[deathbyleche]

[deathbyleche]

[deathbyleche]

People are so much more sad, and desparate, and lonely than you think. I have had three incidents in the last four months were a technician I was working with was being either dangerously unfocused (we work with high voltage), or just flat out angry with their coworkers, and every time when I just pulled them aside to say hey, this isn't you, you're nice, and you're competent, so something must be up - what can I do to help - they have responded by bursting into tears. One guy was struggling to get his wife moved into a care home, one guy just got served divorce papers, and the other hadn't slept a wink the night before because his daughter had the pukes.

I haven't spent my whole life responding to people being rude, or stupid, or dangerous with knee jerk compassion. It's a new habit. The first time I did that as the lead for my lab, it was because the guy genuinely was so good natured that I knew something had to be off. But the other two times were just me going, alright, lets see if it always goes this well, and so far, it has. I'm almost 30, and I just figured out that the #1 reason people are shitty are because they are going through shit.

I don't think you have, like, a moral obligation to respond to people being jerks with knee jerk compassion. But it has made my life so much easier the last four months that I would recommend trying. For your own sake. Please.

(I'll step off my soapbox now. Enjoy your Sunday.)

[deathbyleche]

"stress" by yoan capote - made of bronze and concrete

[deathbyleche]

Captains log stardate i dont remember how i use to to format this lol

Me in a dress it took me two months to hand knit and the run I did at 11am in 98degree heat for the joke of it. Hills and a 10.4 mile long run on a hot ass day is such a funny way to spend my day off. But it was real fun to meet up with all my friends at walts and everyone is surprised that I MADE that dress and they all think I’m crazy for that run lol.

Life is nice. Now if i could just find a place to move out to. I love my family but i need.. not this.

Two weeks till its time for CIM training. But do I actually follow a plan or do I just keep doing whatever I want? Im up to 35-40 mile weeks just listening to my body and Im 49 days into running everyday. Also gonna probably crush last years mileage 🤷🏻‍♀️ i think just go with the flow. Slow and steady

Would be nice to work closer to home. But work is going good too.

[deathbyleche]

"If you wanted me to speak more highly of you then perhaps you should have treated me better. You don't get to narrate my story of my experiences with you.”

Katt Williams

[deathbyleche]

"you don't owe anyone anything" You are a tar pit. Speak for yourself. I personally owe the cafe employees my dishes put away and my friends a listening ear and small scared insects a cup and a gentle trip outside. Hyperindividualism is a rancid infection borne of capitalism and willfully misinterpreted therapyspeak and I will defy it by continuing to be kind regardless of whether or not it benefits me personally

[deathbyleche]

40 days of running every day

770/1200 miles complete for the year

And honestly

It feels easy

Im grateful for the time I give to myself each day to do this thing that I love

This thing that helps keep me balanced

That has given me strength

And perspective

[deathbyleche]

Do you know?

do you know how fast my heart beats whenever you get closer to me, even if it's just a few steps away?

do you know how i remember the rhythm of your voice better than my favorite songs?

do you know that i always find myself looking for you in the shadows of crowds, in echoes of music and voices? in every "maybe", i whisper to the stars.

do you know how those glances and your strumming built a home in the walls of my heart without asking, without warning?

perhaps you will never know, but that wont stop me from turning you into a poem again, and again, and again.

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